Okay, so that wasn’t going to happen again — what happened after the party I mean. Track wouldn’t say anything, and the only other thing I ever heard about me was from Bets when I saw her in the Nu-Mart, and she said something like. “Great party! I was so trashed. And Lonnie, so trashed. You were pretty trashed too.” That’s it. Nothing else. So I must not have done anything too stupid before I took off to go swim. So, good.
As for what Track said when I asked if he was gay, he just laughed — quick and hard, like the idea really surprised him. He wasn’t mad or anything, but he didn’t really answer the question. He said, “I think I’d know if I was gay, dog.”
“Yeah,” I said quick, because I felt like I was over the line as soon as I’d asked it. “No doubt. Yeah. Anyway, you working a lot this week?”
“Goin’ with my dad to pick up his new truck a little later, but I’ll be gone overnight. He found it online, so we gotta go get it. We’re staying at my Uncle Mike’s, and I”m driving the Jeep back tomorrow. My dad’ll drive the new truck.”
“Cool.”
“Then I don’t know. Probably I’ll be working full time, every day. He’s got a job lined up. He’ll at least want me for demo. Maybe for some framing.”
“But, weekends?” I asked.
“Not weekends,” Track said. “But don’t you have shifts this weekend?”
“Yeah,” I confirmed. “Both days, but they’re only early morning — 6 to 10. Stocking,” I said. “So I’m good.”
“Your Friday night’ll suck.”
“I’ll make it.”
* * *
Friday was cold. Four of us went to Big Bend anyway, but no one wanted to swim. Instead, we talked, including about Archie and Dara, because they were the ones who weren’t with us.
“A date,” Celeste told us.
“Ooo, a date.” Track.
“Uh huh,” Celeste said, “a real date. They’re going to Chipotle, and then a movie.”
“What movie?”
“I don’t know.”
“Wow,” I said. “A real date. Archie.”
“And Dara.”
“And Dara,” I agreed.
“It’s so… normal,” Celeste observed. “Somehow I didn’t think any of us would be normal,” she added.
“We are all completely normal,” Kara stated. “What? Because we hang out in the woods? Because we swim naked? That’s not enough to be not normal,” she said.
We were thinking about that, then Track said, “Do you know there are eight billion people in the world? So, four billion guys and four billion girls, and if you divide that by how long you live—”
“How long you live?” Celeste interrupted.
“Yeah, so say about average eighty years old for how long you live — because it makes the math easy — then there’s about fifty million 16 year-old boys in the world, and fifty million 16 year-old girls.”
“…So?”
“So nothing!” Track snapped. “Just that, about being ‘normal’ is… I mean, normal means like the way most people do stuff, so if forty million guys like Lather and me do something, it’s normal, but if only, say, five million guys do it, it’s not normal.”
“You’re the only guy I know who talks in math,” Kara said. “So you are not normal.” That got a laugh from me and Celeste, but not Track.
“So I think Dara and Archie are pretty normal,” I said. “I mean, even if we aren’t all exactly normal all the time.”
“But is it even normal to date anymore?” Celeste replied. “Who goes on dates like that? Dinner and a movie. Picking up at the girl’s house.”
“He’s picking her up?”
“Yes,” Celeste confirmed.
“But he doesn’t even drive.”
“He picked her up walking,” she said. “He gave her flowers.”
“Really?” I said, feeling a little lost. “That’s kind of old style.”
“It’s nice,” Celeste returned.
“It’s fake,” Kara said. “It’s just a way men control things.”
“Men?” I snickered.
“Males,” Kara corrected. “Archie is just following a script for a play that ends with him being the boss and Dara getting pushed around.”
“…Archie?” I replied. “The boss?”
Celeste seemed a little pissed. “Kara, you always go off on that shit. Can’t it just be nice? It’s just… It’s just…”
“Courtship,” Track interjected. “A courtship ritual. Archie’s strutting his feathers. Like a prairie chicken.” I laughed at that.
“Would you bring me flowers if we went out?” Kara asked, staring straight at me.
Oh, but I was quick for a change! “Not now, I wouldn’t,” I answered with a little snark, and everyone laughed at that. Even Kara.
The cool was creeping in, but we were all dressed warm enough. Plus, there was no wind, which was good. The stream sounded nice — especially this sort of ‘big water’ sound that Big Bend made. It’s a deep, heavy sound, not like the quick splashy sound of water on small rocks that you hear upstream and down. I noticed the heaviness. For some reason. And then, uh oh, I got one of those feelings, and then Track drops a bomb.
“So…” Track started again.
…
“So, what?” Kara nudged.
“…So why… why do you all think… I’m gay?”
If anyone had looked over at us, they would have seen four statues — four completely frozen solid people. …But then, I mean, you have to breathe.
“Don’t look at me!” I blurted, suddenly panicked. It was still light out, but it felt like it had gotten suddenly darker.
“…So,” Track repeated, but now looking to the girls, “why?” He seemed angry and scared at the same time, even though he was trying to sound like no big deal.
Celeste looked away, but Kara held Track’s gaze. “Are we wrong?” she answered, kind of shocking me, and putting things right back on Track.
So, Track… You gotta see. He’s the tallest of us. The strongest. The smartest boy, though the girls are wicked smart. He is easily the best looking, with this TV stud kind of face, and this wavy brown hair that just looks… right. But, I mean, I never think of him as ‘gay’ looking — which I know isn’t supposed to be a thing, except that it is a lot. It confuses me, so I just don’t talk about the ‘gay’ look so I don’t say something stupid, but I don’t think Track ‘looks’ gay. …Whatever that means. And all his life — which is how long I’ve known him — he’s been… well, ‘normal’ — that forty million normal like he said. I think. At least, that’s how it seems to me. Anyway, I’m sure as hell not going to say anything now.
Track didn’t seem mad. He finally answered. “I don’t like any boy,” he said.
“But, any girl?” Kara wasn’t going to back off.
“Um, well, yeah. I mean, I like Connie—“
“No!” Kara snapped back. “No, you don’t like Connie. I watched — we watched. We see you look at her, but it’s like you don’t even see her, and you always look sad when you do. You try to like her,” Kara added. “But you don’t, do you? You look and look, hoping you’ll feel something. You pick Connie because she’s the kind of girl you would like if you liked girls, right?” Kara kept pushing. Kind of scary. “She’s smart and quiet, and she’s beautiful — prettier than everyone else, except she doesn’t show it off. But if she did, we’d all see it. But you don’t want her. You don’t want any girl.”
And then — oh, Kara, she cuts him deep. “At night,” she says, “when you’re by yourself. At night. You don’t think of her. You don’t think of any girl at all, do you?”
Oh shit. Now Track has tears in his eyes. Oh fuck. Why did Kara do that to him? No one says anything. …Oh, so now Kara looks sorry — she knows she hurt him. Shit. And then…
“No,” Track whispers, and now tears are coming for real. “No. No I don’t like… I… There’s no girl… I…” Jeez he’s cryin’ like a little kid. Oh man.
And then Celeste is on him. I mean she gets up and goes to him and wraps him up. Holds him tight. Rocks him. Pets him. Kisses his head and his face. Kisses and kisses. And he’s holding onto her like a life preserver and crying sloppy. His breathing is coming in these gasps, like… like I ain’t never heard before.
Shit, and Kara’s crying too. Quiet. Holding still and crying. Holding her knees. Now she’s way sorry, she—
Oh fuck.
Now me! Son of a bitch. What a mess.
* * *
“I had a real nice night, Dara,” said Archie, standing with her under the porch light at Dara’s house.
“Me too, Arch.” She smiled. A real smile. “Me too.”
Archie kisses her gently. Like it’s their first kiss. Dara likes that.
A lot.
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