Private Detective Axel Collins leaned back in his chair and took a long drag of his cigarette as he scanned the note that had been left in his mailbox. It was written in tiny, dainty letters and read. I'm sorry to bother you, Detective Collins, but I hear you're the best detective there is. I have reason to believe my husband has been murdered. I went to the cops, but they didn't take me seriously. I don't have much money to pay you, but you're our only hope. Sincerely, Mrs. Honeycake. Axel twirled the card in his fingers. Business had been slow for the past couple of weeks. "A murder case could be fun," he muttered.
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The next afternoon, Axel arranged a meeting with Mrs. Honeycake. He stared up at the clock as time ticked away. She should be here by now. He thought to himself, Maybe this is all some kind of prank. Just as he was about to leave, he heard the sound of a tiny pitter-patter approaching his office. He got up to see what was making the sound. To his shock, he saw a raccoon standing on two legs wearing a floral Easter bonnet and carrying a basket of muffins. He blinked twice to make sure his eyes weren't deceiving him. She was undoubtedly real. "Um, there are no pets allowed in here! Axel shouted down the empty hallway.
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"I'm not a pet!" The Raccoon said indignantly.
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Axel pretended not to understand her.
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"You can't fool me, detective. The weasels downtown told me all about your ability to communicate with animals."
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Axel silently cursed himself. That's what he gets for trusting weasels. "Yeah, well, my therapist says this all in my head, so..."
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The Raccoon shook her head disapprovingly. "You know, humans think they're the smartest creatures on this planet, but they sure are ignorant about a great many things."
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Axel massaged his temples and let out an exasperated sigh. "What do you want from me?"
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"I am Mrs. Honeycake. I left you a note about my husband."
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Axel pulled the note out of his pocket. He glanced between her and the note. "I didn't know raccoons could write."
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"Of course, we can! We don't have opposable fingers for nothing."
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Axel fought the urge to bang his head against the wall. This was just his luck. Of course, yet another animal needed his help. He wanted to tell her to leave. Nothing good had ever come from him helping animals.
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He grew up in a small hunting town up north. He was born with the terrible curse to understand animals. It's nothing like the movies. There's nothing magical or whimsical about it. Every day he could hear the animals beg for mercy followed by the sound of gunshots. The memories still made him shiver. Sometimes he'd sneak out at night and free animals from the local hunting traps. At the time he'd thought he was a hero, but now he knew better. They wouldn't last long with those injuries. He only prolonged their suffering. Everything came to a head when he staged a jailbreak at the fur factory. He successfully managed to free several of the foxes, but security apprehended him before he could make his grand exit. He can still taste the blood from the beatings he received when the town discovered what he did. "My apologies, Mrs. Honeycake, I can't help you."
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"What? I came all this way, and you're not even going to listen to me?"
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"I'm sorry, I can't do this."
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"But you said you'd help!"
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"That was before I knew you were a raccoon."
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She crossed her arms. "Do you have something against raccoons?"
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"No! It's not that! Everyone back home thinks I'm crazy, I don't want to be a pariah here too. I'm trying to start over."
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She set down her basket and gripped his hand in her paws. "Listen to me detective, You are the only one who can give us animals a voice. If you don't help us no one will. All I want is closure, can you do that for me?"
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He pursed his lips into a thin line and sighed. "Fine, I'll hear you out, but I can't promise there is anything I can do."
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"That's all I ask."
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...
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He led her into his office and hoisted her onto the tall chair across from his. He flipped open his notebook and took a bite of one of her famous cranberry orange muffins, savoring the delectable mix of sour and sweet. Who knew raccoons could bake so well? He swallowed his bite and then spoke. "Tell me everything."
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"It all started with the lawnmowers. It's all their fault!"
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Axel scribbled down Lawnmowers? Into his notebook. "Can you please elaborate on that?"
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"Are you familiar with Lawnmower Supply Corporation?"
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He twirled his pen. "I've heard of them."
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"They bulldozed our burrow to build their new location downtown, and we used our fundamental right to protest."
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"I don't believe the United States Constitution protects raccoons."
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"Well, it should!" She huffed. "We weren't just going to sit there and let them steal our home from us, so we tried our best to inconvenience them. Nothing serious, just leaving paw prints in wet cement and hurling moldy tomatoes at their construction site, nothing that justifies murder."
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Axel gave an understanding nod and jotted that down in his notes. "Tell me more about the night of your husband's murder."
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"We were scavenging for dinner in the dumpsters at KracDonald's when I heard the sound of scraping, followed by my husband's scream. I rushed over to see what was the matter, but when I got there, he was gone."
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"You suspect foul play from the Lawnmower Supply Corporation?"
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"I know they did! After my husband was taken, I saw one of their trucks race out of the parking lot."
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"Interesting. I'll go to the scene of the crime and see what I can find."
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The scent of fryer grease and soggy fries clung to his nostrils as he investigated the alleyway behind KracDonald's. He seldom ate here due to their overall lack of vegetarian options, and he was even less inclined after sifting through their moldy garbage. He shined his flashlight around the dumpster, searching for any signs of a scuffle. Sure enough, the dumpster's interior was covered in jagged claw marks and clumps of grey and black fur. He hopped into the dumpster to get a closer look at the evidence.
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"Excuse me, sir. This is a reputable community, and we don't permit dumpster diving here. Why don't you go to the city instead, I'm sure they have much better garbage there."
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Axel turned around to confront the voice. "I'm not dumpster diving, I'm just looking for something."
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"Well, whatever you're doing, it's not allowed here." The man softened when he spotted Axel's badge. "Oh, you're a detective. Are you here to finally round up the vandals that have been sabotaging the local land development?"
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"My business is confidential," Axel replied as he climbed out of the dumpster. Axel finally got a good look at the person who'd interrupted his investigation. It was a middle-aged man with overly-gelled hair and teeth that were just a little too white, his appearance was almost unsettling, but Axel couldn't place why. There was a small logo embroidered on the left pectoral of his polo shirt. Lawn Mower Supply Corporation. Next to it was a name tag that read: Ronald. Axel probably should've lied and said he was here to catch the vandals. Maybe then this man would be more forthcoming with any information on Mr. Honeycake.
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Ronald let out a dissatisfied grunt, clearly not used to being told no. "Get out of the trash, son." His harsh, commanding, tone sent a jolt of panic down Axel's spine. It made him feel small, like he was a child again.
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Axel gritted his teeth. "I am not your goddamn son!"
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"Woah there, it's just an expression. There's no reason to get upset."
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"I'm sorry, I suppose I overreacted," Axel mumbled.
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The man let out a long sigh. "I've got to get back to work." He glanced back at his green truck with the words Lawnmower Supply Corporation pasted to the side. The back seat of the truck had been torn to bits, and stuffing was falling out of every crevice.
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"What happened to your backseat?"
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Ronald chuckled, but he couldn't keep the perturbed edge out of his voice. "You're a nosy one, aren't you, Detective Collins?"
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"Answer the question."
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The man raised his hands in surrender. "If you must know, I had some trouble getting my cat to the vet."
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Axel raised a skeptical eyebrow but didn't question him further.
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"I really must be going now."
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"I think I'll swing by and do a quick sweep of the store if that's alright with you."
A look of panic flashed through his eyes, but he fought to keep his expression neutral. "You should come with me; I'll give you a ride, and I can give you a personal tour."
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"That's not necessary."
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The man grabbed his wrist. "I insist."
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...
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They drove to the store in uncomfortable silence. Axel kept one hand on the pistol concealed in his jacket, in case things went south. With his free hand, he jotted down the truck's license plate number from memory.
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Ronald glared at him through the corner of his eye the entire drive, but Axel refused to be intimidated by him.
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When they reached the store, the driver slammed the brakes a little too hard, sending Axel lurching forward. "We're here, he announced, stepping out of the vehicle.
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Axel quickly trailed behind him into the store. The first thing that caught Axel's attention as he entered the store was the sweet, earthy smell of hay and oats drifting from the hefty bags of feed. If he knew one thing about raccoons, it was that they never leave a snack untouched. If Mister Honeycake did manage to get in here, he would've gone for the food first. He squatted beside the food bags to see if they had been tampered with in any way.
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"Hey, Gus! Get over here!" Ronald shouted across the store.
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A frazzled-looking young man with thin wire glasses and long curly hair he kept tied in a low ponytail came jogging toward us. He wore a white Lawn Mower Supply Corporation polo shirt with a grease stain on the front. "Good afternoon, sir. What can I do for you?" He panted.
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Ronald slapped Axel on the back a little too hard. "This is Detective Collins he's interested in looking at some lawnmowers today. Why don't you give him the tour?"
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"Wow, really? No one ever wants to take my tour!" Gus exclaimed.
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"Make sure he gets the chance to see everything," Ronald said with an impish grin smeared across his lips.
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The tour went on for a grand total of three hours. Gus rambled for an eternity about everything from spare tractor parts to the difference between every single brand of fertilizer. With every passing second, Axel felt his soul die a little bit more. If he had to listen to another overly detailed description of a lawnmower, he was going to commit arson right there and then. He suspected this was intentional. Lawnmower Supply Company wanted him to leave and never come back. Which was exactly why he was going to do the opposite. If they were trying this hard to deter him he must be getting close to something they didn't want him to find. He stood there patiently and forced a grin throughout the entirety of the tour.
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When they reached the gardening section, Axel heard a strange noise coming from the vent. He pressed his ear up against it, and sure enough, he heard the distant echoes of something scratching and chittering.
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"Please don't touch that," Gus warned. "Ronald will be mad."
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"Oh yeah, what's he hiding down there?"
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Gus's face flushed bright red. "Um, nothing! Why would there be anything down there? That's ridiculous! Ronald hates it when customers get their germs all over the vents, that's all. I promise!"
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"Oh sorry, my bad," He said, unhanding the vent with every intention of coming back to investigate later.
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Gus appeared to silently congratulate himself, thinking Axel fell for his obvious lie before continuing his tour.
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When they finally reached the end of the tour, Ronald was there to greet them at the front door. "Well, hello there Detective Collins. I hope you enjoyed your tour," he said.
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"It was delightful," Axel replied through clenched teeth.
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"Have you decided which lawnmower you're going to buy? We're having a big sale today."
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"I live in a city apartment, so I don't have any use for one, sorry." He wasn't sorry, not even a little bit, but Axel didn't want to further anger the powers that be at the Lawn Mower Supply Corporation.
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"Then you're in the wrong place, friend. All we sell here is equipment for lawns and gardens, and if you don't have either, I'm afraid there's nothing for you here." Ronald practically shoved Axel out the front door. "It was nice meeting you, Detective Collins. Have a nice life." Ronald ushered him outside and slammed the glass door behind him, leaving Axel alone on the sidewalk. He had to suppress the urge to scream. Ronald may be the most aggravating human being on planet Earth. Very few people had the power to rile him up like this, but Ronald was far too reminiscent of the people from his hometown who always made him feel less than.
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Axel slumped down on the curb in defeat; there was no way he could investigate while Ronald was breathing down his neck. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of a fox wearing a green striped scarf, watching the chickens through the window with a ravenous look in its eyes. A drip of drool slid out of its mouth as it panted loudly.
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"Hey! Can you salivate a little quieter? I'm trying to think!" Axel snapped.
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The fox huffed. "Humans are so rude."
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"I'm sorry, I'm just really stressed right now."
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The fox squinted, assessing him closely. "You can understand me?"
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"Yeah, I can. It's a unique quirk of mine. I've been able to do it ever since I was a kid.
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The fox extended their paw for him to shake. "My name is Pip Foxberry, it's a pleasure to meet you, kind sir."
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"Detective Axel Collins," He introduced himself.
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Pip spun around in excited circles! "Oh, my God! Really? My friends are never going to believe this!"
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"You're acting like I'm a celebrity or something."
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"To us foxes, you are! You're the one who staged the breakout at the fur factory. You're our hero. There aren't many kind humans left in this world. Thank you for being one of them."
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Axel had never thought of it that way. He'd always assumed his crusade was worthless, and all the foxes were killed anyway, but if what Pip is saying is true, at least some of them made it free. Maybe all the beatings weren't for nothing. It can be so isolating when you're the only one who cares for others, but perhaps it's worth it to stand up for what's right, even if you're standing alone. "Hey Pip, are you willing to do a favor for your favorite hero?"
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Pip let out a thoughtful hum. "I could be persuaded to assist you if you purchase me a Krappy Meal from KracDonald's."
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"Deal."
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They returned under the cover of the night, right before the store closed. They waited patiently until Ronald's truck pulled out of the parking lot before hatching their grand scheme. Axel threw on his hood to obstruct his face as he entered the store with Pip tucked snugly inside his jacket. He kept his head down as he slunk past Gus and the other employees and made his way to the vent in the gardening section. Sure enough, when he placed his ear against the vent, he could still hear the sounds of whimpering and claws against metal.
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"You were right! There are animals trapped down there!" Pip's muffled exclamations could be heard from inside Axel's jacket, causing a family of shoppers to give him a wary side-eye.
Once the family had moved on to another aisle, Axel pulled out a screwdriver from his left pocket and unlatched the vent. He fastened a night-vision camera around Pip's neck and hoisted him into the vent. "It's your turn to be a hero now."
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Pip shimmied through the vent in the direction of the sounds, before popping out on the other side.
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"Alright, Pip. What are we looking at here?"
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"I'm in the basement furnace room. There are these huge cages lining all the walls."
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"Do they have animals in them?"
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"Most of them do," Pip said as some feral cats hissed in the background.
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"Do you see any raccoons?"
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"Let me see..." Pip replied, creeping closer to the cages. "Yes! There's one right here!"
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"Great! Ask them if they are Mister Honeycake," Axel instructed.
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"Hello there, are you Mister Honeycake by any chance?"
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"I am. Who the hell are you?" A gruff voice responded.
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"Your wife sent us," Axel explained. "We're here to break you out."
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"I always knew the Missus would pull through."
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Their celebration was cut short by the sound of footsteps approaching.
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"Hurry up, Pip!"
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"I'm trying," Pip whined as they tried to finesse the lock with their teeth. "Got It!"
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Axel let out a sigh of relief. "Amazing job! Now come back to me!"
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The two critters scurried into the vents and climbed to meet Axel on the ground floor. Mister Honeycake's chubby body didn't maneuver through the vents as easily as Pip's did, but they both managed to reach the top. Axel grabbed one of them in each arm and sprinted out the front door, abandoning any sense of stealth he previously had. He didn't stop running until they were safely in his car with the doors locked. He slammed on the gas and sped out of the shopping plaza. Once they were on the road, he finally took a moment to breathe.
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"Are we really going to leave all those animals trapped in there?" Pip asked.
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"I'm sorry, Pip. It's too risky to go back for them now, but thanks to you, we have camera footage, so we can report them for illegally capturing wild animals. We will bring them justice for their animal cruelty, I promise." Axel meant every word he said. This wasn't the end, he was going to do whatever it took to keep these animals safe, but first, he had a couple of raccoons he needed to reunite.
ns 15.158.61.12da2
