"You are Beom-Seok Gae. You love the Fearless Leader. You will only smile today."
I dipped my hands into the bowl of dirty water riddled with dead insects placed on the wooden crate in the corner of my shipping container. The inside of it had torn rags fished from trash piles on the side of the road and outside homes. They became my wash cloths when i didn't have time to walk the five kilometres to the local bath house to clean myself.
I didn't have running water, as did everyone else around here. I had to rely on the hot spring for that too; sneaking some of the water everyone bathed in to carry back home and let cool before skimming off the scum that formed its film on the top.
I had been lucky with my bed though. It had been a gift from the Fearless Leader himself on his birthday to me. I knew that wasn't the truth when I saw the used matresses be pulled off the back of the truck and handed to the grabbing hands reaching upwards. The Fearless Leader didn't gift anything that important to people like us. It was just empty words to spread the love of him through to his people.
There wasn't enough to go around, as usual. The matress was a small single child's one that I had to curl up on to try and keep most of my body off the ground. It was indented from my years of sleeping in the same position with my knees hanging over and touching the ground. 156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJ3w9ugeCt
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The matress itself was just black underneath. It didn't look much better on the top either. The dirt from my body and the surroundings outside my shipping container made sure everything had a coating of the rich soil.
There was no door to keep the dirt or insects out. It was just a large hole cut into the side of the shipping container to serve as my only entry and exit. It gave me some relief from the heat that cooked the metal surfaces around me.
On the other side of the container was a photo of the Fearless Leader himself. It was framed in dark oakwood and was the cleanest thing in my home.
It had to be. I had heard stories of people being dragged off to camps and jail just for letting his portrait touch anything unclean.
His brown duster laid below the portrait on another wooden crate. I had wrapped it in a plastic bag to make sure the portrait I cleaned wasn't stained with dirt from everything else around it.
"You love the Fearless Leader. You will only smile today."
I could really have used the wood of the frame to bargain for some beans or rice to eat. But they would know if it was missing. I'd be shot right here for even letting his portrait face such insult.
Although it looked bleek, I was one of the lucky ones. 156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQByEZVOHa
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I had the container to protect me from the sun and rain. I had four walls and a matress to rest my tired body on each night. I was still working on getting a pillow. 156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPgcMHc0ed
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Perhaps I could check the markets today for a substitute?
But, I was lucky. Hae-Won worked the same fields I did and slept in a ditch away from the eyes of the officials. The old woman had a pallet and old tarp as her home, with a broken plastic crate she kept all her life in that her gleeming portrait perched on.
We all got given the same one with its duster when we started the work in these fields. Lined up and blessed with the opportunity to be watched over by the Fearless Leader himself.
What a privilege.
Hae-Won deserved better in her old age. She was stooped over from years of neglect breaking her back over carrying large loads of firewood or plastic to trade for food or warm herself when it got cold. 156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc4fyeaoGru
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Her skin had all sorts of knots and lines like it's own river that spread across her aged body.
She was a beautiful soul; the only one I trusted out here. She had been working these fields before I was even born, and shared her wisdom with me when I started five years ago.
She sacrificed some of her own finds to help bring me beans that I had growing out of my own shit behind my shipping container, and shared the delicious vegetables they provided for us in return.
The world needed more selfless souls like Hae-Won in it.
She waited for me outside my home when I exited. She always looked like she was bowing in deep respect from her stooped figure, having shuffled all the way over from her own home peeking in the distance.
"Have you finished praising our Perfect Leader?" her brown eyes sparkled mischievously at me "dusted off his crown?"
"Hae-Won" I smirked back at her, bending to her level "have you remembered to smile today? 156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZz6fScYWMp
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You can't slip up now."
She huffed and nodded, forcing one that showed her missing teeth and gummy smile.
Such a character. Acting like she was a woman out of one of her secret movies.
She loved them. Seeing how other women lived and were loved was what she always wanted. She told me many times when we watched them together in the cover of darkness that all she wanted was to spin around in a dress like thiers and wear pearl earrings.
"We will go to the markets after work today" she winked to me when I joined her side to start the walk down the dusty trail towards the fields stretching into the distance "something delicious might be there."
I chuckled at her. The romance movies on thier usbs were what she was hunting. Since they were illegal to watch, she had to resort to codewords to smuggle the ones she wanted home.
We were only allowed to watch one of three channels of propeganda speeches given about the Fearless Leader. One was only available in the morning, while the other two were streamed on the weekends. For those with electricity, that was thier only luxury on TV before it was cut off by the government each afternoon to conserve what little power our country had.
Music was illegal too, except for the few patriotic songs the Fearless Leader accepted about himself to have broadcast on repeat. 156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwX3c5b7DnV
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'Handprints in our Hearts' was the favourite and blasted so often that we were forced to memorize it so we could sing about our Leader's accomplishments and power. Not knowing the words was an indicator that you didn't respect the Leader enough to learn about his many accomplishments, and was punishable.
"Ah, I can hear it already" Hae-Won pulled a hand to her ear "the sound of the flocks gathering."
She was being quite daring today. I straightened my face into a blank slate while her giggle tapered off into the same emotionless look.
We reached the front gates of the fields where others were lined up and awaited to file inside the building beside the massive gates.
The whole field was fenced in. We wouldn't be able to leave until we had broken the blisters on our hands and dried out our aching throats under the boiling sun.
Large speakers blasted the sound of the Fearless Leader's new obsession; 'Handprints in our Hearts'.
The officials here thought it boosted morale amongst the workers, but it only caused more headaches until we could place distance between the blaring noise and ourselves on the other side of the fence.
When we were processed through into the building, everyone lined up in the rows in front of a large portrait of the Fearless Leader that dominated the back wall. It had sprays of bright flowers on each side to broader his beaming face with beauty.
There was only quiet when we all awaited our orders. Everyone was evenly spaced in thier lines, thier tired and marked faces looking to the pristine Leader's with hope.
He had never worked a day in his life. And here we were, breaking our backs and tearing our hands for his words of freedom and stories of a better Korea.
A woman made her way across the front of the room, her high heels clicking as she walked. Her uniform was clean and pressed, the red star on her collar shined to perfection.
Not a single hair was out of place while everyone else gazing to her was in varying stages of filth. They had tried to clean it from themselves, but it was painfully obvious when it was beside someone in a higher community.
"Let us thank our Fearless Leader for granting us another wonderful day to provide for our country!"
We all bowed before the portrait when the woman did, keeping our eyes to the ground and our hands to our sides.
"Thank you for caring for us, Fearless Leader" I chimed in with the rest before straightening.
"Lets thank our Fearless Leader for loving every one of us and giving us such a bountiful harvest!"
"Only you could make this possible, Fearless Leader" I recited with another bow.
"Our future is bright because of his sacrifice! Thank you, Fearless Leader!"
"Thank you, Fearless Leader!"
The words rang out with our final bow to the portrait the woman beemed up at. Once everyone had straightened again, the lines were filed through the back of the room where tools were marked off and distributed. They were cared for better than anyone who carried them out to the green fields.
Officials in white outfits and gas masks led the way into the fields to split off into the designated sections. I carried Hae-Won's hoe with my own, watching her shuffle along in front of me.
It felt like we were prisoners chained together in a line. The officials always carried a gun with them when they led the way.
The told us it was to keep us safe from animals, but everyone knew it was to stop us from running.
There was no forgiveness here. My own grandmother had been gunned down after toiling the fields her whole life to give herself some sort of chance of survival. The Fearless Leader had called for a speech that everyone was forced to attend. With the long hours taking thier toll, my grandmother dozed off during his talk and was promptly gunned down in front of hundreds of people.
Public executions were not unusual. They instilled the fear the country used to keep its citizens in line. 156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvdYIr5hE90
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No-one fought for my grandmother because they couldn't. She was dragged away as the speech continued onwards.
My mother eventually birthed me many years after that, unable to do a thing to stop the cycle of viciousness. She would always remind me to keep my mouth shut and my head high. That's how you got by in this world full of eyes. 156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbtcQw0YDFd
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The same world who whispered into the ears of officials when she wanted to lighten her life with outsiders music. They made sure she never sang again.
Keep your mouth shut, your head down, and don't forget to smile; or you'll be next, Beom-Seok.
You love the Fearless Leader.
His influence was everwhere. The same song blasted over the field as I handed Hae-Won her hoe to smash into the dirt. The Fearless Leader watched us from a billboard planted just inside the fence that stretched the entire length.
It was bright red; the colour of importance. Everything belonging to the Fearless Leader was stained red, from the flag itself to the pins on officials collars and thier patriotic posters.
Red like blood.
Hae-Won and I didn't speak to each other while the official roamed.156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9PcpSvzOrg
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We kept our focus on the task of tearing potatoes from the dirt to toss into the piles gathered beside us.
We wouldn't see a single one. These were all part of the 'sacrifice' from the Fearless Leader himself.
He tore food from our mouths to feed his own people and waste the rest. He was the only one I knew that was so fat from greed. Everyone else was skin and bones trying to scrape together a fraction of what was hand- delivered to him and his inner circle. Everyone else had to fend for themselves on what he trickled down.
You love the Fearless Leader.
I saw Hae-Won struggle with her hoe when it split the potatoes she needed. She was sweating under the blistering sun that had already sizzled its way across my bent neck, wiping her forehead with her shirt before she continued on.
My throat felt like it was trying to swallow dry cloth already. Each attempt to moisten it on my tacky saliva only made it burn and crack.
I needed water. But that would mean leaving work so soon to get some. I hadn't ploughed the fields nearly long enough to be granted my break.
I saw Hae-Won lift her head up at the sound of faint buzzing. I did too, spotting the cause for it and feeling my heart drop into my knotted stomach.
Others pulled thier gazes upwards for a brief moment before forcing themselves to ignore the approaching plane
We all knew what was coming, but none of us were ready for it.
"It's just rain" Hae-Won forced a smile to me when she turned back to the field with me "just rain, Beom-Seok."
She had told me the same thing when I had seen the planes fly over on my first day here. She knew what had been coming and tried to calm me with something that was a better distraction from the reality.
The plane growled through the sky as it cleared the air and droned through the beginning of the field in the distance. I saw the white cloud billow from under its split belly to pour over the fields and everyone in it.
Just rain. Just rain. Just rain.
Hae-Won tucked her head in and hunched her shoulders forward to try and shield as much as her body as she could when the plane came barreling by with its cloud of Rain.
We both kept our heads low and eyes squeezed shut as the cloud poured over us and coated everything in the air.
There was choked gasps immediently around us. Hae-Won held her shirt to her nose, sputtering out when the chemicals wedged thier way through the fabric.
I could feel each breath coating my throat and burning my lungs. Each patch of exposed skin the cloud rained on boiled and burrowed through me.
My sweat felt like hot acid slipping into holes in my own skin. The shirt mask I clutched over my face saved it from the rain. My lungs, however, foamed and bubbled within me.
The plane looped its way through the sky and away from the fields. It would give us enough time to recover from the burns of the first wave before returning with another flooding of the hot rain.
Hae-Won was already back to ploughing between her fits of violent whooping coughing. I choked up alongside her, feeling the hot saliva dribbling from my cracked lips as I did.
A few more minutes and I'll be able to breathe properly again. Don't complain or cry; this is all for the bright future of the country.
I heard many on the verge of tears trying to fight through it. I felt myself slipping before another voice rose up, but not to complain. It sang, softly at first, then louder. It followed the tune of the song already blasting over the field.
It was joined by another who strengthened the first. Another joined, growing in volume.
This hid the sounds of anguish of those who hadn't prepared for the chemical rain. Without the sounds to follow, the officials couldn't find who they needed to punish for disrespecting the aid that had been washed over them to help boost the crops.
The voices all sang in pained unison in the potato fields, carrying the tune of the propeganda lifting over them. Hoes struck the dirt as it spread, more joining the act of defiance concealed as one of solidarity and praise.
My voice warbled out when workers around me joined the tune. Hae-Won smiled through her pain and did the same, looking to me when she cut her way through the earth.
Her confident spirit fuelled me onwards until the sounds of the plane returning tapered our song and spilled a new wave of rain over us as we bowed thier heads to save themselves once more.
You will only smile today, Beom-Seok.
Keep your head low and mouth shut.
Breathe.
Sing to save those around you.
You will not die today.
You love the Fearless Leader.
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