After releasing all of its energy, a star will begin to lose its stability and will result in a powerful and luminous explosion visible across the galaxy and will travel for millions of years before one can witness its magnificence.
#
- Cluefer Alcantara -
Three days had passed since the misunderstanding between Rhed and me happened, and now, I find myself driving to Rhed's house. I had ignored him and hadn't seen him since then. I wanted to sort off my mind and have time to think. And as for Rhed, he doesn't miss a time to check on me even if I wasn't responding to any of his messages, and I really do appreciate that.
When I arrived at his house, I noticed no one was home, but the lights are on. I went out of my car and checks on the door. It wasn't locked.
"Rhed... Are you home?" I called, but no one answered, so I checked the bedroom, thinking that Rhed might be asleep. But he isn't there.
"Clue?" a voice from behind startled me, almost making me jump.
"Wha the...?" I could not continue what I was going to say because Rhed has plunged himself towards me. Hugging me tightly, and whispered, "you dumb, I missed you." These words were enough to make me feel guilty. I also hugged Rhed so tight that all my frustrations and worries seemed to wear off finally.
"Hey, Rhed... I... I'm sorry for..." I said, but he cut me.
"Shhh, don't apologize, I understand, and I am also sorry for being insensitive."
"You're not mad?"
"Of course I am, and you'll pay for it," he said, smirking.
"Hey, I know what you're thinking, stop it,"
"I'm just messing with you. Just come here," he then kissed me on my forehead, making me blush. "I missed you."
Rhed then leads me to the bedroom, and we lay there side by side, staring at the ceiling.
"What are those on your ceiling," I asked, pointing at the things patched in there.
"Oh, yeah, those. Wait, I'll show you," he said and stands up to dim the lights.
I gradually saw the faint but still noticeable glow in the dark stickers scattered all over the ceiling.
"When did you make all of these?" I asked, awed.
"Well, I really missed you, and you kept on ignoring my messages. That's why I started making this," he said, going back to the bed. "Since I can't go stargazing alone, I imagined that this is the same sky that we always watched together."
I didn't say anything I just admired how special I feel this time. Even if Rhed rarely smiles and shows his emotions, I always felt his sincerity.
"So I assume that is Polaris, right?" I said, pointing at the largest sticker I can see.
"No, that's Betelgeuse," he cerrected. "That one is Polaris," pointing at the one near the window.
"Okay, I see,"
"Yeah, and you see that one is the big dipper and that one's Orion and Cassiopeia,"
"Hey, you remembered the constellation,"
"Of course I remembered it. I remember everything that you've told me," he said while gently playing with my hair.
We didn't speak for almost a minute, but it seemed that both of us have something to say to each other, just waiting for the other one to start.
After another deep sigh, I spoke.
"My father is still at the house," Rhed automatically looked at me, though still on a deadpan face. I know that he is baffled. "He will be waiting for me until graduation."
This time Rhed look away and focused on the ceiling.
"And how do you feel about it?" he asked.
"I don't know, I don't know Rhed... I don't want to leave you here," I said, trying to conceal the crack in my voice.
He didn't respond immediately. He seemed to be carefully looking for words to console me.
"But... do we have any choice, Clue?" he said.
"I also don't know Rhed. I don't know," I said. Tears starts falling from my eyes, but he wasn't aware. His gaze was affixed to the ceiling.
"Maybe we can still enjoy the rest of the days that you're here. That we're together?"
"Rhed, why do I feel that you are just okay that I am leaving? I am going halfway through the globe, and you didn't seem bothered," I said as frustration starts to build up again.
"Hey, I'm sorry, it's not like that, okay, course I don't want you to go, I want you to be here with me always," He said, not looking directly into my eyes. "But we need to accept that sometimes things aren't always in favor of us,"
"Are you going to break up with me?" I asked, getting up and sitting on the side of the bed, turning my back to him.
"What? No, Clue, why would you think of that?" he exclaimed, facing me. "Even if you are light-years away, our hearts will forever be with each other."
"You really busied yourself on reading about stars, huh?" I said sarcastically.
He just smiled a little and said, "I have so much free time when you're not here, so I try to do some research."
"So I'm just a waste of time. Is that what you are trying to say?"
"Yes. But you are the person I wanted to waste all of my time with," once again, I blushed, it's a good thing that the lights were off, and he cannot see how red my face is right now, or he'll be teasing me. Instead, He holds my hand and kissed it.
"I always love you, Clue," I heard him said, but he wasn't looking at me. His eyes were closed, and something was glittering on it like a star in the night sky, except that it wasn't. It was but tears accumulated around his eyes.
"I know Rhed, I know. And I will always love you even if we're light-years away. I promised that," as I said that, he buried his face on my chest, and there I heard sobs coming from him.
"Hey, are you crying?"
"No," he said, but his voice was shaking.
I didn't ask more. I just hugged him tightly as well. We spend the night hugging each other as if it was our last night of being together. And we both know that despite our promises, we don't want each other to leave.
#
- Rhed Vasquez -
I was blankly staring at the ceiling, still thinking about Clue and the night his mom talked to me when I heard something crash in my parent's room. I hurriedly went there to find out that the curtain was flying and the window was open. It was almost twilight, and the wind is getting cold. For no apparent reason, I felt my heart racing. I walked towards the window to close it. And there, I saw pieces of glass scattered on the floor, but what caught my attention is our family picture. The glass from the frame was also broken.
"It might be that one cat from the neighborhood," I supposed.
A chilled wind blew inside the room again,
I sat there, staring at the picture, when my phone rings. I went back to my room thinking that it is Clue who was calling. But it isn't; it's someone from the hospital where mom is in.
"Hello?" I felt something odd the moment I answered the call.
"Am I speaking to Mr. Rhed Vasquez?"
"Yes, why what happened?" I asked. This was the first time that someone from the hospital had called.
"Sir, do you have someone with you now that we can talk to?"
"Why? What is it? Just tell me!" I was beginning to get frustrated as to why this person cant tell me what exactly is going on.
"Sir, I need to know if somebody is there with you tonight?"
"No, I'm alone. Just tell me what this is all about!" I shouted out of frustration.
"Sir, we need you at the hospital immediately. Something happened to your mother," I froze when the woman on the other line said that. I don't know how to respond.
Without wasting any more seconds, I dropped the call and went straight to my car. I drove fast and anxious, thinking about what could've happened to my mom.
In no time, I was walking towards the information desk.
"Oh, Rhed," the nurse at the information desk was startled seeing me. "You... you can go ahead to your mother's room," she said.
"What happened to her?" I asked.
"It will be better if the doctor will be the one who tells you," the nurse said, making me more uneasy. My throat starts to dry, and lumps of liquids try to escape my eyes.
"Please, please don't take my mom away from me," I pleaded in my mind, but I am also hoping that the moment I opened the door, it was mom who would greet me.
There are two more rooms left before I reach mom, and I felt weaker and weaker every time I took a step closer. My heart still racing and tears come flowing into my eyes.
I reached the door and opened it. Unlike the usual beeping and hissing sounds of monitors and machines, the quietness seemed to drown me. I saw the doctors are are looking at me with distressed expressions. One of them comes near me.
"Rhed, I'm sorry," the moment that the doctor said those words, I lost all my strength except for the will to run straight to my mother's bed. I saw her body covered in white cloth. The machines and wires that once attached to her weren't there anymore. Slowly, I lift the cover and see mom, same as before, eyes closed and not moving.
"No, No, What are you doing? No! why are you turning that off?" I shouted at the nurse who was doing something in one of the machines.
"Rhed, we tried everything we could, but it seemed that your mother wanted to go. Multiple organ failures had happened, and her body rejects the treatment she always had. We can't do anything more, Rhed,"
"Who are you to tell me that my mother wanted to go? Did she tell you that?"
"Mom, common, wake up now. Hey you! plug it in and give it to my mom again," tears flow nonstop as I shout to the nurses. "She can't be gone, she can't! Why did she have to leave me here all alone again?! Why?!" I shouted at the doctor, who's trying so hard to calm me. The tears were falling freely on my cheeks. I can't control myself anymore. Every time I looked at mom, the pain I felt multiplied a thousand times. Until I lose the strength to stand up and fall on the floor, crying even louder than before. My cries echo in the room.
I don't know how long I was slacked in the room when someone touched my back. I look up to see three nurses standing in front, guiding me to stand up.
"Hey, we know it's not easy for you. But I'm sure your mom wouldn't be proud to see you like this. Common, pull yourself up and bid goodbye to your mother so she can finally rest," I don't know why but the nurse's words make me do what she suggested.
I stand up and looked at my mother's face one last time before they carry her to the morgue. I held my mother's familiar cold hand and kissed it as tears once again flows freely.
"Is there someone you can call to accompany you here tonight?" the nurse asked.
I just nods and went back to the parking lot to get my phone. Every step I made, a tear came burning its way down to my cheeks. There I knew that it was more painful to cry in silence.
I went inside my car and dial Clue's phone. It was ringing, but no one answered. I called again a few times, but it just keep on ringing. One last call, and it was dropped. Adding frustrations, I throw my phone, and the scattering sound echoes in the parking lot. I lean to my car and cried in silence again, hugging my knees.
#
- Cluefer Alcantara -
"Hey Clue, dad told me that you will be joining us when we get back to Canada. Is that true?" Archy asked as we are playing in my room.
"We'll see Archy, you know I still have to attend school,"
"But I heard dad says that we will wait for your graduation, then we can go to Canada altogether."
'He said that?" I asked.
"Yes, he told mom, the other night when you're at your friend's house,"
"When mom told that, did she tell the name of my friend?"
"No... But she told dad that your friend is color red. Clue, how come you're friends with people whose color red?" he asked.
"Archi, do you want to play in your room instead? I'll have something to do."
"Okay, but promise to join me later, okay?"
"Yeah, sure, I'll be joining you."
We went out, and I bring Archy to his room while I find mom in the garden.
"Hey, mom, I want to ask you something," she looked at me, holding a pair of shears she uses to trim her plants.
"Yes, honey, is there something wrong?"
"I just wanted to ask if you told dad about Rhed?"
"And what about him, Clue?" dad, with his usual stern look, came.
"Ah... No. Nothing, forget it, mom," I said stuttering and attempting to leave.
"Is he the reason why you don't want to go?" he asked, making me stiff where I stand. Mom seemed to be shocked as well hearing this. "Tell me, Clue, who is this Rhed?"
I turned around and faced him.
"He's my friend from the university," I said plainly while my mom was looking at me again, trying to warn me not to say anything more.
"I know your friends at the university. One of them is Jade. I met him, but you never mentioned this Rhed guy," he said.
"I... I've met him a few weeks ago, he seems nice, and I think he helped Cluefer on one of his projects," mom butted in. I am indeed shocked because it was the first time mom covers up for me.
"Really?" dad looked at mom.
"Yes, I've met him,"
"Then did you also know they went to the beach one night? Only the two of them?"
Mom couldn't look at my father now. She lost words to say because I know she's not aware. She doesn't have any idea that one of those nights that she waits for me is I was with Rhed on the beach. But that's not my concern for now. How on earth did he find out about that.
"Wha... What are you talking about?" I asked, stuttering.
"And did you and Jade also go on a trip to the mountain, just like what your friend Rhed did?" dad continued. "See? I know what you are up to child, and I also know that he isn't just your friend,"
"I think we should take this conversation inside. It's getting dark in here," mom suggested, but his father doesn't seem to like it.
"You are the one who needs to go inside,"
"But.."
"Now!" his loud voice startles mom leaving her no choice but to go inside the house.
"Why do you have to be this mean to your family?" I asked.
"Me? being mean? You're really such an ungrateful child. Is there a time that you have the time to look back whenever you spend money or do your leisure without having to worry about anything?"
"But providing for us is your responsibility as a father, isn't it?"
"And did I fail to provide? Look at yourself now, you even have a chance to go to the beach and to the mountains. And did I ever tell you not to do that?"
"But you're making me do the thing I hate the most,"
"You don't have to like it, Clue you just have to do it, for the sake of our family,"
"What if I don't want to do it?" I said, now looking sternly directly at his father. "What if I don't want to go?"
"You don't want to find out Clue,"
"Then I'll leave, and you can't find me," I said, walking away, but he said something that made me stop doing so.
"I'm sure I can't find you, but I'll find Rhed for sure. As well as Rhed's mother. I believe he introduced you to her," without traces of remorse, he said.
I hurriedly went back to where my father was, clenching my teeth out of anger.
"If you did anything to Rhed or his mother, I'll make sure that I'll forget that you are my father. I promise,"
"See, that's why you're not going to succeed. You're too dependent. You let others be your weakness,"
"It's not being weak dad, it's about love, and I know you wouldn't understand a thing that you didn't feel before."
"Love you say? Fine! Stay here. Stay here to see you and your beloved Rhed suffer. I'll make sure that you'll have enough love on you. Enough that it was the only thing you had left. Let's see what he would say if he finds out that the reason why he can't pay his mother's hospital bills is because of you and your love for him. Let's see if you're not going to punch each other just to eat again on that cheap fast food!"
I can't imagine that my own father can do all that just to get what he wants. My tears are starting to cling from my lashes, but I made sure not to blink to keep them from falling completely.
"You're the most horrible person know," I said, leaving him alone.
Instead of making my way inside the house, I went straight to the garage to get my car, mom tried to stop me, but she failed. I continue to drive until I was far enough on our house.
I had nowhere to go now. All I wanted to do is get out of that house and never see my father again. I was worried about Rhed. I know for a fact that dad is really capable of doing such a thing, and I don't know how I would tell Rhed if something happened to his mom just because of my selfishness.
I think of going into Rhed's house, but I won't be able to explain the real reason why I went there. I stopped at the side of the road, cursing and crying out all my frustrations towards my father. I wanted to get over this thought of leaving Rhed just because dad wanted to. Without thinking, I turned the car around and drives to the club.
When I arrived, I went straight to the bar and orders a drink. While waiting, I'm still trying to sort my head out. I looked at the people in here. And there I saw my friends Arah and Patrick. I don't know if I would feel relieved or will it be worse for me.
My drink came, and I gulped the whole glass, and straight after it, I ordered another one. I planned to drink until I can't remember anything.
"Are you alright, sir?" the bartender asked.
"Fine," I said, wiping the tears with my hand.
"Are you sure?"
"I said I'm fine," I said again, starting to get annoyed.
I'm really not a heavy drinker, so for a short time, I felt the alcohol kick in quickly, but I asked for another shot and went straight to where Arah and Patrick were sitting.
"Hey! guys, why didn't you tell me you're hanging out tonight?" I told them.
"Clue, why are you here?" Arah asked, knowing that it was a bizarre day for me to go to the club alone.
"And hey, are you drunk already?" Patrick, on the other hand, smelled the alcohol then looked at me suspiciously. "Hey, did something happen?"
"Clue, did something happen between you and Rhed?" Arah asked.
I looked at them blankly, then grabbed the empty glass on the table and went straight to the bar to get another drink. I am hobbling that I even trip on my own feet. Luckily a guy in front grabbed me before I fall. I looked at him, to my surprise it was Jade, who was confusingly looking at me.
"Clue? What are you doing here?" He asked, assisting me towards the bar.
"Hey, Jade. Long time no see, huh," I told Jade as we make our way back to the table.
"Why are you so drunk? You're not like this," Jade said.
"I'm not drunk," I answered, pulling myself up and easily sitting on their table. "Are you having fun here?"
"Clue. What happened to you?" he asked again.
"Oh, so now you cared about me again, huh?"
"I always care, Clue, you know that. You just didn't want me to."
Arah and Patrick didn't say anything, but I can see them exchange looks as they listen to our banters. I can feel my face getting hot, but It wasn't enough to make me forget everything.
Jade looked at me seriously, "Hey, what is really happening?"
I sense the seriousness of Jade's tone, making me look down as I can't answer Jade, so I just shake my head and releases a small giggle.
"You wouldn't understand," I said, drinking another shot straight.
"What?" Jade said. "Look I I just wanted to help you, Clue, but I need to know what was going on."
I looked at him with his weary eyes.
"You can't help me, Jade, nobody can help me, not even you, not Arah, not Patrick, not even mom, or... Rhed. Not even him," he stared at me blankly as I say those words.
"Is it about Rhed?" he asked a little loudly, making Arah and Patrick look at him. "Is it because you're afraid that you'll lose him because of your father?"
I looked at Jade and wanted to tell him something, but I was too dizzy to say it.
"I can't understand you Clue, what are you trying to say?"
I kept looking at Jade. But It wasn't him who I saw. I'm seeing Rhed. Rhed is here with me. I grabbed his nape and pull it towards him. I can feel him resisting, but I put all my strength to kiss him. I can taste the sweet-bitter and strong flavor of the drinks he had taken. I have no idea how long I had kissed him, but I'm feeling so dizzy right now.
I am still looking at him wearily. I wanted to say this every time we are together, but he seemed unhappy hearing it as I said it now.
"I don't ever want to leave you... Rhed."
#
- Rhed Vasquez -
Staring at the broken screen of my phone, my heart shatters into millions of pieces again, feeling that all the frustrations that happened to me. It has been two days since my mom's burial and since someone sends me a photo of Clue and Jade kissing at the club.
I was so full of anger and hatred but still deep in my heart, all I want is for Clue to deny all of it, that he would tell me that the picture was photoshopped. But since the night mom died, I haven't heard anything from him yet.
I went out of my room only to feel the strange feeling that this house brings in me. But it's different now. It's not suffocation anymore. It was more like a void growing and sucking me into the deep dark place. And that time, I feel the loneliness again, just like last year when everyone I ever loved left me. The only difference now is that they left me for good.
I was in deep thought when someone knocked at the door. And when I opened it. All the rages that I had kept burst out as I saw Clue standing at the front door, but I can't do anything. I just stand there frozen.
"Rhed, I'm sorry... I... I... heard about your mother" Clue can't continue what he was talking about because I cut him off.
"Really? You heard? So should I be thankful to you?" I asked nonchalantly, my voice lower and more arrogant than normal, and my eyes were affixed to him, but it was blank and dull.
"I... know. I'm sorry I haven't got the chance to be with you it's just... My dad got my phone, that's why I can't contact you. He even got me bodyguards to monitor what I'm doing, and now I just sneak out to see you. I don't even have my car, see it's Patrick's car," he explained, but that was not the explanation I wanted to hear. I didn't speak; I just stared at him as he try to explain himself.
"Your dad doesn't allow you to visit me? But you've got time to go to the bar and drink with your friend, right?
"Rhed..." He said, taking a step closer. "Let me explain, please."
"You can leave. Please leave Clue," I said, turning around to get back in my room. I can't stand to see him right now. The anger and frustrations fill up my chest that I felt it was about to explode.
"Why, Rhed? What's wrong with you?" He asked, this time making me madder.
"Do you really want to know why?" I turned around shoved my phone in his chest. I shove it hard that it made him step back. He saw the photo I was looking at a while ago.
"That, Clue. That's why."
My tears are about to come down, but I tried my best to hold them.
"I... I... Rhed..." he tried holding my hand, but I rejects it.
"You know what, Clue, my mother died. My mother died alone without me, and I thought that you are the one I can run into, but where are you Clue? I tried calling you many times, but you didn't pick up. You are busy having a good time at the club, kissing Jade, and now you are asking me why," I shouted as tears flows freely on my cheeks. I felt the pain again, the same pain when I saw the picture first.
"Rhed, it's not what you think..." he started saying, but I stopped him there.
"Then deny it, Clue, please deny it now. Tell me that you're not the one in this picture. Tell me this isn't you!"
"I...I don't remember Rhed," he said, almost whispering because he know he was lying.
"You don't remember? You always boasted that you can remember everything since you were a child, and you are telling me that you can't remember fucking someone?"
"Rhed, please..." He said, crying.
"You know what's more painful. It's you making me believe that I can be someone's reason to stay, but just like everyone else, you lied to me."
"No, Rhed, you know that's not true. You know that you are the reason why I don't want to go."
"I've always hoped that even if you're light-years away, you'll be able to find and keep me in your heart, but I was wrong, I was wrong to ever hope. And you know what makes it more painful. You confirmed that. Out of all people Clue. You, so please do me a favor and leave me!"
"I'm sorry Rhed. I'm sorry," he went to hug me, but I pushed him really hard, making him stumble on the floor.
"I said leave me Clue,' I shouted. "Leave me before I can't control myself anymore." I wanted to punch him. I wanted to hurt him so bad because of the pain he caused me. But I can't. I'm unable to do it.
Patrick come rushing, and he helped Clue to stand up.
"Please, just leave now," I shouted once again.
"Hey, hey Clue, let's just go to the university before your father found out that you went here,"
When both of them went out, I shut the door with anger and hopelessness and went back into my room feeling drained and in pain.
#
- Cluefer Alcantara -
The following days seemed to pass so fast, but it's running very slow at the same time. I was staring blankly on the board, listening but not understanding anything the professor was teaching. That is until I heard my name.
"Mr. Alcantara!"
"Yes... Yes, sir?" I said, startled.
"I asked if you're fine to be paired with Mr. Anderson for your final assignment?"
"Jade, sir?" I asked, looking at Jade, who was perplexed as well.
"Yes,"
"If it's okay with him, sir, there would be no problem with me."
"Okay then, so I'll just email the details of all your final assignments, and you're dismissed, class."
The class had ended, and most of my classmates are gone, but I don't have a plan to leave the classroom anytime soon. My bodyguards are surely waiting for me. This was the scenario since my father knew about Rhed.
"Hey, Clue, aren't you going already?" Arah asked.
"Yeah, I'll be going home. I'll just stay here for a while. I'll be fine," I said, faking a smile.
"Okay, we'll leave you then. See you later."
I haven't been able to do the normal things I usually do since I had that argument with dad. But what bothers me the most is the argument I had with Rhed. I know I was wrong, and no explanation would be sufficient to cover up my mistake.
"Hey, Clue," a familiar voice called me as I put my things in my bag. I looked up and see Jade.
"Hey, Wh... What's wrong. I mean, why?" I asked, not expecting that he would be talking to me.
"I think it's the best time for us to finally sort things out," he said.
"What do you mean?"
"I heard about Rhed's mom, and Patrick told me about what happened between you and Rhed the other day," he said, looking straight at me. "I feel so sorry Clue, I tried to explain everything to him about that picture, but it didn't go well,"
I looked at him and noticed the small bruise on his lips. I felt guilty, but I still can't let go of the idea that he is the one who spread those photos.
"Tell me, Jade did you spread those photos?" I asked straightforwardly.
"What? No, of course not. I promise Clue I wouldn't do that," he exclaimed, and I actually believed him.
I just stared at him and nodded.
"So, what do you want now?"
"I just wanted you to know that I'm fine now, and I wanted us to go back to the way we are before," he said, more relaxed and more friendly than ever. "I'm sorry, Clue," he said, looking at me.
"Let's just forget it," I replied.
"Yeah. So how are you two?" he then asked.
"I don't know. It has been days, and I'm not able to talk to him," I explained.
"I hope that you'll sort things out,"
"I'm also hoping that. You know what, let's just plan the assignment now?"
"Can we do it some other time? I have practice,"
"Oh, okay, sure. I'll message you,"
"See you, Clue," he said, leaving me alone in the classroom.
After a while, I decided that to finally go home. For the past few days, this is my routine, just school and our house. My dad confiscate my car keys. But that wasn't what I think of now. I wanted to sort everything with Rhed. But I wasn't able to do that. I didn't have a chance to talk to him.
I went to the parking lot, and there I find my bodyguard and the driver my dad hired waiting for me. I didn't talk to them. I just went inside the car, and we went straight home.
#
- Rhed Vasquez -
"Alone?" Mrs. Mich asked me, sitting on the opposite side of the table.
I was eating at Briner's the first time since I confronted Clue. I observed that it was a little strange that there are not many people in the restaurant, now giving Mrs. Mich a little time to talk to me.
"Hmmm," I replied, nodding.
"Hey, Rhed. I know you've been through a lot again lately..."
"And what? You're also going to tell me that everything will be okay?" I cut Mrs. Mich. I didn't want to sound rude, but my arrogant voice did it for me again.
"No Rhed. I'm not in the position to say that. Only you can tell that to yourself. But only if you believe again," she said.
I didn't speak I just looked at my food, feeling sad but relieved.
"What do you mean if I believe?" I asked, flustered.
"Well, it had happened to you before, right? When your father dies? And from that, I saw you. I know that you've always been hopeful that somehow everything would be okay again,"
"That's because I still have my mom,"
"Yes. That's right."
"Now I don't have anyone anymore."
"You sure?"
I looked at her, confused, but I know what she is talking about.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, where's Clue?" she said, looking straight at me.
"I don't know,"
"I see," she said, smiling.
"Why are you smiling?" he asked.
"You know, I can see that you two is really serious with each other,"
"We're not Mrs. Mich. We're just each other stopover, not a destination,"
"Do you know what makes a garden, a garden Rhed?"
"I don't know. Maybe plants?"
"What else?"
"That's all I know, plants."
"Perhaps you are correct. A garden may include different plants, flowers, grass, insects, and the dirt around it. Not just the plant," she said.
"What does that mean?"
"You need to look at the whole garden Rhed, not just on a single flower, just like mountains are not just a single rock, or the beach isn't just sand, or the forest isn't just a tree and galaxies are not just consist of a single star. We are all parts of something bigger, and sometimes, we make mistakes to remind us that we are not perfect. It helps us be grounded. And mistakes are part of learning," she said, getting a fry and looking at me.
I was moved by what Mrs. Mich said, making me think about Clue and everything we've been through. I realized that for the short period of time that we have been together, I believe that Clue has been a big part of me.
"What if I don't have the will to look at the garden or go to the beach. Or go hiking in the mountains, and I can't watch the stars anymore?"
"You give yourself time, Rhed, who knows, maybe someday, a flower may sprout again in your garden, but when that time comes, I hope that you won't pick it, instead wait for it to bloom.
"You're really giving me a hard time with your idioms Mrs. Mich.," I said, letting out a little titter.
"Well, I guess those things are also just bits of everyone I've talked to. But seriously Rhed. Don't let your garden dry up, okay? Take time to water it and give it enough sunlight."
I just nod as I finish my food. Mrs. Mich left me with a tap on my shoulders, giving me comfort that eases the heavy feeling I feel.
I went straight back home and went into my room. I took a cigarette and lit it up as I opened the window to watch the sky again. But I can see the sky is different now, it was dark, and the moon was nowhere to be found, and the stars are hiding behind the thick clouds. As I blow the smoke out, the cold wind blew on his face almost at the same time, making me inhale the smoke I just let go of.
"Another eight minutes are gone," I tell myself.
#
- Cluefer Alcantara -
Little by little, I was beginning to get used to the setup I was in right now. Having bodyguards that follow me everywhere, I go and having only the school or and the house as my everyday destination. I was getting used to it that I didn't even notice that the graduation is in less than a month.
Still, I constantly check on Rhed. I sometimes see him around the campus, but it seemed that he had completely gotten over with me. He didn't look at me or even respond to my messages. Even Polaris was gone on Facebook. I know that Rhed is really hurt, and I can't blame him. But also, I can't deny the fact that I still wanted to talk to him. I wanted to set everything right, at least before I leave.
We are sitting in the cafeteria near the computer studies building when Arah gets something in her bag.
"So, here it is, guys, the final paper that we need to submit. It's all in our hands. We just need to submit it tomorrow," almost jumping up and down, Arah said as she shows us three copies of the hardbound thesis.
Each of us gets one and examines the paper. Patrick even smells the paper as if it was the most fragrant thing for him at that time.
"Well, we need to thank our boy here. Without him, this thesis would not be possible," Patrick said as he messed up my hair.
"No. Of course, it was because of all our efforts, from the start of the semester until today," I said humbly.
"Yeah, but I still can imagine that we are going to graduate in two weeks. It seems like yesterday we were just shooting for our project back in the lake with Rhe..." Arah didn't continue what she was going to say because Patrick poked her and points at me.
"Oh... I'm sorry, Clue," she said.
"No, it's fine. I'm fine," I replied.
Patrick looked at me and divert the topic.
"Well, what are your plans for vacation, Clue?" Patrick asked.
"After graduation, I think I'm going straight to Canada and probably staying there for good," I said with traces of melancholy in my voice.
"Really, Canada?" Arah asked, surprised.
"Yes. It has been planned all along since I went to college. It's just I really didn't think so much of it, and I don't see the need to tell this all to you because I thought can convince my dad is letting me stay here but I didn't," I explained.
"How about Rhed?" Arah asked me.
"I don't know. We haven't been able to talk since the last time I went there."
"But, don't you think that he at least deserves to know that you are going and probably never come back?"
"I don't know. He seems to be not bothered, so I guess I'll just let him be," I said gloomily.
"But do you want to at least say goodbye?"
"Of course I do. But I don't think I can."
#
- Rhed Vasquez -
Countless graduation hats have been thrown out in the air. After years of dedicated hard work, we can now conquer the world as professionals. Other students waived their caps, medals, and awards in the air, yelling and screaming with happiness together with their parents and loved ones. Hugging their friends and parents shows how happy they are. But it was different with me. I wasn't in the area to celebrate. After the graduation ceremony, I immediately went to my parents' grave, silly but still wearing my graduation cap and gown, and on my hand is my diploma. I sat on the ground between mom and dad.
"Hey, mom and dad, I'm sorry I didn't go here sooner," I said, wiping the tears that is starting to accumulate in my eyes. "I just needed some time to breathe and process everything, especially you, mom. You left me again, and it hurts so much because I have been looking forward to this moment to come expecting that you will someday see me walk on stage, but I walked alone, mom. I walked alone."
I hugged my knees, trying to stop sobbing, but my heart was so heavy it felt like it was going to split. I don't know how long I've been crying, but I just stayed like this until I feel someone was standing in front of me. I lifts my head and saw Clue still in his graduation gown as well, with a bouquet of flowers in his hand, standing in front of where I am crying.
"Why are you here?" I asked, still sobbing.
"I'm looking for you all over the university, but I couldn't find you, so I thought you might be somewhere you really wanted to spend your graduation with, and knowing you, it's nothing but your parents," he explained.
"So why did you want to find me?
"I... I just wanted to congratulate you, Rhed."
I didn't say anything that time. I just stand up and hugged Clue so tight, making me cry even harder. " I... I...," I sobbed.
Clue doesn't say anything as well. He just held me as I can also feel his tears falling but. We stayed in this moment for I don't know how long.
Clue's warmth somehow gives me comfort as I slowly break the long hug. And I just stare at him.
He put down the bouquet of flowers he was holding. He put it at my mother's grave.
We both sat on the ground as they we try to stop ourselves from sobbing
"I'm sorry Rhed. I didn't mean to hurt you," he said.
"I know, but you still do."
Clue looked at me flustered.
"What do you mean?"
"I know you are sorry for what you did, and believe it or not, I forgave you the moment I saw the photo."
"But why didn't you talk to me?"
"Because I know I already lost you."
"No, Rhed, you didn't lose me," he said.
"You're leaving, aren't you? You're going to Canada, right?" I said, trying to fake a laugh.
"Yes. But..."
"There's no more but Clue, you're going to Canada, and you're going to leave me here. That's it. Maybe that's where it's supposed to end," I said.
"Don't you trust me, Rhed?" Clue said as tears are starting to flow in his cheeks again.
"You know what, it's not about if I can trust you or not. It's about something else."
"I trust you, and I'm willing to bear the risk of loving you half a world away."
"I know, Clue. I never doubt that. But I want you to put that trust in yourself so that I would be able to trust myself as well. That's why I'm sorry," I said, watching the burning sky.
"Why Rhed?" I looked at Clue and smiled, a genuine smile.
"I'm sorry because it's not gonna work out the way we wanted to. I don't want to end up hating you because it breaks me to hate you. It shatters me into thousands of pieces, and I don't know how I would fix myself again. I don't want us to end up hating each other in the end."
There we are, staring at each other as we shower in the golden sun rays again.
"Remember when we wished for the stars?" he asked him.
"Yes, did your wish already come true?"
"No, but I finally find the answer to my question."
"Will you tell me?"
"I asked if what am I really feeling towards you."
"You know what's funny?"
"What?"
"Asked the same thing. And I guess we also got the same answers, am I right?"
"I'm sure we already knew the answer."
"What about your wish?"
"I might not be able to tell this to you because I know it won't happen anymore. But I wished to be able to stay here with you," I noticed that tears are running again on Clue's cheeks.
"What about you?"
I didn't speak. I just looked at my mother's grave, and I know that he gets it.
"Wanna go for a walk? It helped clear the mind," he said, standing up and lending his hand.
"Can we stay for a while and watch the stars together? For the last time." I invite Clue by tapping space beside him.
"Sure, maybe for the last time."
He then sat beside me. Both on our graduation gowns, we stared at the sky.
"Is it strange, stargazing on a cemetery," he asked.
"Stargazing is strange enough,"
We just sat there under the clear night sky, watching the stars glitters as I tried to remember their names.
"When you told me that I owe you a supernova, what do you mean by that?" I asked.
"Nothing, you just owe me a supernova."
- The End -
ns 15.158.61.42da2
