For the first time in a long while, Sal walked home from school. Though he did more stomping than walking. The fight he had with Russell kept playing in his mind. He loved Russell. Loved him. And Russell consistently dismissed his feelings like they were nothing more than attraction. As if that's all their relationship was based off of.
But no. Apparently they were too young to be in love. Sal unlocked the front door, and nearly slammed it behind him. It was then when he remembered he had an appointment with his social worker. Who stood right at the staircase in front of him, having a conversation with Brenda.
Michelle and Brenda both looked at him with concerned faces.
"What?" Sal asked, failing to hide the anger in his voice.
"Do you remember what we talked about last time?" Michelle asked.
She was most likely referring to his "anger problem," and how to keep it under control. But Sal did not have an anger problem. And if she were in his position, she'd feel the same rage.
"Close your eyes, and count to ten," Michelle said. "Deep breaths."
Sal rolled his eyes but complied, to shut her up. Once finished, he opened his eyes. "Can we make it quick?" he asked, but calmly. "I have a lot of homework."
She followed him up to his room, and closed the door behind them. Sal slouched on his bed, while Michelle rolled his computer chair towards him, and sat in it. "How was your day?" she asked.
Sal grunted.
"Are Brenda and Tyler still treating you well?"
"Yeah."
"How has school been?"
Sal clenched his teeth. "It's school. How do you think?"
Michelle squinted her eyes at him, studying him closely. "You haven't gotten into anymore fights, have you?"
"Not physical." Sal looked down, tugging at the hem of his shirt.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Sal grunted again.
Michelle surveyed his room. Thankfully he had gotten the motivation to clean the night before, though his desk still had an empty water bottle and snack wrappers. Sal's shoulders slumped. These meetings were pointless and a waste of time. Yes, Tyler and Brenda were not causing him any distress. Yes, he was well-fed. No, he did not have anything to discuss with her.
"You've come a long way since we first met, years ago," Michelle said. "Brenda and Tyler love you. You've finally been doing well in school, and you have friends now."
And a boyfriend, though Sal kept that part a secret. But who knew how much longer they'd last, seeing as Russell was convinced they'd break up. His throat swelled up. Oh no. He refused to cry in front of Michelle.
"Sal?"
"Can teenagers be in love?" Sal blurted out.
Michelle's mouth fell open at the unexpected question. "Um, well... It depends."
"On what?" Sal asked.
"It's common for teenagers to think they're in love, when it's only infatuation," Michelle said, sounding a lot like Russell.
"Oh."
"But they can fall in actual love, after they've gotten to know the person. And if they've been together long enough."
"Oh!" Sal's face brightened. He and Russell knew each other well, and they'd been together long enough.
Michelle smiled. "Have you found love? Is that what this is about-"
"No!" Sal said firmly. "I have not found love and this has nothing to do with anything. A friend and I were having a discussion about it. I... just now remembered it and thought I'd ask your opinion, since you're an expert on teenagers and their feelings."
"Alright." Michelle sounded as though she didn't believe him. "If you do find yourself with a girlfriend, you are more than welcome to talk about her with me."
"I know."
"Or even a boyfriend." Michelle leaned forward. "I don't judge."
Boyfriend? Sal's face heated up, and he hid it by showing a sudden desire to remove his shoes. How does she know?
Michelle watched him pull his shoes off, and toss them onto the floor. "Any crushes on anyone. You know everything is confidential. I'm here to listen."
"What- what makes you think I am, at all, interested in boys?" Sal asked, head raised and jaw clenched.
"I don't-"
"Because I am not!" Sal pounded his fist on the bed. "And I'd appreciate it if-"
"Breathe," Michelle said. "Count to ten."
The last thing Sal wanted to do was take orders from Michelle. He crossed his arms, glaring at her.
"You'll feel better."
"Fine." Sal closed his eyes, and took several long, deep breaths.
"I didn't mean anything at all by what I said. I only want you to know that, whatever you are feeling, you are safe to discuss it with me. You might even feel better. It's why I'm here."
Sal loosened his grip on his arms. Truth be told, he had revealed very little about himself with Michelle. She knew the names of who he ate lunch with regularly. And also that Brad was his sworn enemy. He never admitted why he beat him bloody, though she asked many questions and diagnosed him as having "anger issues."
"It's okay if you're not comfortable talking about your problems," Michelle said. "We can talk about any problems your friends are having instead."
Friends. There was an idea. Sal could tell her everything without telling her everything. Sal rubbed his jawline. "I do have a friend who has a... girlfriend. He's the one I was discussing the whole 'love' thing with." Michelle nodded, and he picked at his bedspread. "He wants to move to another state with his long-term girlfriend after graduating high school, but the girlfriend thinks it's a terrible idea because she thinks they won't last."
"And what does your friend think?"
"My friend is upset because he's in love with her, but she thinks teens can't experience real love, so she dismisses his feelings."
"That sounds like quite the problem. What do you think they should do?" Michelle asked.
"I think they're both in love with each other, but the girlfriend is denying her true feelings."
"That's possible," Michelle said. "It seems like the girlfriend cares a lot about him if she worries about what would happen to him if they don't last."
Sal furrowed his brow. He hadn't thought of that part. Russell loved him so much, he cared about how his decisions would affect his future. "Yeah. Yeah he does!"
"Though it's also possible that your friend is too clingy, and she's too polite to say it, so she's making up an excuse."
A possibility Sal hadn't considered. Am I too clingy?
"But we can only guess at it," Michelle said.
"What should I- my friend do?"
"I think he and his girlfriend should have a serious conversation about their feelings towards each other, and the future of their relationship. If the girlfriend doesn't want him living with her, he should respect her wishes. But the two should come to a compromise."
"Will they be together a long time?" Sal asked.
"It's hard to say when I know nothing about them or their relationship. But I will admit, it is rare for high school sweethearts to stay together past college. They usually break up within the first year."
"So it's dumb for him to move to another state with her, even if she is okay with it?"
"It depends. What does your friend plan on doing after high school?"
"He doesn't know yet," Sal said. "For now he wants to work whatever job he gets."
"It sounds like he can do that anywhere," Michelle said.
"That's what I said!"
"But it is a big decision. If he goes through with it, he should make sure it's what he really wants to do. Without a doubt."
"He has."
"Good." Michelle checked her watch. "Is there anything else you'd like to discuss?"
Sal shook his head.
Michelle stood up. "One last thing."
"What?"
"What are your plans after high school?"
Sal shrugged. "I was thinking of moving to Oregon, but I'll have to talk to my friend first."
She smiled. "Goodbye, Sal."
Talking to Michelle about his "friend's" issue cleared Sal's head. Now he knew exactly what to do. He would sit Russell down and have a serious conversation about their feelings and future.
Sal took his seat behind Russell in English class. "Hey, Russ."
Russell ignored him.
"We need to have a serious conversation about our feelings and future."
Russell turned around to glare at him. "We already had one. And you know where I stand."
"Russell-"
Russell returned to his notebook. "Leave me alone."
For the first time since his first week there, Sal left Russell alone. His brain didn't process a word that came out of Mrs. Norandi's mouth. All he could focus on was the lump in his throat and the punch in his gut. It was over. Their relationship was over.
After class, Sal jammed his notebook and pen inside his backpack, and hurried out the door before Russell could even start packing. He didn't know where to eat lunch, since he didn't know where Russell planned on eating lunch. But he knew one place where Russell would never eat his lunch, and where all high-school protagonists eat their lunches when everyone hates them.
Eating lunch in a bathroom turned out being grosser than Sal expected. And he didn't have high expectations to begin with. Where could he even sit? One toilet was clogged and the other had piss on the seat. The urinal, of course, was out by default. The two sinks were the kind that were embedded into one, long counter. Since his only other option was to stand, Sal hoisted himself up and sat on it. He crinkled his nose. God it stinks in here. How could high school protagonists stand it?
Right as he got the stomach to pull out his lunch bag, the bathroom door opened. Sal's heart stopped when he saw who it was.
Russell's eyes met Sal's. For a moment Sal thought he was going to back out and go to one of the other bathrooms. But instead, he acted as though he wasn't there, and headed towards the stalls.
"The one on the right is clogged," Sal said.
Russell slumped against the wall, back facing Sal. "I'm sorry."
"You're the one who clogged it?"
"No." Russell turned around, rubbing his forehead. "I meant... Our argument. I'm sorry for consistently disregarding your feelings. I know our relationship is important to you. It's... important to me too." He dropped his hand to his side. "I hate being mad at you."
"And I hate being mad at you." Sal smiled. "Are we still boyfriends?"
"We're still boyfriends." Russell returned his smile, and hoisted himself up on the other side of the counter. "What's this serious conversation you were talking about earlier? About our feelings and future."
Sal held up a finger. "First off, and I want to know the honest to God truth- am I clingy?"
"Yes."
"Really?" Sal scratched the back of his head. "I'm sorry. Is that why you don't want me to follow you? Because I'm too clingy?"
"No. I don't care that you're clingy, as long as you give me some breathing room every now and then." Russell picked at the edge of the counter. "I already told you many times. I don't want you following me all the way to Oregon because I'm worried about us not lasting. And then where will you go when- if we break up?"
"I'll find someone who needs a roommate," Sal said. "The internet makes that easy."
"And you're sure you want to spend the rest of your life working retail?" Russell asked.
"As sure as you are about being a teacher."
Russell gazed into his eyes. "I really care about you. More than anyone else."
"Even Terry?"
"Even Terry." Russell reached over and put his hand over Sal's. Sal leaned over, and kissed Russell's lips. Right as the door opened.
And it was Stewart, of all people. "Hi Sal, hi Russell," he said, acting as though he hadn't intruded on anything private. "Terry thought you two might be in here."
"How'd they know?" Russell asked.
"Agender's intuition." Stewart walked over to the stalls.
"The one on the right is clogged," Russell said.
"Gee, it sure is." Stewart stepped inside the stall, and there was a flush.
Sal shoved his bag back into his backpack, and dropped down from the sink counter. "We'll be with Terry."
"I'll be right behind ya."
"Hey Russell, I got in!" Terry said.
Russell sat across from them. "That's great. Congrats!"
"And I got into the local community college." Stewart had arrived, and sat down across from Sal. "It'll save me money."
"Wise choice." Sal nodded his head in approval. "Don't fall for those negative stereotypes about community colleges and the people who attend them. Anyone who has anything bad to say about community college can suck it."
"Gee Sal, you should go with me. It's not too late to apply."
"Nah, I'm moving to Oregon." Sal glanced over at Russell, who was in a deep conversation with Terry about colleges.
"Why Oregon?" Stewart asked.
"Because that's where Russell's going to school," Sal said. "We're moving in together."
"Russell's going to a school in Oregon? That sure is something. Everyone thought he was going to one of those Ivy League schools." Stewart took a reluctant bite of his beans.
"No, that's what his parents wanted," Sal said. "Russell's finally growing a pair and doing what he wants."
"Gee, that's swell. I'm happy for you, Russell."
Russell broke off his conversation with Terry to look at Stewart. "Happy for what?"
"For finally growing a pair and doing what you want," Stewart said. "Sal told me all about it."
Russell covered his face with his hand while Sal munched on his sandwich. Terry's eyes darted between Russell and Sal, silence filling the air. For once in his life, Stewart must have sensed the tension. "So, are you all still going to the party next week?"
"Already got my mom's permission to sleep over at Sal's," Russell said. "Though it wasn't easy."
"My dad is too negligent to keep track of my whereabouts," Terry said. "I'll need help getting there though."
"My brother was going to take me," Stewart said. "I might be able to get him to pick you up too."
"Perfect," Terry said.
"And I'll pick up Sal." Russell nudged him. "Did you get permission?"
Sal had reluctantly asked Brenda if he could spend the night at Russell's, which she agreed to immediately. He hated lying to her, after all she'd done for him. But he knew she wouldn't allow him to go to a college party any more than Russell's parents would. "Yeah."
"We can crash somewhere together," Russell said. "We'll make an adventure out of it."
"Riveting," Sal said, failing to hide the sarcasm in his voice.
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