「你還可以嗎？」574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoX1b3eIvFV
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvXvQxWF4H
「無法不可以。」574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtp9HD1P8q
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO22ljF9tbC
「如需幫忙，來找我吧。」574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdRymY5mBvt
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGqKpJciAAD
「謝謝你。」574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjOevkQxSZ
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVrt9njVfXU
我對隸屬同組的小妹報以虛弱苦笑。與她向來關係不錯，概略知道彼此家庭狀況——同是經濟支柱，一屋老嫩。聽到她主動提出幫忙，我除了感激，更多的是恥感。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLPw16owCe
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbiw3ErNN0J
唉！多講無謂，反正既成事實。倒不如動腦筋思考如何向妻子說明狀況。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH3qLt4WYmd
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJEyb8QEMd
疫情關係，全球經濟不景氣。我和妻子預料這段艱難時期將會維持好一段日子，早已節衣縮食，積穀防饑。但我們慢慢沒有想到老闆會有此一著：工作日數減半意味薪金減半。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVcdNGjrJ9
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ40oqr2Pqn4
供樓開支無法削減，父母醫療開支不能削，孩子教育開支不能減。唯一可以削減的只有我們夫妻倆的花費……574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLuTUDLyhLI
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3qupSCZp6
飯後，兩老早睡，兒女溫習，妻子洗碗。我怯怯到廚房去。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡome2zT0LlM
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXGoO7twHq
「老婆……」574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2O7yV6RtbL
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ11covXmhSm
「有困難？金錢？」574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkGpWCTtDJ
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI78VlcNAGG
妻子搶佔發言先機，內心不安的我更覺虛怯。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBpPtnbsQnA
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqnIJGRXraj
「是。明天開始，只需星期二、四上班。」574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHq3z2wvtdD
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ216GlUPNUR
「嗯。」574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8dT1qWNEE
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtna83pQgCF
妻子沒再多話，專心洗碗。她的冷靜淡然在我意料之外，卻又在情理當中。無力改變現實，也就只得接受和硬撐，呼天搶地無補於事。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYMaD2IQB0
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7BdoPLme9U
我回睡房躺在床上發愣。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJZ4hQ46Rb
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV47pjkVYYQ
無能。無力。無奈。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRtGd2O3zxt
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxSUlULJ4y
千思萬緒化作團團亂線。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUafUsJ0OGZ
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3FuTLmo9H
剪不斷，理還亂。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7G9RH2JFc
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrnybk5pjA2
勿剪，別理。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2sUcY4usqm
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3tvQeZFDDY
待時日將其化解。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0Wfwaor7k
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlinyLTsOrE
莫操心。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOsROMmtw7
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbDUiwpcy8P
莫操心？574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl9y5viwEpS
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1EtU1dQja1
如何莫操心？574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLw6igfvT9X
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Ya1WqjmfS
我知道困境必定會過去，但我必須硬撐直到那天到來。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDzhj101Ddv
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL37sZK2oQd
撐多久？如何撐？574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡszI9tOH8x6
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFDMoP4im2i
不知道……574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0D5lTAFXkQ
日出。星期二。上班員工人數銳減，辦公室冷清不少。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFrhSwoWbN
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1AMT3MClaG
有人若無其事，有人變得寡言，有人大吐苦水。不論個人感受如何，公司繼續營運，世界繼續運轉。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBBfKPzJlb
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKvTgQoExdo
啟動電腦。電腦桌面背景是站在浮冰的北極熊。毛色暗啞，骨瘦如柴，神色虛弱。想必多日找不到食物，飢腸轆轆。絕望？誰管你的！天地蒼茫，白皚皚一片。無論北極熊是否存在，北極仍是北極，我仍在地球另端為家庭財政傷透腦筋。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngGdnx5u7f
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhvlCV3NXy
午餐。翻熱食物。是昨夜飯餸，白飯菜心排骨。白飯黏糯，菜心苦黃，排骨柴乾。想要一支豉油。下班後去買吧！不了，豉油不是必需品，不該浪費金錢買奢侈品。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJPKecpcUH
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRiTZevqRqE
下班時間，加班。加班同事還不少。沒法子。減少工作日數不代表減少工作量，也不代表工作進度可以放慢。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFXXaroSrb
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLYkbaT1br
每次想及時間、日子，位於電腦屏幕右下方的時鐘就會顯得格外礙眼：它在提醒我妻子的飯菜變涼了、孩子掛念我的心情變淡了、父母與我相處的時間變短了；它在催促我加快手腳完成當前項目，接下來的工作將以排山倒海之勢襲來；它在教導我人生大道理，一寸光陰一吋金，吋金難買寸光陰，更何況加班沒有加班費……574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbEDtSGXEKR
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFd3DFhRZqK
關機，正式下班。心情太壞，說服不了自己留下來。回首，同事們仍在埋頭苦幹。理解，但無法奉陪到底。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡatxq7BVIrE
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wD7dmFiZD
大街上，人影疏落，商店無燈。車站無人，想必有一班次剛剛離站。等。車頭燈或白或黃，在黑夜暗色環境當中尤其刺眼眩目。節慶煙花，演唱會螢光棒，無燈飯廳裡的金魚缸，床頭小燈，被窩裡的手提電話屏幕……腦袋失控，只管想著一堆毫無意義、不著邊際的雜亂畫面。累？是吧。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJoqHeTeB6p
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeV9z6GdpN1
我笑。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtqXrYNpGj
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbY95s32n1N
在巴士入站之際決定轉身離開。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKuypEZ3eMj
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgLIFG0sBru
忽爾不想回家。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEzljHMDgUB
「飯餸在雪櫃。你自行翻熱吧。」574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhkFq8X0j3q
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUhfLhdPLTW
「好的。」574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmk72gdED1B
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK6UZSOfBTH
我敷衍回應妻子幾句後也就洗澡去。熱水沖去臉上油塵，皮膚霎時變得乾淨而乾燥，微癢微痕。或許每個人都是因為這些不著眼的小耗損而老去。無可避免。無可奈何。是否只得順從？是否只得接受？不順從又如何？不接受又如何？574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqcMvaf4q23
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DyApQ6DYE
只會苦了自己。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8KWbI2ZEJm
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GzpX5T1Lq
努力改變過，極力掙扎過，然後一切依舊——世界依舊不似預期。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBYB5X27CQR
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtfY9k6Wxep
通體蝕骨的無能無力無奈。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvra7NJOtHd
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3h2Tvwezx
浴後，睡床上。妻子望著天花發愣。天花燈沒有亮著，光源自窗外滲入，剛巧側照伏在天花的小蟲，以誇張得滑稽的比例拉長小蟲影子，如怪物，如鬼魅。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJMrebLpFk
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiI6RIb4Bdn
「你的同事有沒有跟老闆反映近來遇上的問題？」574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡczAdqUrKz0
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0C71pmHz8w
「沒有。大家都在座位上邊罵邊工作。」574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIUHViiPHlZ
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNbhznHVID
妻子乾笑一聲，側身面窗睡去。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzZownV1jkF
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MjFU6YNQ9
我實在笑不出口，呆望天花數蟲子。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ25ieWF9ez2
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlnmhZyWruZ
一、二、三、四、五……574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡldHiesXmf9
註：574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDqG6AUK6fn
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOQFbqRgYb
***題目其中一句問「不知道大家有沒有因為這場疫情失去了甚麼呢？」574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALfMzqVWZw
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmBRpktPlEx
我認為大家除了關於物質上（例如金錢、生活質素）、生理上（例如生命、健康）及心理上（安全感、與親友相聚的快樂）的失去，還有自我認同（例如對掌握自身未來的自信、對於自身的道德批判）的失去。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrWrnADHoVM
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUEsdftQXvJ
未必關乎大是大非，每次小小的自私自利或是小小的屈辱或是小小的啞忍退讓，足以大大貶低自我形象。這是否疫情過去就可以彌補的傷害？誰知道。574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolw1sGU4lT
574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4TPPdQkQIh
***此篇會另外收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》574Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZCSWiLA0o
