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“Turn off the music.” After seeing him, she walked back to the sofa and said feebly. She could not stopped being hasty when she saw him. This music showed her grieved and powerless from the desperation voice which was also showed in the lyrics.
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[Trapping in the centre of the sea with resentment,
It is weighty to extricate when I feel hypoxia,
I am still deliberately to choose the way to feel regret,
go towards to abyss forever,
Precipitating until I meet god but not approach,
To let the world becomes darker.]
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“I am now saying good bye.” He told her. But, what did he mean? She never followed his step, from his appearance to his leave. He was like a wind, near to her but only emerged when the story needed more explanation. Everyone had their part to say, but also brought more and more maze to her. She had to choose to entangle into it or not, the choice was come from now, when he eventually walked away from her. The peaceful days can lead her to think about the past.
Last time when she met him, she chose to evade from the reality. She saw the dangerous from Dan that brought her to move backwards. She couldn’t imagine how she would like to stay with him as a couple, how she fell in love with him. So, she chose to returned to her job and not contacted him.
When she walked into this maze, she saw herself in a box finding for answer. A 27 years woman, she should know where to go. She had her plan for her life, she already bought a home to stay. In 2095, it was laborious job to buy his/her own house, the extreme weathers every year destroyed over 500,000 houses. The technology didn’t bright wealth to the people but to push them to the hell, people couldn’t afford the price of a house. Her goal was that explicit, why she felt lost after the achievement? She lost something in her body.
Her protection to him was not only a protection to a stranger, she felt the dread from her heart. When she met him, her heart always told her to stay. She surrendered to the feeling before, but it didn’t bring her luck, it led her more questions about the relationship and her death. No one willed say no to the story about themselves, especially she realised that people surrounding kew more than her.
“Can you tell me what will I face in the future?” She called Mary again. Mary was the only person who knew all the storyline.
“No one knows the future, it is in your hand.”
“Then why I chose to die in the past? It is a circle, it will never end.” The sigh showed her helpless, how passive she was.
“It repeated because of your own choice. Human never learn from the mistake.” Mary answered her. “God can plan your future because your character is built when you born, so he can know the way you will go. But it doesn’t mean you don’t have a choice. When you jumped into the water, it means you are following the fate, however you also have 1% of no jumping to it, which is a choice. ”
Two days later, after her job, she went to the clinic on the card.
“Tell me, why you want me to give up my dream?” “She” stood in front her mum, tried to constrain her feeling and her tear in her heart.
“Writer has no future!” The shout covered the sound from the TV. She walked to the TV, the date was 28th July, 2013. “It was not unstable! It relayed on the buyer and your writing progress. If you stopped writing, do you think you have the chance to find a job in the office? You have no chance in that moment.”
“Can you give me one opportunity for finding what I love? I listen to you for 23 years, it was the time for me to control my life.”
“Of course you can! But don’t find me when you fail, I will not help you!”
“Danielle, sorry, I couldn't control myself.” The sound of Dan attracted her, she went to a home with two people. “She” was press the wound, however the flooding blood told “her” it was useless. The knife which blood on his hand, the flood also told her what happened.
“She” lost the power to say anything, however the eyes told her despaired to him.
The date was 3rd March 2019. She saw from his phone when he was calling for ambulance.
“Danielle, nice to meet you.” “His” voice appear again. It was in an office, a middle aged man went to “her”.
“Thank you, sir.” “She” smiled to “him”.
She recalled the memory in the letter she got––––this was not his second life! The fate pushed them together, in same space, but in two different body.
“Dan” pretended reading at her curriculum vitae while the talk, but she could see his flustered on his face. The curriculum vitae also showed the age of “her” in that moment, which is 22 years old.
The light from the camera brought her to the water. “She” ignored the people around her and walked to the cliff. With absolute serene, she jumped into water 30 seconds later. Before “her” action, she payed.
“If this world has god, can you please rescue me after my jump and from him? I cannot choose to walk to here, but you can help to change.”
It was her last word.
She stood there and didn’t walked away. She saw the time past, she was a paper on the ground, writing that “The girl death: 24th November 2045”.
The dream was too shock to her. She empathized with the feeling in “her” heart, “her” peace was made by the harm to her. From him, from the past between them, from the abandoned from the god “she” believed, she died here. How can wound affects a person’s life? She saw herself jumping into the sea, she also decided there was no possibility between them. She made her choice.
Her tears was rain, when it came, no one could stop. One day later, she sent a massage to him.
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[I couldn't choose a person who hurt me to ask for love. You are stubborn with the thing before, you believe you should follow the path in the past, but now I want to create my future without you anymore. I went to the doctor on the card, to ascertain the love between “us”, to find the blood flowed because of you and the death for you. I find that I cannot stay with you anymore, even though we haven’t been a couple, but I should now leave the game, leave from you. I believe the story because my dream accord with the timeline you give, but, can I find you in the future? I am sorry that I cannot.]
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She left him. The left was not the end between them, she got his call after the message. He found that he was always the one to be active, but the desire in his heart. His lost the love from his parents, he willed find the forsaking love from her.
“I have never imagined the reason of your death was me. Maybe I shell realise it earlier, so that I could save you from the water.”
“You are arrogant, because you believe you should get love from others but not yourself. You have already been a manager in the past, why you still not satisfied from the level in the society?” Danielle bawled. “I answered your phone because I sever our relationship today.”
“This world didn’t give the love I needed. The divorce between my patents was destined I couldn’t find paternal love, so I believe that we needed to fright for love. Just like my mum, she cried for her husband. When I saw you, I could only use the primitive reaction to you.”
“And you bring me to the hell.” She shouted to him. “If you don’t believe your love, how can you get from me? Do you know you almost killed me with your knife? I received disappointment from you and jumped into the water at last.”
She got all the information from him. The relationship, the reality of the story, the death. She had no reason to ask for continuing the talk. He said to her his accidental but how could she believed with him anymore. He has admitted the harm to her, she believed the relationship between them, how can she fall in love from him.
She cut off the phone. The determinateness was scared her, but she knew more about herself. Maybe they are same, her stubborn pushed her to death, his stubborn pushed her into a reincarnation which was the reason to meet him again. However, was that the only reason for him and her to meet? What was the arrangement (the death) mean to her?
She was finding for an answer because she believed everything in the world had its own reason. The reason could give her the courage to persist, to tell her the meaning for living. So she had her own plan for her house, she was in touch with him, she agreed to go to the doctor. However, now, she comprehended it was about to end.
“It” planed the calls, the meeting with him, the screen we could see in the heart, but now, could she picked the 1% chance in the game in love?
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She went for a normal life again. The ordinary was dull, a life only with her aim–––the aim without him. The life was fulled by words, she was an editor in a newspaper. About 50 years before, the world doubted with the reality of words. They believed that words deceived person’s world, so the development in technology was rapid. This newspaper existed because of the handful part of people, she worked in here for 3 years.
When she received an article about Dan, she was astonished. Oh yes, she lost in the story already. It was a project name “Technology and Emotion”, there were interviews with some IT companies. The project was accordance with the situation in the society, so she consented with this idea. She never thought the velocity of them was that quick.
The link was everywhere. “It” controlled the order of fate to make sure the world can work. However, when she grew up, she felt choked with the tie with the arrangement. What was the signification of god? We prayed because we supposed the god can rescued us from the predicament. But had we ever thought for the possibility of the dream to come true? The death in 45 years ago told her the belief in her heart, the affliction also told her the confusion of the god. Could god extricate her from the water?
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[Precipitating until I meet god but not approach,
To let the world becomes darker.]
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She repressed the feeling in her heart, reading the word inside in the article. She could not conceive how Dan talked serenely. The intended impression of him affected all the decisions in the future. Therefore when she saw him from the paper, she only received horrify.
She started to ponder the purpose of Dan. Did he knew she was here? She knew she should not blame all the sadness she had to the arrangement of god, but why the god still gave them the chances to meet? She made her own choice to fate, but why she was entangled to the story again? She knew his determined, it was only the way to approach her.
The editor process was continuing, she chose to accept the arrangement from it. She understood, it was the only way to persist with her heart. More conversation between them willed only bring more possibilities to him.
The god used its own way to rule this world. The magnitude 6.0 earthquake on 5th December turned the relationship between them. The shake told her the incident, she was in luck that she could evacuate from her work place promptly. However, the collapse from the building of the newspaper company told her the world had changed–––the war between numbers and writing, computer and paper, she and Dan. It was effortless for him to change the cognition from this world, to change everyone's lives, to acknowledge the god in this world.
Finally, her plan need to replace. She couldn't leave this city in a short time, to walk away from him, to make a new start. The god didn’t deprive the life and her house in the earthquake, he was giving his benevolence to her, but took away how people thought to the world. The perplexed gave her lots of questions to the god she relayed on, also brought her to a new job.
It was a company which collect and analyse data from robot, the business also included the service from robot, for example cleaning, cooking, buying food etc. 5 days after the earthquake, she entered the company for interview.
The different her in different time spot chose the same way to end herself; the blood from her body told her how fierce a person could; the psychiatrist told her how could we know our past. She could not stop thinking the eventuality in this world especially when she prospected the change without him. So, she met him again.
The fate willed never derail, the earthquake was predestined. He was using his way to repeat the story between them, when she pushed the door. She could not think how Dan decision affected the finial result of the interview, she could only follow the fate and the god’ way.
The interview didn’t show its distinct with the pervious time, the talk with the interviewer made her feel the diffidence between IT and words. The way of explanation showed the distance with human and human. When she was answering, she felt she was not belong to here, so she remembered the dream in her heart.
“Don’t be afraid my dear, you will know everything will go to the origin.”
Maybe when the world was established, the god never thought the complex between nature and other creatures on the earth. Human had its own system, for example government in different countries, business, love story which willed bring them to the pain, just like her. God looked at the progress, saw their heart, to find the desire, to bring them to the reincarnation, so that relationship could be retained, emotional feeling could enhance the relationship between human.
She walked into the office a week later, when she saw him.
“Danielle, nice to meet you.”
“Thank you, sir.”
ns 15.158.61.20da2
