Ethan -
I need you now, tonight, and forever. I wish you knew that there is love inside of you. And I can feel it. Love finds itself in the simplest things, in many different ways. I wish that was enough to make you confident in your feelings. Have you ever felt love this tender? You’re soooo hot. My screen might as well have been on fire. And then of course there’s everything else - you’re brighter than bright, you’re knowledgeable, you’re funny, you’re resourceful. You’re a guy in full and just a generally amazing person. Which compounds your hotness. Now if only I could unlike you. You want me to write about you? fine. I will. I avoid my feelings for you like animals to wildfire, sprinting somewhere anywhere to get away from the flames licking my heels, tenacious, begging to be seen. Loving you is cracking eggs and the tops of crème brûlée. It's mining for geodes and working for weeks to burst them from their hard bed. you nourish and pull awe from my body once we break open and that delight is too much for either of us to bear. You kill me. I can't keep my mind off you and you disguise yourself as narratives and haunt my dreams, making it so that every time my eyes open on a new day all that floods down is you, you, you, you. I'm obsessed with you and I'm so obsessed that I think not in a million years could you ever understand that depth. and maybe that's true, maybe you won't, but I never entertain the idea that you might. and you might feel the same. Who can say if it's love or not? Maybe that gem will never reveal itself. but then again... Our relationship is full of maybes. I think I want a yes. You're so beautiful. You remind me of an aged, snug library with dusty books of fairy tales and romances that have been owned by a multitude of people like me, hopelessly in love with someone like you. Before you graduate, I want to at least tell you that you're beautiful and I like your jokes, I like your smile, your laughs, I like all of your actions. even the way you look anxious when I stare at you for too long while we're having small conversations, I like looking at your eyelashes while you speak, your cheeks getting all red when it's cold or when it's hot, i like liking you. And I'll tell you all that at school, one day. Our 7 billion population eventually grew to 8 billion and despite of this fact, I still yearn for you. The you who would tell me about your day, the you who always made me feel enough, and the you who was always there for me. I yearn for the "us" that never happened. I yearn for the love that never blossomed. I yearn for you..
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