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wassup, guys. again, this is alex. who else would it be..? i'm fucking stupid. uhm, i'm in a bad mood. i don't like being in a bad mood like i'm usually happy but people are irritating me. hold up, i'm about to write a ten page essay for my english teacher because he dares to ask me, what is one hardship women faced in the past. and i chose sex trafficking. it was supposed to a two sentence answer...but guess what motherfucker, YOU'RE READING A DAMN ESSAY~! be right back. okay, i'm back. anyways, back to venting.
OMG, SO YESTERDAY WAS THURSDAY HERE, RIGHT? and nothing really happened (or maybe i'm stupid and don't remember anything) until we went home. people are so damn bipolar and hypocritical, oml. okay, so we get home right, motherfuckers are already arguing for idk what. but it wasn't big aruguing. the we took showers and gorgeous was in a bad mood and didn't want to talk and bunny got butt hurt. i rerally didn't give a fuck, i was chilling, sitting in a corner, by myself and just, you know? fucking vibing. i think so.
so then bunny started cry and when she gets sensitive and shit, she calls herself a failure and all this other shit, wishing to die. too many people have power over her and that's why she does that. yes, she has some power over me but i'm finna cut that shit and just vibe and be myself. so bunny has this thing on her head that if you press it hard enough she'll pass out or if she gets stabbed there again, she'll die, right? her ass was trying to kill herself by pushing down on it really hard. my and gorgeous started screaming at her. like i said, no matter how mad i am or sad or anything, i won't let nobody kill themseles over me or in front of me. that shit is dead as fuck.
so, basically bunny was doing that shit in the car and gorgeous was yelling at her. then we pulled up to the Annex and when i tell you bunny's whole everything changed, i mean that shit. she went from crying and trying to kill herself and ignoring me and yelling at gorgeous to smiling and luaghing and singing with us for karoake. that was the most bipolar shit i've ever seen and i've seen a lot. my mom is bipolar as fuck but that shit was something else. i could never. something else happened yesterday but idgaf and i don't remember.
so, today, we come to the Annex right and once again it's gorgeous and bunny being sarcastic and nutshell arguing. so, then jazzy got irritated and said something. right after bunny said, "today is a good. i'm in a good mood for one reason and one reason only. i have goals and i won't let anything stop me." gorgeous said something and then next thing you know, BUNNY IS IN A BAD MOOD. that shit be blowing me. she start talking about killing herself again and i said, "bunny, people have too much power over you." this is crazy. i can't handle this shit. like, i honestly don't know what to do anymore. at this point, i want to give up on being that one motherfucker who wakes smiling and luaghing and cracking jokes. i'ma wake up and ignore everybody and be the meanest bitch ever because people are dragging me down.
i really don't understand anything anymore. like, life is so hard. i don't want to go home but i do. i dunno what i want. i dunno if i want to with my mom if my step-mom is not there. everything will be different without my step-mom. i still haven't worked on my step-mom's eulogy. my best friend's eulogy. also, coco, don't get sad because you're best friend~! but my step-mom is my ride or die. i still love you a lot, coco. you mean a lot to me <3
my step-mom would want me to be happy and respect my mom. my step-mom would want me to be a singer and follow my dreams. in fact, she'd help my chase my dreams. now, i'm here all by myself. i have the tiniest circle. i don't eve know myself anymore because everything is so confusing. yeah, sure, i have hella friends but do they really love me and trust me the way the say they do? trust issues, i like to call it. depression, i like to say. i don't even know if you people reading this like me or enjoy reading my stupid shit. also, update, i'm not marrying seojun or cole sprouse. i'm still marrying jisoo, no doubt about it.
why am i getting emotional? omg, what's wrong with me. do i even really know what love is? idk anymore. then you have my mom being terrible to me because she doesn't understand me and she expects me to be the same kid as a year ago. like, i be the same after i've been taken away from my mom for alomost a year and i never got to say may we meet again to my step-mom before she died. like, no! i'm not fucking okay, dammit! my mom acts so ignorant. i don't want what she wants, i don't like waht she likes, i don't pet snakes like she does. she hangs around the fakest motherfuckers ever and it hurts me to see her being used and her being so stupid that she can't notice it. i love my mom but sometimes, she can be annoying.
she trusts people to easily then has the audacity to call me naive. yep, i'm depressed again. idk what's wrong with me. i'm listening to best of me on loop. that means i'm going to start crying soon even if the song is supposed to be happy. my mom doesn't let touch the stove a little bit (it's a metaphor) but she never touches it. i just want to protect her and my brother but i can't and it's her fault. she got us taken and she's never let me in so i can help her. every time i try to help her and tell her about herself, she hurts me. all the times that i've helped her when she's been beaten and bruised up, glass in her feet. i helped her! no matter what, even if she hit me while i helped her, i always nursed her. she wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me. she could've died, on so many occasions.
she's alive because of me! she's here because of me! who called the police when she was hurt so badly? me (and some of the neighbors). i can't even be myself with her. i can't tell about me or anything in general. everyone has been leaving me lately, that's it's not even funny. i think i'ma stop venting right there. i know that people are dramatic, jealous, sensitive and too much. so, i'ma stay to myself and listen to music. not sad stuff because i want to be happy and positive. i'ma stop fucking with people. i'ma focus on me and i'ma do good. i am no longer in my feelings right now! i'm listening to 'just dance' which is hype. i'm good, mate. idgaf about people no more unless they are real and in my circle. online and international friends? i still fuck with you~! i'm not venting anymore because i am happy and i feel good. damn, that was bipolar as fuck but if you were me, you'd be happy right now too.
hm, what to talk about? uhm, well, my brother isn't answering me but that's fine because i know where he lives because i lived there with him for the longest time. not me listening to exo. bro, kai is such a tiny baby, idc. nobody can tell me different. even though his mini-album is a little bit sus...let my child live, omg. okay, i don't even like hyuna because she's the reason e'dawn got voted out of pentagon but i lowkey do like her song 'i'm not cool'. it's fun to dance to and i like the beat. not me listening to that song. oof-. *changes it to pretty savage cause i love blackpink*.
well, i hope your day goes amazing and you sleep well. everyone reading, stay healthy and drink water. don't harm yourself, love yourself. have fun and live life happily <3 i sound like that one girl who is overly positive. motherfucker, love yourself or else i'll find you and tell bts. the fuck? lmao, i hate myself. byeee!
- Alex <3
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