The neon lights flashed against my exposed skin. Black fishnets covered my muscled thighs, black vans secured onto my feet, their white laces glowing with the multitude of lights that surrounded us. A white leotard graced the rest of my body, exposing my ass cheeks. Strips of smooth fabric slithering across my torso and attached to a bralette covering my breasts. Multicolored lace wrapped up my arms, hooked around my fingers. To finish it all off, my hair had been spiked and caked with hot pink temporary hair color.
Leena had embraced the neon life more than I had. We wore matching outfits, but her shoes were white, her fishnets a bright green, and her leotard was an iridescent pink color. She wore her hair in its natural afro state and had streaks of neon paint coloring her cheeks. She had more accessories going on than I did as well. Her body was made for this scene; slender yet curvy.
Hot, sweaty bodies moved all around us as the music pulsed through everything that was in the building, and the building itself. The bass vibrated all four of the walls, the beat pounced off the lit-up dance floor and into our feet. Leena and I had just walked in, but I was ready to let go. She was right when she said I was going to like this, and I can’t believe I doubted her. She nearly had to drag me out of the apartment after she shoved me in this outfit. My mood wasn’t the brightest and leaving the couch just seemed like a chore.
This was not a chore. This was a release.
Leena grinned at me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. “See? Aren’t you happy I brought you out now?”
I laughed and gave her a nod of defeat. “Yeah, I can see this being a really good night.” Leena released a squeal of delight and grabbed onto my hand.
“First things first, we are getting drinks. We cannot have the proper experience without a little buzz. Or a large one, don’t let me hold you back, girl!” She exclaimed happily, dragging me through the crowd, apologizing when we got between people.
We reached the bar area and Leena pushed me onto a stool, planting herself on the one next to me. The bartender finished up a conversation he was having with an attractive male and he made his way to us. He winked a blue eye to Leena and leaned on an arm toward us. “Hello, ladies. I’m Mike and I will be the lucky guy getting to serve you tonight.” Mike looked at Leena as he said this, giving her a seductive smile. Leena giggled like a schoolgirl, using a hand to fluff her hair slightly in response. I rolled my eyes and coughed awkwardly.
The two broke their gaze and Mike only laughed. “What can I get you two to start?”
“I’ll take a rum and coke please,” Leena answered, batting her false eyelashes, resting her chin on the back of her hands, her fingers laced together.
“A girl after my own heart.” Mike grinned and turned his attention on me. “And what about you, beautiful?”
My cheeks flushed, and not just because he complimented me. I’m sure he does that with every female that comes to the bar for bigger tips. I wasn’t a big drinker and I had no idea what to order at a bar. One of my favorite drinks that Leena introduced me to lately is a Screwdriver, and I can’t deny, fruity sounded nice right now. “Uh, I’ll take a Screwdriver I guess.”
“Make it extra strong for her please,” Leena chipped in. Mike’s grin turned into a smirk instantly and the heat burned hotter on my cheeks. “She needs to get loose tonight.”
“I’ll get right on those for you two.” He retreated with yet another wink.
Leena leaned over to me and giggled. “Mike is a hottie!” She released a silent squeal, pounding her feet against the metal bar fixed on the stool. I laughed and shook my head.
“Sure, he’s cute.” And he was. He wore his brown hair in a messy mop of loose curls, some of them stuck on his forehead from sweat. His teeth were perfectly straight and white, and his body was lean with some muscular definition. His grey t-shirt hugged his torso, showing off the outline of his abs.
Leena gave me a soft shove and pointed at the end of the bar. “He’s not the only cutie here. That guy over there has been staring in this direction since Mike came over.” Sure enough, the guy that Mike was in conversation with earlier was looking over here. His light eyes gave me a daring gleam, almost beckoning me to go over there. The small smirk that played on his lips only confirmed the look I received. Leena gasped and gripped my shoulder. “Is he looking at you?”
I bit my lip while keeping my gaze on the sexy stranger. My reaction caused his smirk to grow, gesturing with his finger for me to go over there. My face heated up from his dominant appearance and Leena squealed. “Oh my god, girl! He is looking at you! Are you going to go over there?”
Mike came back over with our drinks, placing them in front of us. “Here you are ladies!” In that instant, Leena completely forgot our conversation and took a long sip of her drink, eying up Mike again. He leaned in close to her, the heat starting to build up between them. It took a small part of me not to gag from the attraction going on between them.
My attention turned back to the stranger at the end of the bar. He was still looking at me, but now he had his thick brow raised up in question. I decided to answer. My hand found my drink and I took a sip, trying not to cough from the amount of alcohol that was in it. Yep, definitely triple strength. Before I could think twice, my feet touched the ground and I slowly pushed my way over to the stranger. I could feel his eyes following me as I reached him. His muscles bulged from his wife beater, scruff covering his squared jaw. He stood up as I approached, casually resting an arm on the bar counter. “So my message did send.”
His voice sent a chill up my spine. It was smooth like silk, but deep. It was the sexiest thing I had ever heard, and the attraction only grew. I took another sip of my drink, trying to calm the heat that was spreading through my veins. A small, flirty smile crosses my lips as I met his gaze. “I guess it did. Although I can’t help but wonder why you would send such a message to someone like me.”
The stranger chuckled, running his fingers softly down my arm. “Someone like you? Enlighten me as to who you are because I think we have two different perspectives on that subject.”
The touch of his fingers caused my breath to break its pattern. Mentally, I shook myself back to the present, sliding onto a stool. The stranger continued to stand, watching my every move. There was something in his eyes that was comforting. There was a light there that told me he was genuine. A dark thought interrupted my concentration and I chugged the rest of my drink. No. There were no bad messages from my gut this time. I refused to believe this was going to cause me the same grief.
“Thirsty?” The stranger laughed and waved over Mike. “Can she get a refill, man?”
“You got it, Brent!” Mike took my glass and walked away, taking a moment to indulge in Leena again.
“Brent, was it?” I asked him, tilting my head in curiosity.
The stranger, Brent, ran his fingers through his short light brown hair. He almost seemed embarrassed by the simple question. “Yeah. Sorry, I should have introduced myself the moment you got over here.”
Butterflies fluttered through my stomach. That was the most perfect thing he could have said. The urge to kiss his perfectly shaped lips was suddenly overwhelming, but I stopped myself. I could feel that the alcohol was starting to make my head feel fuzzy. I drank that last glass too fast. Oh well, fuck it. It was my job to get loose tonight anyway. I giggled, pushing my bangs out of my eyes. “It’s all good. But now that I know part of who you are, I might be more willing to let you get to know me.”
Brent’s eyes lit up at that comment as Mike delivered my refill, not saying a word before slipping away once again. I swirled my straw around my glass casually, glancing up at Brent through my eyelashes. “I would really like that. Can we start with your name?”
I smiled before sipping my drink. “Sophie.”
“A beautiful name for a beautiful girl,” Brent said as softly, almost to himself, causing more of a blush to creep onto my cheeks. Thankfully I swallowed before he made that comment. I probably would have choked otherwise.
“Well, thank you. I’m glad you think so.” The smile gracing my lips grew and I dipped my head shyly.
Brent chuckled and shook his head slightly. “Don’t be silly.” He leaned in close, using his finger to tip my chin up. “I know so,” he said confidently, his baby blue eyes staring directly into mine. I could have exploded just then. This man had my edges fraying and I didn’t know how much longer I could stay together. A gentleman pushing forward a tease, making me weak in the knees. I closed my mouth around my straw, taking in more of my drinks. Please, PLEASE make me cool down. Brent was smiling, patiently waiting for me to finish taking my drink. Once I felt my body cooled down to an appropriate temperature again, I pulled back. The orange juice was rather refreshing right now.
Brent cleared his throat and offered his hand toward me. “Would you be willing to dance with me?”
I looked over at the sea of people and felt sick to my stomach. There were so many bodies moving around out there. I don’t know if I could take it. My gaze met Brent’s, his eyes showing no hurry, nothing but sweet kindness. There was a voice in the back of my head, nagging me to take his hand and jump right in. Finally, I had my decision.
I nodded and placed my hand in his. “Alright. Let’s do this.”
A large smile crossed his face as he guided me through the many bodies to a quieter corner of the room. His body started moving along with the beat, pulling my own close against him. He moved so effortlessly as I tried to follow stiffly, unsure of what the hell I’ve gotten myself into. A low chuckle hummed from Brent’s chest, startling me away from my paralyzing thoughts. He leaned in close to me, nearly every inch of his body touching mine now.
“Relax, love. Let the music take over,” he said as quietly as he could over the music. His forehead pressed against mine, using his hands to guide my hips, teaching them how to follow the rhythm. I took a few deep breaths, allowing the music to fully flood my senses. My eyes closed, feeling deep within the vibrations around me, feeling Brent’s hands on my body. My body relaxed slowly, allowing Brent to do what he needed. I could feel the moves he was trying to bring forth, and my body swayed along with his hands.
The music pounded all around me and I opened my eyes to see Brent grinning ear to ear. “There you go, you’re getting it now.” I almost didn’t realize he had taken his hands off my skin and I was dancing on my own now. He tried to mimic my moves and I giggled, suddenly finding joy in the crazy, unexpected trip to this club. All worries outside of the door disappeared. There was no Garrett, there were no bruises on my body, no pain, no dark attic, no fear of anyone harming me… There was just the lights, this handsome man in front of me, and the never ending bass.
After about an hour of getting lost in our own little corner, we made our way back to the bar. My drink had been cleaned up, which I was thankful for. I don’t know that I would have trusted it since it had been unattended for so long. Mike instantly grabbed me a new one and I was so thankful. Sweat was dripping down my body, my hair was drooping from its spiked appearance and I chugged that Screwdriver like my life depended on it. The alcohol was almost non-existent in the taste at this point. Brent only laughed at me as I tried to quench my thirst.
“Easy there, Sophie. Don’t need you getting wasted now.”
I only rolled my eyes playfully and lifted my empty glass, waving it around. “I need more, Mike!”
I didn’t see Leena at the bar anymore and I was curious as to where she went. I did a quick scan of the crowd, looking for her burst of sparkles and her afro bouncing around, but she was nowhere to be seen. Mike took my glass from my hand and I frowned, bringing my attention back to Brent. “Do you know where my friend went?”
He frowned a bit as if he were in thought and took his own scan of the crowd. A minute later, he was pointing her out as she was grinding on another girl in the middle of the crowd. I laughed, shaking my head at the sight. Of course. I gave Brent my thanks and took a sip of my refill. He smiled and sat sideways so he could look at me. “You’re a great dancer once you loosen up, you know.”
“Why thank you, good sir,” I chuckled and drank more, crossing my legs on the stool. Brent’s eyes glittered as he continued to look at me. His gaze fell to my lips briefly before returning to my eyes. God, he was tempting. My body leaned forward, my arms supporting myself on the bar counter. Brent took the hint and cupped my cheeks softly in his massive hands, brushing a kiss over my lips softly. A soft moan released from me, desire and happiness churning through my core. I’ve been missing out.
“Ahem.”
Our kiss was suddenly interrupted by someone clearing their voice next to us. We jumped away from each other, both of our faces a bright red. Leena looked at me, unamused, almost shaming. “I’m sorry, did I interrupt something?”
Brent cleared from the fog faster than I did and sat back on his stool casually. “Nope, not at all.” He smiled at her and held out a hand. “Hi, I’m Brent. You must be Sophie’s friend.”
Leena offered him a forced smile and shook his hand. “Yes. I’m Leena. It’s good to meet you. Now, thank you for taking care of my dear Sophie here, but I’m afraid we must be getting home.”
Leena started gathering me up, pulling me off the stool. I stumbled, the alcohol beginning to affect my balance. Brent raised a hand to my shoulder. “Wait! Can I at least get your number before you run off?” He asked. There was hurt in his voice, confusion written on his face.
I opened my mouth to respond, but Leena cut me off. “Sorry, Brent. This one already has a boyfriend, who she happens to live with. I think the alcohol removed that from her memory tonight.”
Brent paused, blinking a few times as he digested the information he just received. He stared at me for a moment and shook his head. “That’s fine. I don’t need anything romantic with Sophie, but I would like to be able to have her in my life as a friend.” I looked up at him longingly, fighting back the tears that threatened to build. “You’re a great woman, Sophie. And I would love to get to know you more and be a part of you in some way.”
I nodded and grabbed a napkin, writing my phone number down on it. Leena sighed heavily and tapped her foot in annoyance. I don’t care how harshly I get judged for this later. This was a moment I couldn’t refuse. “Here’s my number,” I said, my voice shaking. Brent smiled and carefully took the napkin from me.
“Thank you, Sophie.”
“Alright, yes. Come on, Sophie. Time to go home.” Leena chirped up, grabbing onto my shoulders and pushing me toward the exit. I looked back at Brent and he gave me a sad smile and a wave. I waved back and looked forward. My feet were stumbling over each other and looking back made it difficult to stay upright.
We stopped at the curb of the street and Leena brought out her phone, looking for an Uber since neither of us were in the right condition to drive. Once the Uber was requested, Leena put her phone back and looked at me.
“What?” I asked her, tilting my head at her serious expression.
“What was that back there, girl?” She nearly yelled at me, gesturing at me with her hands. “You have a boyfriend and you kissed another man! Little drunk flirting, sure, whatever. But full on flirt and kiss?” I could almost see the steam blowing out of her ears. She grabbed onto my shoulder and shook me a bit as she took deep breaths. “What were you thinking?” Her voice grew calmer.
I looked at her and held back more tears threatening to spill. Leena looked at me confused and I shook my head. “I don’t really know. He was just so attractive, and he was sweet… And I’m drunk.” I laughed, ending with a hiccup as my laughter died down. “I got lost in the moment I suppose.”
Leena nodded and rubbed my back. “That’s fair. Things have been a little crazy for you lately, but no more boys who aren’t Garrett!”
I laughed and wiped my nose on the inside of my wrist. “Yeah, sounds like a plan.”
A car pulled up in front of us and a woman rolled her window down. “Is one of you Leena?”
Leena nodded and lifted her hand, opening the back door. She helped me slide in and took the spot next to me. I rested my head next to the window of the vehicle and stared out into the night as we rode silently. The moments from the club replayed in my head, bringing a sudden sadness over me. My life could have been this happy all the time, if I had only listened to my gut. Now, I’m stuck.
My eyes closed, a burning sensation coming through my nose as I fought the tears threatening to spill. I can’t let Leena get the idea that something was wrong. She would try to do something, and Garrett would definitely kill me, and her too. Hopefully it was just a one-time thing. Maybe he was in a bad mood over something else and kind of lost it in the moment. Maybe it’ll be okay after he had some time to cool off. One thing’s for sure, though, he will never find out about this night.
We arrived back at the apartment building and we climbed out of the car, slowly making our way up the stairs. We were both a little wobbly and we had a good laugh about it. We got back into Leena’s apartment and she tossed me some pajamas to change into. I made my way into the bathroom and started the shower. My reflection stared back at me in the mirror, showing me that I was a huge mess. Makeup was smeared all over my face, my hair was falling everywhere, and the lace that decorated my arms was slipping off. I almost laughed at myself. It’s a miracle Brent thought I was attractive.
I slowly stripped from the fabrics that covered my body and slipped into the shower. The warm water hit my back and I instantly sighed from the relief it brought. My muscles relaxed and I let the water pour over my face as I lifted my head up to meet the falling water. Color slid down to the floor of the shower, swirling into the drain. I watched it, somewhat memorized by its movements. I poured shampoo into my hand, lathering it deep into my hair to try and remove all the dye. Once the shampoo was rinsed out, I finished my shower routine and stepped out, instantly wrapping myself up in the fluffy towel.
I took my time drying off, investing in my alone time. I slid on the clothes that Leena let me borrow, oversized t-shirt and sweatpants. It felt good to be out of those tight clothes and cleaned up. My eyes suddenly felt tired and I hugged myself, searching for some sort of comfort before I walked back into the living room for the night. I took a deep breath and pushed open the door, walking over to the couch and settled in under the blanket. Leena looked at me from the doorway of her bedroom.
“All set?”
I nodded and gave her an appreciative smile. “Yeah, I have everything I need for tonight. Thank you.”
She smiled and gave me a small nod. “Of course, girl. If you find you need anything else, you know where to find me.” She pointed her thumb behind her toward her bedroom. “Goodnight, Sophie.”
“Goodnight, Leena.”
She turned on her toes and took a step into the room, closing the door behind her, leaving me in the silence.
~
When the morning came, I felt surprisingly fine. Even with the amount of alcohol I consumed last night, a hangover didn’t greet me. I was able to sit up just fine, endure the light of the sun just fine, and face Leena’s obnoxious behavior just fine. We met each other at the table, fending for ourselves with breakfast and we talked about last night. She didn’t mention anything about Brent, and I was thankful for it. There was a small part of me, though, that was disappointed.
He was a joy to be around last night. It had been a while since I’ve felt that free and I’m torn about it. I had Garrett. I shouldn’t be feeling that way about another man, yet here I was. And I gave him my number last night. Mentally, I slapped myself for that. I could only assume he would want to reach out, and what would happen when Garrett saw him in my phone? What was I going to tell him? What could I tell him?
I finished the majority of my day with Leena and wished her a goodbye and I started my way back to Garrett’s. Well, I guess it’s our place and not just Garrett’s. It felt weird to call it ours though, especially with how he treated me the other day. Dread spread through my limbs and my heart went cold. I haven’t seen him since yesterday morning after the incident. How was he going to react when he saw me again? How was he going to treat me from now on?
I didn't want to go home.
My eyes watered a bit from the realization, but I blinked away the tears. It didn’t matter that I didn’t want to go home. It’s my home and I needed to. I needed to work this out with Garrett because this was unacceptable. I shouldn’t be feeling afraid of him. I shouldn’t be scared to face him on a daily basis. I needed a game plan for when I saw him.
So that’s what I did on the rest of the way back. I planned everything that I wanted to say to him, sorted out all the emotions I was feeling. Maybe he didn’t realize what he created inside of me the other night when he did the things he did. He needed to know. I needed to let him know.
I walked in through the front door and I heard Garrett calling out my name in question. He came rushing upstairs and gathered me in his arms.
“Sophie! Where have you been? I’ve been worrying all night!”
I chuckled a little and hugged Garrett back cautiously. “I was out with Leena. She hadn’t seen me in a while and wanted to go out and do something.”
Garrett frowned and pulled back slightly to look at me. “Why didn’t you let me know? All I knew was that you needed to do inventory at the bookstore. You told me nothing about going out with Leena.”
“I guess I forgot. It was all pretty spontaneous,” I said, hoping he would drop the subject already. That was too much to ask for though.
Garrett crossed his arms over his chest and any kindness that was on his face when he first saw me disappeared. The darkness was back in his eyes. “How could you forget? I’m your boyfriend, that you live with.” He tilted his head back and closed his eyes, breathing deeply for a moment before turning his attention back to me. “What did you guys go do?”
Oh boy. “We uh, we went to that new club on the corner of Elm. Danced, had a few drinks…” I slipped off my shoes as I let the information sink into Garrett’s mind. He watched me blankly, no emotion showing through. I squirmed uncomfortably and hugged myself.
“You look guilty.”
I blinked and looked up at him. He was staring at me intently, his head tilted slightly. “I do?”
He moved closer so he was towering above me. “Yeah. You do. Care to explain why?”
It took everything I had not to burst into tears at this moment. My heart was racing and panic was spreading through my veins. He was too close. Too close. “I, uh… I’m not really sure what you’re sensing. I didn’t do anything wrong,” I responded, quietly.
Garrett chuckled with no humor behind it, shaking his head. “I don’t believe you.”
I furrowed my brows in confusion. “Why? I’m your girlfriend. I’ve moved in with you. Why do you think I would do something against your wishes, do something to be unfaithful to you?”
“I don’t know, why would you do something like that? It wouldn’t be the first time,” Garrett hissed out, moving closer to me.
I felt my eyes widen, the panic growing more intense. “Garrett, what do you mean? What are you doing?”
His hand clamped around my throat and he lifted me up, pressing me against the wall. Tears sprung out of my eyes, my hands clawed at his. The breath was leaving my lungs and I tried to scream, but my throat was too constricted. No sound could make its way up. I tried to kick out toward him, but he only moved his body back more.
“Oh, Sophie. I can’t believe you think it’s okay to lie to me, to hide things from me. You’re so fucking pathetic.” He dropped me on the floor, pain branching out as I landed on my hip, but I barely registered it. Oxygen flooded back into my body and I coughed, wheezing as I inhaled as much precious gas as I could. Garrett looked down at me. He looked so pissed off, but there was something else there. Pissed off, and smug. He was enjoying the power he had over me.
He gave me a good kick in the ribs, all the air I had just taken in going out. I crumpled flat on the ground, yelping out. He gave me a few more solid kicks, moving across my torso. Blood bubbled up from my lips and I sobbed quietly, taking the blows as they came. Garrett laughed wickedly and knelt next to me, taking his finger and dragging it through the blood that coated my lips.
“Pathetic. So entirely weak.” He dragged his blood covered finger along my cheek softly. It was like he meant it to be comforting, but there was no comfort in his touch anymore. “Next time you do something to disappoint me, either lying or keeping things from me, I won’t go so easy on your body.” He leaned closer to my ear, taking my earlobe in his mouth and nibbling on it. “I will break your bones, Sophie,” he whispered almost seductively. “And I will enjoy every crunch that comes from the force.”
He stood back up, brushing off the imaginary dirt that coated his pants and hands. “Bedtime is at nine, my sweet Princess. Don’t leave me waiting.” And he walked away, leaving me to my suffering.
How did I end up in such a situation? I did everything in life right. I’ve never gone out of my way to break the law, I always studied, I obeyed my parents… Where did I go wrong? What was I not supposed to do?
I gave myself an extra half an hour to collect myself. The adrenaline began to fade, my fear had dimmed. Now, I was exhausted and in so much pain. There was a part of me that believed he cracked some of my ribs. My face was crusted with dry tears and blood. I was numb emotionally. There was no feeling left within. I wasn’t sure how much time I had until bedtime, so I knew I should start getting ready. I did not want to receive another beating tonight.
Slowly, I got up, gritting my teeth from the jarring in my torso. This was going to suck in the morning. I looked at the floor where I was laying and there was a small puddle of blood remaining. I’m sure he’d clean that up in the morning before the maid got here. I shuffled my feet along the floor, down into the basement and into the master bedroom. Garrett was already laying in bed, watching TV. He gave me a smile and patted the spot next to him.
“The bed is nice and warm already for you, Princess,” he offered a smile. It seemed so genuine, but I didn’t trust those smiles anymore. Nevertheless, I returned it with a forced one of my own, hoping it appeared genuine.
“I will join you in a bit. Just need a shower and to brush my teeth.”
“Hurry up, I miss you already,” he said sweetly.
Barf.
I continued my way slowly into the bathroom and shut the door, releasing more tears. I guess this is my new regular; crying every time I look at my boyfriend. Fuck, what did I get myself into? My hands covered my mouth, holding back the sobs that tried to exit my body. I blindly stumbled over to the shower and slowly stripped from my clothes when the threat of hysterically crying passed. Hesitantly, I glanced at myself in the mirrors. There were dark bruises all over my front side, and hand shaped ones blooming on my neck. My hand brushed over them lightly and I released a ragged sigh.
I turned the water on nice and hot and stepped in, losing myself under the water. My mind was racing a million different directions. My graduation was coming up, I met an amazing man last night, Leena seemed suspicious of my mood last night but hadn’t questioned anything. How much longer could she not question it though? This was only the beginning of the abuse, how much longer could I hide it? From how things were looking, it was only going to get worse from here.
My large, fluffy towel wrapped around my body as I went into the closet for my pajamas. I avoided looking in the mirror again at all cost. I didn’t want to face myself knowing I didn't recognize who I was anymore. That was the last thing I could handle right now. I slipped into my silk pajamas and came back out to Garrett. He was asleep already and I looked at the clock. Forty past nine. A little late, but that’s okay. It didn’t seem to bother him too much.
I slipped under the blankets carefully, trying not to disturb him or my ribs anymore than I already have. My body sank into the mattress, a soft sigh of relief escaping my lungs. The aches slowly released from my bones as I stared up at the ceiling. This was such a foreign place now. I looked over to the man snoring quietly beside me. He was a foreign person now, too. There was no comfort here, no familiarity. I regret every choice I have made in the time since I’ve met Garrett.
Hours ticked by and I still haven’t found rest. TV shows have come and gone, none of them really catching my attention. It was brutal. I could feel my body begging to fall asleep, but I couldn’t find the peace I needed to sink into that oblivion. Maybe I wouldn’t need the peace in the end. The exhaustion could take over for it any second.
During that week, it never did.
~
“Congratulations class of 2018!”
Cheers erupted from the university auditorium and some hats went flying off into the crowd of the newly graduates. I stood there in my cap and gown, grinning as much as my body would allow. I was exhausted from the last of sleep the past two weeks, but I was thrilled that I was finally done with school. I now had my bachelor’s degree and I could kiss this university goodbye.
As everyone filed outside for pictures and the barbeque the university set up for us graduates, I went in search of Leena and Garrett. We would be celebrating in our own manner tonight with lots of movies and snacks. Garrett hadn’t gone off on me again lately, but I’ve also been cautious about my actions. I’ve avoided anything fun that could get me in trouble and I’ve always told him what I was up to. Leena and I hung out a couple times, but I asked her to stick to the apartment or the house.
She wasn’t overly thrilled with being stuck inside like that, but she wouldn’t fight me over it either. Those two had found me in the crowd first and they rushed over, giving me lots of hugs and congratulations. I held in a few yelps of pain from the squeezes. Leena still didn’t know, and I had no intentions of ever letting her know.
We went to the store and filled our baskets full of snacks and DVD’s we would want to watch tonight from the $5 bin and checked out. Our cashier was jealous of our plans and joked around about crashing the party. Garrett almost seemed displeased about the comment but made no actions against it. We finally got back to the house and settled into our pajamas, letting the treats and movies take us away from reality. Leena passed out soon after our third movie and I was almost there myself. Finally, I was going to get some sleep.
But I spoke too soon.
Garrett crossed the room to the couch Leena and I were sharing and scooped me up, kissing me hard. I wanted to push him away so badly, but I knew that would only lead to consequences I did not want to deal with. I kissed him back, acting like I was getting into it for my sake. Garrett took us down to the master bedroom and threw me onto the bed. He climbed on top of me and stripped me from my clothes, as well as his own. He slammed himself into me without any warning and I yelped. His hand clamped over my mouth to keep me from waking Leena and continued his harsh business.
I laid there and took it, not really sure what else I could do without punishment. Garrett finished a little while later and collapsed beside me, planting a kiss on my temple before falling asleep. I rolled onto my stomach and stared at the wall, tears flooding onto the comforter. I could feel his fluids slowly leaking from my body, causing me to feel incredibly dirty and used. My skin burned from where he touched me, but not in the good way that it should be. It was toxic, acidic.
Slowly I got up and made my way to the bathroom. I urinated and found my stash of plan B pills. I climbed into the shower and scrubbed my skin with a loofa and soap. My skin turned red and raw as I sat there sobbing, scrubbing my skin off to remove the feeling of his hands on my body. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
I finally gave up, the water burning my torn-up skin. Tears ran down my face as I sat there on the shower floor hopelessly. I didn’t know why I kept putting myself through this torture. It’s obvious this was my new reality. He was never going to stop using me for his sick pleasures. So why did I keep dealing with it?
He would kill me otherwise. The realization sank in and I nodded to myself, my heart sinking. It was either this torture, or death. While death seemed like a better option than this hell, I still had this weird desire to live. I just graduated for fuck's sake. I just got permission to start the rest of my life. I wanted to see that through, because I knew I could accomplish something big.
I got out of the shower and went back upstairs, covering Leena up with a blanket. I gave her a sad smile, looking down at her sleeping figure and turned off the TV. Quietly, I made my way back down to the bed and slid in next to Garrett. Another sleepless night. Another night of feeling violated. Another night of hating myself and the situation I’ve put myself in. I turned on the TV and mindlessly scrolled through the channels.
Happy graduation to me.
ns 15.158.61.21da2
