「你還可以嗎？」612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXdxVWipoo
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfaoUAIip3L
「無法不可以。」612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6kndyqXCe
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjBWAVtR7q
「如需幫忙，來找我吧。」612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSUaGe40xn
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjgQ1mxHGjl
「謝謝你。」612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0nMehuP6il
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNbrCUybqj
我對隸屬同組的小妹報以虛弱苦笑。與她向來關係不錯，概略知道彼此家庭狀況——同是經濟支柱，一屋老嫩。聽到她主動提出幫忙，我除了感激，更多的是恥感。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQGosUnhGXI
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjgSvzGhTlQ
唉！多講無謂，反正既成事實。倒不如動腦筋思考如何向妻子說明狀況。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHAAQzhOGC6
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFm1T8qKQB3
疫情關係，全球經濟不景氣。我和妻子預料這段艱難時期將會維持好一段日子，早已節衣縮食，積穀防饑。但我們慢慢沒有想到老闆會有此一著：工作日數減半意味薪金減半。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfCL7YMlNw
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe4yUKZRRkg
供樓開支無法削減，父母醫療開支不能削，孩子教育開支不能減。唯一可以削減的只有我們夫妻倆的花費……612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDaJoQHStE4
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqbZwHkWOhE
飯後，兩老早睡，兒女溫習，妻子洗碗。我怯怯到廚房去。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0U44MAwivT
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOBJRNOK0p
「老婆……」612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1eT3KQfF3E
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWIeBBSjdg
「有困難？金錢？」612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1farT5mxr
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpH0240zFiR
妻子搶佔發言先機，內心不安的我更覺虛怯。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp9dUkX8Jk6
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgmTdcXMQ6l
「是。明天開始，只需星期二、四上班。」612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnsCjG7sEru
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuKtMM6Haqb
「嗯。」612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHJ0GfP6ri
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ46g3gbB8u7
妻子沒再多話，專心洗碗。她的冷靜淡然在我意料之外，卻又在情理當中。無力改變現實，也就只得接受和硬撐，呼天搶地無補於事。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYuuzgDlRhF
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMSedUoMaI
我回睡房躺在床上發愣。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc8E1hc9VfK
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQq5O41Mav
無能。無力。無奈。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWTedW6OZjJ
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzdHoWlClQL
千思萬緒化作團團亂線。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4qWzl1cHx
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhKm67AeQBH
剪不斷，理還亂。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxVge69W04E
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQOOprHBVn
勿剪，別理。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyYmwMuoBeg
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZnIMOiqPqq
待時日將其化解。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjdmi2krMYg
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlaPnxJObBM
莫操心。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNbKpH2qu4k
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa1k39yaQu3
莫操心？612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBG7MkE4Mw
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMM57WiI7xf
如何莫操心？612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbBrdip6tI
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtWJZ5t1it
我知道困境必定會過去，但我必須硬撐直到那天到來。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMTfsd3V3Aj
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs6TfttSHFh
撐多久？如何撐？612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFrCFE8a90q
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgzzgSOLhnr
不知道……612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGi6P4pjT0w
日出。星期二。上班員工人數銳減，辦公室冷清不少。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6eUvxtb8M
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO92tXrRpa5
有人若無其事，有人變得寡言，有人大吐苦水。不論個人感受如何，公司繼續營運，世界繼續運轉。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtIrqCHANXw
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQP8XaoZmKX
啟動電腦。電腦桌面背景是站在浮冰的北極熊。毛色暗啞，骨瘦如柴，神色虛弱。想必多日找不到食物，飢腸轆轆。絕望？誰管你的！天地蒼茫，白皚皚一片。無論北極熊是否存在，北極仍是北極，我仍在地球另端為家庭財政傷透腦筋。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2KGrAy2E6
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn61KGBY2ov
午餐。翻熱食物。是昨夜飯餸，白飯菜心排骨。白飯黏糯，菜心苦黃，排骨柴乾。想要一支豉油。下班後去買吧！不了，豉油不是必需品，不該浪費金錢買奢侈品。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH8z9ip3Cwq
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmtpCpr5oUf
下班時間，加班。加班同事還不少。沒法子。減少工作日數不代表減少工作量，也不代表工作進度可以放慢。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj6iHjG6toj
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPneuBFgyfq
每次想及時間、日子，位於電腦屏幕右下方的時鐘就會顯得格外礙眼：它在提醒我妻子的飯菜變涼了、孩子掛念我的心情變淡了、父母與我相處的時間變短了；它在催促我加快手腳完成當前項目，接下來的工作將以排山倒海之勢襲來；它在教導我人生大道理，一寸光陰一吋金，吋金難買寸光陰，更何況加班沒有加班費……612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlSrsgDFOh2
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKpcvTqlXJ
關機，正式下班。心情太壞，說服不了自己留下來。回首，同事們仍在埋頭苦幹。理解，但無法奉陪到底。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSz3ZMozFeA
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2s4E0CxNJ
大街上，人影疏落，商店無燈。車站無人，想必有一班次剛剛離站。等。車頭燈或白或黃，在黑夜暗色環境當中尤其刺眼眩目。節慶煙花，演唱會螢光棒，無燈飯廳裡的金魚缸，床頭小燈，被窩裡的手提電話屏幕……腦袋失控，只管想著一堆毫無意義、不著邊際的雜亂畫面。累？是吧。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBd86ICOYYY
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡipYYA552RZ
我笑。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡChcUXNuqgB
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlq4QpxzCy9
在巴士入站之際決定轉身離開。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPIcmjXU8CJ
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgNJFssep7c
忽爾不想回家。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk23vkr7L5k
「飯餸在雪櫃。你自行翻熱吧。」612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCCE6KxNew
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJ5TGPvGOU
「好的。」612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXzEA3jdwgL
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzoBIqrXL9
我敷衍回應妻子幾句後也就洗澡去。熱水沖去臉上油塵，皮膚霎時變得乾淨而乾燥，微癢微痕。或許每個人都是因為這些不著眼的小耗損而老去。無可避免。無可奈何。是否只得順從？是否只得接受？不順從又如何？不接受又如何？612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGdXr13IMXW
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0DgkQ08LJ9
只會苦了自己。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ieLUYaKhz
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9Y2XRWZqY
努力改變過，極力掙扎過，然後一切依舊——世界依舊不似預期。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUjXUSELKrk
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡelJi3Vvg55
通體蝕骨的無能無力無奈。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEGvdmJM2y
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkduFVvRel0
浴後，睡床上。妻子望著天花發愣。天花燈沒有亮著，光源自窗外滲入，剛巧側照伏在天花的小蟲，以誇張得滑稽的比例拉長小蟲影子，如怪物，如鬼魅。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSrtWIwZ9aY
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHTdl5phZEK
「你的同事有沒有跟老闆反映近來遇上的問題？」612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmXbRI3mOW5
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4OaOt7mlM7
「沒有。大家都在座位上邊罵邊工作。」612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6TLp65TIP
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkeEO6wL0Uo
妻子乾笑一聲，側身面窗睡去。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJao1MBHgh
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1v72Armnm
我實在笑不出口，呆望天花數蟲子。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDt2GZPCNHs
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHH4Q6tK6DK
一、二、三、四、五……612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxcciWbuGE
註：612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnGzg1qmV1x
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYAsOcpShP
***題目其中一句問「不知道大家有沒有因為這場疫情失去了甚麼呢？」612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Kh4egsiYc
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdRsQQFqLL0
我認為大家除了關於物質上（例如金錢、生活質素）、生理上（例如生命、健康）及心理上（安全感、與親友相聚的快樂）的失去，還有自我認同（例如對掌握自身未來的自信、對於自身的道德批判）的失去。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0HB9rrUmT
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkleeM6L8Xw
未必關乎大是大非，每次小小的自私自利或是小小的屈辱或是小小的啞忍退讓，足以大大貶低自我形象。這是否疫情過去就可以彌補的傷害？誰知道。612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VNXqPDH6x
612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItZy5wY6Is
***此篇會另外收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》612Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgw8f4bbSkL
