「你唔好理我得唔得？」殷書賢無力地講道，佢嘅內心早已比迎面而嚟嘅種種壓力壓垮，「鎅刀比番我⋯」217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp0O3QuN0Nc
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「唔得。」邱茗然堅決地講道，佢怕殷書賢會將鎅刀搶走，所以緊緊地將鎅刀握住，「今次我唔會好似上次咁好人比番把鎅刀你。」217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAltE800od
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「你當我求你啦好唔好⋯」殷書賢伸手出嚟，佢唔想硬搶，只好懇求邱茗然將鎅刀還番比佢，「我真係真係好攰呀⋯真係好辛苦⋯」217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6YhkFCzJF6
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「唔得。」邱茗然搖頭堅決拒絕217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZQ7Aj1juK
217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFhW97Xg16
「比番我！」殷書賢嘅內心有啲忍無可忍嘅感覺，崩潰嘅感覺滲到每一個角落，佢即刻伸手攞，邱茗然緊緊地握實鎅刀喺手中217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19Mu2EJfxp
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「你睇下你隻手。」邱茗然將拎住鎅刀嘅手收到身後，另一隻手一下子捉起殷書賢嘅左手217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGCo7E6gnse
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殷書賢嘅手已經佈滿新嘅傷口，仲有啲係啱啱鎅出嚟，仲有血跡；邱茗然捉住殷書賢嘅手腕，作為朋友又好，邊個都好，佢都唔會比殷書賢繼續傷害自己217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWhgEJesHa
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「你睇下你已經傷到咩地步？」邱茗然眉頭一皺問道，「你要傷害自己到咩地步？」217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7usE8rbUs
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殷書賢抽手，將邱茗然嘅手甩開，佢耷低頭，雙手掩着雙眼托住額頭；邱茗然望住殷書賢手上嘅滲血嘅傷痕，佢知佢辛苦，最近殷書賢一直都講緊佢好攰好辛苦217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVRvSU4ipX
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「我都覺得我要死啦⋯」殷書賢嘅聲線微微顫抖，「就嚟透唔到氣⋯」217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAqNtPNrHUF
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「你咁同我講嘢令媽媽好難過，但我只係為你好」217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYpg4CqJrx
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「第一名對我同爸爸嚟講唔重要，只係想你考得好，DSE考得好，你將來會好行啲」217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTtMKuXjSc
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「唔係要逼你讀醫，只係為你嘅未來好」217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHl4eEQfoX
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「我係過來人，你係我個仔，我點會害你？」217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0KEqJ4AZIB
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對殷書賢嚟講，一句「我係過來人，點會害你」就好似感情勒索一樣，媽媽特登打電話過嚟講一大堆嘢，但原來根本只係兜一大個圈，都係逼佢行呢個「過來人」想佢行嘅路⋯217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj1YsODbsdG
217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa8r3SVt2hj
「我真係唔明⋯點解嚟到呢個關頭，都可以講得咁理直氣壯話係為我好⋯」殷書賢嘅雙手掩住臉，佢好攰，又係身心俱疲嘅一日一樣，「明明只係想佢知道我有幾攰、幾努力、幾比心機⋯想佢反思一下佢到底比咗幾多壓力我，但原來⋯佢都係覺得一啲問題都冇⋯」217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwaalCOZw7s
217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6j28ad1gWm
邱茗然唔知要點樣回答，佢唔係殷書賢，佢唔可能100%了解殷書賢嘅辛苦佢嘅攰，佢可以做嘅，係安靜咁聽殷書賢訴說佢嘅難受⋯217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb7YaotOqwU
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「我由上到高中開始，生活就變到得番讀書；我成個聖誕假，除咗出去玩嗰一日，我每日都係溫緊書⋯」 殷書賢嘅聲線夾雜住明顯嘅難受，「唔係我想要咁樣，而係我冇得揀⋯我好驚，見到成績有少少跌咗就好驚⋯好怕最後會真係令好多個人失望⋯」217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKgNS0e7Yqm
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「喺學校全部都係講住成績，番到屋企梗加唔洗講，我媽又朝提到晚⋯唔係要我一定要考第一，就係一定要考醫學院，DSE嘅成績表上面要有星⋯」217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCWdXbhqrH
217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0W65fR1qYk
「第一名同學霸，就好似離唔開我一樣，但你知唔知有幾重⋯？唔係淨係一個名銜，係一個好重好重嘅期望⋯」殷書賢每一下呼吸，都覺得胸口比重物壓住，要呼吸一口新鮮嘅空氣都覺得好困難，「我冇完成爸媽嘅期望嘅話，代表我唔夠出色⋯我唔係淨係要對得住第一名嘅名，係要對得住所有人嘅期望⋯考唔考到醫學院都唔係最令人窒息嘅事⋯」217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4VEc2hzGQ6
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「唔係咁樣⋯咁，你對得住自己先係最重要嘛⋯」邱茗然嘗試安慰殷書賢，佢冇感同身受，但佢睇到佢嘅窒息，「唔係你唔夠出色，係大家對你期望太高，你對自己要求太高⋯！」217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2mwspt0jFu
217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAXGw1yWCaH
邱茗然望住殷書賢嘅手，不禁沉思起嚟：「到底窒息到咩地步，先會以傷害自己嘅方法令自己有喘息嘅機會？將佢逼到牆角嘅，又係邊個？」217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHsCPbgw7u
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係聽起嚟好似好光榮嘅三個字，作為第一名要對得住嘅事：期望、其他人嘅期望、自己嘅期望，因為人地嘅期望而成為自己嘅期望嘅一部分嘅期望⋯217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKklSNlnwkA
217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOCg7K8g2M0
「我唔想我爸媽失望，佢地亦唔會再比我考一次第二名，我嘅路，佢地安排好，要我去行⋯」殷書賢講咗一啲之後，感覺輕鬆咗少少，但都係好痛，好難受，「佢地嘅期望，好重，好高要求，壓到我好痛⋯我反駁佢只係想佢明白我⋯」217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsPhAYnXEwz
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比起要成為醫生，一份自己冇興趣嘅職業，要入醫學院對殷書賢嚟講，唔係最痛苦：最痛苦嘅係，其他人嘅「一定要做到」嘅要求、目光，將佢狠狠咁壓住，壓到佢根本冇起身嘅能力217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNveufmfZ0b
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喺所有人都追求成為最好最優秀嘅時候，有冇人諗過代價？讀書或者從來都唔辛苦，又或者其實讀書都有讀書嘅苦，只係冇人會去理解217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZggRdk8DKH
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成年人嘅世界中，早就冇咗讀書一回事，佢地唔會理解喺不斷改革嘅教育制度下，學生所承受嘅只係比以前嘅更多217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoCsmtO24vC
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要求你要做到我心中想要嘅模樣，但會唔會忽略咗孩子真正想要嘅嘢？佢做到之後，開心嘅係你定係佢？217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVMiCP8bRE
217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xejHsNFLy
「你唔需要去強逼自己去完成人地嘅期望⋯你完成到自己嘅期望就可以啦⋯」邱茗然將鎅刀收起，從裙袋拎出紙巾，捉起殷書賢嘅手，溫柔地將佢手上滲出嚟嘅血都抹走，「一直保持住喺第一名嘅位置，係你憑實力拎番嚟嘅本事，唔係必然⋯你將來要讀醫，但讀醫係唔係你想行嘅路？如果唔係，唔緊要，你可以揀，呢個係好成績可以得到嘅權利。」217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡisNpWPiISK
217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETyZIOg9dF
殷書賢沉默不語，佢嘅目光定喺佢嘅左手上，其實佢冇思考過自己想要點樣217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUm7IH1WhKf
217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Av8uPu5kl
喺佢嘅成長當中，父母嘅期望對佢嚟講先係最重要，就算唔想都要完成，咁樣先對得住父母對佢嘅要求，佢地先會開心217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8rvfvqSVIi
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「我呀～好欣賞你可以一直靠自己保持喺第一位，但係第一名唔代表一切，唔代表開心、唔代表快樂。」邱茗然微笑道，「我爸媽雖然都會一直講考試考試，要考得好要努力，會攞我同哥哥比較，但佢地唔會要求我按住佢地嘅要求行，因為將來嘅路係我地自己行，當然要揀自己想要嘅路。」217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJAYq9SmqN
217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8zviodnwL
殷書賢沉默不語，要放低自己一直遵從嘅「規則」好困難，早就成為潛意識中嘅習慣，道理佢都明白，但要做到好難217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8JDCUYGi8
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「殷書賢，你唔係讀書嘅機器，亦唔好當自己係讀書機器。」邱茗然輕皺着眉頭，卻以柔和嘅聲線開口講，殷書賢不禁一愣，「就算我地點樣解釋都好，佢地都會唔會明，所以你唔好當自己係機器一樣，遵從自己嘅心就夠。」217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMcSViJXGB4
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IG Link: https://www.instagram.com/nd_cotttoncandy/?hl=zh-tw217Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2jtN9g6HL
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