56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJ0Jo9zDBr
“Hey shorty, how was your day?” Ravi asked as he sat in my passenger seat. I know he only really came here to fuck. I didn’t know if I was okay with that. We will see where it goes. He was hot. I can't deny that. I have been texting him all day how I can’t wait to kiss him now that he’s here I don’t want to. The old me would be on top of his lap kissing him but that version of me seems to be caged away for someone who doesn’t even want me. Ravi reached over to give me a hug, I hugged him back. A simple gesture to show he cares or something.
“I’m good, how was work?” I tried to come up with shit to talk about. I already wanted this to be over with.
“It was good nothing fun went on, are you ready to cuddle in the back?” Ravi asked me. I mean I guess so.
“Sure I guess.” I replied. We moved the seats down and he laid a blanket down and brought out a pillow from his black Chevy malibu. I guess it was time to see if all those texts were legit. I sat up in my car and just wanted to talk a little more. He laid down and motioned for me to come to him and I just didn’t.
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5D8wAl867D
“Come on girl, come cuddle. Come here you said you wanted to kiss me earlier. Here I am.” Ravi said. He was trying to be charming and I just wanted someone to hold me for a moment so I caved. I went to him and he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. This was nice I guess. I wasn’t instantly warm and relaxed like when Tyler pulled me in. Nothing was going to be like him. I guess this was my new normal and I hated it. The picture from his dad’s facebook filled my eyes. He was already having family dinners with a new girl. I really meant nothing to him. “I'm going to get another blanket so you don’t get cold.” Ravi said. I knew that was just code for so we can fuck. I wasn’t dumb. Seconds later reappeared in my car with the other blanket. He repositioned himself and laid back down pulling me close to him. It all didn’t feel right to me. Something was missing and I couldn't put my finger on it. There wasn’t a spark. I need the spark.
“I did want to kiss you.” I responded. That feeling was now gone. All I could think about was Tyler kissing that blonde chick and my heart was broken. I know he wasn’t to try and make me feel better but that’s just not how it works; at least not for me. Ravi grabbed my face and brought his face to mine and his lips touched mine. He brushed his nose softly against mine like butterfly kisses and I felt nothing. His lips met mine again and he asked for entrance and I allowed it. The kiss was turning me on but I couldn’t get his face out of my mind. His hands grabbed my ass and he deepened the kiss until he was sucking on my lip. It was hot don’t get me wrong but I wanted Tyler to be doing it. His hand traveled to my breasts and he cupped one and released it from it’s restraints. His mouth left mine to meet my breast for the first time I moaned out and his other hand began to unbutton my shorts.
His lips were on mine once again and then traveled to my neck. The kisses were so gentle. I hated it. I wanted what Tyler used to do to me. I wanted to feel his teeth on my neck as he sucked my skin. I hated that I was even comparing the sex. I really wasn’t that turned on or enjoying myself. I think I just wanted this to be over at this point. He was sweet and I hated it. I wanted passion. This was just a fuck. I don’t want this. My shorts were off and his fingers entered me and he began to move them back and forth. It felt okay but they were not really getting the job done. He entered more and I started to feel something and low moans came from my body. Just as I started to feel pleasure he took his fingers out and made me suck on them and entered them again. He did this a few more times. I was over it. It wasn’t as hot as I remember when Tyler did it. My heart hurt thinking we was doing this with that Sam girl.
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡccM2JwNRTB
“I think that’s enough for today.” I said. This was a mistake.
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvpV0606pc
“I want to ask you to be mine.” Ravi said as his shorts came off and entered me. I just said that’s enough for the day. Not put your fucking dick in me. “Will you be mine? How bad do you want to be mine? Do you love me?” He asked.
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfHF8QRKIuA
“Love you? It’s too soon for that. Be yours?” I asked. He thrusted in me a few times and then pulled out. He came already, what a waste of a body count. I was never doing this again. I didn’t get off at all. My phone was ringing through the car. It was Hailey, Thank God. I could kick his ass out of my car. “That’s Hailey, she's on her way so we can work on the trailer. You got to go.” I demanded. He collected his belongings and hopped out of the car trying to put the seats up. I looked out my Blazer’s windshield and saw a young tennager watching us. He just saw the whole thing. Fuck. Oh well. He was laughing as I put my panties and shorts back on. I was never doing this shit again.
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmmo0gdYKdp
“Just leave it, I'll get it.” I just wanted him to fucking go. He continued to try and get the seat up and I repeated myself. He nodded and I pointed to the kid and he just started laughing. I couldn’t wait for him to just leave. He hopped in his car and was off. I put up the seats as the kid watched me and was laughing. I then locked my car and walked over to my trailer. Eddie left to get some parts for the shower. My mom really wanted to try and set me up with him but I never really saw it happening. He wasn’t an ugly guy at all but just not my type, too nice. I need a little bit of a bad boy in my life. I don’t have the personality to deal with a goodie goodie all the time. I needed more. My phone buzzed before I even reached my door. It was Ravi. I hope you enjoyed yourself, don't forget to get Plan B. These motherfuckers. They can just fuck right off. I am done with this shit. Another message came through. Let me know when you’ve taken it. Do you want some money for it? I will let you know when im home. Make sure to eat please. I was so sick and tired of these men wanting to fuck and then tell me what I needed to fucking do. I was livid. It was never like this with Tyler. I want us back.
It’s been over a month since I had any contact with you and you are still everywhere I look. I am really done just trying to fuck you away, it doesn’t work. It seems to be for you though you are with the one girl you told me to never worry about. I guess I really should have looked at your phone more. I was a cheater and liar though right? I don’t understand how we can go from talking everyday to just nothing. It clearly doesn’t bother you at all if you've already moved on. I can see why the girl before me needed therapy because of you. You made me feel like I was the only woman you could ever want or will. Now I’m nothing and thrown to the wind to survive. I guess the lord is just trying to show me I can deal with every hardship in life without you even though it fucking hurts. So. Much. I never knew you could love someone so much and hate them at the same time. No one has ever awakened every single type of emotion in my body before like you have. I am terrified I will never get over us. I wish I could just shut my emotions off like you can Tyler. Here I am writing it all down like you will ever answer me. This is just paper; it won’t answer me. I can wish for answers all I want. The paper will just have my questions; at least it’ll help me heal.
What hurts the most is this Sam chick is blonde and skinnier than me like in all those dreams I had. It’s almost like my subconscious was trying to tell me I was right all along. I went out and fucked Ravi just to try and get my mind off of you. Guess what same shit I didn’t even enjoy it. I was thinking about Tyler fucking sam. Guess it’s time to buy Plan B again. I have got to stop doing this. I already know it doesn’t help me. Why do I keep doing it? He could care less about what you or he would be blowing up your line. You know him, Hope he is done; move on. Why can’t I? I haven’t ever felt like this. I wish I could just unlove you and ever share any intimate moments with you. At least I have learned to ever give that much of myself to someone again. I am broken and probably need some therapy but I won’t let you win. I am stronger than this pull you have on me. Once it’s gone I am putting my walls up so you can’t knock them down. This journal is the first step to my redemption. I will finish at least one of the stories I have written as well. You will be out of my head eventually. If we really are meant to be you’ll find your way back to me.
I have a bunch of guys I can talk to that give me better conversation than we have had in awhile. Somehow I just wish I could tell you how I'm doing. I just want you out of my head at this point. I just need to find a way to not think about you. It’s not with another body on me that's for sure. I opened the trailer door and walked into the bathroom and sat down on the toilet to go pee. I looked around at the almost finished bathroom. I was just missing a vanity and the bathroom was pretty much done. All we had to do was paint it and pick out a vanity. It really hurt that I wasn’t moving in with Tyler. I put so much on the line to make this possible and he just slapped my hand away. I don’t know why I ever go on social media anymore; all it does is cause me pain. Maybe I should just delete everything. Start over. Have no trace of him anywhere. Would that really help though? I let out a sigh before wiping and flushing the toilet. I screamed fuck and punched the hallway putting a hole through the wall. Great! My dad's going to be pissed. I walked over to the kitchen sink and washed my hands off my hand starting to throb. WHat was the point of that? Maybe I should just join a boxing class or something to get my anger out. I have to do something. I walked over to Eddie's tools and looked for some wall putty. He had some. I went over to the hole in the wall and picked away at the small hole so I could fill it. I put the putty in the wall and filled the small hole and got rid of the extra putty.
I should have just left him a year ago when he accused me of wanting his little brother who was only 17 at the time. This fucking sucks. I don’t know how to not think about it. How do I just let 2 years go? How can I never kiss you again? Why am I so hurt when all you did when we were together is hurt me. Why aren’t I happy? I never did enough for you. I wanted to punch everything in my sight. Everything in me was screaming your name but you were nowhere to be found. Tears ran down my face and I mentally scolded myself for letting him bring another tear to my eyes. I saw Eddie’s car back into the parking spot and he came into the house. I didn’t know if he could tell I had just been crying or not. I didn’t give a fuck anymore. It’s crazy I had to lose you to be genuine to myself and my emotions.
You knew how to work with each one of my emotions and never leave me bored. I went to what would be my bedroom and looked at the mirror on the closest door. I didn’t even see me anymore. My long brown wavy hair went to the middle of my stomach now and the blonde highlights I once had were now what you call an “ombre”. I had already lost like 10 pounds, I was barely eating anymore. Maybe I will get down to my goal weight finally. Since you have left my stomach is just in knots all the time. I was wearing my contacts today and had on my new glitter eyeshadow. It really brought out my brown eyes. The sparkles from my bra strap were showing and you could really see how much weight I lost in my shorts. The black tank top I was wearing was tucked in and I saw my hourglass figure starting to return. I had a big chest and medium butt and my stomach was starting to slim down now. This Sam girl was still skinnier than me which bugged me. I looked at my wolf tattoo in the mirror and smiled. The one thing that stayed the same throughout the two years. I grabbed the hair tie on my wrist and put my hair up.
“Oh I didn't know you were here.” Eddie said as he walked into the bathroom. Eddie was a sweet guy for sure. Had a nice smile and personality, and was a little heavier. He was Mexican and had nice brown hair and brown eyes with tanner skin. I just wasn’t attracted to him I guess. I know my parents like him a lot but I just don’t see it happening.
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HuIOD2Ip2
“Yeah just waiting for Hailey to show up so we can start washing the walls.” I responded. I grabbed a trash bag and just started picking up bottles that were left everywhere. I needed to do something. I grabbed my phone and started to play some music because just looking around gave me too much time to think. It was painful to just be here, this was supposed to be our home together. I had to keep going because if I stopped I would fall into a bigger hole of self destruction.
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmEyEuoLWQ
“Sorry for the mess. It is just so hot in here. “ Eddie’s voice brought me back to reality.
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBlYTePowCg
“I am just trying to keep myself going is all, no need to be sorry.” I replied. He smiled and went back to work. My phone played Just My Type by the Vamps and my mood increased just a little bit as I started to pick up more trash around the trailer. I waited for Hailey for another hour until she finally showed up with her mom. She instantly gave me a hug already knowing the latest Tyler bullshit. I have been feeling like I'm going to throw up for the past week and a half and it’s because I have no communication with him at all. We washed the walls and all talked for a while. I put on my fake smile once again like I have done for over a month. Maybe eventually I will actually mean it when I smile. We had gotten a lot done, took all the old blinds down old door knobs, almost all the walls were washed and I was so tired.
I had to stop at the store to pick up Plan B. I for sure didn’t want to chance having a child with Ravi; he just was not it. I feel like him continuing after I said we should stop was pretty fucked up. I really just didn’t want to see him ever again. I had zero respect for him at this point at some point in the week he was getting blocked. I’m so upset that I even put myself in a position like this. I just wanted to be yours again, why did you do this to me Tyler. Why did you do this at all? I thought that you wanted a life with me; I guess not. I wish I had a fast forward button to the part of my life where I no longer thought about you all the time. Or have to fight the urge to text or call you only to be granted with a vm greeting. My mom says she understands but does she really? I feel like my heart has been torn from my chest and it hurts to even go on. There is no way he feels the same or he would be here right now trying to make it work with me. Instead his dick is in this Sam girl. I guess he was right. I feel his absence everywhere and I just wanted it to stop. I see him in every love story I watch every sad song, a new lover’s face. He just won’t leave me alone. He really does drive me insane. I wish I would have listened to myself and never given you a shot because here I am broken in so many ways I can’t even describe. You took your shot and destroyed me beyond repair. If you showed up on my doorstep with your luscious lips and smirk I would be putty in your arms. I would let you take me, I’d want it, need it. How will another man ever touch me again? Will I ever actually enjoy it?
“Alright bye guys see you later. Thank you for coming out and helping me.” I said to Hailey and her mom. I was so excited to start this new chapter of my life with my best friend. It was something that we both really needed. We all said our goodbyes and I was on my way home. I turned on the radio and tried to not think about Tyler as I drove back to my mom’s. I really needed to start packing up my shit I only have 2 boxes.
“Hey shorty, how was your day?” Ravi asked as he sat in my passenger seat. I know he only really came here to fuck. I didn’t know if I was okay with that. We will see where it goes. He was hot. I can't deny that. I have been texting him all day how I can’t wait to kiss him now that he’s here I don’t want to. The old me would be on top of his lap kissing him but that version of me seems to be caged away for someone who doesn’t even want me. Ravi reached over to give me a hug, I hugged him back. A simple gesture to show he cares or something.
“I’m good, how was work?” I tried to come up with shit to talk about. I already wanted this to be over with.
“It was good nothing fun went on, are you ready to cuddle in the back?” Ravi asked me. I mean I guess so.
“Sure I guess.” I replied. We moved the seats down and he laid a blanket down and brought out a pillow from his black Chevy malibu. I guess it was time to see if all those texts were legit. I sat up in my car and just wanted to talk a little more. He laid down and motioned for me to come to him and I just didn’t.
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgfA85w4ek8
“Come on girl, come cuddle. Come here you said you wanted to kiss me earlier. Here I am.” Ravi said. He was trying to be charming and I just wanted someone to hold me for a moment so I caved. I went to him and he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. This was nice I guess. I wasn’t instantly warm and relaxed like when Tyler pulled me in. Nothing was going to be like him. I guess this was my new normal and I hated it. The picture from his dad’s facebook filled my eyes. He was already having family dinners with a new girl. I really meant nothing to him. “I'm going to get another blanket so you don’t get cold.” Ravi said. I knew that was just code for so we can fuck. I wasn’t dumb. Seconds later reappeared in my car with the other blanket. He repositioned himself and laid back down pulling me close to him. It all didn’t feel right to me. Something was missing and I couldn't put my finger on it. There wasn’t a spark. I need the spark.
“I did want to kiss you.” I responded. That feeling was now gone. All I could think about was Tyler kissing that blonde chick and my heart was broken. I know he wasn’t to try and make me feel better but that’s just not how it works; at least not for me. Ravi grabbed my face and brought his face to mine and his lips touched mine. He brushed his nose softly against mine like butterfly kisses and I felt nothing. His lips met mine again and he asked for entrance and I allowed it. The kiss was turning me on but I couldn’t get his face out of my mind. His hands grabbed my ass and he deepened the kiss until he was sucking on my lip. It was hot don’t get me wrong but I wanted Tyler to be doing it. His hand traveled to my breasts and he cupped one and released it from it’s restraints. His mouth left mine to meet my breast for the first time I moaned out and his other hand began to unbutton my shorts.
His lips were on mine once again and then traveled to my neck. The kisses were so gentle. I hated it. I wanted what Tyler used to do to me. I wanted to feel his teeth on my neck as he sucked my skin. I hated that I was even comparing the sex. I really wasn’t that turned on or enjoying myself. I think I just wanted this to be over at this point. He was sweet and I hated it. I wanted passion. This was just a fuck. I don’t want this. My shorts were off and his fingers entered me and he began to move them back and forth. It felt okay but they were not really getting the job done. He entered more and I started to feel something and low moans came from my body. Just as I started to feel pleasure he took his fingers out and made me suck on them and entered them again. He did this a few more times. I was over it. It wasn’t as hot as I remember when Tyler did it. My heart hurt thinking we was doing this with that Sam girl.
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB3RNsuRFbZ
“I think that’s enough for today.” I said. This was a mistake.
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxA5n6XTjM
“I want to ask you to be mine.” Ravi said as his shorts came off and entered me. I just said that’s enough for the day. Not put your fucking dick in me. “Will you be mine? How bad do you want to be mine? Do you love me?” He asked.
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1LC7X1tR8P
“Love you? It’s too soon for that. Be yours?” I asked. He thrusted in me a few times and then pulled out. He came already, what a waste of a body count. I was never doing this again. I didn’t get off at all. My phone was ringing through the car. It was Hailey, Thank God. I could kick his ass out of my car. “That’s Hailey, she's on her way so we can work on the trailer. You got to go.” I demanded. He collected his belongings and hopped out of the car trying to put the seats up. I looked out my Blazer’s windshield and saw a young tennager watching us. He just saw the whole thing. Fuck. Oh well. He was laughing as I put my panties and shorts back on. I was never doing this shit again.
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlmnAYeKj1z
“Just leave it, I'll get it.” I just wanted him to fucking go. He continued to try and get the seat up and I repeated myself. He nodded and I pointed to the kid and he just started laughing. I couldn’t wait for him to just leave. He hopped in his car and was off. I put up the seats as the kid watched me and was laughing. I then locked my car and walked over to my trailer. Eddie left to get some parts for the shower. My mom really wanted to try and set me up with him but I never really saw it happening. He wasn’t an ugly guy at all but just not my type, too nice. I need a little bit of a bad boy in my life. I don’t have the personality to deal with a goodie goodie all the time. I needed more. My phone buzzed before I even reached my door. It was Ravi. I hope you enjoyed yourself, don't forget to get Plan B. These motherfuckers. They can just fuck right off. I am done with this shit. Another message came through. Let me know when you’ve taken it. Do you want some money for it? I will let you know when im home. Make sure to eat please. I was so sick and tired of these men wanting to fuck and then tell me what I needed to fucking do. I was livid. It was never like this with Tyler. I want us back.
It’s been over a month since I had any contact with you and you are still everywhere I look. I am really done just trying to fuck you away, it doesn’t work. It seems to be for you though you are with the one girl you told me to never worry about. I guess I really should have looked at your phone more. I was a cheater and liar though right? I don’t understand how we can go from talking everyday to just nothing. It clearly doesn’t bother you at all if you've already moved on. I can see why the girl before me needed therapy because of you. You made me feel like I was the only woman you could ever want or will. Now I’m nothing and thrown to the wind to survive. I guess the lord is just trying to show me I can deal with every hardship in life without you even though it fucking hurts. So. Much. I never knew you could love someone so much and hate them at the same time. No one has ever awakened every single type of emotion in my body before like you have. I am terrified I will never get over us. I wish I could just shut my emotions off like you can Tyler. Here I am writing it all down like you will ever answer me. This is just paper; it won’t answer me. I can wish for answers all I want. The paper will just have my questions; at least it’ll help me heal.
What hurts the most is this Sam chick is blonde and skinnier than me like in all those dreams I had. It’s almost like my subconscious was trying to tell me I was right all along. I went out and fucked Ravi just to try and get my mind off of you. Guess what same shit I didn’t even enjoy it. I was thinking about Tyler fucking sam. Guess it’s time to buy Plan B again. I have got to stop doing this. I already know it doesn’t help me. Why do I keep doing it? He could care less about what you or he would be blowing up your line. You know him, Hope he is done; move on. Why can’t I? I haven’t ever felt like this. I wish I could just unlove you and ever share any intimate moments with you. At least I have learned to ever give that much of myself to someone again. I am broken and probably need some therapy but I won’t let you win. I am stronger than this pull you have on me. Once it’s gone I am putting my walls up so you can’t knock them down. This journal is the first step to my redemption. I will finish at least one of the stories I have written as well. You will be out of my head eventually. If we really are meant to be you’ll find your way back to me.
I have a bunch of guys I can talk to that give me better conversation than we have had in awhile. Somehow I just wish I could tell you how I'm doing. I just want you out of my head at this point. I just need to find a way to not think about you. It’s not with another body on me that's for sure. I opened the trailer door and walked into the bathroom and sat down on the toilet to go pee. I looked around at the almost finished bathroom. I was just missing a vanity and the bathroom was pretty much done. All we had to do was paint it and pick out a vanity. It really hurt that I wasn’t moving in with Tyler. I put so much on the line to make this possible and he just slapped my hand away. I don’t know why I ever go on social media anymore; all it does is cause me pain. Maybe I should just delete everything. Start over. Have no trace of him anywhere. Would that really help though? I let out a sigh before wiping and flushing the toilet. I screamed fuck and punched the hallway putting a hole through the wall. Great! My dad's going to be pissed. I walked over to the kitchen sink and washed my hands off my hand starting to throb. WHat was the point of that? Maybe I should just join a boxing class or something to get my anger out. I have to do something. I walked over to Eddie's tools and looked for some wall putty. He had some. I went over to the hole in the wall and picked away at the small hole so I could fill it. I put the putty in the wall and filled the small hole and got rid of the extra putty.
I should have just left him a year ago when he accused me of wanting his little brother who was only 17 at the time. This fucking sucks. I don’t know how to not think about it. How do I just let 2 years go? How can I never kiss you again? Why am I so hurt when all you did when we were together is hurt me. Why aren’t I happy? I never did enough for you. I wanted to punch everything in my sight. Everything in me was screaming your name but you were nowhere to be found. Tears ran down my face and I mentally scolded myself for letting him bring another tear to my eyes. I saw Eddie’s car back into the parking spot and he came into the house. I didn’t know if he could tell I had just been crying or not. I didn’t give a fuck anymore. It’s crazy I had to lose you to be genuine to myself and my emotions.
You knew how to work with each one of my emotions and never leave me bored. I went to what would be my bedroom and looked at the mirror on the closest door. I didn’t even see me anymore. My long brown wavy hair went to the middle of my stomach now and the blonde highlights I once had were now what you call an “ombre”. I had already lost like 10 pounds, I was barely eating anymore. Maybe I will get down to my goal weight finally. Since you have left my stomach is just in knots all the time. I was wearing my contacts today and had on my new glitter eyeshadow. It really brought out my brown eyes. The sparkles from my bra strap were showing and you could really see how much weight I lost in my shorts. The black tank top I was wearing was tucked in and I saw my hourglass figure starting to return. I had a big chest and medium butt and my stomach was starting to slim down now. This Sam girl was still skinnier than me which bugged me. I looked at my wolf tattoo in the mirror and smiled. The one thing that stayed the same throughout the two years. I grabbed the hair tie on my wrist and put my hair up.
“Oh I didn't know you were here.” Eddie said as he walked into the bathroom. Eddie was a sweet guy for sure. Had a nice smile and personality, and was a little heavier. He was Mexican and had nice brown hair and brown eyes with tanner skin. I just wasn’t attracted to him I guess. I know my parents like him a lot but I just don’t see it happening.
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvxDvhEn9nc
“Yeah just waiting for Hailey to show up so we can start washing the walls.” I responded. I grabbed a trash bag and just started picking up bottles that were left everywhere. I needed to do something. I grabbed my phone and started to play some music because just looking around gave me too much time to think. It was painful to just be here, this was supposed to be our home together. I had to keep going because if I stopped I would fall into a bigger hole of self destruction.
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU11HlbQEN8
“Sorry for the mess. It is just so hot in here. “ Eddie’s voice brought me back to reality.
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCo0sN7tLlB
“I am just trying to keep myself going is all, no need to be sorry.” I replied. He smiled and went back to work. My phone played Just My Type by the Vamps and my mood increased just a little bit as I started to pick up more trash around the trailer. I waited for Hailey for another hour until she finally showed up with her mom. She instantly gave me a hug already knowing the latest Tyler bullshit. I have been feeling like I'm going to throw up for the past week and a half and it’s because I have no communication with him at all. We washed the walls and all talked for a while. I put on my fake smile once again like I have done for over a month. Maybe eventually I will actually mean it when I smile. We had gotten a lot done, took all the old blinds down old door knobs, almost all the walls were washed and I was so tired.
I had to stop at the store to pick up Plan B. I for sure didn’t want to chance having a child with Ravi; he just was not it. I feel like him continuing after I said we should stop was pretty fucked up. I really just didn’t want to see him ever again. I had zero respect for him at this point at some point in the week he was getting blocked. I’m so upset that I even put myself in a position like this. I just wanted to be yours again, why did you do this to me Tyler. Why did you do this at all? I thought that you wanted a life with me; I guess not. I wish I had a fast forward button to the part of my life where I no longer thought about you all the time. Or have to fight the urge to text or call you only to be granted with a vm greeting. My mom says she understands but does she really? I feel like my heart has been torn from my chest and it hurts to even go on. There is no way he feels the same or he would be here right now trying to make it work with me. Instead his dick is in this Sam girl. I guess he was right. I feel his absence everywhere and I just wanted it to stop. I see him in every love story I watch every sad song, a new lover’s face. He just won’t leave me alone. He really does drive me insane. I wish I would have listened to myself and never given you a shot because here I am broken in so many ways I can’t even describe. You took your shot and destroyed me beyond repair. If you showed up on my doorstep with your luscious lips and smirk I would be putty in your arms. I would let you take me, I’d want it, need it. How will another man ever touch me again? Will I ever actually enjoy it?
“Alright bye guys see you later. Thank you for coming out and helping me.” I said to Hailey and her mom. I was so excited to start this new chapter of my life with my best friend. It was something that we both really needed. We all said our goodbyes and I was on my way home. I turned on the radio and tried to not think about Tyler as I drove back to my mom’s. I really needed to start packing up my shit I only have 2 boxes.
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRnRQ3OE2jS
