「你還可以嗎？」592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCmor8qtZh6
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ18V9Q1HdJh
「無法不可以。」592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPiCAOs73a5
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtV7VkMmj6
「如需幫忙，來找我吧。」592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfs1r6qGqw3
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8OCjws1si
「謝謝你。」592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHgsvSNWO8
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIwdZBsi46v
我對隸屬同組的小妹報以虛弱苦笑。與她向來關係不錯，概略知道彼此家庭狀況——同是經濟支柱，一屋老嫩。聽到她主動提出幫忙，我除了感激，更多的是恥感。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85hg43jdnu
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGg4cx16wC
唉！多講無謂，反正既成事實。倒不如動腦筋思考如何向妻子說明狀況。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpBoPdRijCn
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqPVKMnP8o
疫情關係，全球經濟不景氣。我和妻子預料這段艱難時期將會維持好一段日子，早已節衣縮食，積穀防饑。但我們慢慢沒有想到老闆會有此一著：工作日數減半意味薪金減半。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD4RlsJtHAf
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHHkc229wDw
供樓開支無法削減，父母醫療開支不能削，孩子教育開支不能減。唯一可以削減的只有我們夫妻倆的花費……592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9dyS9oBfx
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJtrlvgvXxw
飯後，兩老早睡，兒女溫習，妻子洗碗。我怯怯到廚房去。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZguou0R9V
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwYZZzsTkaj
「老婆……」592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVJNy5tDSq
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6o9zqxwBk
「有困難？金錢？」592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvTuUsUS4l
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0N3D2PKUz
妻子搶佔發言先機，內心不安的我更覺虛怯。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy2R4rpbXFL
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zNsMgGnFJ
「是。明天開始，只需星期二、四上班。」592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKCJS8Atrl
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Zsp7gyV4b
「嗯。」592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIiw9gy8fGr
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEeLPycG3oC
妻子沒再多話，專心洗碗。她的冷靜淡然在我意料之外，卻又在情理當中。無力改變現實，也就只得接受和硬撐，呼天搶地無補於事。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEqYDP2dqs
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeaSTLzxHq5
我回睡房躺在床上發愣。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv6h3yhqPv2
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiiD4g3mBKr
無能。無力。無奈。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7AULAHqsF
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJphwU9THh
千思萬緒化作團團亂線。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoSuGwM2pyD
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyYs9LHX8ti
剪不斷，理還亂。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtHdM0dHDR
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIB513jnCn6
勿剪，別理。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1o4f3vtYPS
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDFGHFKPT5t
待時日將其化解。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMv2ZjwFoLE
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCo7GNKt8zT
莫操心。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ4xjInxf2R
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmXxm0r2O9B
莫操心？592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAoGGNWGGJv
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPCPbGATgPT
如何莫操心？592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7qP9pKHqAx
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNraitnu2FY
我知道困境必定會過去，但我必須硬撐直到那天到來。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCEwIQ2NB9Y
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQraKjsVGWw
撐多久？如何撐？592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ieh7pHzcs
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgP1wxfoEoH
不知道……592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡisZzlteX0e
日出。星期二。上班員工人數銳減，辦公室冷清不少。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFaOkWRYxI
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡePdEcr0lMz
有人若無其事，有人變得寡言，有人大吐苦水。不論個人感受如何，公司繼續營運，世界繼續運轉。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0JbqOi4HDr
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLDfCfEuQhJ
啟動電腦。電腦桌面背景是站在浮冰的北極熊。毛色暗啞，骨瘦如柴，神色虛弱。想必多日找不到食物，飢腸轆轆。絕望？誰管你的！天地蒼茫，白皚皚一片。無論北極熊是否存在，北極仍是北極，我仍在地球另端為家庭財政傷透腦筋。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdr0uobpyBd
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEahjJ5RqWC
午餐。翻熱食物。是昨夜飯餸，白飯菜心排骨。白飯黏糯，菜心苦黃，排骨柴乾。想要一支豉油。下班後去買吧！不了，豉油不是必需品，不該浪費金錢買奢侈品。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡor2fkmkQIY
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhhjzr9594Z
下班時間，加班。加班同事還不少。沒法子。減少工作日數不代表減少工作量，也不代表工作進度可以放慢。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJNfHu7ss9w
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡug9pbsOQtH
每次想及時間、日子，位於電腦屏幕右下方的時鐘就會顯得格外礙眼：它在提醒我妻子的飯菜變涼了、孩子掛念我的心情變淡了、父母與我相處的時間變短了；它在催促我加快手腳完成當前項目，接下來的工作將以排山倒海之勢襲來；它在教導我人生大道理，一寸光陰一吋金，吋金難買寸光陰，更何況加班沒有加班費……592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOijzwtDpFx
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeNMgBaxQp4
關機，正式下班。心情太壞，說服不了自己留下來。回首，同事們仍在埋頭苦幹。理解，但無法奉陪到底。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbpDeW1WMKR
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1gsTxP3yQb
大街上，人影疏落，商店無燈。車站無人，想必有一班次剛剛離站。等。車頭燈或白或黃，在黑夜暗色環境當中尤其刺眼眩目。節慶煙花，演唱會螢光棒，無燈飯廳裡的金魚缸，床頭小燈，被窩裡的手提電話屏幕……腦袋失控，只管想著一堆毫無意義、不著邊際的雜亂畫面。累？是吧。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrqrn6XjVNT
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxdkmeuQxP
我笑。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHplFtCxq1
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWuhBHBHp1S
在巴士入站之際決定轉身離開。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFj2SqK1sEE
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡif4T7M2D9W
忽爾不想回家。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsDCJKDo8jN
「飯餸在雪櫃。你自行翻熱吧。」592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWRrXP7zA4
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNjNKH5VZD7
「好的。」592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcnmcVewuIa
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4HEmXXSrXz
我敷衍回應妻子幾句後也就洗澡去。熱水沖去臉上油塵，皮膚霎時變得乾淨而乾燥，微癢微痕。或許每個人都是因為這些不著眼的小耗損而老去。無可避免。無可奈何。是否只得順從？是否只得接受？不順從又如何？不接受又如何？592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdn7vHmO5MX
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMIQHEyHQja
只會苦了自己。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ18YQJYyEZO
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQJowpBYN8
努力改變過，極力掙扎過，然後一切依舊——世界依舊不似預期。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdEvtuBTFnD
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ53jZYMJDOS
通體蝕骨的無能無力無奈。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5UUN4U3QGf
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT2VqgpbIpy
浴後，睡床上。妻子望著天花發愣。天花燈沒有亮著，光源自窗外滲入，剛巧側照伏在天花的小蟲，以誇張得滑稽的比例拉長小蟲影子，如怪物，如鬼魅。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAEJnApSLp
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWyiUM32aW
「你的同事有沒有跟老闆反映近來遇上的問題？」592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2xa03Y8W0g
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtRwMNS72kL
「沒有。大家都在座位上邊罵邊工作。」592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFWDfxVJ1NQ
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR9ix73yya6
妻子乾笑一聲，側身面窗睡去。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6AKNa1f3h
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3gj1pwGBlI
我實在笑不出口，呆望天花數蟲子。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGlTvs6iiq
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwQgbhhlUO
一、二、三、四、五……592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiIb0Gasmxv
註：592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyLVmnFmFsj
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuQuG7pFSUY
***題目其中一句問「不知道大家有沒有因為這場疫情失去了甚麼呢？」592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzxNmUmUsG
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpMa5pf3Pxh
我認為大家除了關於物質上（例如金錢、生活質素）、生理上（例如生命、健康）及心理上（安全感、與親友相聚的快樂）的失去，還有自我認同（例如對掌握自身未來的自信、對於自身的道德批判）的失去。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6pfefr3wX
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFJSdg0h0o
未必關乎大是大非，每次小小的自私自利或是小小的屈辱或是小小的啞忍退讓，足以大大貶低自我形象。這是否疫情過去就可以彌補的傷害？誰知道。592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8W4rXXjAvB
592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5Pck8jGEx
***此篇會另外收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》592Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2iJy0JBaZK
