This is what I originally came up with for this competition but it was too TRIGGERING, please ignore it, it's not my main entry I just wanted to post it for fun. It has implication of murder, mild violence and a very toxic friendship. So if this stuff triggers you ignore this for sure.
We've spent our whole lives side by side, for so many years through our childhood the most vivid moments that remain in frame contain you. There was was no one closer no one who I knew move intimately and yet why do you hurt me so much.
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The air of these summer afternoons procure only soft emotion that resonated from times of long before. Gentle light from the sun reflects if the greenery that hangs over my window frame. From that I realize that far too much dust has been collecting, I cannot longer spend time confusing in stationary it's time to get to work.
I've made so many promises, I kept them carefully as they were scribed by my own hand onto a sheet of velvety paper,
1. I promise will make sure our home is clean for your return.
2. I promise I will wait for you no matter how long it takes for you to return
3. I promise that no matter what you do I will love and trust you as I always have
4. I promise that I will write you a letter and send you a photograph of our home every single day.
So with that in mind, I grasp a broom in my hand and begin to sweep away the dirt accumulated on the floor. No, I can not fully uphold my promises unless our home remains in pristine condition.
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Whenever our time for recess had finally approached you and I along with your group of friends would race each other down to the pond. Of course I couldn't breathe very well especially outside so I always lost stumbling along the way. At the back of the playground no teachers could see us very well. You guys were always so happy as you caught the frogs and tadpoles from the pond. Once one of your friend even caught a fish, to which I demanded them to let it go as they were killing it,but he didn't instead he----- . You bit his hand until he bled forcing him to let it go. Quickly you latched unto my hand, running together, for once I felt as though I could breathe. Dashing over the grassy hills back into the school so no one would ever suspect we were responsible for the bitten hand.
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I know that there is something deathly wrong with me, I wish to punish the world. I went to the hospital as you had told me to, there I met a blind woman I had never seen in my life. Yet her smile was so vibrant as she called me over addressing me by my biker's helmet, that I didn't need.
"Who have you come here to see, you've brought flowers." The woman had gone completely gray and was placed in a wheelchair yet she seemed so lively. Also yes I brought tansies, the ones we would pick at our school yard.
"A friend, I haven't seen him in a couple of years so." I clutched the flowers tighter, why has it been so long? Why did I let it come to this? My hands had begun to the tremble, I just wish to- punish him but am I just punishing myself.
"Lemme guess, you've drifted apart over the years and now sudden tragedy and the notion of how short life is had brought you back to together?" How could she know? Our encounter was brief and yet t it seemed as though she had reached a hand further than you ever had. As she reached out a hand to caress my head overwhelmed with emotion and turmoil.
"Yes exactly like that, I hope to reconcile the time that we lost, even though I know it's not possible." I hold back the tears, my eyes watering as a continuous cycle as the salt burns my eyes.
"I might be blind but I see right through that lie. You're hurt, hurt more than drifting apart over time could ever do. He hurt you, didn't he?"
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I bear only one physical wounds, looking in the mirror I wear no scars from the burdens I've carried and yet, they hurt much. I continue to wipe this mirror again and again and again and again and get nothing changes there was always a smudge.
It brings me back to hanging out in your grandma's cellar, not knowing that it would soon be my home. She kept so many mirror in that dark void it felt like a mirror maze at times. You would make so much of it, disappearing behind one mirror and then reappearing from behind another. It was so fun then, once you even brought some of your favorite toys to play with. There were other times where you would line the mirrors up facing each other creating an endless loop of each other. One day while setting up the mirrors I got upset and threw one of your toys at the mirror shattering it into thousand of tiny shards. Instead of defending me as I would have done for you instantly told your grandma of what I had done. My punishment was to remain in the brutal void all night and that night I couldn't avoid it as I had no where else to go.
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There's something deathly wrong with you, you're becoming more like me by the day. At this point I'm not sure who's in a coma. I went to her funeral, just as you told me to so you could experience it vicariously. I suppose you meant vicariously through the bite mark you left on my arm whilst you were 'mourning'. I met with the widowed husband which somehow doesn't sound quite right.
"My condolences for your wife sir, my best friend he knew her very personally and through him I saw what a beautiful woman she was, she'll be missed" I stuttered over my words, I know it's hard to believe that I was struggling to find words, but somehow I was.
"You're a very respectable young man, but personally, I don't find this to be a day of sorrow, yes she'll be missed but I see today as an accomplishment as she was able to communicate to the world all that she needed to. Now more about this friend of yours." This response would catch anyone off guard especially considering the fact it was delivered with a bubbling grin.
"If you suggest. This friend is very close to me but we've been on an ongoing war ever since I was adopted into his family. I suppose this was his comeback for when I perhaps drove the knife a little too deep." I flicked the dirt off of my shoulder, it hurt so much back then but now the wounds have healed. Now only one remains one that can only be satisfied with punishment.
"My goodness, young people nowadays, what caused persisting conflict ?" The man visibly was taken aback and reasonably so.
"Not sure maybe it was because I was never tame enough, maybe it was because he betrayed me, maybe it was because we loved hurting each other, but I suppose my safest bet is just that we're both pretty bad people."
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The air of the summer afternoons I could never discern whether it brought in the soft emotions you claimed it had. You professed your unconditional love for me in the same letters you accused me of murder in. It's so much like me and somehow that's become so much like you. Though I must say I do miss the gentle way you used to handle me before we became too close.
The light from the sun in never gentle from this this hospital window. Theirs no greenery draping into the window frame to block it. I'm sure that if the you I somewhat longed to encounter once more would find this mess unsettling and be eager to clean it up. I wonder if apart from me like you are now you've reverted back into that tame childlike individual I once knew.
In the midst of my thoughts I find that you are standing before me holding a bouquet of tansies. "Hello, my friend, it's been far too long, I missed you." His smile radiates a soft glow, it feels like forever since I have been able to confide in those reassuring faces.
"Even though it was partially your fault I was landed here." I reach out to rub the tansy petals between my fingers, they seems to wither away. They're almost as delicate as we used to be.
"Yes well it gave me time to think, though I suppose a matter of years might have been overkill." He placed the flowers before me, these were reminiscent of the ones I laid before his friend's grave in hopes he would see them soon.
"And I trust a botanist knows well exactly what these flowers mean" I suppose he has seen them.
"Then I trust we're on mutual terms when I say that this was is far from over." I suppose that time apart could never undo what hatred and pain we have already embedded in each other.
The End?
ns 15.158.61.6da2
