chapter 1 | icecream run
It was an Autumn morning when I decided I wanted ice cream. I used to spend all my money on cigarettes and red bull but finally managed to muster up five bucks, and wanted to share my earnings with my best friend.
The fact that it was after 1:00 AM on a school night didn't phase me, and it most definitely did not stop me from throwing rocks at his window and whistling the ice cream truck tune. My feet carried me to his house, although I'm positive I was staggering most of the walk there.
"Psst," I whispered loudly. I inched myself closer to his bedroom window on the second floor. My eyes darted across his backyard to make sure no neighbors were awake. "Oooh, Garden boy." I sang
The old nickname developed when I found him sitting on the grass of his back garden in second grade. He didn't want to go play with any of the other kids in the neighborhood, so my mom made say hi to him. I thought he was weird.
My eyes were drooping from lack of sleep and the redness in them didn't subside no matter how many hours I stayed sober. The dark circles under my big brown eyes were not flattering whatsoever to my short hair and petite persona.
After making sure everyone in the neighborhood was sleeping, I climbed the tallest tree in Logan's back garden. I couldn't really see straight but managed to make it up to the top branch without slipping or falling. Thankfully, I could reach his window and tap on the glass if I leaned over a little.
"Logan, wake up," My finger knocked lightly on his window as I spoke clearly, but made sure not to let my voice wander too loudly. If his dad woke up and saw me trying to sneak in, Logan would never had spoken to me again. "Please." I tapped the glass again.
"What do you want, Ave?" His voice was groggy from behind his blinds- the window was open just a few inches so I could barely hear his whisper. "It's 1:24 in the morning. What did you do?"
"Stop acting like I only come to you with problems. Let me in."
"Hang on." I heard shuffling from behind the blinds, but it soon grew quiet again. Logan opened the window a few moments later. He looked exhausted, His brown hair was slicked back by yesterday's grease and his dark circles were more prominent than usual. "What, Avelyn? What could be so important?"
"Come get ice cream with me?"
"Ave?" Logan took a closer look at me through the glass and squinted his eyes. "Are you stoned?"
"Logan please come get ice cream with me. I'm starving."
He sighed before grabbing a sweatshirt from his closet and letting it pool over his shoulders. "You're lucky we're friends." He mumbled, opening the window as far as it would go so it would be easier for him to climb out.
"Thank you."
And the walk to Dairy Queen was quiet. Logan was kicking pebbles to fill the uncomfortable silence and I was opening a new box of cigarettes. "How do you even afford all those cigarettes? You smoke at least a pack a day."
"I have my ways."
"Like what? Sex?"
"Haha, very funny. I'm glad to know my closest friend thinks I'm a prostitute." I placed the cigarette between my lips and cupped my hands around my bud, lighting it with the small flame erupting from my green lighter. He wasn't wrong, but he didn't need to know that.
"I really needed that. Thanks." We continued to walk and I made smoke rings.
"Why won't you let me have one?"
Because your depression will just get worse. "Don't want you to get hooked on 'em."
"Why do you care if I smoke? You smoke."
"Logan just quit trying. I'm not giving you one."
Then it was silent again. I felt bad for not giving Logan a cigarette, I really did, but I wouldn't give in. Besides, I knew that if he really wanted a smoke, getting a pack from his father's bookcase wouldn't be difficult. "Don't be pissed at me," I stated, lacing at him. His gaze was set on the floor.
"I'm sick of you acting like you're in charge of me. I'm older than you for God's sake."
"I'm just looking out for you, okay?"
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever." The look on Logan's face told me he wasn't planning on speaking to me for the rest of our walk, so I grabbed his hand and watched his cheeks flush with color. I rolled my eyes, boys.
Logan had never had a girlfriend, as far as I knew, and wasn't particularly fond of letting people into his life. He was more of a reserved person, really.
My suspicion of Logan not speaking for the rest of the walk was proven wrong he said "What are you going to do after we graduate?"
He'd never asked me anything involving my future. To be honest, Logan never did know much about me. I just shrugged my shoulders and looked at him. His eyes were already on mine.
"Hopefully something that doesn't land me a spot in prison."
"Can I ask you something?"
"Shoot."
"Why do you hang out with the people you do? You're so intelligent but you don't do anything about it."
"Why the sudden interest in my friends." I felt the whole conversation was amusing but really should have found it offensive. Logan's words didn't usually hurt me, even if that was what he had intended.
"I don't know, it's just- you constantly make dumb decisions, I don't want you to make a really bad one."
"So you're concerned?"
"Well- yeah, I am."
I inhaled my cigarette and exhaled a few moments later, watching the smoke disperse in front of me. "Don't be. I can handle myself."
"I can't not be concerned. You're always pulling stupid stunts, you woke me up in the middle of the night so we could go get ice cream in the hopes the redness in your eyes will die down. Isn't that a little fucked up?"
"Language,"
"Don't tell me to watch my language."
"Then don't swear."
"You're frustrating."
"You're just upset I won't give you a smoke."
"No, Avelyn, that's not it."
"Then what is it?"
"Nothing. Never mind, forget I said anything."
When we got to Dairy Queen the place was completely empty. It being a Tuesday during the school year, I wasn't expecting it to be busy. The woman at the cash register looked at Logan and I curiously as I read over the menu.
"One ball of strawberry, please." I looked at Logan, who was still upset with me about our previous discussion. "Just because you're angry at me doesn't mean I'm not going to pay for your ice cream. Now, what do you want?"
"Uhh," it took him a moment to scan his choices, "Chocolate chip cone please."
I handed the women my fiver and told her to keep the change. Logan and I sat down at one of the tables towards the exit after our icecreams were ready. "I think I'll move out of the country."
Logan grew confused. "What?"
"After I graduate. I'm going to leave the country, most likely to New York. If I'm lucky, I'll get a job as a photographer, and I'll have a shitty apartment. But that'll be okay because at least I won't be here."
"You don't like it here?"
"Nope. I don't like anything about this place, really."
"Hm. Not even- uh, your friends?"
"Not really."
"Oh."
It's now I realize what Logan wanted me to admit. He wanted me to say I'd miss him if I moved. I never did.
We had mindless chatter until around 1:52. "I still can't believe you've never seen Harry Potter,"
"You know I don't have a TV."
"We're watching all the movies next time you're over."
"Yeah, yeah."
"We are. Mark my word."
"Whatever you say, garden boy." I chuckled, finishing the last on my cone and tossing my dirty napkins in the trash bin next to our table. "Are my eyes still red?" Logan leaned toward me for a better look before shaking his head.
"You're fine."
"Thank God. I have to be up at six to wake everybody." I had a family of seven. Me, my three brothers, two sisters, and mom. Since I was the oldest and my mom was a drunk, they were more my children than hers. I was the one who cared for them, anyway.
"And my dad's going to kill me if he finds out I got ice cream at one in the morning, let's go. C'mon," He gave me his cup to toss and I did so, following him closely out of the Dairy Queen. The cold air hit us both harshly. Logan shivered. "This is pretty cold for fall."
I shrugged out of my dad's old army jacket and handed it to him. "Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?" He questioned, eyebrows raised. He took it nonetheless.
And by the time we reached Logan's house, it was 10 after two. "See you at school," he said as he grinned at me from inside his bedroom window. I nodded my head at him, offering a small smile.
When I got home the lights were already off, so I assumed my siblings had all gone to bed.
The house was messy as usual. Nobody really cleaned ever. So I shrugged off my clothes, threw on a tank top and underwear, and threw myself under my covers. It was as my head hit my pillow I realized Logan still had my jacket.
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