我珍惜我自己，因而快樂；我愚弄我自己，因而痛苦。我就是愛。
––––柳應廷《人類群星閃耀時》MV 簡介
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“Can we forget the love story between us and become friends?”
He said it with his purpose.
After few drinks, he felt everything in this world is fading, he could focus on himself and did everything he wanted. It was the closest distance between his body and himself. He saw the dream of him and her, the day when he wrote those words. 4th February 2019.
“Danielle, I give you one more chance, how much you want to stay with me?”
“Dan, can you give me and you a chances to communicate peacefully?” It was the first time she begged to him. The past built the today’s world, your action and the reaction from others could also be the formula of today’s reaction. Their reactions told them everything, told them where he was, but he never knew.
“He” as his past, brought the penitence and regret. Finding of her was his job, whenever in the past or future, if he couldn't walk through the pain, they willed never step out from the story. The first life with her explained what was love to him, when he saw her when he was 49, the misconception of finding love brought her death three years later. Maybe she loved him in that time, so her could fall into the trap voluntary without thinking, and the tragedy happened. The world leaded him entered to her life, a pure girl, but why the story couldn’t continue?
He really wanted to fetch up but he copied the way in her first life with him and brought to her life. The experience in the past had its own influence, so he couldn’t grasp the chance to change their love story, she didn’t have any hesitation to jump into the water.
If the powerful force, the fate and his past made the decision before he came to this new world, to build a world only with him and her, he didn’t have the chance to deny. She, was the example. When they first met each other on 14th November 2095, her past told her to escape, but, the god put them into the same company again. Was there any chance that they can become friend and appreciate each other?
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It was 4am in the morning, after the talk with the “dream”, she wake up. At the same time, a person was calling her.
“Hi, Danielle, don’t cut my phone please, I have something to talk to you.” Dan voice came from the phone. Yes, she answer the phone, not because of the love, was about the world “escape”. In this game, she needed to discard the hurt from him and listen to the god’s arrangement, otherwise, she willed die.
“Sir, don’t forget our agreement last night.”
The tranquility pierced their heart. She felt the sadness in her heart. When the memories recalled, she found that, she never listened to her heart. She could not understand why her heart dreaded him, she just linked to the death.
She loved him, before, she knew. From her request to the god to forget him, from the reply to him when he was killing this relationship, she loved him. Even she knew the storyline from others, she never asked herself, asking herself about each of the actions she made and what brought her to this situation. She was using her way to fight but fight for nothing.
“Can we forget the love story between us and become friends?”
“Dan, I don’t think I can forget. It is arduous for me in this moment.” The thought brought her the provisional change in the attitude, but he could hear her unyielding in her words.
“I will give you sometime.” Dan stopped. “I am not going to force you because I know what is the consequences of violence. The word forget, is not for you, it is also about me. Meeting together is our tasks in our life, death is also our task, but, I was trying to find the solution between the tasks. We should have the right to relax.
Alcohol gives me to courage to speak to you, thank you for your listen Danielle.”
The talk went to the end.
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But, she was an ordinary person in this whole world. Her most contribution in this world for most of the people was her work. She was too little to be nothing, therefore her spirit built a world from her. Maybe everyone had their own world, but how many people comprehended? The understanding of the inside world finally killed her. When two different worlds collided, just like now, how could she stay? Which world should they stay?
This talk didn’t shorten the distances between them. She was his employee, he was her boss; he hasn’t called her, she didn’t talk to him. She knew, she felt, she saw the death, maybe in her heart, she was waiting an answer. She made some many mistake in the past, when she was trying to fight, she was also going to traps. Therefore, god, please help her.
“Help”. What she wished her god to help her? Did the world help her to leave him? The answer was yes. The god obliterated the memory of him, but created another chance for them to meet. Did the world help her to escape from him? She thought she could, from the force of the world, she might do it. The world used the earthquake to control there fate. How could the world help her now? What actually the world wanted her to do?
The chance appeared everyday. They could be the coincidences, they could also be the decision, everyone had their chances, but when and how to use? At the end, she may know everything in the world was coincidences, when you gave up something, they had the power to choose. However, she gripped with the death at the moment when he walked through from the story.
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It was one month later, when her friend in the pervious company discharged from the hospital, she visited her. The earthquake damaged her career, their boss made a decisioned that he willed not continue the business, she entered his world again. She was lucky to find one, but others might not have one.
“Life is fragile, Danielle. I have a thought that I will kill by this accident.”
“Someone rescued you.” Dannielle said.
“Not everyone can look for that person so they died.”
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After her friend settled down, she met Dan on the way home. She looked around the street, evading him, thinking for the next step. He saw her embarrassing, during different experience in his spirit, he started to be clam. So, he just smiled to her.
“Hi Dan.”
It was the first time she was willing to found him, not hate, but pace. Maybe it was the pity emitted from her, she was trying to discuss something to him.
“Hi, Danielle.” The voice with his surprised.
“Can we have a walk together? Do you have time?”
“My honour.”
It was a Wednesday night, an unfrequented street, the quietness brought the sadness between them, however, the talk was not postponed as he might think.
“I remembered you told me, we should have the right to relax. Can you tell me more about it?” She asked. She wanted to know, a give up of the persistent of a person was a cruel way to her sprit or a pit to herself. For her spirit, for her past, it might be. If this body equipped her spirit, then who was “her”? When they collide together, which one she should choose?
“When we fight for each other, we hurt. Before we did, so you die; in this life, I chased you, you resist. Then, you felt fatigued, you used your way to leave the world.” Dan looked at the girl next to him and continued. “Relax, can give us a more chance to know more about ourself and others. We should fled from our ‘love’, our death.”
“Don’t you think it is not responsible to our past? Now you become Dan, but it doesn’t mean you never push me to death in the past!”
“After meeting you in the street, I changed a lot. I was an impetuous person before, I never consider your feeling.” He stopped his words and his movement.” Danielle, do you feel more relaxed after you made this decision, to protect yourself?”
She was taciturn. In that second, her brain recalled the dream. Her action to him was only the way she thought she could do for “her”, not for the relationship. She had the courage to leave him, but she never knew. She was braver than she thought, when she made the decision, she knew that she determined already. “She” never needed her determination, she only needed her determination.
“Determination”.Finally she did the first part of the knowledge of her spirit. His question was the second part.
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[4th February 2019,
“Danielle, I give you one more chance, how much you want to stay with me?”
“Dan, can you give me and you a chances to communicate peacefully?”
Desks were overturned, glasses were broken; the world was demolished, their love burnt. The breath from themselves however brought them together, but use the beast’s way. So, he looked at her.
“You have the higher state in this world. Me, as your boyfriend, I don’t know where am I. The unbalance between them leads us to feel shame, when you spend more time on your work, I feel that I lose in the game. When I lose, I need to catch you from the whole world.”
“Dan, I cannot give up from work.”This was her answer to him.]
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[4th March 2019,
A glass of a bottle broke, she shrank to the corner of the house but did not cry. She was peaceful to look at him destroy the space.
“That’s it for us.” He said.
Before the man left, she saw the watch pointed out the date: 4th March, 2019.]
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Maybe, the change in her first life in the story told her something. She gave up her love, her emotional movement to attract him, she knew it was the end of their love. The blood brought his claim and her desperation. He neglected her needs of love, and pushed her to the death.
It was the consequence of being a fighter in the story. The positive communication to him could not help them. It was also a fight. She was naive that they willed get marry and happy ever after but when she died, she realised, she never understood him. It leaded a reasonable cause of her refuse to him in this life.
Everything was using its way to return to your life. That’s why, every fight could not lead to a good ending. She was persisting to him by hating him and the death.
“No, but I never know how to be kind to you.”
“We never know how to be kind to each other. I know I cannot compensate you forever, but I believe we will never become couples.”
“Why?”
“You don’t love me, isn’t it?” He smiled. “So do I.”
“You don’t have that feeling to me? Really?” With her relief and surprised, she said. “Thank you Dan, thank you for giving me the answer.”
Our relationship didn’t come a further. We know the line between us, we know what we needed in the dream. Sometimes we had a drink together, sometimes we didn’t talk to each other all day long. She could finally enjoy her life and work.
One year later, she left the company. The story needed to come to the end, she thought.
On that day, he came to her seat and said.
“Danielle, nice to meet you.”
“Thank you, sir.”
They smiled and left in the opposite direction.
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The end
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