“Girl, you look like you’ve lost like twenty pounds. You’re not sick, are you?”
Leena had sat me down at her kitchen table, staring at me intently. I played with my fingers on my lap, hiding the fidgeting from my best friend. I was not willing to give her any sign that I might be lying. It had been three months since my graduation and things with Garrett haven’t been much better. While the beatings haven’t been that frequent, they still happen. It almost seemed to get worse each time. Little things set him off and I couldn’t tiptoe around it anymore.
The insults have increased. I’m a loser. I’m not good enough. I’m too fat. I’m not pretty enough for him. As of recently, he’s loved to let me know that I made him depressed and suicidal. I didn’t bring him happiness, not that I’ve been trying. I couldn’t even bring myself happiness anymore. To answer Leena’s question, I was sick. Mentally. And I had lost about twenty pounds in the last three months. I’ve been spending most of my time avoiding Garrett as much as possible, and the last thing I ever wanted to do was eat. Food never stayed down anyway.
My cheeks were starting to sink in, dark circles had appeared under my now dull green eyes. My bob haircut had grown longer, and I didn’t bother trying to tame it anymore. Chunks of my hair stuck out in all different directions and it didn’t bother me a single bit at this point. I tried to cover it up more when I had to work, but that’s about it.
“No, I’m not sick,” I replied casually. “I’ve been putting in ten-hour shifts at the Book Nook recently and I’ve been working every day for the last month.” Which was true. It was my escape from Garrett and I enjoyed every minute of it. It kept me busy and out of my mind.
Leena gave me a look, like she knew better. It was quiet between us for a couple minutes as she watched me. I stopped fidgeting my fingers, trying to make myself more believable. Finally, Leena let out a sigh. “I’m worried about you, girl. You’re looking rough.”
My eyes rolled to the back of my head. “Is this some sort of an intervention? Do I really look that bad?” I offered lightly, trying to ease her suspicions.
“No,” Leena laughed. “It’s not an intervention, it’s genuine concern from one friend to another. You just seem off lately, so I wanted to check in and make sure you’re not hiding some big thing from me. Like if you have cancer, I wanna know.”
It was my turn to laugh halfheartedly. “No, no cancer. Just long days is all.”
Leena held out her pinky to me. “Swear it?”
Technically it wasn’t a lie. Days with Garrett were long days and I didn’t have cancer. I hooked my pinky with hers and gave it a squeeze. “Swear it.”
“Good! Now let’s party!” Leena gave me a huge grin and jumped up from the table and ran to the living room. I got up to join her, pulling my pajama pants up a little more as I felt them slide off my hips. There’s a small piece of me that felt like I needed to buy new clothes that fit me, but at the same time, I didn’t know how long they will fit me after I buy them. It’s just something I’d have to deal with for now.
“Sophie! Before you make it the rest of the twenty feet to the couch, do me a favor and go make us some margaritas? You choose the flavor.” Leena looked over at me. “I’ll pick out the movies for tonight. Sound good?”
I nodded and switched direction to the kitchen and grabbed the items for blackberry margaritas. I’m was kind of glad for this moment away from Leena. It gave me some time to think. She’s getting too suspicious now. I couldn’t let her discover what was really going on. Nobody could know. It would only get me killed in the end. Something had to change. I had to change the path I was on before the abuse was discovered. The only way to make sure the abuse didn’t get discovered was to stop the abuse. I needed to get away from it.
I needed out.
My hands dumped the ingredients in the blender, and I pressed the button, letting the blender do its thing. While the ingredients mixed up, I prepared the glasses with a sugar and lime rim. Sweet and sour for the win. I was really looking forward to downing these drinks tonight. Tonight would be my last night of looseness for a while.
I filled the glasses to the top and brought them back to the living room, handing one to Leena as she played the first movie. We talked and downed drinks for hours until we were drunk out of our minds. We lost all control of ourselves. We laughed, we danced, we did terrible karaoke, until the night hung low and the sun began rising over the hills. Leena bid me a good morning and left for her bed. I dropped myself on the couch and sighed heavily. That was a perfect way to spend my last night with Leena.
Now, it was planning time.
~
“Garrett?”
I peeked my head through the door and glanced around, looking for any sign of him being home. “Garrett?” I tried again, slightly louder.
No response.
Perfect.
I made my way into the house and closed the door, making my way down into the basement quickly, grabbing any bags I could find. I opened up the closet and drawers that held my clothes and started shoving as much as I could into the bags. Who knew how long Garrett was out of the house. However long that was, I needed to do this quick to make sure I wouldn’t run into him. I needed out. I was done. Leena’s suspicions were a true eye opener last night. If she found out and got killed because of me, I couldn't live with myself.
I nearly had the bags packed when I heard the front door open. My eyes opened wide and my breath caught in my chest. Shit, shit, shit, fuck! I glanced around thinking of somewhere I could hide the bags, but no space seemed to be large enough to kick them under. Frantically, I moved away from the bed and looked around more. I froze.
The bed! Fucking stupid, GO!
I threw the bags on the floor and kicked them under the bed as I heard Garrett’s footsteps coming down the basement stairs. I rolled onto the bed and pretended to be reading a book, my heart pounding hard in my chest. The urge to cry was suddenly overwhelming as panic flooded my veins. I tried taking a few deep breaths as his footsteps grew closer. My attention was fully on my book as he walked into the room.
“Hey Princess,” Garrett greeted me with a big grin and fell next to me on the bed. “What are you reading?”
I offered him a smile and flashed him the cover of my book. “The Immortal Rules, by my favorite author.”
“Ah, Julie Kagawa. Your role model,” he chuckled quietly and rubbed my thigh softly.
“Her mind is just incredible,” I said softly. “The adventures she comes up with, it just takes you completely into the book, especially with her writing style. I adore her writing style…” I trailed off as Garrett’s hands wandered. Of course, he didn’t care. I didn’t know why I thought he would. Silly me. “Hey, I’m kind of hungry. What do you want for dinner?” I asked Garrett rather spontaneously. Anything to keep his hands from touching my bare skin.
“Mmm, I was going to cook dinner tonight. I bought the ingredients for lasagna tonight.”
My mouth started to water. I loved lasagna. It was my favorite dish. “Oh! Even better than what I would’ve came up with,” I laughed and Garrett offered me a smug smile as he stood up from the bed. A frown spread across his lips and he looked down at the floor. My body ran cold as he leaned down and started moving stuff around. The bags that I had shoved under the bed made their way on top of the bed. Garrett’s eyes grew dark as he dug through the contents of each one.
“Well, well, well. What is this, my dear Sophie?” He purred dangerously. No amusement showed on his face as he flung everything onto the floor. “Planning to go somewhere, Princess? A trip that wasn’t ran by me?”
“I… Well… You see –“
“Cause you know, that would be bad,” he cut me off. “That would require severe punishment.” He grabbed a bag by the straps and made his way over to me, slowly, confidently. I needed to run. Everything was screaming at me to run.
So I ran.
Or, I tried to. I flung my body across the bed, but he threw the straps of the bag around my neck and pulled me back to him. A yelp screeched out, voicing the terror that gripped my heart. I clawed at the straps, tears running down my face now.
“Trying to run away after I ruined your first attempt?” Garrett clicked his tongue in disapproval at me, wrapping the straps tighter around my throat. “I thought you would know better, Sophie. You disgust me. You’re so fucking stupid, you piece of shit.”
Blackness creeped at the edge of my eyesight and he released me. I fell forward, gasping for air immediately. My throat felt raw and every breath of air was raspy. Garrett walked into the closet for a moment and came back with a baseball bat. He was going to use that on me. I felt it in my gut, but I couldn’t move away. I still needed air. There wasn’t enough air.
Garrett came over and flipped me over. He chuckled at my ragged appearance. Sweat and tears covered my body, my face was red from the lack of air I had just moments ago, and sobs were bubbling up. “P…please…”
My begging earned a full on belly laugh from the monster that loomed over me. Both of his hands gripped the baseball bat and he gave it a swift swing, directing it right into my ribs. A scream ripped from my lungs and I curled up in a ball. The sobs came harder, louder now. Curling up didn’t stop the blows. He went for the side of my ribs now, putting his entire force behind the swings. Two, three, four more swings until he was satisfied.
I laid there, bruised, bloody, and broken. Snot and tears soaked into the comforter as I curled up into myself. Pain pulsed through my body as I tried to register what just happened. My head felt foggy and heavy. All senses were screaming at me that this environment was not safe and that I needed to run. But I couldn’t. I had nowhere to go.
Garrett climbed up on top of me with a knife. If I hadn’t just received the punishment that I did, I would be freaking out. That knife will probably be all over my skin in a moment. Maybe even doing irreversible damage. But at this point, I didn’t care. Let him take me out of my misery finally. I’ve had enough.
“You’re so fucking pathetic.” He took the knife and lightly dragged it over my face, down my throat, and across my bare arms. “I hope you know I don’t like doing this to you, but you need to learn your lesson.” He removed the knife from my skin and placed it on his forearm. The blade sunk deep into his own flesh and he dragged it across the width of his arm. Blood bubbled up from the wound and dripped onto me. Garrett moved his arm above me, making sure every part that he could was covered with his dripping blood.
“You see what you do to me, Sophie? You caused this. You are my pain. You are my depression, my suicide. My life is in your hands. You try to leave, and we both die.” Garrett ripped the shirt off my body and wrapped his arm up in it, tying it up in a knot. “I do nothing but good things for you, and you repay me by causing me to self-harm. It’s a shame, really.”
I said nothing this entire time. My attention was solely on the headboard of the bedframe. His blood was warm and sticky, mixing in with my own body fluids. A single tear left my eye as Garrett got off the bed and cleaned the blade, putting it back where it belonged. “I am going to make dinner now. Clean yourself up before you come up.” And he was gone.
My body ached severely. I touched my ribs softly and hissed. There was definitely something broken in there. Very slowly, I slid out of bed, shuffling to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror. Red coated half of my upper body and face, and the rest of me was drenched in other fluids that came from me. There was more red on the opposite side of me, but I think that came from myself. Black and blue blossomed across my torso, some patches of broken skin presented itself in the blossoming areas. Part of my ribs were dented in and I winced, slowly brushing my fingertips along the area. Definitely broken.
I slowly stripped from the rest of my clothes and surveyed the damage done. My feet slid across the cold tile to the shower and I turned the water as hot as it would go before moving under the stream of water. I stood there and sobbed, attempting to ignore the severe pain that it brought to my body. This sucked. This all sucked. All this because I was swayed by a good looking man at a bookstore. I should have known. I could have prevented this.
I should have known.
~
It had been a month since Garrett had taken a bat to my ribs. I had done every little thing to stay on his good side. I hadn’t received any beatings since then. There had been a few negative comments here and there, but otherwise, things were been good between us. The term good being used loosely of course. I was not happy, and I’d managed to lose another ten pounds. I stopped eating on a daily basis, only having a snack every couple of days. Those days were usually when I hung out with Leena. I had to eat to keep her from investigating further, although I didn’t think she could see through the excuses now with my extra weight loss.
There’s still a dent in my ribs, but the pain had been getting better every day. Breathing didn’t hurt near as bad as it did the first couple of weeks. I kept my ribs wrapped up to try and stabilize everything more, and I think it is helping with the healing process. Maybe not much, but some. I quit my job at the bookstore because I just didn’t have the energy for it anymore. It’s not like I needed the money when I’m living with Garrett anyway. I think he preferred having me at home all the time. It had made him happier.
I watched Garrett at the front door, his bags all packed and surrounding him. I gently crossed my arms over my chest as he double checked to make sure he had his passport and wallet.
“Alright, I think I’m set.” Garrett smiled at me and crossed the short distance to meet me. He leaned down and kissed my lips softly, rubbing my arms with his smooth hands. “Don’t miss me too much while I’m gone.”
I chuckled. “I highly believe that’s impossible.” I heard the words that came out of my mouth, but it didn’t sound like me. It wasn’t my voice. It wasn’t my thoughts.
“It’s only three days, my Princess. You will be fine.” He took my hands in his and gave them a small squeeze. “But I need to head out. The cab is waiting for me.” He turned around and gathered up his bags. The door opened and he stood in the doorframe, glancing back at me, the glaring sun shining behind him. “When I get back, I expect you to be here. You have the entire house to yourself and my credit card is on the island. Go enjoy yourself. You have earned it,” Garrett said, nothing but genuine sweetness lacing his words. He gave me a small wave and closed the door behind him.
Two hours had passed since he had left. I had been sitting on the couch upstairs, staring at the blank TV screen. Garrett hadn’t returned anything that he had forgotten, so now it was my turn to put my own plans into action. I uncovered a burner phone from the couch cushion and called myself a cab, which showed up about ten minutes later. I climbed in the backseat and gave my driver the apartment address.
The worn-out building rolled into view and he parked up front. I tossed him some cash and got out of the smelly death trap. My feet made their way up the concrete steps and I found myself looking at Leena’s front door. I took a deep breath and raised my fist.
“Hey, Sophie!” I glanced over to the direction of the voice and smiled. My building’s landlord, Sarah, came up the stairs and stood next to me. “I was surprised to get a call from you. Are you thinking about moving back into the complex?”
My smile turned grim and Leena’s door opened up. “Sophie? Sarah? Is everything okay?”
I shook my head a little. “This is going to take some time to explain, but I’m in desperate need of your help.” I looked between them both and chewed on my lip. “From both of you.”
Both of their faces held a frown and Leena tilted her head at me. “He’s abusing you, isn’t he?” I didn’t have to say anything. My face said it all for me. Leena’s eyes teared up, but she quickly blinked them away. “Come on. We got you, girl.”
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