After that episode, everything was fine for a bit. A few hours. A few hours before the nightmares. Then they came. But I tied my wrists up and kept the gag in my mouth.
It was a good night, by far better then a few nights ago. I woke up practically singing. I was happy for once. In the woods around Azkadeleah.
I walked around singing Black and Blue by James TW.
This isn’t gonna work
You said with make-up running down your face
I can see you’re hurt
But a bit of hope is all I’m trying to trace
I hate to see you cry
With the tears I’ve made
But what’s gone wrong since yesterday?
I won’t let us go down, down, down,
For this love I won’t lose
Soon answers will be found, found, found
And our hearts no longer Black and Blue
Our hearts no longer Black and Blue
Our hearts no longer bruised
I won’t do this anymore
You said whilst packing up your clothes
I’ll block your path to the door
And tell you the reasons why you shouldn’t go
Lets wait out the storm
Take one deep breath
Cause giving up leads to regret
I won’t let us go down, down, down,
For this love I won’t lose
Soon answers will be found, found, found
And our hearts no longer Black and Blue
Our hearts no longer Black and Blue
Our hearts no longer bruised
Oh no no, oh no no, oh no no,
I won’t let us go down, down, down
For this love I won’t lose
Soon answers will be found, found, found
And our hearts no longer Black and Blue
Our hearts no longer Black and Blue
Our hearts no longer bruised
I love that song. The telling that hearts won’t be broken and bruised. The thing I loved when I was 12.
Ah, when I was 12. I was so naïve. So excited by Redwater and Regina and everything else that could happen. Everything that could happen never did, and here I am now. Well, except adventure. This counts as the adventure.
And then the things that I never thought of and never wanted to happen happened. Being captured, Lorela being killed, and the war. The war that was horrible.
No matter. I’m trying to keep those thoughts out of my head. The thoughts that haunt me everyday and every night. So, try to keep those thoughts out of your head, Naidia, I tell myself. Think of unicorns. Think of unigryffins. Think of pink.
Pink. The color I used to love, but now hate. The color Marnie loves. I still don’t know how Marnie and I get along.
Marnie. Haven’t heard from her in a bit. When I was 13, I always thought of her as a role model. To me, when I was 13, I thought she was the best thing since unigryffins. However, that was before I had found out she was a thief. I didn’t care that she was a thief; in fact, I think that’s why I begun to like her even more. Marnie had helped me with a lot of projects, like the one with studying rocks. She had “found” some rocks from a shop, and then we went to a forest and got some there. Of course, back then I thought she had actually bought the stones, and therefore didn’t think she stole them. Now that I know her, I know that she had stolen them. She was a thief like Leon, but she was one of the people who I had told the truth about me. She was one of the most reckless people I know, but she will get squeaky if you even go out in the rain without a jacket. She is always hopeful for the future, so I guess that’s where I get the whole always-look-on-the-bright-side-of-things perspective.
Going back to the thief thing, I can tell you she is a better thief than Leon. She hasn’t been caught. Well, as far as I know she hasn’t ever been caught. Of course, with Alton and I both not there, I can only assume that one of the other guards is the captain, and I can only hope Marnie hasn’t been caught. She said she would write to me every day, after I became Guard Captain. “Unless, of course,” she said. “I have become captured in Wonderland by the Mad Hatter and am being forced to have a tea party. Then I’ll call on you, Leon, and Alton to rescue me.
I think that is her trying to be funny. If not, then I obviously have a very poor sense of humor. However, living with Lorela has taught me not to underestimate any plans. For all I know, Marnie could be in cahoots with the Mad Hatter!
Ok, random tangent of craziness. No more of those today. So.. that makes one tangent today, so far. Leon used to count the number of times I would go onto tangents about things.
Remember the number.
What number?
Remember it.
Remember what?
The number of times Leon would count your tangents.
What was the number?
70.
Ok.
Remember the number.
Oh, but it hurts to.
Remember it.
No. It’ll hurt me even more.
You must remember the number.
Why?
You must remember him.
It’s not like I can forget him. I find it impossible to forget the man who stole my heart.
I have really got to stop having conversations in my head. They get annoying after a while. Of course, when I was back in Swelvornsky, I would make up imaginary friends and when I was feeling lonely, I would talk to them. I think that this is why, the one time I went to school in Swelvornsky, I was looked at like I belonged locked up in a psycho ward and was deemed “Crazy.” I of course, didn’t think it meant anything. I just thought everyone was naturally crazy. Thats the way it was in Swelvornsky.
*Flashback*
A young Naidia, maybe 8 years old, is standing in front of a class, being introduced to everyone. The gazes seem to follow her. As she goes to sit down, some of the girls are whispering in English. Naidia hears them, and tries to translate what they said. “They’re calling me..cra..crazy,” says Naidia. She looks terrifidely at the girls, only to see they are looking at her. She flees the classroom, to terrified to say anything else.
*Flashback End*
Back then, I didn’t understand. I was crazy, but in a good way. I tried to see the good in everyone and everything. I didn’t see how that was crazy.
Right. No tangents. Think about finding Azkadeleah. That’ll keep you distracted. Well, anything can distract me, but not always in a good way.
I think Alton has noticed that I’m off in thought, because he is looking a bit sideways at me while trying to hide the cheese from Sistine-I mean Tina. Apparently, when she first tried stealing from him, she had stolen cheese. I laughed, while Alton was looking at Sistine, and Sistine was almost blushing. It is a bit funny. However, it can’t be funny than one Titanic joke that Lorelas’ class made up. It was for a song, and the line was, instead of being “Worse things happen at sea you know,” was “It could be worse. We could be on the Titanic.” I never knew anything about the Titanic, but seeing as how it was in a joke, I had assumed it was funny. Then when I read a book, I had nightmares for a week. However, I think it was a reasonable reaction. When I told Alton about a year ago, he laughed a lot. I most certainly didn’t think it was reay funny. Then again, he was 19 at the time, and I think he just found that funny because we all needed to laugh at something. That was when the war was going on, and by then I had experienced the nightmares before.
In comparison, this was a chart I had made to compare the nightmares I have now to the Titanic nightmare:
Titanic:
-Was on the sinking Titanic
-Died
Nightmare about Lorelas death(This is exactly the nightmare, because I can’t describe it):
A young Naidia stands in the middle of a war-torn battle field, searching the faces of the fallen guards. Someone is running after, calling after her, but she doesn’t hear them. She is running, running from the people who are chasing. Then, something starts ticking, like a clock. Naidia starts screaming, screaming to keep herself from hearing the clock. As she runs, she sees the face of one of the guards. She stops, and stares at the girl.
“Lorela..Lorela, no..you can’t be dead..you said you would return..Lorela, no…Ben said you would be alive..no..I won’t believe it…I can’t believe it..no.” The worry is firm in her voice. Then, she sees someone standing over her. They bring down a weapon, as if to separate Lorela and Naidia.
This is why I try not to make lists unless necessary. Either they come out horrible or I lose them. Ben tried to get me a folder for all my lists, but unless they are on my desk, I lose them. Like when I lost the guest list to my Lorela’s 17th birthday party. That turned into a week long scavenger hunt with the prize of a book. Ben and I formed a team and won. The book, however, was about the Titanic.
Either Lorela didn’t think I would find it, or she really wasn’t thinking. I assume it was the first option. She had told me she also was afraid of the Titanic when she was younger, but I think she was just saying that. I find it very hard to believe she would be afraid of the Titanic. It was something that had happened a long time ago, Lorela told me, and hopefully it will never happen again. I believe her, if only for the fact that if I ever end up on a ship like the Titanic that if it sinks I will die; because I don’t know how to swim. This is probably why I avoid boats. That or the fact of that water on occasion will terrify me. I don’t know why, but I suspect it has to do something with the way my parents died.
I only have a faint memory of my parents. I lost them at a young age, and what I know about them was that they were bookkeepers. From what the newspapers I was able to grab said was that they were killed in a freak storm oversea. I now see where I get the fear of boats from. However, I always used to believe their ghosts would come and snatch me up. I’m now glad I never read horror novels, because then I would’ve been even more scared.
Focus. These distractions will get me nowhere near Regina. That’s what I need to focus on. Or finding Elena. Both of those are important, but I don’t think we can find Elena or Regina without finding Azkadeleah. It could be the one chance we have to find either of them. Or at least one of my only chances, because there is a good chance I will have forgotten where Regina is, because I have a memory of a goldfish who has a traumatic memory loss issue. Meaning I have a horrible memory, which isn’t fun. Or funny.
Lorela used to laugh about that. She could always find something funny in anything. She used to tell me that when Death came for her, she’d laugh and then come along willingly.
I don’t think she’d have come willingly if she knew she’d die in battle. Maybe, just maybe though, if she had known she would’ve died in battle, she would’ve said something different.
Suddenly, I fall face-first onto the ground. Alton is behind me laughing a bit, and I jump right back up. Then, I promptly punch him in the face. He gets up also, but not before he kicks me in the stomach.
“Ok, that sincerely hurts,” I say to him.
“Well, it’s not like you punch lightly either.”
I laugh. If he’s ever met anyone who could punch, I think it could be Sistine. She seems to be as good of a fighter as anyone I’ve met. Besides, a person who was raised by wolves ought to be a good fighter. I’ve seen wolves fight, and they mean business.
Maybe she’d like to try fighting someone. Lorela and I used to try fighting. She could normally beat me, but there was once where I had twisted her arm backwards. She fell, but she managed to drag me down with her. She had caught me before I fell, but the next time I did fall, and there was no one left to catch me. Last time she caught me before I fell in too deep, but that time she wasn’t there.
Back to Sistine. If I could convince her, then maybe she could join the guard. She might like it, seeing as how Alton and I are both on it. It’d be a lot more fun if I had a friend who is a girl on the guard with me, considering that the only other female guard was killed in battle.
However, if Lorela hadn’t been killed, than I wouldn’t have met Sistine. I’d be exactly where I was before. Just the same girl who turns to swordfighting and music when she feels lonely.
I can see why I don’t make the most of friends. I mean, even I can’t think of someone who would want to be friends with a girl who swordfights. Almost none of the girls back in Redwater swordfight. Lorela told me that when she had first been in Redwater, when she was 10, she had tried to join a all-boys-fencing team and the coach had said no. So, she taught herself with the help of books and got some help from one of the boys on the team. According to her and Alton, the boy on the team was Alton.
There are days where I find that highly unlikely, and then there are days where I fully believe that and want to go try out for the fencing team. I’m sure I’ll be rejected. However, I’d still go and look for Lorelas’ old books, and teach myself with the help of Alton. Or someone else. Maybe Sistine. She could be a good teacher. Besides, she’s older and more experienced. And a thief. Thieves tend to make some of the best teachers. I can say I know that from personal experience, seeing as how Leon taught me how to climb a tree.
Which I plan to do as soon as I can find a tree. See just how far we are from Azkadeleah. It could help. Or I would fall out of the tree. Being paranoid again. Nice. Anyway, there are many ways climbing a tree could go. It could go the way it did when I was 13, and ended up breaking my arm. Or when I had climbed a tree to find a book. That resulted with me getting sudden fears of heights. I’m about 100% sure that fear has gone away. Of course, I wouldn’t bet on it. Knowing my luck, the fears would return.
Never the matter. I need to find a tree. I spot a tall oak tree, and start walking over to it, hoping to not attract any attention. Too late. Sistine notices me, and walks over to me.
“What are you doing?”
“Climbing a tree.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to see how far we are from Azkadeleah. That and I’m bored.”
“I can understand that.”
I start walking towards the tree again, while trying to see if there are going to be anymore people who try to block my path to the tree. Anymore people meaning Alton and anyone else who could be following us. Call me paranoid, but based off of what has happened in my life, I can say that
I have a right to think there could be someone possibly following us. Like when how I met Missy Kitty. I had named her when I was 12 and couldn’t think of any names at all. I had renamed her a lot of things, but after a while she only responded to Missy Kitty. Ben used to laugh whenever I would call her, and sometimes we would fight about it. Sometimes though, when I would sing to call to her, Ben would try to find his guitar. And he would call out in song,” Miss Kitty, come out and play, time to start a new day!” Once, when Lorela found us, she had just shook her head and started to walk away. However, Ben had grabbed her arm, and she couldn’t run away fast enough. Miss Kitty had actually came out and had been watching the entire thing. We had found that out when she had jumped on Ben and Lorela and started meowing hysterically. Lorela had screamed and tried jumping, but ended up dragging Ben down with her, and they collapsed into a heap of people and kitty. I had just stood there laughing. It wasn’t funny after we all saw how many bruises Lorela had. So, it ended up with me having to go buy about 2 pounds of ointment.
If Miss Kitty was actually following us, than I could’ve heard her. Possibly because she would’ve came out when I had been humming. She likes the sound of voices and music, as I found out when I had sung to her. That same song pops into my head, as I begin to sing it.
Oh, their words might sting and burn
But a smile from you makes the pain go away
Their taunts might bring me down
But a laugh from you brings me up
I always knew you'd be there for me
That you would never bring me down
And here I am telling this to you right now
Your peace envelopes me like a breeze
Your promise surrounds me
Your love falls down on me like a waterfall
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But their words can't hurt me
Not with you here
All these people know and believe in you
They all know
So I'll tell them
Your peace envelopes me like a breeze
Your promise surrounds me
Your love falls down on me like a
I have been accepted, promised, and loved by you
Show others that
I'll tell them
Your peace envelopes me like a breeze
Your promise surrounds me
Your love falls down on me like a waterfall
Like a waterfall
I had written that. It was after some things had happened, and I felt friendless. Leon was the one to cheer me up that day. The first time I had ever confided in a thief was the one time I could write a song. I can’t really write song well.
But I can climb a tree.
I start by the base of the tree, and slowly start to scale it. It’s a easy tree, considering the other trees I’ve climbed. However, it wasn’t always the easiest thing. I had to learn to not fall off the tree, not to freeze in the middle of climbing the tree, and not to do it in the winter, despite when you think that if you fall that the snow will be like a nice pillow. Speaking of experience, I can safely say that it will hurt to fall in the snow, because you will probably fall into more branches, which will rip your clothing and you will get hypothermia.
I tend to think about the extremes, according to almost everyone I’ve ever met. And some of the people I haven’t ever spoken to, like most of the people in Redwater. I’ve been called paranoid, crazy, psychopath, weirdo, and a whole lot of other names. But when I’m in nature, it really all goes away. The trees are big and like a second home, and people can hide in the grass.
I can now see the paranoia.
I keep climbing, and after a while I can see the top. It gets easier, and once I reach the top, I almost relax. It gets easier from here. Or it should. Or it gets harder. Or I’m really confusing myself trying to do this. I think it is the 3rd option. Doing things where the outcome can be very varied can be very confusing. As can be using too many “verys” in a sentence. That can also be confusing.
Ok, concentrate. No ramblings about how many verys in a sentence. Just focus on the freaking tree. Focus on something that won’t keep you from going off on random tangents like how Ben and I used to.
*Flashback*
Naidia and Ben are both sitting on the couch, playing a game.
“Knock knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“The KGB.”
“The KGB-“
“WE WILL ASK THE QUESTIONS!”
They both explode into laughter. After he chokes on laughter a bit, Ben, while using a Russian accent, says,” Hello. This is the KGB. Who may we kill for you today?”
They explode into laughter again.
“You know, one day I’ll find it next to impossible to make you laugh. However, I highly doubt that that time will be coming any time soon,” says Naidia.
“I can agree with that.”
*Flashback End*
Oh, the KGB jokes. Those were always funny, apart from Lorela had no idea what the KGB was, so we had to explain what they were and then she finally got the jokes. One time, even, Ben was knocking on the door to her bedroom to wake her up, and she said,” Hello. This is the KGB. Who may we kill for you today?” Both of them had been laughing, and I was still awake and didn’t know what was happening until I heard her screaming about the KGB. That was funny.
Ok. All the way up the tree. Finally. I poke my head out from the tree, and sort of turn around. It’s easy to see up at the top, because there are very few leaves. Odd. As I turn around, I can see a village, about half a mile from here. Great. Only a half a mile until we finally reach the village and possibly find Elena. I climb down quickly and easily, since when you’ve come up it seems easy to come back down. However, I think that only applies to trees. Not life, possibly because what comes up must come down, but it never says that it is easier to come up or come down. It must hurt to fall down, because then you could land on something and that will hurt. Like if you fall on a sword. That will hurt majorly and you will probably cut yourself. I roll my eyes. Stupid brain of mine.
As I’m climbing down, I try to see where Alton and Sistine are. They’re both still on the path, and Sistine is smiling at me. I jump off of one of the lower limbs of the tree, and jog to meet them.
“So. How far are we from Azkadeleah?”
“Half a mile. We should be there by night, or possibly the afternoon.”
“Good. And why are we trying to get to Azkadeleah, before Woodhollow?”
“Because if Elena is there, then we need to find her.”
“Why would Duchess Elena be there?”
“None of your business.”
“Ok then, if you’re going to be like that.”
We both stay silent. Sistine, I think, won’t really try to say anything. Besides, these are the sorts of fights Alton and I have. Or at least the verbal types. We swordfight. However, that is more of a practice fighting rather than a real fight. Even though real fighting is something I haven’t gotten to do yet and probably never will if someone keeps trying to keep me from doing anything fun(I am looking at Alton while thinking of this.)and doing anything actually interesting, like skydiving.(Not like I’d ever do something like that. Possibly something like tree-jumping.) Anyway. Alton and Ben wouldn’t let me do things like that. Apparently, it is because I’m only 15 and a guard captain ad that is letting me do enough stupid things already. Well, if that is letting me do stupid things, then the rest of my life will be very fun. Or, it’ll be fun when Alton won’t keep trying to keep me from going on missions. I know that’s what Lorela wanted, but still. I’d be careful.
*Flashback*
At night, a 13-year old Naidia is tiptoeing around her house. She stops right where Lorela’s office is, and hears voices.
“Alton, will you do something for me?”
“Sure.”
“Can you protect Naidia? We both know that she will want to become Guard Captain if I die.”
“Well, I hope you don’t die, but I will.”
“And keep her from doing anything stupid? Like jumping off a cliff and joining the circus?”
“Well, I doubt that will happen also, but I can. And also, before you go off and do anything stupid in battle, I have something to tell you.”
“What?”
“I may or may not have a crush on you.
“That’s not surprising.”
“How?”
“It’s sort of obvious.”
“How in the world is it obvious?”
“Well, first of all, you’re completely oblivious to what has been happening. Second of all, you are blushing right now as I say this.”
*Flashback End*
That was always so fun, sneaking around at night. After Leon found out, he had said I shouldn’t do it anymore and that even him being a thief was better than me sneaking around and lying to people. I had said that thieving was worse than lying, and we had gotten into a big(and loud) discussion about which was worse, stealing or lying. Neither of us had decided, and after a while, Ben, Lorela, and Alton heard our conversation. That was certainly interesting to explain to them. Namely when we were trying to convince them that this really is just a normal conversation for us. They didn’t believe us for a bit, but after hearing another one of our conversations, they believed us. Of course, all 3 of them thought both of us ought to be locked up in a mental hospital, but it was fun.
Back to the whole I’ll be careful thing. If I couldn’t get caught sneaking around at night, then I could be careful and go on missions. It’d be easy.
I consider telling Alton all of this, but I know he won’t listen. He still thinks that he needs to obey his promise, which with my luck, will mean that he won’t let me go on any of the missions. The only reason I’m here is because I followed them. That’s the real reason, apart from that Sistine doesn’t know. Not like I would’ve told her. Besides, it’s not like after this that the counselors at the kingdom won’t be mad at me, and having a thief defending me will just make it worse. Worse for her and for me. Ben will already be very mad at me for running away, and I don’t want to get Tina into trouble also. She’s one of the first female friends of mine who actually know me. All the other people who have pretended to be my friends I lie to about me. Once I said my name was Amethyst Chessney and that I was a extroverted girl who’s dream was to be a artist. A complete and total lie on my part. And they actually believed me. This was really when I started the whole lying and getting away from people thing. According to Ben, I really shouldn’t’ve done it, but Lorela had said that I could do that, on account of that people would probably just wonder if I was related to Lorela( I had added that part. It turns out that during that time, Lorela had just really told a news reporter her name, and that it was a very good idea not to say my real name. That and most people can’t say my name, so they say Nadia. Having a name like Naidia just gets very confusing in class, like when I was in the same class as a girl named Nadia, and everyone got both of us confused. We didn’t even look alike! After that though, I became guard captain and I still have no idea what happened to her.
Enough about that though. We’ve all been walking for a bit, and I can see Azkadeleah about a few paces ahead of us. I start running, and as soon as I can, I take my first step into the city. This place looks like it came out of a book about Wonderland. It’s magical and enchanting and all of the other words I can’t find to use to describe it. It is breathtaking, and yet, I still don’t know why we’re here. Right, to find Elena and possibly get more information about where Regina could be.
Still, this place looks like it came right out of one of those books about magic. And yet, I still don’t know why I can trust it.
ns 15.158.61.8da2
