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“What up, Assad,” Mark said, “giving him the peace sign sideways like some flaky hipster.”
“Hey, what’s up, Mark,” Assad said, looking up from his newspaper, and then he did a double take when he saw Jeanie.
Assad had never seen Mark come into his store with a girl before. No, this was a woman.
Then he eyed Jeanie up and down as if appraising a slave girl for his harem. It was no secret that Assad loved white women, predominantly white girls with big tits and asses, not unlike the black man.
And Assad’s appraisal was not diminished, by Mark’s friendship or Jeanie’s age.
“Hey, who’s the princess?” Assad asked.
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“This is my girlfriend, Jeanie,” he replied, “and Jeanie, this is Assad, the coolest Arab this side of Mecca.”
“Hi, Assad,” Jeanie said shyly, and when she raised her hand to wave, the sleeve, which was too long, flapped over.
“Girlfriend?” Assad asked. “I don’t believe it!”
“But it’s true,” Mark said, nudging Jeanie for validation.
Jeanie immediately hugged Mark dramatically, as if on cue, and raised one leg off the floor.
Assad laughed, “Whoa, when did all this happen?”
“Jeanie is a new student who moved to our town last week. And since she lives next door, I thought I would do the neighborly thing and show her around.”
“And that makes her your girlfriend,” Assad asked.
“Hey, in your country, we would have had to get married by now.”
Assad and Jeanie both laughed.
The store owner looked at Jeanie straightly and said, “Ms., if you’re being held against your will, just blink with one eye.”
And then Assad started blinking spastically.
Mark and Jeanie laughed.
“How can you not love this guy?” Mark said, facing her.
“Well,” Assad conceded, “If this girl has you, then you have my blessing.
Jeanie could feel her face turning red from embarrassment, so she looked away. Assad noticed that hidden freckles displayed like cinnamon specs on her flawless white skin.
“We would like two double scoops of vanilla ice cream,” Mark said.
“Soft cone or Sugar?” Assad asked.
“Sugar,” Mark said.
As Assad was leaving, Jeanie whispered in Mark’s ear, “Oh yea, and dip those in Strawberry Sprinkles.”
Assad gave him the okay sign.
After Assad handed him the cones, Mark gave Jeanie hers and asked him how much.
“On the house,” Assad said graciously.
“I don’t know what to say,” Mark replied.
“Say Yes!”
Mark and Jeanie laughed.
“And let me add a thank you as well,” Mark replied.
“Even better,” Assad replied.
“Can we go in the back?” Mark asked.
“Yeah, sure,” he said.
Before they walked away, Assad said, “Honey, don’t let Mark make himself too comfortable back there.”
Mark and Jeanie both laughed, and Jeanie promised him she wouldn’t.
Assad returned to his stool behind the register, where his newspaper and a.m. radio broadcasted an Arabic news station. It was low but discernible. Mark took Jeanie by the hand and led her to the back, where the tables were.
This section was the store was usually closed off, but he always let Mark and some other regulars sit there whenever they wanted. Assad removed most of the tables because he was running out of room.
Sitting down gave Mark and Jeanie a chance to relax.
“How long have you known Assad?” Jeanie asked.
“Well, he was here before my parents moved here,” Mark said, “so ever since I was old enough to walk to the store by myself.”
“He’s colorful,” she said, “How did you two become friends?”
“When I first moved here, I didn’t know anybody, so I would just hang around the store. I bought comic books but didn’t like how Assad crammed them in, so I started re-organizing them in the rack by popularity.”
“By sales?” she asked.
“No, who I liked better.”
“Plus, he mixed the Marvel and D.C -which was just crazy. I had to separate them because they live in two separate universes.”
“Two Universes?” she asked.
“Yea, it’s like two separate universes, and one doesn’t live in the other. There are cross-overs, but it’s rare. Anyway, one day, Assad saw what I was doing, and I thought he would be mad, but when I explained it to him, he said he liked how I organized his stuff, so he offered me a job.”
Then he imitated Assad, “Hey kid, if you wanted a job, all you had to do was ask.”
“Wow,” Jeanie commented.
“Yea, I started working for him that summer and then on weekends after school. During the summertime, he would make us pizza for lunch, and we would watch “Batman, " the cartoon series.”
“Really?” Jeanie sounded amazed.
“At the time, he had a small color television behind the counter, so we watched Batman every day. I even filled him in on the other characters, so that’s how it all started.”
“A grown man watching cartoons?” Jeanie asked.
“Not just a cartoon -Batman.”
Jeanie rolled her eyes.
“One day, a customer came in the store, went to the back, took something out of the coolers, but decided they didn’t want it. Instead of putting it back, they left it in the aisle.
About an hour later, Assad was cleaning up, singing happily as a lark, when he suddenly saw that sour ice cream melting all over his freshly mopped floor and went Ape-shit!
Even from the back of the store, I could hear him cursing in two languages.
“What did he say?” Jeanie asked.
“It wasn’t what he said but how he said it. He was like an Arabian “Yosemite Sam.” I had never laughed so hard.
“So, one time we had ice creme for dessert, Assad had to go wait on a customer, but instead of finishing mine, I pretended that I forgot to throw it away and left it out for him to find. Then I hid just out of sight by the back door.”
“Why?” Jeanie asked.
“Because cleaning ice cream is one of his pet peeves. It just smears all over the floor whenever he tries.
I wanted to hear him do that voice again, and then Mark imitated Assad: “Blah, blah, white piece of shit, blah, blah, that motherfucker didn’t look retarded, blah blah, and that’s why I never had kids!”
Mark's imitation was spot-on, and even Jeanie couldn’t help laughing.
“What’s his native language?” Jeanie asked.
“I don’t think anybody knows,” Mark said, “half the time, I think Assad just makes shit up.”
“After all this time, you don’t even know what country Assad is from?” Jeanie asked.
“I think we’re at war with them,” Mark whispered, “so it’s safer if we don’t know.”
And then he winked at her.
Jeanie laughed.
“Anyway, as I got older, Assad started to curse more in English and less in Arabic.”
“Why?” she asked.
“I guess he wanted to become more “Americanized,” Mark said.
“I don’t think Assad was setting a very good example for you,” Jeanie replied.
“Me?” Mark countered, “I was the one correcting him.”
“Correcting?” Jeanie asked, confused.
“Sometimes, when Assad cursed in English, he would mispronounce a curse word, so I would help him pronounce it correctly.”
“You helped Assad curse?” Jeanie asked unbelievingly.
“Well, I didn’t want Assad making a fool of himself,” he explained, “I knew that he was going to curse anyway, so I felt he should pronounce it correctly.”
“I don’t know, Mark. Your relationship with Assad sounds slightly dysfunctional.”
“Only Slightly?!” Mark replied.
“Well, I was trying to be nice,” Jeanie said.
“Don’t be!” he replied, “Assad still mispronounces curse words like a fool.”
Jeanie licked her ice cream cone with a comical expression.
“Thank You for playing along, by the way.”
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“I mean the way I introduced you as my girlfriend.”
Mark didn’t want to say anything bad about Assad, but sometimes he could come off as creepy, so he was trying to protect her.
“Well, I hope I was convincing,” Jeanie said.
“It felt very natural,” Mark said, “Could you feel it too?”
Jeanie took another bite of her ice cream so she didn’t have to respond.
“Maybe I should have warned you before I bought you that ice cream cone, though.”
“Warned me about what?” she asked.
“In Michigan, when a guy buys a girl an ice cream cone, they automatically become an item.”
“Item?” she asked. “What do you mean item? Like strawberry sprinkles as a topping?”
“No, more like a boyfriend and girlfriend item.”
“Boyfriend and girlfriend?” she repeated, “I don’t’ think so.”
“I didn’t make the laws,” he replied.
“This isn’t even a date,” she protested.
“We agreed on a common place to eat. Money was exchanged. You’re even wearing my jacket now.”
“Here, you can have it back,” she said, removing it.
“It’s too late,” he stopped her, “you already ate the ice cream. So, the deed’s been done.”
“Easy boy, I think you’ve been eating your ice cream too fast, and the brain freeze is affecting your thinking.”
“If it was just ice cream, you might have had a loophole, but the sprinkles made it binding.”
“I think you’ve been hanging around your friend Assad too long.”
“Mark laughed.
“Have you been to the beach yet?” he asked.
“No, not yet, Jeanie said.”
“Can you swim, Mark asked.
“I’m okay until I can’t feel the sand on the bottom. When I know the water is over my head, then I panic.”
“That’s common with girls, Mark replied.”
“Really?” Jeanie asked.
“Oh yea, my moms like that too,” Mark said.
“But you have a pool?” she asked.
“She doesn’t swim in it.”
“How deep is it?” Jeanie asked.
“I think eight feet at the deep end,” Mark answered.
“Yikes, you won’t catch me down there,” Jeanie said.
“Oh, no, any other fears?”
“No,” Jeanie looked away to avoid his eyes.
“How about Wasps and Bees?”
“The flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz.”
“Why?” he asked.
“Because I thought they would try to steal me at night when I was sleeping.”
“How much do you weigh?”
“Never you mind,” she shot back quickly. “Hey, your mom said a half hour. We’d better go, she reminded him.”
“Okay,” Mark said, “but I want to return to something you mentioned earlier -the pool. I never thought about it before, but maybe it is a little flashy having a swimming pool in our backyard when we live so close to the lake. I wonder how many other people in the neighborhood have swimming pools.”
“We don’t,” Jeanie answered.
“Maybe I mentioned it because I was trying to impress you.” Mark winked at her.
“The best way to impress me is to be yourself,” she replied.
“No, believe me, that wouldn’t impress you.”
“You’re doing okay so far,” Jeanie replied.
“Really?” Mark asked.
“You’re just a little too cocky.”
“Maybe I just need the right girl to help straighten me out?” Mark hinted.
“Any prospects yet?” Jeanie teased.
“Well, there’s this new girl at school who is drop-dead gorgeous. I even managed to get her phone number.”
“How did you pull that off?” Jeanie asked.
“Well, I could tell she was upset when the homeroom teacher made her stand in front of the class to introduce herself, so I hung back a little to check and ensure she was okay.”
“That was very observant of you?” Jeanie said.
“Well, sometimes I can see what other people miss,” Mark said.
“Only a person with a very high level of sensitivity could see that,” she replied.
Mark shrugged; he was trying to appear modest.
“So, what will you do next?” Jeanie asked.
“I’m supposed to call her this Saturday around noonish, but maybe I’ll play it cool and call her around one instead. That way, she won’t think I’m too eager.”
“No-no,” she said. “Never play with a woman’s heart -play it safe, not cool; otherwise, she might think you’re a jerk and be tempted to go out with that other guy who asked her out instead.”
“What other guy?” Mark asked.
“From another class," she replied. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Wot0mJ07I
Mark figured she was bluffing, but she was damn good at it.
“Well, we’ll see on Saturday then, won’t we.” 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4h0HjmsU80
