「你還可以嗎？」593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGedBoWxCB
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Ol0d7ywho
「無法不可以。」593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6TdS3BQbeY
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEyMSEkixJN
「如需幫忙，來找我吧。」593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj6gxNrmdh2
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMX9Q1pm40L
「謝謝你。」593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAAbjXPSIPt
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvkCROPg5uD
我對隸屬同組的小妹報以虛弱苦笑。與她向來關係不錯，概略知道彼此家庭狀況——同是經濟支柱，一屋老嫩。聽到她主動提出幫忙，我除了感激，更多的是恥感。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVXKIJuw4e
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOAnuC6Z1ed
唉！多講無謂，反正既成事實。倒不如動腦筋思考如何向妻子說明狀況。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw663IPhd4r
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZb6mflBlL
疫情關係，全球經濟不景氣。我和妻子預料這段艱難時期將會維持好一段日子，早已節衣縮食，積穀防饑。但我們慢慢沒有想到老闆會有此一著：工作日數減半意味薪金減半。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhaIct2Vxph
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCeU90XJUzG
供樓開支無法削減，父母醫療開支不能削，孩子教育開支不能減。唯一可以削減的只有我們夫妻倆的花費……593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUS0UqY0rPN
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSed2g8rULr
飯後，兩老早睡，兒女溫習，妻子洗碗。我怯怯到廚房去。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQCzrSvhdrf
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfeo455GYny
「老婆……」593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNbGs9YA31J
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡocu6FQiUH2
「有困難？金錢？」593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRPPBMctDIt
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKh72nqXhkH
妻子搶佔發言先機，內心不安的我更覺虛怯。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW5jGjxAnzi
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgMs4ymBJFw
「是。明天開始，只需星期二、四上班。」593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZWpxRPI92
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcFUBeCZZcZ
「嗯。」593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8yNqMhajnj
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeF8HswEMD1
妻子沒再多話，專心洗碗。她的冷靜淡然在我意料之外，卻又在情理當中。無力改變現實，也就只得接受和硬撐，呼天搶地無補於事。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ipwndpIjg
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPDwR1R940
我回睡房躺在床上發愣。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGiEBKFVnt
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdbPb8jm3M
無能。無力。無奈。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgXYRUuY5Ks
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUiA0a5eJ5s
千思萬緒化作團團亂線。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBy78bjyRyM
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuFGq5uC8Tw
剪不斷，理還亂。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsk8Yv50UgJ
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkSSmrazorJ
勿剪，別理。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3NR9PvMax
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmxYmC8KH6j
待時日將其化解。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNW1RAtemte
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOb2GlOtlCU
莫操心。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyWN6qzMXhr
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQuLh3xaEkn
莫操心？593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvD7aaJUAVz
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi4uzY34O6I
如何莫操心？593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXw4KGFvVSH
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdH3HrjDDH
我知道困境必定會過去，但我必須硬撐直到那天到來。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz3AGO03Clb
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQqz2DdjHPh
撐多久？如何撐？593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWCK2XMQhwR
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa48cZi9xui
不知道……593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmmoHKPQVz
日出。星期二。上班員工人數銳減，辦公室冷清不少。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4nOzWEWbeR
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaxvJxEDshN
有人若無其事，有人變得寡言，有人大吐苦水。不論個人感受如何，公司繼續營運，世界繼續運轉。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUGX2LnWji
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2QPwBG75Xx
啟動電腦。電腦桌面背景是站在浮冰的北極熊。毛色暗啞，骨瘦如柴，神色虛弱。想必多日找不到食物，飢腸轆轆。絕望？誰管你的！天地蒼茫，白皚皚一片。無論北極熊是否存在，北極仍是北極，我仍在地球另端為家庭財政傷透腦筋。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27Mz5RilwF
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH3epxp5tBf
午餐。翻熱食物。是昨夜飯餸，白飯菜心排骨。白飯黏糯，菜心苦黃，排骨柴乾。想要一支豉油。下班後去買吧！不了，豉油不是必需品，不該浪費金錢買奢侈品。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQ6XoWUgm2
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡatXzL1IDOk
下班時間，加班。加班同事還不少。沒法子。減少工作日數不代表減少工作量，也不代表工作進度可以放慢。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuElV4Q8VOO
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXsTIqtE98b
每次想及時間、日子，位於電腦屏幕右下方的時鐘就會顯得格外礙眼：它在提醒我妻子的飯菜變涼了、孩子掛念我的心情變淡了、父母與我相處的時間變短了；它在催促我加快手腳完成當前項目，接下來的工作將以排山倒海之勢襲來；它在教導我人生大道理，一寸光陰一吋金，吋金難買寸光陰，更何況加班沒有加班費……593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw72HeyPtBn
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXB6jHYdBQ5
關機，正式下班。心情太壞，說服不了自己留下來。回首，同事們仍在埋頭苦幹。理解，但無法奉陪到底。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOBLx7thVo5
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQwR8dOeV4
大街上，人影疏落，商店無燈。車站無人，想必有一班次剛剛離站。等。車頭燈或白或黃，在黑夜暗色環境當中尤其刺眼眩目。節慶煙花，演唱會螢光棒，無燈飯廳裡的金魚缸，床頭小燈，被窩裡的手提電話屏幕……腦袋失控，只管想著一堆毫無意義、不著邊際的雜亂畫面。累？是吧。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOOEjpCnaZ
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWfDIkys3r
我笑。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCYX9CTiDn8
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX7RUaKQRuQ
在巴士入站之際決定轉身離開。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi7O0JpCwK8
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGhpOvIvH2W
忽爾不想回家。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ebd7FmT35
「飯餸在雪櫃。你自行翻熱吧。」593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZexD0QcUg
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0vFwD4FycF
「好的。」593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBT5DGDnnSL
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwwaoM1fbM
我敷衍回應妻子幾句後也就洗澡去。熱水沖去臉上油塵，皮膚霎時變得乾淨而乾燥，微癢微痕。或許每個人都是因為這些不著眼的小耗損而老去。無可避免。無可奈何。是否只得順從？是否只得接受？不順從又如何？不接受又如何？593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTuZbpVYVMG
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBNY8wuxEQ
只會苦了自己。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZfRUqZHaKR
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDiqA780MLJ
努力改變過，極力掙扎過，然後一切依舊——世界依舊不似預期。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvqBQ5tjlZ
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTn8csFQEyA
通體蝕骨的無能無力無奈。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5A0JLNrRW
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGYVQEwN0o
浴後，睡床上。妻子望著天花發愣。天花燈沒有亮著，光源自窗外滲入，剛巧側照伏在天花的小蟲，以誇張得滑稽的比例拉長小蟲影子，如怪物，如鬼魅。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3ClwWGiHd
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKxb2nouWkE
「你的同事有沒有跟老闆反映近來遇上的問題？」593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtRuJweDdzL
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNG7XaLrQS
「沒有。大家都在座位上邊罵邊工作。」593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDuWUKkrbwD
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBsLuzgyLi
妻子乾笑一聲，側身面窗睡去。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtag6TLRhcZ
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNIi7EBs61
我實在笑不出口，呆望天花數蟲子。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4fmeYMBtB
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl68gUfkoUX
一、二、三、四、五……593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJV8VgQjuy
註：593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3F2v71N2Z4
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQdv8u5PIp6
***題目其中一句問「不知道大家有沒有因為這場疫情失去了甚麼呢？」593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VtKctfOF9
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxq0pfjb3SR
我認為大家除了關於物質上（例如金錢、生活質素）、生理上（例如生命、健康）及心理上（安全感、與親友相聚的快樂）的失去，還有自我認同（例如對掌握自身未來的自信、對於自身的道德批判）的失去。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxhxObGHlV
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMuSwShJktq
未必關乎大是大非，每次小小的自私自利或是小小的屈辱或是小小的啞忍退讓，足以大大貶低自我形象。這是否疫情過去就可以彌補的傷害？誰知道。593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHrI71TeDl
593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7MYuqTPWbI
***此篇會另外收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》593Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3xZHWz22a
