This summer is fucked! I’m standing in a doorway in the back of the Nu-Mart. There are a few doors in the back — one next to the loading dock, one next to another dock we call the trash dock. One at each end. I just finished sweeping the trash doc when it started to pour, so I closed the big door, and now I’m standing in the doorway of the little door, staring out, holding the broom handle. I can take a couple minutes…
But maybe I won’t, because my first thought is, this summer is fucked. We’re already way into July. Pretty soon, people are going to start going on vacations. …Well at least Kara and Archie are. I feel like I just don’t see anyone right. I mean, I see people here and there, but it’s not like I thought — not like we’re hanging out in the woods like we used to, just… just… Well, just fucking hanging out is all! Hanging out. What else do you say?
But this summer? Well, the weather has sucked some, like today. And work is big. Seems like everyone has some kind of work. I’m working twice the shifts I did last year. Track’s dad has him out most days. Archie’s doing some summer program at the college, plus he games all the time. …Plus when he doesn’t game, he’s with Dara. I’ve barely talked to him since that night we ‘talked.’ Fuck. I’ve got five hours left on this shift. Fuck.
Yeah, and then… shit. Weird shit. Me especially. Shit. Party night was a disaster, and since then, Track’s just not around. And then — oh god, I still don’t believe I did this — and then last week when it was burning hot Friday morning. I still don’t believe I did it. Standing there in the trees and staring at Kara, and… And when I’m done, Celeste hears me, so I quick get it together and walk in to join the girls, but I’m acting like a moron. My boxers are twisted somehow, so I’ve got my hands in my pockets trying to pull ‘em straight without looking weird, but I’m sure I’m looking weird. And everything I say sounds like it’s coming out of someone else’s mouth. So stupid. I can barely look at the girls, too. I glance at them laying there, and it’s like my eyesight just bounces off of them. So there I am, sweaty as all hell, hands in my pockets pulling at my boxers, saying stupid shit and not looking at the girls.
And they don’t seem to care at all!
“Hi Lather,” Dara says.
“Thought you were working,” says Kara.
“You going for a swim?” Celeste.
Otherwise, they just lie there, buck naked, but lying there like… like… I don’t know! Sausages in a pan? What the fuck! I’m fucking dying, and they don’t even see.
‘Nah,” I said. “No sweat. It’s all yours today. Think I’ll just walk. It’s nice. In the trees. Really nice today. I can always go down to Big Bend. You just hang, that’s cool.” Blah, blah, blah, and I’m just walking away from the water and back toward the trail, when I wanted to swim so bad. What is that?
“See ya,” one of them said when I was almost gone. After I did what I did, staring at Kara, and then act like an idiot, I leave, they don’t… Nothing.
What is wrong with me?
This summer is fucked.
And why is it just the guys? Track is fucked up with this gay thing, and I’m just fucked up. And Archie… well, he looks like he’s fine mostly, but then he gets weirded out and comes in his pants when he’s just kissing, so…
…This summer is so fucked that my mom asks me yesterday, “How come you aren’t spending more time with your friends?” She should have been telling me that I spend too much time with my friends.
I get a text:
KD - What time you get off? Track wants us to go 2 BB.
… Ah. So.
ns 15.158.61.23da2
