chapter 4 | operation virgin
"I'm not going to sleep with you, Logan."
"That's not what I was implying, Ave."
"Well then what were you implying when you told me you didn't want to be a virgin anymore?"
"Avelyn, not everything's about you."
"Oh, I know that. You just make it about me."
"You're a handful, you know that?"
"I take pride in it."
We were sitting on the swing set behind the annual carnival our town has, talking about nonsense until Logan said he wished he wasn't a virgin. I, of course, told him sex wasn't everything, to which he replied: "Well then why do you have it so often?" And then I was silenced by the question.
"One day, you'll meet a girl who will totally be into what you've got going on downstairs. Why rush it with bad sex?" I asked, sipping on my soda I had bought an hour before this conversation erupted.
"I'm not sure any girl will ever want to fuck me. I'll be lucky if I screw somebody before I die." Logan's gaze was placed on his hands, his thumbs twiddled mindlessly as the thought of being a virgin consumed him.
I scoffed at my best friend, moving my eyes from his presence and onto my carbonated beverage. I stirred the straw around in the cup, trying to get the lasts of my drink before having to throw it out.
"Don't be stupid logan." I didn't understand how Logan didn't see his worth. I didn't understand how he could raise a blade to his skin. I stayed quiet.
"Why not? You're stupid." Logan cracked a smile at his clever comment. I only chuckled.
"Hey! Watch it!" The two of us laughed without a care in the world until finally I looked to Logan and saw that he was truly conflicted over this. "I'll help you."
"What?"
"I'll help you find a nice girl to screw. You owe me, though. From now on...you're my slave."
Knowing I was only joking, Logan stood up from his seat on the swings and walked to me, staring down into my eyes with a satisfied smirk. Then without notice, he threw his arms around me and nuzzled his face into my neck. "Logan! No hugging! Get off!"
"I know you love it!" As Logan continued to hold me tight I only feared for the life of my drink. "As my first order for your forever slavery, I order you to get me another soda." Logan retracted his arms, rolling his eyes before backing away from me and placing one arm in front of his torso.
"Of course, m'lady." Logan looked to me for my queued laugh. I didn't keep him waiting long.
"ha, ha, very funny." He held out his hand for me offering to help me up, but I only stood up and pushed past him. I knew my actions annoyed Logan. That's what made it fun.
"First stop: to the soda stand!" I turned to Logan. "Also, can you pay for some cotton candy?" Logan narrowed his eyes at me before crossing his arms. he nodded. "Yay! And Second: find you a hot girl!"
After getting my (large) soda and walking over to the cotton candy booth, where I yelled: "Look, Logan! The cotton candy looks like Marge!" We headed over to a table to sit and spot cute girls.
"What about her?"
"No, she's really pretty though."
"What about her? Jesus, even I would screw her."
"Not really my type, she seems nice?"
"Ok, Logan, I've pointed out every single girl at this carnival. What is your type?"
"I don't know. I just want to be comfortable around her." He shrugged, lowering his shoulders as he sank back into his chair. I sighed, repeating his actions. The thing about Logan is that he wasn't comfortable around anybody. "I want a girl who knows me- but not only from listening to me talk. I need someone who really knows me, someone who knows. . . what keeps me up at night."
Bad thoughts.
"Or what not to talk about with me."
Your mother.
"Or what I constantly worry about, no matter how stupid it sounds,"
Not being loved.
"I-I don't know- I just, want to be close to her." And then he glanced down at his lap, frowning to himself and I just felt myself break. I put down my cotton candy and leaned my elbows on the table, biting my lip because I hated seeing him so upset.
"Okay," I said quietly. Logan raised his gaze to me with confused eyes and a nervous heart. "I'll do it." And then his cheeks flushed with color at the sound of my offer. I reached towards my bag of cotton candy and continued to eat it as Logan pondered over what I had proposed.
After a few minutes of silence, he asked: "What?" And when I met his eyes and saw how much this truly meant to him I grinned kindly. And at that moment I wasn't worried about the aftermath, or what would become of us, at that moment I was so sure I was just doing a friend a favor. It wasn't a favor- it never was.
Logan waited expectantly for my reply. I ripped a piece of cotton candy off of Marge's head and raised it to my lips, smirking before saying: "I'll give you the best night of your life."
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