First, shocked. I’m shocked. Just that there was someone there, where I was dead sure I’d be totally alone. For two seconds, I got un-drunk.
“…Track?” I guessed but I knew. He didn’t have to say anything. I knew it was him. I can tell things like that I think.
“Who else,” he said.
“Who else!” I laughed and the drunk washed over me again, and I think I sorta choked. Whoa. Like waves.
“Dude! Easy, man,” Track said, grabbing my feet. “Don’t slide away,” he says, and then he laughed, plenty drunk I bet that drinker boy. “Oh dog,” he calls me ‘dog’ some, “you didn’t… Yeah, you did, dog. Yeah you did.” I laughed I did did did I laughed. He said something else and something else and something else. What?
And me? I didn’t say nothing nothing, because I’m floating. Floooating floating. Like when things settle in water if one person is holding another person and pulling and pushing and pulling and. …And fuck I’m waaay drunker than I thought I was when I was doing the trail. Trail was easy easy. I know where I’m going on! Even I’m swinging wide and swinging around and my toes are stubbing on stuff that they shouldn’t have been stubbing, but fine fine fine, because my brain knew to go where. There’s like a map in my brain. And then, hell fuck, shoes off I got ‘em off! I got shoes off. I can do that drunk. Maybe I fell down, but I didn’t fall down I sat down. Sat. Down. Shoes. I just got ‘em off and the water, which was easy because it was like getting into bed. I do it lots. Easy.
But now there’s no map in my brain, and I’m good drunk and my legs are warm, and Track is pulling my pants what’s he doing pulling. I’m laughing and laughing. Track’s gay and into me who says? Maybe. Maybe maybe not? I don’t fuckin’ know.
I see him a little though I do, cuz there’s always a little light in the woods. All ways. What’s he doing in the water just leaving me here no shoes. "No shoes,” I told him. Laughing laughing laughing. “No pants,” I laughed. I see some stars. See?
“Lather, man,” he says to my face. “You are sooo wasted,” he says and feels so good. I like… Why are our faces so close? His eyes are like stars I see! Staring into me my brain. I laugh laugh laugh and lick his nose he licks my noses. Or some nose lick some nose and laugh laugh, and he laughs. …What’s he doing? Just laughing me.
My head is spinning like fucking Tea Cup rides. I don’t want to sink away. I kind of got my arms around his shoulders, light like but he holds me up. Hold me cuz he better. I got my chin on his shoulder. Am I tired? I let my cheek be next to his it’s good. The rest of me sort of drifting into him the way it does in water. Drifting. I can feel him, so he can feel me. That’s physics I remember. I… watch us like a movie in my mind. Old movie, like flickers. I’m standing on the log looking down. More. Of both of us. ‘Nice,’ says a whisper in my head. Who’s whispering? ‘Nice,’ whispers again. Drifted together. There’s no music.
Drifted.
It's soft. I’m spinning. Warm. Like a smile. Not so big. Is… ? Wha… ? Not him not Track…
“Don’t puke here, man,” he says sometime.
“Fuck fuck…”
“You’re gonna owe me for this,” he says. I’m owe him f’this. Owe’m. F’this.
* * *
It’s quiet when we get back near the Falls. And dark — except there are a couple big flashlights looking around for something down near the water. We don’t go that way. We take one of the other trails. It’s cops no doubt. Maybe something happened at the party. I’m following Track close. I’m not remembering the trails so well now.
And now we can see red lights flashing through the trees — in the parking lot, obviously. We don’t go close to that. Like I say, this is our woods, and we can go through a lot of ways. No one knows it better than us. I don’t guess that anything bad happened. Just that the cops closed the party down. They do that. I mean, it was already past 3a.m. I’m following Track.
Track and I split when we get to the town streets — him his way, me mine.
“You good, bro?” he asks me.
“Fuck yeah,” says me. I am. Good enough.
No one’s up when I get home. No surprise. I drink a bunch of cranberry juice. The fridge light seems way bright. The inside of the fridge looks different somehow, like I’d never really looked at it before. For half a second I panic that I’m in the wrong house. but I’m not.
I almost head upstairs with my shoes on, but I remember and put them back by the door. At least they’re dry, but I turn the light on for a second, just in case I had tracked in mud, and I had. A little. Mom hates that. I get dizzy when I lean over to wipe it up, but I don’t fall. I get it done. I hope.
I go as quiet as I can up the stairs and into my room. Take all my clothes off. Seems like I did that a lot today — taking clothes off. My pants had dried some. I step naked out my door and into the hall, and right into the bathroom. It’s only three steps, and I step quick. No one ever catches me when I do that. Ease the door shut, turn lights on, and I look myself over good in the tall mirror. I gotta scrape on my leg, long but not deep. Doesn’t need anything. My hands are dirty. I wash them. I look again. What else can I fix. I brush my teeth — my whole mouth. I pee. I look again. I stare. I’m breathing just a tiny bit fast. I actually notice my ribs move a tiny bit when my heart beats. …Do I really see that? I think I do. I think I see it. At least I notice for sure all the bones and muscles that move when I breathe. I feel my eyes move in my head, but I can’t see it in the mirror — you cannot see your own eyes move in the mirror. It’s weird. I look at my dick in the mirror. … It’s there. Like always. Just… waiting, I guess. ‘Like a Chia pet,’ I thought, and then I smiled.
And yawned.
And turned the lights out.
And crept quick back into my room.
And got into bed.
If I had been able to lie awake for awhile, I would have had some things to think about. But I went out like a birthday candle.
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