x
+ Hey, its me again
= Hey, its been a while, how are things going for you?
+It's hard. everyone seems so ahead of me, so grown, I feel so small.
= You have grown ,you know that.
+But I feel so small.
=It's a big world. It's okay to feel small sometimes.
+I feel like everyone has their own person
= What do you mean?
+ Well, T has Y, M has H, F has A and S has V. I feel alone. I feel like I'll never find my person
= But you have!
+ No, no I mean someone whose something more than just a love interest or a crush. I mean someone I can cry to without threatening to steal them from someone else. Someone who I can share my mind and life with without any strings. Some one like a best friend.
= But don't you have those?
+ Yes? I'm more of a third wheel in most of them honestly.
= Do they feel the same way?
+ I'm sure they do, they won't admit it.
= okay... Then why don't you talk to more people?
+ I can't.
= Why?
+ It's hard. To let them know me without showing them the ugly sides.
= Everyone is a bit ugly. It's part of being human.
+ There is a lot of it.
= Well, come to terms with it.
+What if I never find them?
= Who?
+ My person.
= You will.
+ How do you know that? I cry when I see people happy, I compare myself to friendships of others, I am problematic and closed, I cry over people who would pick anyone but me. How will I ever find My Person?
= You will.
+ How. Do. You. Know?
= You're calm, collected who works perfect under pressure, You're diamond in coal. You are there for people the moment they call for you because you know what it feels like time and time again to unsend texts and eat your words. You cry for others and pray for the ones who never think twice about you. You made your mother proud. Never forget the day you made your mother proud. Never forget that high pitched squeal while you sat there at that funeral as you shushed her. Never forget when she asked you five separate times in those three minutes through the cold metal touching your ear;"Seriously?" Never forget the hug she gave you never forget when she looked you in the eye and called you the daughter she was proud of. Never forget how she feels at ease when she knows you're there right behind her. Never forget how your brother came to you for advice time and time again. Never forget how you kept your fathers secrets till it ate you from the inside. Never Forget how far you came from absolutely nothing.
+ Why cant I tell myself these things? Why are they so hard?
= Because youre waiting for your person to tell you, aren't you?
+ So where are they?
= I'm right here sweetheart. I've always been here and I'll stay no matter what the time or place.
+ Yeah.
= So, am I enough?
+ Yes. You're absolutely perfect. You're Enough.
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295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyvluaDlXEB
I'm my own person. I don't want to seem narcissistic but I feel strength knowing that I can rely on my own heart the same way many others found the comfort to do so. I can be kind to myself without un-rationalizing my insecurities. I can put myself on full display. I can cry and laugh and dance to un-danceable music with myself. I can talk to the person who I would have looked up to as a child. The person who would protect them. The person I am now.
I know I'll love them more the more time I give to them.
So when I'm up at 3:56 PM I wont cry over the world feeling too quiet or the pit seeming deeper and wider. I'll smile over how the world seems more bigger for my heart and more peaceful for my thoughts.
Next Time I'll be absolutely Fine.
ns 15.158.61.17da2
