「你還可以嗎？」601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrgNnCmKFQr
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8mc1HBzgxC
「無法不可以。」601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMahyx5rIDz
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoLHkFL7pab
「如需幫忙，來找我吧。」601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAq6ejIdsKt
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCWbkGYe6l
「謝謝你。」601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCIiBVb7x4
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKhfPRe8GW4
我對隸屬同組的小妹報以虛弱苦笑。與她向來關係不錯，概略知道彼此家庭狀況——同是經濟支柱，一屋老嫩。聽到她主動提出幫忙，我除了感激，更多的是恥感。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkgJAJRllPi
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqS74RAAPZ4
唉！多講無謂，反正既成事實。倒不如動腦筋思考如何向妻子說明狀況。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHk1EvRaOh
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8cnNbnjFI
疫情關係，全球經濟不景氣。我和妻子預料這段艱難時期將會維持好一段日子，早已節衣縮食，積穀防饑。但我們慢慢沒有想到老闆會有此一著：工作日數減半意味薪金減半。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgOPV7aZm1q
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEFZO64XcOa
供樓開支無法削減，父母醫療開支不能削，孩子教育開支不能減。唯一可以削減的只有我們夫妻倆的花費……601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0CQMnGS9S
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7mv91ZM56
飯後，兩老早睡，兒女溫習，妻子洗碗。我怯怯到廚房去。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2zUpkNZmnT
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPg9AeTHeA
「老婆……」601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvAhruBhR3
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG9N3qkIVvl
「有困難？金錢？」601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7VCnsx8iG
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQFm9Byiq3V
妻子搶佔發言先機，內心不安的我更覺虛怯。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYIFGi19QU
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡde9iyTgkLK
「是。明天開始，只需星期二、四上班。」601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVNJrUdWPhB
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPH7TWDYr1K
「嗯。」601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbqWkYyHWgc
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7khS6hU8k
妻子沒再多話，專心洗碗。她的冷靜淡然在我意料之外，卻又在情理當中。無力改變現實，也就只得接受和硬撐，呼天搶地無補於事。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtTmx6G8Gk5
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLvGykEy5Am
我回睡房躺在床上發愣。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlLKSpqqdFt
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkr5VVQMrp
無能。無力。無奈。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtzWTM3vpbb
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4gDo8ljWa
千思萬緒化作團團亂線。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyN5j0E4z6t
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvte1H6tIgF
剪不斷，理還亂。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFreobAJYvg
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmWjY9RpT9
勿剪，別理。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoBk1oL0rvt
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQbSe4pvtch
待時日將其化解。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WYbqHK1iz
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmYGJXt1FT
莫操心。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLZSZPSdhv
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ALn1mffxK
莫操心？601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzptPeXUmX
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm4y7HiQ14E
如何莫操心？601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85hQ43FSCE
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfEOwhjlsw
我知道困境必定會過去，但我必須硬撐直到那天到來。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRmrSI5Pzb2
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6hq6owP0Q1
撐多久？如何撐？601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZwgqUg51Wv
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2f9uD3wHTi
不知道……601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6qTRRnZbR
日出。星期二。上班員工人數銳減，辦公室冷清不少。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHvfaqdCqd
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmD9A3U95aG
有人若無其事，有人變得寡言，有人大吐苦水。不論個人感受如何，公司繼續營運，世界繼續運轉。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBxVZUThSHl
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkV4E2931bg
啟動電腦。電腦桌面背景是站在浮冰的北極熊。毛色暗啞，骨瘦如柴，神色虛弱。想必多日找不到食物，飢腸轆轆。絕望？誰管你的！天地蒼茫，白皚皚一片。無論北極熊是否存在，北極仍是北極，我仍在地球另端為家庭財政傷透腦筋。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfIYKVPZaNN
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9enrBMOvfg
午餐。翻熱食物。是昨夜飯餸，白飯菜心排骨。白飯黏糯，菜心苦黃，排骨柴乾。想要一支豉油。下班後去買吧！不了，豉油不是必需品，不該浪費金錢買奢侈品。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGWfkkHI7M
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO8edoOcBXV
下班時間，加班。加班同事還不少。沒法子。減少工作日數不代表減少工作量，也不代表工作進度可以放慢。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuj5wyqY9rW
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKt6mswLVuK
每次想及時間、日子，位於電腦屏幕右下方的時鐘就會顯得格外礙眼：它在提醒我妻子的飯菜變涼了、孩子掛念我的心情變淡了、父母與我相處的時間變短了；它在催促我加快手腳完成當前項目，接下來的工作將以排山倒海之勢襲來；它在教導我人生大道理，一寸光陰一吋金，吋金難買寸光陰，更何況加班沒有加班費……601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKu78bU7Tol
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbDEuRKP5LC
關機，正式下班。心情太壞，說服不了自己留下來。回首，同事們仍在埋頭苦幹。理解，但無法奉陪到底。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe7uy3dTNdP
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7pGcmCeF0K
大街上，人影疏落，商店無燈。車站無人，想必有一班次剛剛離站。等。車頭燈或白或黃，在黑夜暗色環境當中尤其刺眼眩目。節慶煙花，演唱會螢光棒，無燈飯廳裡的金魚缸，床頭小燈，被窩裡的手提電話屏幕……腦袋失控，只管想著一堆毫無意義、不著邊際的雜亂畫面。累？是吧。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDdbSNtjDU
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzHNTw6dGpK
我笑。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28ypyLDjtQ
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo02AVeVxnH
在巴士入站之際決定轉身離開。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG4iNL6OPPt
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvcrmkqXNyi
忽爾不想回家。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy9C62wUUx3
「飯餸在雪櫃。你自行翻熱吧。」601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3paIKboL6h
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQ8Fx3zmG3
「好的。」601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdKECDWuAJQ
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfY7sDzh4f
我敷衍回應妻子幾句後也就洗澡去。熱水沖去臉上油塵，皮膚霎時變得乾淨而乾燥，微癢微痕。或許每個人都是因為這些不著眼的小耗損而老去。無可避免。無可奈何。是否只得順從？是否只得接受？不順從又如何？不接受又如何？601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNzjVrqi34t
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSDv5b1p9H
只會苦了自己。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVH4zHm2Q85
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5p0Ytex89k
努力改變過，極力掙扎過，然後一切依舊——世界依舊不似預期。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvIGcPlXfHZ
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3Qr7xITxT
通體蝕骨的無能無力無奈。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIeEy2IKcfb
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ0iMziDwnL
浴後，睡床上。妻子望著天花發愣。天花燈沒有亮著，光源自窗外滲入，剛巧側照伏在天花的小蟲，以誇張得滑稽的比例拉長小蟲影子，如怪物，如鬼魅。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ237o4cQGo1
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ruyikq1FN
「你的同事有沒有跟老闆反映近來遇上的問題？」601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRt5IDdTXS7
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTHle57AmaZ
「沒有。大家都在座位上邊罵邊工作。」601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4vts1kVgbY
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPR4YL6mEuf
妻子乾笑一聲，側身面窗睡去。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSs4QmH7Lpg
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVDwZVot7qU
我實在笑不出口，呆望天花數蟲子。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9mNsSSPupC
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYfQeKowXk7
一、二、三、四、五……601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnc2mo87e8
註：601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGRpVEZsYL
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoyIpBlNAtH
***題目其中一句問「不知道大家有沒有因為這場疫情失去了甚麼呢？」601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQOg4DzH13k
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXcqMtcfr8X
我認為大家除了關於物質上（例如金錢、生活質素）、生理上（例如生命、健康）及心理上（安全感、與親友相聚的快樂）的失去，還有自我認同（例如對掌握自身未來的自信、對於自身的道德批判）的失去。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU40pJStqp9
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fC5ezf0DY
未必關乎大是大非，每次小小的自私自利或是小小的屈辱或是小小的啞忍退讓，足以大大貶低自我形象。這是否疫情過去就可以彌補的傷害？誰知道。601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8PxTjGyXz
601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRGx3iru7c
***此篇會另外收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》601Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYMfuScNJw
