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No Plagiarism!iDGySL9fbGEhWIcvfmQLposted on PENANA 此作者的畫面感以及震撼感的渲染做得十分到位。8964 copyright protection360PENANAQlBLDciYlU 維尼
所以……這是超級賽亞人嗎?8964 copyright protection360PENANAOw4jHXvq0J 維尼
三階頭髮會變長?364Please respect copyright.PENANAKQkTpYkl6P
364Please respect copyright.PENANAsieC3JaoJN
8964 copyright protection360PENANAmkK7zz7Icw 維尼
「喝…….喝啊!」8964 copyright protection360PENANAG1kvGQUqPz 維尼
364Please respect copyright.PENANASj7UUqrMxs
8964 copyright protection360PENANAIpYJVieK5b 維尼
不是,我喜歡拳拳到肉的快感。8964 copyright protection360PENANAVpLBdngcl6 維尼
但你是拳拳到拳。8964 copyright protection360PENANAoAfaC9QnWv 維尼
364Please respect copyright.PENANAdS0ThJ79x7
8964 copyright protection360PENANAIIag5zcudf 維尼
每一下,男主角都去接,沒有怎麼受傷。8964 copyright protection360PENANADdaB8TvaS6 維尼
只有巨人縮小至兩米時,被轟飛的那一下。8964 copyright protection360PENANACOFp1Kj29r 維尼
364Please respect copyright.PENANAQRmiNWN64R
8964 copyright protection360PENANAhFJZedwDL9 維尼
簡單來說就是一部龍傲天作品,並且對話帶點中二的感覺。8964 copyright protection360PENANAGXWuZjRAnh 維尼
可能是我有一點年紀了,並不是那麼喜歡中二的感覺,抱歉,不吃這套。8964 copyright protection360PENANA4ZhrftKWLj 維尼
364Please respect copyright.PENANAvToQxHT6Wv
8964 copyright protection360PENANAKOM9FHRouP 維尼
像開頭所說的,戰鬥的畫面感有到,但主角好像什麼事都沒有一樣,所以男主角一階可以打二階?364Please respect copyright.PENANANdCbO4T2r0
364Please respect copyright.PENANAffQEOYjooR
8964 copyright protection360PENANAg0acGay8kN 維尼
戰鬥模式建議改善,我目前看到的都是拳拳到拳,只有巨人被揍到吐血,好歹也讓男主擦個臉頰破皮吧,請給阿諾斯一個面子,謝謝。8964 copyright protection360PENANAGYM7Hy8zlJ 維尼
364Please respect copyright.PENANAxtkHSgWyGe
8964 copyright protection360PENANAkNsoCIqmb0 維尼
章節的長度問題,在留言區的時候你有跟我提醒了,我不會噴。8964 copyright protection360PENANASYhNuVc8bj 維尼
只是我個人看不慣這樣而已,是否改善就看個人。8964 copyright protection360PENANAGJ1ywfSVG4 維尼
364Please respect copyright.PENANAxZVK6e9HHK
8964 copyright protection360PENANALQ2p6J8H0k 維尼
再來全文一萬六千字,你讓我全看男主角一直在跟巨人族打架?8964 copyright protection360PENANA2pQSiwYXG4 維尼
你有沒有搞錯?8964 copyright protection360PENANAusdnplhFxw 維尼
364Please respect copyright.PENANAGRFjCcpWnh
8964 copyright protection360PENANAmhjbFIm4GK 維尼
一直打同一個人就算了,還打不到臉,最可笑的是艾倫的衣服還會自己修好。8964 copyright protection360PENANAFjjds854MP 維尼
364Please respect copyright.PENANArVqEVbMGA1
8964 copyright protection360PENANAP55uaJsUNo 維尼
我看這個巨人王阿諾斯真的還是回家種田好了,一點敵人的感覺都沒有,戰鬥感有,但刺激感?364Please respect copyright.PENANASpnkPoFs2k
364Please respect copyright.PENANAsKVKZysgcq
8964 copyright protection360PENANAvxVzbSkb1J 維尼
可以很明白的跟你說,完全沒有。8964 copyright protection360PENANAF0W57QdFL5 維尼
364Please respect copyright.PENANAJVYkwpOdKw
8964 copyright protection360PENANA7ak74KtNsE 維尼
「我能看到的就是主角開掛般一階幹二階。」8964 copyright protection360PENANADyzrtOx1eU 維尼
天啊,我發自內心的想讓主角受一點傷,留一點點血吧……8964 copyright protection360PENANAmsVlytjVhz 維尼
364Please respect copyright.PENANA97pSPdFbbY
8964 copyright protection360PENANAc1scugSqYW 維尼
一萬六千字全都給我開掛,還全都給我打同一個種田仔,完全就是在跟我開玩笑。8964 copyright protection360PENANAYdlEsiMlJG 維尼
364Please respect copyright.PENANA34RtokivVE
8964 copyright protection360PENANAwMLQmjjEx1 維尼
在看完第一章結尾後,男主角說要「重新開打」,你他媽還要讓我繼續看這龍傲天VS種田仔。364Please respect copyright.PENANAdvvw4RLece
364Please respect copyright.PENANAzs5AHEsnhq
8964 copyright protection360PENANA8FuzHGouhD 維尼
說實話,我看不下去,抱歉。8964 copyright protection360PENANAEjfmtu4W6O 維尼
364Please respect copyright.PENANAjeZ7NUFzN0
8964 copyright protection360PENANAf2DJ1rk03j 維尼
好歹你也跑一下劇情,做做樣子也好,讀者才不會看的那麼膩。8964 copyright protection360PENANAxHRayNG96n 維尼
看得出來你會切換視角,為什麼不穿插個支線跑來給我們看,至少讓我緩緩龍傲天跟種田仔的戰鬥尷尬氛圍。8964 copyright protection360PENANAmo9uhkoYpd 維尼
364Please respect copyright.PENANACliQSi4Vwa
8964 copyright protection360PENANAe2eHEliVcS 維尼
雖然我噴了那麼多,但該稱讚的我不會審略掉,文筆真的不錯,非常具有畫面感跟史詩般的震撼感,這點是你非常大的優點!8964 copyright protection360PENANA2xpl95H8oy 維尼
364Please respect copyright.PENANAPsSpMIjSUw
8964 copyright protection360PENANA8pmFfPnsuk 維尼
要記住,在一則故事中,需要有起承轉合。8964 copyright protection360PENANANIzSYGFb02 維尼
364Please respect copyright.PENANAs02Sgd7qF5
8964 copyright protection360PENANAvsKHkQWRBf 維尼
序章就是一路碾,實在看不出何來起承轉合,你這是叫起飛。8964 copyright protection360PENANAkuBLzwxNrn 維尼
364Please respect copyright.PENANA9PZlwxNqKv
8964 copyright protection360PENANArSnx6675C1 維尼
明白我的意思嗎?8964 copyright protection360PENANAwFMwZYYYZo 維尼
364Please respect copyright.PENANAn8Oo2Uztg1
8964 copyright protection360PENANAFago4XIEOe 維尼
評語心得:364Please respect copyright.PENANAXhaJxX3CgH
364Please respect copyright.PENANAWjzUwP2NcQ
8964 copyright protection360PENANAzXi5mKnTRt 維尼
1. 故事設定的還算不錯,但總體有點過於中二與自我,8964 copyright protection360PENANAp2BX4ES74I 維尼
364Please respect copyright.PENANAa2GPbm8GtB
8964 copyright protection360PENANATn9kwUrnX5 維尼
2. 簡介打得很棒,有明確吻合主題內容。8964 copyright protection360PENANAjdYoR8F5Qu 維尼
364Please respect copyright.PENANAcTrMmt4tB2
8964 copyright protection360PENANAHc2R4QBjQl 維尼
3. 我每一篇都要講一下序章的用途,實在是有一點懶,序章主要是用簡短的文字去概要整體故事跟世界觀,又或者是作者想在這部作品裡表達的深層涵義。8964 copyright protection360PENANAWRpbyeW5wx 維尼
364Please respect copyright.PENANAvsOhmGJsPK
8964 copyright protection360PENANAoysjTARQam 維尼
4. 節奏拿捏的太長,一直欺負人家種田的,艾倫還是不是人?能不能節奏快點?8964 copyright protection360PENANAIM5Xey3mhb 維尼
364Please respect copyright.PENANAZJxjt730vW
8964 copyright protection360PENANALqMfeBFto5 維尼
5.龍傲天作品沒有不好,也是有許多非常優秀的作品,但我個人不是那麼喜歡龍傲天而已。8964 copyright protection360PENANA94Pnnbdsc9 維尼
364Please respect copyright.PENANAjiV4nFxMWS
8964 copyright protection360PENANA41QKNLUFrK 維尼
總分:50364Please respect copyright.PENANA7gn0nMOTK0
364Please respect copyright.PENANACCRI2tfrav
8964 copyright protection360PENANAiCOUTiiK0n 維尼
如果作者能把打種田仔的節奏拉快,且不要拳拳到拳的尷尬感的話,相信我。8964 copyright protection360PENANAWAemgpRVEO 維尼
你的作品會更加的優秀!8964 copyright protection360PENANAX3iPFNdZC6 維尼
因為你本身就具有寫出壯闊史詩感的流暢文筆,如果上述的缺點加以補正,我相信這部作品就可以稱得上是佳作了。 8964 copyright protection360PENANA7CqIFagWgy 維尼
364Please respect copyright.PENANAFilQiPOn6Z
8964 copyright protection360PENANAY4zy7xuIXL 維尼
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