The more someone tells me that it’ll be okay, the more I know that I won’t. How can I be okay when I was the reason my best friend killed herself? But, no matter how many times I say I’m okay, people keep asking. And questions lead to catastrophic consequences.
“You know you can tell me anything, right?” Dawn says for what seems like the millionth time.
“I know, I know,” I say, trying not to lose control of my emotions.
“Then…please trust me,” she says, bringing me past the breaking point.
“Look,” I say, angrily, “I don’t want to talk about it! I’m fine! So just leave me alone!”
Instantly, it was evident on her face that I hurt her. “I-I’m sorry…” she says, leaving the room, seemingly holding back tears.
“W-wait, Dawn, I’m sorry,” I say, instantly regretting what I did. “B-baby, please,” before I could finish my sentence, she slams the door on me and I hear a sob from the other side of the door. I walk over to the opposite wall, hitting my fist against it, slowly opening my palm, putting my hand against the wall, sobbing a little.
I hear my phone vibrate in my pocket, which causes me to pause, looking at the text.
‘I’m going out, I probably won’t be back for the rest of the night. Have fun…’
I hear a door shut loudly in the other room and I know she left.
“Wait, please,” I text back quickly, which she doesn’t read. ‘Please, I’m sorry…’
I sit there, crying, afraid to move. Please come back, I begged in my head. You’re the only good thing in my life. Please.
**Chapter Break**
Stop yourself, Dakota, my mind begged me as I opened the window. My hands were shaky, sweat-soaked. I was terrified, but I had nothing left to live for.
Even in the midnight-sky covered streets, I was able to make out cars passing by, seemingly oblivious to what I was doing. Crawling out onto the roof, I step, terrified, closer to the edge. It was pouring and thunder was roaring, but I ignored it, frozen stiff like a dear in headlights, blank-minded as I forced myself to step closer, a step at a time, grasping the edge of the building, reluctantly letting go.
‘If you do this, there is no coming back, Dakota’, I thought, fighting the urge to jump. I was starting to feel light-headed, which is not the optimal time to feel dizzy.
I step closer, making it to the edge of the roof, poising to jump. I screamed as the air blew my hair in my face as I went into a free-fall towards the ground.
Before I realize what was really going on outside my brain, I hear the crunch of glass cracking under me. Confused, and dazed, I moved my hands around the object, slicing my finger on the broken windshield of someone’s car. I hiss in pain, still recovering from my attempt at suicide, looking around, realizing who’s car it was that I fell on, which was definitely not here before.
“Dakota!” Dawn screamed at me, quickly getting out of the car, tears streaming down her face.
I could barely breathe, trying to catch my breathe.
“B-baby, can you hear me?” I was disoriented, not being able to pinpoint exactly where the voice came from. The world was spinning and I couldn’t respond to her, despite wanting to be able to more than anything.
I couldn’t feel her touch as her arms flipped me around. I couldn’t see her very well; my vision severely fucked up as well, but I could tell she was crying by the way her hand wiped her face multiple times and how her voice broke when she spoke.
“D-dawn?” I gasp out, rolling onto my side in a fetal position, in so much pain I felt as if I was breathing fire.
“I’m here, baby, it’s okay.” She cooed, seemingly kissing my forehead, but again, I couldn’t get passed the burning flame in my chest to feel her lips against my skin. “God, I love you, Kota,” she cries, pained by the sight.
“I-I…I love you too…” I struggled to say, closing my eyes.
“N-no, baby, please don’t leave…” she begs, grabbing my shirt a little.
I opened my eyes, smiling a little. “I’m…just tired. I’m okay…just tired. K-kay?..”
“K-kay,” she copies, nodding.
Resting my eyes, I was able to find my breathe, wincing when I feel someone pick me up, gently. I groan, not opening my eyes, too weak to use them again. “Sorry,” I hear Dawn whisper, and then a buckling sound as I’m placed in her car.
“W-where are we going?” I ask, slightly parting my eyelids, letting in a little light, which stings, so I stop trying to look around.
“My house. My mom’s a doctor, so she’ll be able to help. I really don’t want to go to the hospital with you in this condition and the millions of questions that tend to occur when something like this happens.”
“O-okay,” I responded, cringing at the light that seeped through my eyelids, a red mass that burns slightly.
I couldn’t fall asleep until we got to her street, but when I did, I was able to have peace in the miserable pain I was going through currently.
**Chapter Break**
I remembered a stinging pain, a pull at the skin. But I couldn’t open my eyes. The pain was a burning pit in my stomach, gliding through my veins, enveloping me in a suffocating grip.
Twenty minutes later, two voices drawing closer in the distance. I recognize Dawn’s distinctive worry in her tone. The way the words build up with emotion, eventually cascading to the ground. “Is she going to be okay?”
“Yes,” a woman’s voice responds, reassuringly. “She should be able to move around normally in a few days. I already called her mom to let her know what happened-minus the near-suicide attempt, which I filled in with her tripping down the stairs over here- and assured her that even though she wasn’t ready to have visitors yet, she’ll be okay.”
“Okay,” Dawn says, her voice breaking near the end of the word. Those were the last words I heard that night. I quickly succumbed to the tiredness that came with the stress.
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