If there was one thing to be said for Gertrude's house, it had all the amenities one could need when one had a cub on the way. And the next morning, after breakfast, Gertrude handed me a key. "Poolhouse is outside," she told me. "It gets cleaned every day, so you don't need to fuss about it. Just make sure you lock the door after you're done."
It was a little walk, but when I reached the pool house and stepped into the warm air, I felt the autumn's chill melt from my bones. In short order, I'd stripped down to the biknini I'd brought along for just this purpose, and after dropping my clothes and towel on a nearby chair, I stepped into the pool, letting out a sigh of relief as the warm water cradled my body.I'd forgotten how wonderful the water felt on my skin, and I closed my eyes, gently cradling my belly, smiling as my cub - whom I fervently prayed would be a girl - decided now was as good a time as any to do some gymnastics. They'd gotten more active in the last few months, and I knew I wasn't far off from giving birth. I just hoped he or she would have a safe world to grow up in.
I decided not to worry about it. I was safe, my cub was safe, and I had the feeling Gertrude would fight tooth and claw to keep us so.
Feeling comforted by that thought, I set out for a swim, gliding gently through the water. I couldn't do too much in my current gravid condition, but I still enjoyed the sensation of the water caressing my body. It was enough to make me forget my worries for a while, and I held onto it, letting the water wash all my cares away. Here, at least, was a bit of peace.
After a little while, I took a deep breath and dived underwater, swimming down to the bottom. I wouldn't be able to hold my breath for too long, but I made sure I had enough air in my lungs to reach the other side.
I kicked steadily, enjoying the way the water flowed over my skin and through my hair, and when I reached the shallow end, I surfaced, blinking the water out of my eyes. Overhead, the sun shone brightly, making patterns of light and shadow on the bottom, and once I'd got my breath back, I went under again.
As I swam along the bottom, I let some air out, just enough to keep me under the surface, letting my arms trail behind me as I completed another lap. Here, I didn't have to worry about the upcoming battle, or Harry's safety, or how the hell I was going to explain my plan to Ashley. On the surface, those worries would plague me until I felt ready to go insane.
Underwater, they had no power over me.
I reached the deep end and surfaced once more, taking some deep breaths before going under one last time. This time I stayed just below the surface, letting the air in my lungs go as I swam, bubbles escaping from my nose, enjoying the sensation of the growing airlessness in my lungs. But I was happy to surface and take in some breaths once I reached the shallow end again.
I pulled myself up onto one of the steps, cradling my belly again. The cub had stilled, and I closed my eyes, allowing the peace to settle over me. I knew I'd have to get back to the house eventually, but right now, I just wanted to have this time to myself. Heaven knew I'd have to deal with the real world soon enough, but I wasn't really in the mood just yet.
For now, I just wanted it to be me and my cub.
After lunch and a good nap, I returned to the pool house.
I walked along the side until the water just came up to my chin, watching as the afternoon sunlight dappled my skin in gentle patterns, the water warm on my body. This was where I belonged, where I felt the most safe right now, and a small smile tugged at my lips.
I could now understand why babies started squalling when they exited the womb.
Taking a deep breath, I went underwater again, letting my legs float up as I hung suspended, just under the surface. The sun shone brightly overhead, and I rested my hands on my belly. Down here, time stopped, and I let my eyes close, imagining myself in a womb, feeling my hair move gently around my face. And my cub responded, not with more acrobatics, but with love.
My heart nearly stopped. It was the first time I'd felt my cub respond to me this way, and I felt fierce protectiveness come over me. A determination like no other filled my heart, and I made a vow that I would do all I needed to make sure my cub - who I now knew to be a girl - would grow up safe and protected.
The moment was cut short when my near-empty lungs reminded me rather abruptly I was almost out of air. I surfaced promptly, shaking my head in amusement as I climbed out. But as I towelled myself off and got dressed, I knew an important threshold had been crossed for my daughter and I. That moment we'd bonded underwater had been a moment we both needed. It had connected us as nothing else could, and I smiled as I exited the pool house.
No force on earth, not even a pissed off sperm donor, was going to come between us now.
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