Dread. That was all that Isis felt. A feeling so potent she thought she might drown in it. Fear was only just the beginning of the phase, all her worries had condensed into one large ball, and all she wanted to do with it was shove it in a chest, lock it, and throw it in the ocean. But she knew she could never. Worry is what helped her, kept her safe. Getting rid of it all would mean certain death. But carrying this weight and not having the gall to talk about it was slowly eating away at her resolve. She lay awake in bed that night, plagued by constant thoughts and irrational fears. Her eyes fixed on the ceiling tiles, she had deep and dark bags under them, and they drooped with exhaustion. She held onto those thoughts for days, not wanting to talk about them, but not being able to get rid of them either. Tormented by them like a captured spy. The weight she bore everyday was like balancing a one ton elephant on a ring finger. A ring finger… Would this still have happened if she had rejected Julius’ proposal. The fear, worry and torment was too much for her to take on for much longer, but still, she was far too stubborn and independent to ask for help or even for someone to listen to her woes. She cursed herself for being so naive and idiodic. Of course she wouldn’t have gotten pregnant if she rejected Julius’ advances, she would still be at home, being ignored by family and servants alike. Always second best to her brother. Not to mention he was younger than her and hasn’t even made his debut into society yet. Not yet crushed by the weight of peer pressure and severe social norms that disgusted Isis to the point where she no longer attended parties unless absolutely necessary. The things she had seen nobles her age do made her go green in the face.
Walking over to take a bath after a long day of work and preparations for the wedding, her heels clicked like horseshoes on a cobblestone path. She was disgusted by the sound and ultimately removed her shoes, opting for the freezing palace floor rather than violent memories of the past. She had developed a slight lean in her walk, something that she had seen her mother do seventeen years ago while she was pregnant with her younger brother. Though even despite this, she still tried to stand tall, even with the constant back and hip pain that followed. A grimace crawled across her face as she was reminded yet again about the thing growing inside of her. She wanted to vomit. Not because of the disgust, but because she felt it kick her in the stomach. A spoonful of bile crawled up her throat like a cat climbing up a tree. She swallowed it back down, her throat now raw and stinging.
“Damn thing, I can’t have anything good anymore because of you.” She growled softly towards her belly. She chastised herself for even talking to it. ‘It’s not like it can hear you, idiot.’ She thought to herself, walking into the steaming bathroom. She stripped herself of her clothes, relishing in the comfort of the damp and warm air. She gave out a contented sigh before slipping her body under the warm soapy water of the bathtub. She rested her head on the edge of the tub, feeling better than she had in months. Looking at her hand, examining the ring that Julius had given to her all those months ago, glistening from the soft and faint light of a candle. She put her hand back down and tried her best to relax with that thing still in her. She let her arms float up to the surface of the water, closing her eyes and trying to ignore everything in her life. It was like trying to put out a forest fire with a thimble of water.
As she let her eyes rest for just a mere moment, a second of a fleeting tranquility. A varied number of voices rang out from the hallways, drawing Isis’ attention. She thought she could just ignore it and remain soaking in the warm water. But the voices didn’t stop, if anything they only got louder and more panicked. She grumbled, a tad bit annoyed about being interrupted. She reclothed and tried her best to dry her hair with the already slightly dampened towel. She stepped out into the hallway, bombarded with the panic of the servants who were bustling around with large pails of water. There was so much shouting that she couldn’t tell what was happening, let alone figure out who was shouting.
But finally, when all the commotion settled down, Isis looked around the palace curiously, finding a young man being dragged away in sturdy and heavy iron cufflets. She looked to a disheveled looking guard for answers.
“What on earth happened?” She asked curiously with a confused look. She had never seen someone being dragged to the dungeons before, especially not looking half dead. The guard looked at her with an astonished look, like it was impossible for one to not know what had just transpired. But, as the guard saw the clueless look on her face he relented.
“That man had infiltrated the palace and was spying on our political affairs, posing as a butler. We caught him after he set fire to the stables, thinking that they were a secret entrance to an underground meeting place for high ranking officials.” The guard explained, whipping what Isis now concluded to be fresh soot off his face. She was flabbergasted, utterly confused on why he thought those dreadful stables were an entrance to something much bigger. She knew that some people were dumb, but gods above, this man made a person with the intelligence of a dog look like Thomas Young. Now a bit worried, she scoured the palace for Julius, finding him conversing with another nobleman, likely about the incident. When his gaze hit her silhouette, he stopped, politely excusing himself from the conversation and made his way over to Isis. A worried expression latched to his face like a blood sucking leach.
“Are you okay? Where were you?” He exclaimed, running his eyes over her form, looking for any possible injuries that could have occurred while she had been out of his sight. Isis nodded in response, taking in the sight of the now frantic Julius.
“An attack from Tuniviva?” She asked, already knowing the answer. Julius put his thumb to his lip, biting it as he nodded.
“The good thing is that no one was hurt, the horses had been temporarily moved to a ranch up north for their yearly checkups.” Julius explained. Though Isis didn’t really care about the horse's well-being, she was glad that no serious harm befell anyone of great importance to her, like Julius. Though she figured that his mental well-being was being tested more than his physical one.
Julius just stood there looking at her with those big blue eyes of his that resembled a puppy begging for reassurance and attention. She sighed.
“Yes, Julius, I promise I’m okay.” She said again, trying to convince him that there was nothing seriously wrong with her. But he kept looking at her with those pathetic little puppy eyes. She could almost see dog ears drooping atop his head. She put her hand to her corneas, massaging them to relieve stress.
“We are okay, Julius.” She corrected herself. Julius lit up with relief and Isis groaned internally with discomfort. Julius hugged her tightly, and Isis hugged him back weakly. Still not liking the fact that she was now practically a host to a parasite. But Julius seemed over the moon about it, despite the current situation. The nobleman that Julius had been talking to previously, laughed to himself and started to walk away, disappearing down the long walkways of the palace. As Julius released her, still looking at her with those puppy-dog eyes that she had always been so weak to. She sighed again, bringing her hand up to his head and stroking his hair affectionately. Her eyes were tired, but she made the effort just for Julius. She wouldn’t have done it for anyone else, not even her mother.
The situation finally dissipated, and the moon was now high in the sky, the flickering stars encircling it like little holes in a dark box. Isis was exhausted, even more so than on her usual sleepless nights. Julius noticed immediately and refused to let her walk to their chambers. Scooping her up in his arms bridal style, despite her annoyed protests, claiming that she could walk by herself. She kicked and wiggled within his arms, very angry that she was being treated like a sick child or an injured person. It made her blood boil. She pouted as he set her on the bed, too upset at him to even make eye contact, let alone communicate with him. Julius, oblivious to her anger, continued to talk to her and attempting to cuddle with her. But, Isis refused all his advances, remaining upset about being coddled. Like any woman who was raised the way she was, by herself and all alone, independence was something she learned early, earlier than Julius had, even though he was two years older than she was. Her mother always told her that boy’s matured slower than girls did, basically giving all the kids her age a pass whenever they mistreated her. But, living through such terrible and downright vile experiences, granted Isis the ability to judge one’s character with ease.
Disappointed by the rejection, Julius changed into his nightwear in silence, crawling into the bed next to her. He again looked at her with those big pathetic eyes again, but Isis didn’t fall for it this time. Julius was almost desperate for her attention, practically needing it like he needed to breathe. But the desperate attempts met an unfortunate rejection when Isis rolled over to face the wall. Julius was practically whining at her reaction, begging her internally not to reject him like that. It hurt his very soul! Isis, who was already drifting off to sleep, was completely uninterested in Julius’ upset, because coddling your pregnant wife was a huge mistake in her books, one that she had made clear several times. As Julius watched her from behind, her breathing was steady and meticulous, like a well oiled steam engine. Perfectly timed.
She had finally gotten a decent sleep. The inexplicable joy she felt when she woke up the next morning and felt refreshed. Though Julius was getting a taste of the exhaustion that had been plaguing her for almost a month now. She got up, feeling more peppy and excitable. Checking her calendar, looking at the red ink circling the date with one word written in the cell.
Wedding departure.
Looking at the cell of the calendar, her face a mixture of anticipation and immense distress. She sat back down on the bed, the sudden movement of the mattress awoke Julius from his restless and light slumber. He sat up, rubbing the grogginess out of his eyes.
“Morning.” He said gruffly, not yet ready to start the day.
“Good morning.” She replied, still shocked that their wedding date was only mere days away.
“Still mad at me?” He asked, stretching luxuriously. Isis shook her head no, her curly locks bouncing with the swinging. Julius reached over and grabbed her by the waist, pulling her into his lap. He sprinkled kisses on the top of her head, smoothing down her hair affectionately. Isis, though still feeling a little suffocated by him, humored him and leaned into his embrace. Julius’ heart melted at the gesture and peppered even more kisses atop her forehead. Isis, still frowning and overwhelmed by their upcoming wedding, sat still in his arms. The only movement she made was to breathe and blink. Julius looked at her with concern, wondering if he had done something wrong again.
“What’s the matter now?” He asked, turning her chin to look him in the eyes. Isis sighed, a now common occurrence, pointing to the red circled cell on the calendar. Julius glanced at the calendar, and then back at Isis.
“Are you worried?” He inquired, rubbing circles on the small of her back. She wanted to shake her head no, tell him that she’s so excited to get married to him. But the words never formed in her throat. Julius gave her a saddened look.
“Do you… Not want to marry me, Isis?” He asked, his eyes full of sorrow. Isis snapped her head back to look at him.
“No, no! Nothing like that!” She assured him. “Just nerves, that's all.” She stated, cupping his cheeks in her hands.
“You are the best thing that could have ever happened to me,” She started, placing her forehead against his. “And I can’t wait to get married to you, Julius.” She spoke, trying her best to convince him all was well with her. Julius gave her a weak smile back, hugging her tightly.
“I feel the same way, my dear.” He said, a faint blush spread across his olive skin as he embraced her. Almost as if he was afraid to let her go, afraid to put her in a danger that didn’t exist.
“Are you ready?” He asked, pulling his face away from her so he could look her in the eye. His eyes were sweet like honey suckles on a warm summer afternoon. Isis, who still held onto her fears, nodded with a cheeky grin.
“I’ve been ready for months.” She replied, kissing him gently.
Isis’ nervousness didn’t dwindle at all. Not while she and Julius were kissing passionately in the bedroom, not when they had eaten breakfast together, not even when the both were gathering some miscellaneous items to take with them to the sun temple. She could feel the worry in Julius’ gaze as the two made their way out to the carriage. Isis shivered being around the large beast of a horse, its eyes felt hollow, like it could eat her up any moment. She quickly got into the carriage and took the seat furthest from the front. Julius joined her seconds later, sitting opposite from her, almost putting a shield between her and that monster. She could never wrap her brain around how others weren’t scared of those beasts, some even loved them! Do they know how dangerous those things are!? Isis gagged internally and decided to stop thinking about it. Her attention now turned to Julius who was sitting across from her, staring at her like a lost puppy. She looked back at him, her eyes telling him to speak what’s on his mind. Julius gulped harshly, a small bead of sweat rolled down his cheek and dropped on his hand.
“Isis…” He started, looking a bit nervous. “I-I don’t want to consummate our marriage yet.” He said, this revelation took Isis by surprise.
“It’s not that I don’t want to!” He yelped, trying to explain the situation. “It's just, you know, you’re pregnant and I don’t want to hurt you.” He mumbled, sulking a bit. Isis put her hand to her mouth, trying to stifle a giggle.
“It's not funny Isis! I’m being completely serious!” He whined like a child.
“I know, I know.” Isis said, wiping away a tear that had fallen while trying to silence her laughter. “We don’t have to if you’re nervous, Julius. Besides, who would be in the mood after all that socializing?” She stated, fixing her dress. Julius nodded, understanding that Isis was much different from most of the other noblewomen he’s met. Always demanding, stuck up and selfish. But he can’t fully blame them for their behavior, it’s their parents who raised them like that and allowed the behavior to continue. He was glad that his mother put out that greed in him the minute he could define what was right and what was wrong. Julius smiled appreciatively at her.
“Thank you for understanding Isis.” Julius whispered, unsure if Isis could even hear him.
“Of course, Julius. I know how you are.” She teased him, lightly hitting his foot with hers. Julius gave her a mischievous grin and lightly kicked her back. She giggled in response and not long after, the two were in a friendly heated game of footsie. The both of them trying their best to push the others foot far enough back. Isis was incredibly careful not to jab Julius in the foot with her heels and in turn lost because of the handicap she put on herself.
“So, where’s my prize?” Julius asked, a devilish grin on his face.
“The prize is that I’m letting you marry me.” She teased back, poking him in the shoulder with her finger. Julius just laughed at her response.
“Fair enough my love, fair enough.”
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