⚠️Warning⚠️ Contains violence and very mild gore
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For as long as I have lived, I never had a single dream. The concept was foreign and I longed for years to experience what others could. To imagine a wonderful, strange world that entertained my subconscious as I slept. I wished for any dream, even if it was a nightmare. My wife, Cherie, never understood my fascination with dreaming. She always said that I was not missing out and my condition could be seen as a blessing. No dreams that scared me awake, stressed me out, or confused me.
But I wanted that. I wanted those experiences.
The desire only grew within me as I researched possible ways to force my mind to dream while I slept. I wanted to remember and share the fun, scary stories that others did. Many of the methods I attempted never worked and I always awoke disappointed. For my thirty-first birthday, my brother gifted me with a book on the topic of dreams. He acquired it from a small shop in a back alleyway during one of his vacations. I took interest in it as it was nothing like I had ever seen before.
It was old, decorated with gold and silver, and had wonderful drawings on the inside. I had read it cover to cover the first night.
I wish I hadn’t.
After a few days of following the instructions, I was finally successful. I vividly remember how the dream began. I stood in the middle of a grocery store, my basket full of ingredients for dinner. The only item I was missing was the protein. What type of meat goes better with mashed potatoes than steak? Nothing. As I wandered towards the back of the store to the butcher, I found myself in a self-serve butcher shop.
The cows, which stared at me with a knowing gaze, were lined up in a row. Each had a table in front with the necessary tools to cut out the certain cuts of steak and meat. In reality I had no knowledge of butchering meat, yet in the land of my dream, I had perfected the skill.
Each touch and movement I made in the dream felt as if it was real. The sensations of my hand holding the cleaver and cutting into the side of the cow were vivid. My hands tingled as blood ran down my arms with each passing cut. The warm liquid enticing me to continue.
The head of the animal stared at me, its mouth somehow moving and giving me directions of where to cut. I stood alone as I continued to clean every piece of meat off of this cow, its eyes staring at me intently as I followed the instructions.
Cherie appeared next to me, her hand falling gently on my shoulder. “Dear, you can stop.”
The compulsion to continue was strong, my fingers refused to drop the sharp object as my attention turned back to the cow. All the meat had returned.
My work was not done.
The compulsion never ceased as the animal continued to regenerate and it was my duty to clean all the meat out. The eyes hypnotizing me to pursue further.
Loud voices shattered my ears, the dream slowly starting to fade away. Confusion began to overpower my body followed by adrenaline and anxiety.
My body contorted as my arms were locked behind my back, my legs spread to the sides. Instinctively, my head whipped around as my mind was slowly brought back to reality. Bright lights stunned my vision as inaudible voices yelled at me. I could feel a scream leave my lungs as a tight grip held my wrists behind my back.
“Stop Moving!” A voice from above me rang my ears, my body held still from the pressure emitting from whoever was on top.
My voice croaked as my lungs cried for air. “What is happening? What is going on?” My eyes finally adjusted to the room around me. Instantly spotting the familiar blue uniforms, badges, and guns. They were rather difficult to miss as all six of them were pointed at me. I locked eyes with one of the officers who only curled his lip at me.
“Get him out of here.”
My body was yanked up from the floor, the sheer strength of the man behind me was not one I could match. “Cherie!” I called. The officer continued to pull me towards the front door of my house, the bright red and blue lights dancing in the darkness. “Where is she? Where-”
Thoughts instantly left my head as I spotted her.
The beautiful woman I had come to love over so many years lay in a mangled mess on the kitchen floor. Her blood glistened in the dim light. I could tell, even from the front door, her cheeks were stained with tears, her eyes filled with fear. The words were stuck in my throat.
Glancing downwards my pajamas were stained, colored by the crimson liquid seeping from her body. All the strength left my body as they dragged me away from the house. Many pairs of eyes watched me as they loaded me into the back seat of the squad car. I watched as my neighbors whispered to themselves, their eyes in shock and horror. There was no doubt.
I had killed my wife.
Years later, as I sit in my concrete room, I can never forget that night. Everytime I close my eyes, I see Cherie’s eyes in the face of that cow. A constant nightmare that I had once pleaded, begged to experience.
Now I wish I could never dream again.
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