The Nightstalkers' allies saw sense, and though they were unsure if what I'd done was the right thing, they did agree that, since Ben was dead, their ties with him did not hold, so they were free to choose their own paths. They disbanded, returning to their original packhouses, and I finally felt as if peace had been achieved. It had come at a nasty cost, but I was glad the combined nightmare of Ben and Sarah was finally behind me.
I returned to Liverpool with a broken heart, however, but though we were shattered by Harry's death, we resolved to carry on for his sake. Darcy and Billy were among the first to pledge their allegiance to me as Alpha, and though I was unsure if I was the right fit, they assured me I was just what they needed.
Ashley and Andy also promised to help me, which was another tremendous relief. Gertrude and GiGi likewise offered their support, and though Gertrude was heartbroken over her son's death, she put her own grief aside to help me, as did Ashley.
It wasn't long after I'd been sworn in as Alpha that the curious story of my shifting was explained. As it turned out, Harry had died, but his wolf had managed to survive long enough to enter me and use me to get revenge on Ben. Sadly, that had taken the last of Blackjack's strength, and he'd died not long after we returned to Penzance. I was saddened even more over losing another piece of Harry, but as the months passed and my belly swelled, I knew I had one more piece of him to hold onto, and I prayed it would be a girl.
And nine months later, I got my wish.
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I named her Astra, after Harry's grandmother, and when Ashley gave birth to her own cub a couple of weeks after I did, we made a vow to one another that neither girl would be treated any different - for, in the most ironic twist of all, both Astra and Stella - Ashley's daughter - had been born without the spark that would allow them to gain wolves later on. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
"Figures," Ashley said, giggling as she nursed Stella, who turned out to be just as a voracious eater as Astra. "Oh well. History won't repeat itself in terms of their treatment."
"No way," I vowed. And I meant it.
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I did decide, however, that history would repeat itself in one aspect; I wanted Astra to learn how to swim, and to discover the same joy I found when I was in the water. As it turned out, she was a natural, and she took to her lessons amazingly fast.
It gave me immense pride to watch her learn and grow, and I was about ready to burst at the seams with happiness when she swam underwater to me for the first time. That made all the pain I'd suffered prior to her birth worth it, and it also gave me something to live for, besides running the pack and navigating the thorny tangle that had arisen in the wake of Ben's death.
But I didn't let it bother me too much. I had a daughter who seemed like half mermaid, and I admitted to being very proud she was already outswimming me. I think my happiest moments were when she and I were swimming around underwater, just sharing this precious world together, and letting the rest of the world disappear for a little while. On the surface, the pain of my loss was always present, a constant ache in my heart that nothing would ever take away.
But when I was underwater with Astra, it all melted away, and I felt more like a princess than ever, with a little princess of my own to look after and guide.
I was also learning about myself as well; despite all the pain I'd gone through, I was resilient enough to make it past and keep going. And no matter how low I'd fallen at the darkest times of my life, I was ready to rise from the ashes and get right back into it. Ashley once joked that I was more of a phoenix than a wolf, and I admitted to myself that sometimes, I did feel more like a phoenix. It certainly fit in well with my determination to keep going no matter what the odds.
And it made me more determined to keep going, to press on despite the constant pain. I'd lost my mate, to be sure, but I had my daughter, I had my pack, and I had my family. And I vowed to never let Astra get in a situation where she'd have to go through hell and back before finally getting her moment in the sun.
It was all a matter of breaking the cycle.
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END
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