It’s only been a few days since my mom told me that my ex-best friend, Katy was in critical care, but it seems like it’s been an eternity. Little did she know, it was all my fault.
But I was willing to make it up to Katy and Jackson. I almost killed his girlfriend and I have to make it right.
That’s why, tonight I’m going to see them for the first time since the attack. I needed to make them see how sorry I am.
I ran downstairs when I heard my mom grabbing her keys to leave for her morning exercise at the gym.
My mother was beautiful. Long blonde hair, perfectly shaped jawline. She tells me that if I start working out, I’ll eventually look like her. That if I exercise, I’ll have the body I’ve always wanted. I mean, I don’t exactly hate my body, but I find that girls with more appealing attributes often have better boyfriends. Or at least the better-looking ones. Though, Jackson wasn’t bad looking. But he wasn’t what I was looking for. Looking back on my decision to go out with him, I was just with him because he was the quarterback in the first year of high school. He wasn’t exactly the best for me, or who I really wanted. Hell, I didn’t even know who I was looking for. Love can be confusing sometimes.
“Hey, mom,” I say, smiling lightly, feeling like shit because I couldn’t sleep very well last night. “Can you drop me off at the hospital? I wanted to see Katy in the ICU.”
She frowns a little, offering a hug which I didn’t need, but so gratefully took. “Oh, baby,” she coos, holding me close to her, “yes, of course. I can be slightly late to the gym. Go get your jacket and we can head out, okay?”
I smile a little, looking up at her when she releases me. “Thanks, mom. You don’t know how much I appreciate that.” She nods, and I rush upstairs, finally feeling the hope I’ve craved for the past few months.
Once I find my jacket, which goes with my black platform shoes, my white top. I’d already applied my makeup, hoping to kind of look like a vampire. I wasn’t in the mood to look like a princess. I was in an emo-stage of my life, and I couldn’t care to look pretty. I just had to be myself and this is me.
**Chapter Break**
I wanted to surprise Katy in the ICU and that’s why I didn’t call them before I was at the door of the hospital room. My mom and I had already said our goodbyes, and I was officially alone to face my greatest fear. Seeing my best friend in critical condition.
Hands shaking, I knocked on the door, taking a deep breathe. On the other side, I hear a faint: “come in.”
I slowly open the door, holding a get-well card for Katy. “Hey, Katy,” I say, still afraid to move closer.
She was hooked up to a machine from many different points. An IV in her arm, a blood pressure monitor squeezing her arm. A heartbeat monitor on her pointer finger.
“Hi, Kota,” she says, weakly. It sounds like she wasn’t angry at least.
“I’m sorry.” We both say at the same time, and I chuckled a little. She would’ve, too if she wasn’t on life-support.
Her breathing was shallow, and I couldn’t help but notice the occasional beep from the heartbeat monitor. “Katy, I’m so sorry,” I finally say, trying desperately not to cry. My throat was swollen, and I couldn’t speak. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I knew I was to blame and nothing I could say would diminish the hate I had for myself.
She smiles weakly. “Don’t be. I deserved it.”
No, she didn’t. Why’d she think that?? I almost killed her all because I was jealous. None of this is her fault. Even if she poured water on me, so what? I literally attacked her…
“No…” I say, quietly. “No, you didn’t deserve to be hurt like that. You didn’t deserve to be hurt at all. You did sleep with Jackson, and he wanted you, but I should’ve just walked away. I shouldn’t have- “
She cuts me off by putting a finger to my lips, shushing me quietly. She moves to one side of her bed and pats where she was laying. I take up her offer and cuddle up to her, hesitantly, not sure why I’m doing this, but not as afraid as I thought I would be. I didn’t mind this, actually I liked it.
“It’s okay,” she whispers, quietly. “Yes, I was scared. Yes, I was hurt, but I’m ready to forgive you.”
I nod, resting my head in her lap. “Why?” I ask after a few minutes, disbelief clear in my voice.
“Because that’s what friends do. Yes, you’ve done some shitty things, but I was being a shitty person. I shouldn’t have made Jackson cheat on you that night. I understand your pain. I understand your hatred for me. And it’s completely reasonable.”
I look up, gazing into her eyes. “But I don’t hate you, Katy. I would never hate you. I just- I felt abandoned. By you. By Jackson. You…hurt me. And the only way I could cope with that, it seemed, was to hurt you. I know that’s a shitty excuse to nearly kill you, but that’s my explanation. I don’t expect you to forgive me just because I’m your friend. I can’t accept your forgiveness. Not yet. It doesn’t seem right.”
She nods, silently crying. “I understand.”
“I’m sorry, Katy. I need to go.” I say, leaning away from her, opening the door. Behind the door, I reveal something confusing.
I was suddenly in a park, the same park in fact that I assaulted Katy. I look around, confused, only to see that the hospital room has disappeared.
What the hell? I thought, afraid that I was tripping. I try to feel around for where the hospital door would be, only to fall through open air, onto the ground.
Just then, I hear a blood-curdling scream behind me, which causes me to flip around, on my back and arms. In front of me, I watch, horrified as a girl that looks similar to me was beating another young woman with a silver-bottle. Rage filled the attacker’s eyes in a red-fiery ember in the middle of her pupil. The victim was trying to protect herself with her hands and legs, curling up into a ball, trying to prevent further damage to her chest and face.
“Please!” The girl begged, a sick chorus to the melody from the crunch of her bones, causing her to scream out in agony. “Jackson! Help!”
I look up, to see movement in the background. There, the boy she called Jackson ran to her to help, pulling off the murderous girl off, throwing her to the ground.
As soon as she hits the ground, I feel a pounding in my head, and it forces me to my knees. I reflexively cup my hands around my skull, putting pressure to stop the pain. It was a dull pain at first, then it faded as my vision cleared. I didn’t know what was happening to me, but it terrified me.
When the pain finally stopped, the girl who hit the ground took off running into the distance. I was then forced to follow the girl, but instead of being behind her, the girl disappears, and it seemed I was seeing the world through her eyes.
“Wake up,” I heard from the clouds, causing me to look up towards the sky. “Wake up, Dakota.” This time it came from behind me.
I stop running, too tired to go any further, and look back at the scene I just ran from. There, standing in the distance was the girl I’ve seen before. But this time, instead of a dark silhouette, there’s a face and a name that came with it. Dawn Jasper.
ns 15.158.61.55da2
