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Chapter Three
Sykoff’s knife fell within the final inch of murder, zooming at Happy’s trembling neck.
One of the palace windows had been hastily replaced, the casement hanging crooked within its wooden frame. The efforts for those repairs shattered in an instant as a pink blur exploded through the window in a shower of glass and smashed into Sykoff faster than a hummingbird flaps its wings, or than a mongoose evades a snake bite, or than a kangaroo—the main point being that it was very fast.
So let’s slow it down, shall we? A foot cloaked in pink fur smashed into Sykoff’s face, smashing his glasses like a twig, rippling the skin across his face like an ocean wave. The lacertyle was launched hundreds of meters in an instant and smashed into the wall directly above the exit doors, cratering it.
Sykoff’s knife had flipped into the air once its owner took a quick airborne trip across the room. A pink hand caught the knife and threw it with lightning speed—sinking the knife into Sykoff’s neck with perfect precision.
The lacertyle choked once, then hung limply from the wall like an infant’s awkward painting on a kitchen fridge.
The courtiers, who sought to flee the room, and found themselves surrounded by guards, now had more to worry over. They did what they do best. They screamed.
Kitara gazed at the newcomer in disbelief. “Bunnie?”
Saliman was shocked as well, halting his attack as he stared at her. “How can she be here? We pursued her through the entire city!”
“I’m here because I’m Bunnie the assassin,” Bunnie growled. She reached down and removed the apple from Happy’s mouth. “Y’all are beyond saving except through death. I’m the angel who’s been sent here to bring your salvation.” She pointed her robotic arms at Salizard, and her metal fists retracted only to be replaced with the twin barrels of guns.
“No!” Saliman cried, leaping at Bunnie.
Bunnie fired an explosive storm of bullets at Salizard, the muzzle flashes lighting up her face, but found her assault intercepted by Saliman. The bullets clanked off his armor as he approached, wildly swinging his halberd. She backflipped out of the way of Saliman’s attack and landed a short distance back, scanning the lacertyle. “So your armor’s able to resist my bullets, eh?” She retracted the guns into her arms and massive twin metallic blades replaced them. “I’ll just have to take care of this the old-fashioned way.”
“Bunnie!” Kitara cried, glancing at Lambert’s motionless body. “Our—our informant is dead! I messed up!”
Bunnie appraised Lambert’s still form, then met Kitara’s anguished gaze. “There’s nothing more than can be done about that. You’re still alive, aren’t you? Then let’s finish the mission.”
With all the chaos raging through the palace, everyone’s attention had ceased to register Salizard. But the lacertyle king was livid now that his initial shock had worn off, and the true reality of the situation began to register in his small reptilian brain. He’d picked up a golden trident that rested against the wall behind the throne and advanced towards Kitara as stealthily as a fat orange lizard can. The felinyne, whose instincts were usually as sharp as a tack, was absorbed in a storm of shock and grief that allowed Salizard to creep within striking distance—and so he struck with a snarl, thrusting the trident at Kitara as his skin flared red with anger.
Kitara scarcely avoided the attack, skipping out of the way just in the nick of time.
“What are you doing!” Bunnie demanded. “Take off his head already!”
“I don’t have my weapon!” Kitara cried, evading several more furious strikes from Salizard.
“Die, die, die, die, die!” Salizard sputtered, saliva spraying from his mouth.
Saliman gestured at his guards. “The courtiers can be punished later! Kill the assassins first”—his eyes slid toward Happy—“and slay that cursed leporidite!” He charged at Bunnie.
“Damn it,” Bunnie cursed, tearing her gaze away from Kitara as she engaged Saliman in a devastating bout of combat, her twin blades flashing in the lights of the palace as she twirled and flipped, clashing against Saliman’s halberd with a clamor like gunfire.
The Elite Guard charged across the room in response to their orders, and formed detachments that converged on Kitara and Bunnie. One guard barreled toward Happy, raising a curved sword high above his head as he descended upon the leporidite with a snarl.
Happy gritted her teeth as the lethal attack zoomed at her face, then rolled to the side, evading the blade, which sunk into the table.
The guard stared down at her in disbelief, a disbelief that matched the surprise in Happy’s eyes. Then he regained his composure and yanked out his sword, returning with a swifter attempt.
Happy rolled in the opposite direction, evading the second attack, then picked up her silver platter to block a third swing—but the platter shattered from the attack, sending Happy flying off the table. She landed in a rough heap, grunting as she forced herself into a sitting position—but her eyes widened with horror as she found the guard descending upon her with his sword, his eyes filled with crazed bloodlust.
A shuriken larger than a platter flew through the air like a bullet, smashing into the guard’s chest, bisecting him into two pieces that equally spurted geysers of blood. The owner of the shuriken landed beside Happy and caught her weapon.
Bunnie somersaulted as she clashed with innumerable guards, ducked countless slashes, rolled, scissored through the forms of her foes with her blades, parried lunging strikes from Saliman, then backflipped a great distance to catch her breath as she surveyed the situation. Her eyes lit up as she noticed the newcomer beside Happy. “Foxxess!”
Saliman pointed a scaly finger at the vulpusite. “Kill her!”
Foxxess smiled wryly, eyeing the wave of guards that stampeded toward her. “I’m glad to see you too, Bunnie.” She frowned, narrowing her eyes as she braced herself for battle. “But a reaction like that must mean that things aren’t going according to plan.”
Kitara narrowly avoided a wide swing from Salizard, losing her footing and rolling across the floor. She got up to a knee and grimly met Foxxess’ gaze. “It’s all my fault.”
Foxxess vanished in a blur. The massive shuriken ripped through the air, cleaving through guards like stalks of grass, and a blur could be glimpsed occasionally interacting with the weapon, but the ninja star maintained its strangely autonomous assault as if it was a combatant all on its own. Foxxess became visible for an instant, and the guards surrounding her leapt at their chance; they sprang into the air with their various weapons pointed at the vulpusite, but Foxxess slipped a hand inside her clothing’s open bosom and a multitude of small shurikens filled the air like rain. The ninja stars struck their victims in vital areas with perfect precision, bringing over a dozen guards down into a crashing heap on the floor in a split-second.
With that immediate concern taken care of, Foxxess glanced derisively at Kitara. “Kitara. Have you forgotten so quickly what I told you about controlling your emotions! You’re a powerful manifestor—you must create the reality of your victory with your will and actions.”
Kitara gnashed her teeth in anguish as tears welled up in her eyes. “All I’ve manifested is the death of Lambert! I didn’t follow Bunnie’s plan! Now we could fail this entire mission because of me!”
A second wave of foes, who were much more fearsome than the former that Foxxess had dispatched—their cruel eyes possessed the savage glint of many battles, and their weapons were sharpened to wicked points—charged at Foxxess and Happy.
Foxxess gritted her teeth, gripping her bloodied shuriken. “We will not lose, Kitara. We’re depending on you, and we know you’ll succeed because you always do.”
Salizard laughed harshly, surveying the battle. “Both of your friends are being overwhelmed by my Elite Guard. And you, Kitara, will soon be dead at my hands. You’re pathetic! You’ve already lost!” He executed a lightning-fast slash in an instant, lunging at Kitara.
Kitara tried to evade, but her doubt and exhaustion slowed her movements. The tips of the trident scraped across her chest, tearing away the front of her robes and spraying blood into the air. She cried out as she flew through the air and crumpled to the ground.
“Hahaha!” Salizard cackled, leisurely strolling toward Kitara. His eyes flicked toward Lambert’s corpse, which rested a short distance behind Kitara. “How sweet. You get to die beside the traitorous filth who you adore so much.” He raised his trident, staring down at the gasping felinyne, who stared up at him with wide eyes full of despair. “Rebels believe they can resist the power of the system. They believe that their actions, however small, pathetic, or suicidal, will make a difference in the end.
“However, I see now in your eyes that you’ve realized the error in that thinking. The only correct way to live is to put your head down and submit to the current power structure. But it’s too late for that now.” Salizard grinned savagely. “All of your efforts were for nothing. You will die here as the insignificant, pathetic fool that you are.” He readied his trident for the finishing below.
“Kitara …”
Kitara’s eyes widened. She glanced back to find Lambert crawling toward her, leaving a trail of blood behind him. “Lambert?”
A weary yet determined look captured Lambert’s eyes. “Never give up on yourself.” He held out a metallic cylinder, bloody fingerprints tainting its polished surface. “Your … soulsaber. Use it to win.”
Salizard brought down his trident. “Die, vermin!”
Lambert threw the soulsaber.
Crimson light illuminated Kitara’s face.
The trident slammed into Kitara—or rather, the blurred afterimage of her because she was no longer there. The felinyne now stood a distance behind Salizard, her back bared to him as the tattered remnants of her robe fluttered like a cape, her right hand gripping a peculiar sword formed by glowing red energy—the true manifestation of her soulsaber.
Salizard blinked. His trident shattered into a dozen steaming pieces. Then his left hand burst off his body like a bullet, leaving behind a steaming stump. He screamed, clutching at his injured limb as he whirled around. He stared in fear at Kitara, whimpering.
“Die,” Kitara said, stepping toward him, bloodlust consuming her blood-red eyes. She leapt at the terrified lacertyle, but her crimson saber slammed into the shaft of a familiar golden weapon.
Saliman gritted his teeth, shielding Salizard with his halberd. “Flee, Your Majesty! I’ll hold her off.”
Kitara’s eyes widened as she stared at Salizard’s halberd. “Your halberd can resist my soulsaber? That should be impossible!”
Salizard fired blurring thrusts at Kitara, which she evaded as she redirected the blow with swings of her soulsaber. “My weapon is forged of the finest metal on the planet Carpon! And my will to protect my king is beyond your squalid imagination, wretched assassin!”
Foxxess shot a desperate glance at Kitara as she clashed against unending waves of fierce guards. “Kitara! It’s the truth of your emotions that powers your soulsaber! You must have conviction that you can slice through any obstacle with your saber!
Kitara gritted her teeth as she parried endless slashes from Saliman. “I’m trying!”
“Don’t try!” Bunnie shouted, entangled in her own clusterfrick of a battle, desperately evading tsunamis of attacks. A blade whistled by her, grazing her ear and eliciting a spurt of blood. She recoiled, hissing with pain, then met Kitara’s anxious gaze. “You must believe! Believe in yourself!”
Saliman leapt back, his eyes blazing with hatred as he stared down Kitara. “Looks like I’ll have to pull out a special technique to finish you off! Art of the Lizard, Chameleon’s Camouflage!” His body lit up with golden light, then he vanished from sight.
Kitara stared in confusion, then an invisible force ripped through the air at her face—she skipped to the side but the attack cut into her cheek, scattering drops of blood and flakes of fur. She immediately knelt, evading a blow that whistled overhead, then frantically skipped back, hopping from foot to foot as invisible strikes flew over her shoulders.
“Hahaha!” Saliman gloated. “Your death is inevitable! You’re just guessing where I’ll strike, but sooner or later you’ll guess wrong and have a hole punched through you!”
“Kitara!” a hoarse voice cried. Lambert weakly lifted his head from the floor, but the strength of a million taurite males filled his eyes as he gazed upon his felinyne friend. “The law of attraction! Use your ability to synchronize with your target!”
Kitara backflipped a great distance, then blew out a long breath and closed her eyes. The universal law of attraction. I must match my inner spirit with what I wish to attract.
“It’s time for you to die!” Saliman crowed. A wave of force burst toward Kitara, rippling the fur of her face.
Kitara leaned her head to the side, narrowly evading a translucent attack. She bent backward, escaping another unseeable thrust, then viciously twisted her body into a sideways somersault.
“Impossible!” Saliman cried.
Kitara remained deep in thought as she effortlessly evaded strikes. I must synchronize myself with Saliman. I need to become one with his bloodlust, feel his anger and fear, understand his motivations. Only then can I see in his mind.
A transparent thrust shot through the air, nicking Kitara’s ear, eliciting a spurt of blood.
Saliman cackled. “You’re not invincible! All you’re doing is delaying the inevitable!”
Kitara didn’t flinch from the attack. The inevitable … the only situation that I see as inevitable is my victory. I will manifest that outcome by synchronizing myself with its conditions. Her eyes flared open. She shot out a hand and grabbed an invisible weapon.
“What!” Saliman choked in disbelief.
“The only thing that is inevitable is your death!” Kitara shrieked as she leapt into the air and brought down her saber—her crimson blade sliced into an invisible form as Saliman’s ear-splitting shriek filled the air. Steaming blood sprayed from the transparent body until Kitara’s saber emerged from its target; only then did Saliman’s body reappear, revealing him to be bisected diagonally from shoulder to waist. The two pieces of the lacertyle crumpled to the floor.
Kitara lifted her gaze from her fallen foe, fixing her eyes upon Salizard.
“You believe you’ve won now that you’ve slain the most powerful member of my guard?” Salizard growled, glaring at Kitara venomously. He held up his arm stump. Suddenly, the cauterized wound swelled, then green ooze burst from it like a popped sore. Amid the spray of green liquid, a wholly intact hand emerged.
Kitara knit her brow, staring with wide eyes.
“I’m a lacertyle,” Salizard said, examining his new hand. “I can instantly regenerate my body from any injury … nothing short of completely severing my head will harm me.” He gritted his teeth. “But I’ll never give you the chance to do that. I have all this excess mass on my body for a reason—I will be reborn in my full glory!” He raised his hand and roared as his body swiftly expanded, his limbs contorting and rolling out like fleshy dough, his torso stretching like a rubber band.
Bunnie, Happy, and Foxxess stared in shock—matched by the disbelief of the soldiers surrounding them, who ceased their offensive to watch their king’s horrific transformation.
Within moments, Salizard’s transformation was complete; he stood a dozen times the size of his previous guise, towering over Kitara like a skyscraper. His scales rapidly darkened, shifting from their reddish tone to an inky black sheen. He glared down at Kitara with blazing scarlet eyes, gnashing his sword-like teeth.
Kitara flinched, stepping back as the fur all over her body stood straight up, her eyes trembling with fear.
“You have manifested nothing but failure,” Salizard rumbled, his deep voice echoing throughout the palace. “You cannot defeat me. Resistance is futile. Humble yourself before the God of this world and accept your death!”
Kitara took a deep breath, shuddering as her teeth chattered together, then looked Salizard in the eyes and smiled. “You’re wrong.”
Salizard laughed, but the booming noise sounded more like thunder. “You lie. I can see and smell your fear.”
“Courage is action taken in spite of fear, not the absence of fear,” Kitara said. “I’ve made mistakes. I’ve screwed up time and time again. But I’m still alive. That’s why … that’s why I can still say …” She rose to her full height and pointed her saber at Salizard. “I am the assassin Kitara! Salizard, I’ve come to take your head!”
Salizard’s eyes erupted with fury. “Die!” He drew in a deep breath, then cracked his savage snout open and expelled a blast of searing flame.
Kitara faced down the blazing wave of death without flinching. Her allies and enemies all cowered from their positions behind her, bracing themselves for a fiery end.
Happy squeezed her eyes shut as the rapidly approaching wall of fire lit up her surroundings. “What have I survived this long for?! We’re all going to die!”
Kitara responded by holding forward a hand. “Repulsion!” Her body glowed with purple light, and a blast of invisible force exploded from her palm, meeting the tsunami of fire—splitting the geyser of flames into two columns. A massive triangle of salvation formed behind Kitara as a result, protecting all those who stood behind the felinyne from a fiery demise.
A handful of soldiers who stood outside this area of protection weren’t so lucky, shrieking as the burning wave blasted them into cinders; one guard leapt out of the way just in time, landing on his bottom and scooting back as he watched his comrades disintegrate.
Salizard’s fire breath seized. However, large portions of the room now blazed with dancing flames, raising the temperature inside the palace like it was an oven.
Kitara wiped sweat from her brow, breathing heavily.
“Your temporary resistance will mean nothing in the end!” Salizard roared. “It took all you had to survive that attack! I will finish you off with the next strike!”
“That’s why it’s my turn now,” Kitara growled. “It’s only fair that each player gets a turn in this absurd game of life-and-death.” She threw back her head and screamed: “Art of the Feline, Nine Lives!” Her form exploded into nine identical versions of herself, and the small army of Kitaras sprang into the air like missiles.
Salizard smashed down a massive fist, cratering the ground and shaking the entire room, but the nine Kitaras spiraled up his arm with their crimson sabers, slashing their way up to his shoulder as blood sprayed from their assault with a tremendous downpour. The gargantuan lacertyle bellowed in agony, swinging his arms through the air, swatting at the Kitaras like insects.
All of the Kitaras met their ends from this attack, exploding in sprays of blood—all of the Kitaras save for one, who dove toward Salizard’s face like a falcon.
“Burn up in a fiery hell, you insect who dares defy their God!” Salizard roared, expelling a catastrophic blast of flame at the rapidly descending Kitara.
Kitara gritted her teeth as she descended into the fiery geyser. Purple energy flickered erratically around her form. Come on! I just need a little more power! She unleashed a snarling shriek as her body erupted in purple energy, and an invisible spherical force field pocketed her form, shielding her from the blazing bombardment. She continued her descent, diving into the hellish abyss that was Salizard’s mouth. Screaming flames surrounded her on all sides as she fell down Salizard’s throat, and she stopped suddenly before a fleshy pink wall that scarcely stood visible amid the ongoing firestorm.
This should be the back of his throat, Kitara thought. I need to completely sever the nape of his spine. She lunged forward with her soulsaber, smashing it into the pink flesh, eliciting blood to spray like a geyser into her face.
A horrific scream filled the air like the distorted wail of a monster in a hallucinogenic nightmare.
The purple energy surrounding Kitara flickered like a dysfunctional light bulb. A spurt of fire infiltrated the force field and leapt onto Kitara’s fur, lighting her arms aflame.
Kitara screamed. DAMN IT! Damn, damn, damn—I’m going to burn alive— Her gaze hardened as her eyes flared with crazed determination. NO! I will manifest my victory! I will not accept failure as a possibility! She roared as she smashed down with her blade, blood and steam spraying in her face as her very arms blazed with fire—but a massive bone became visible within the pink flesh as she continued her attack, and she slashed with all her might. Her soulsaber fought incredible resistance from the neck bone, but the sturdy material began to give and suddenly her blade cleaved through the white barrier.
The horrific shriek ceased instantly.
A tiny sliver of the light from the outside world penetrated Kitara’s fiery dark abyss as her soulsaber pushed deeper. As soon as the light hit her face, she felt an incredible force on her back. Before she could even comprehend what was happening, she was flying through the air atop a blast of fire. She descended rapidly to the palace floor, screaming as her entire form erupted in flames.
Behind her, Salizard’s gigantic body stood as still as a statue as fire burst from a gaping hole in the back of his throat. The fire soon ceased, only to be replaced by a geyser of blood, which blanketed the air like red rain.
The drops of blood showered down upon Kitara, extinguishing the fire. She gasped, sitting up amid the scarlet downpour, holding out her hand in wonder as red liquid pooled in her palm.
Salizard’s body slumped to the floor with a titanic crash, cratering the ground beneath him.
Kitara lifted her bloody palm to her mouth and lapped it up, then licked her lips. “Tastes like victory.”
Salizard’s Elite Guard stared unbelievingly at their fallen king—the lacertyles stood so still that they’d make perfect exhibits in a museum.
A faint voice wafted through the air. “Kitara.”
Kitara turned to find Lambert lying on the floor a short distance from her. The terror, pain, and her sudden triumph had distracted her from the bottom line. The bottom line being … Lambert was going to …
“Lambert!” Kitara cried, stumbling through the blood rain, falling to her knees to cradle her wounded friend.
Lambert smiled weakly. “You did it, Kitara. You beat him.”
“No!” Kitara cried, tears spilling down her cheeks. “We beat him together! I couldn’t have done it without you!”
Lambert coughed. “Don’t dismiss yourself. You’re a powerful manifestor … you don’t need me for that.” He coughed again, spitting up blood. “You must go on without me.”
Kitara wept uncontrollably. “No … no! I can’t!”
“You can,” Lambert whispered, a glassy look creeping into his eyes. “I believe in you. Despite everything you’ve been through, you just keep fighting. That’s why … that’s why I’ve always loved … you.” He sighed deeply, expelling his last breath, and his eyes closed for the final time.
Kitara stared blankly at the corpse in her arms. The corpse that had only a moment ago been her dear friend. They had only known each other for a handful of months, yet the purity of Lambert’s character had rubbed off on her—encouraging her to freely express herself, to reveal the most vulnerable, hidden aspects of her being to a confidant whom she knew she could always trust. But now he was gone.
Kitara threw her head back and screamed into the endless downpour of blood. She screamed, and screamed, and screamed until her voice gave out, and she slumped forward, staring emptily at Lambert’s serene face.
The shocked guards remained in their stupor, gazing at Salizard’s corpse, and would likely have remained there if not for the shrill voice that called their attention.
Sykoff strode across bloodied red carpet amid spots of blazing flames, his skin redder than the carpet beneath him as he thrust out a hand. “I am the highest-ranking noble in this kingdom! Since Salizard has fallen in combat, I will assume his role as king of Carpon!”
The guards stared in apprehension.
“Does anyone question the veracity of my words?” Sykoff demanded. “No one is more fit to lead than I! I survived a direct assassination attempt while loyally attempting to serve the king. My loyalty to this kingdom cannot be questioned, and my intelligence and noble rank are incomparable to the rest!”
The guards continued to stare.
Sykoff sighed in exasperation. “Let me put it this way. Can any of you read?”
The guards knelt in deference to their new king. “All hail King Sykoff! All hail King Sykoff!”
Sykoff pointed a finger at Kitara. “My first act as the new king will be ordering the execution of the assassin Kitara!”
Bunnie landed beside Kitara. She replaced her blades with her hands and shook Kitara by the shoulder. “Kitara! We need to leave!”
Kitara stared ahead blankly. “Leave? How can I leave him … I can’t. I’ll stay here until the end.”
Foxxess sprinted up to Kitara with Happy in hot pursuit. She knelt before Kitara. “Kitara.”
Kitara remained silent.
“Kitara!” Foxxess cried. “If you stay here, you will die. Is that what you want?”
Kitara looked down Lambert. “Maybe … maybe it is what I want.”
Foxxess narrowed her eyes. “Is that what Lambert would have wanted?”
Kitara’s eyes widened.
Foxxess bowed her head, kissing Kitara on the forehead as she embraced her. “I know it hurts. It hurts, but I’m here for you. We have to leave now, okay?”
A tsunami wave of furious soldiers poured through the fiery room, converging upon the assassins.
Kitara laid Lambert on the floor, got to her feet, and met Foxxess’ eyes. “Let’s go.”
The three assassins, with Happy following close behind, fled the oncoming wave of foes.
Happy glanced over her shoulder, then leapt high in the air, clutching her bum as a spear lodged in the ground beneath her. “Eek! They’re going to catch us!”
“No they’re not,” Bunnie growled, scooping Happy into her arms and throwing the small leporidite over her shoulder. “They’ll catch you because you’re slow, fake sis.”
“Fake sis!” Happy cried in indignation. “Is that all I am to you? What was I supposed to call you—the bad dancer with fat thighs?”
Bunnie gave Happy a swift spanking, which the rabbit girl protested with a startled squeak. “My thighs are not fat. They’re muscular.”
“Don’t spank me!” Happy cried.
“I thought someone like you would be used to it,” Bunnie quipped.
“Quit bickering and find us a way out of here!” Foxxess snapped.
Bunnie looked up. “We’ll leave the same way we entered.”
Foxxess followed her gaze and groaned. “The window? Oh, come on.”
The cracked window awaited several dozen meters above the floor, bringing in cool wind from the outside world. The assassins and the hapless Happy were fast approaching their means of escape as spears flew through the air behind them and an army of soldiers bellowed for their heads.
“What’s the big deal?” Bunnie asked. “You came in through that window.”
“I used a rope, okay!” Foxxess snapped. “And I lost that rope during the battle!”
“You’re Moxie Foxxie,” Bunnie said, preparing to spring. “I’m sure you’ll figure something out.”
“Screw you,” Foxxess cursed as Bunnie sprang away with a screaming Happy tagging along. She turned to Kitara. “Hey, Kitara, how will we get out—”
Kitara stuck a hand in Foxxess’ bosom, removed a shuriken, and threw it into the wall. The shuriken struck halfway between the floor and the window, creating a foothold that Kitara sprang upon, landing on it with a single foot before leaping again to clear the window.
Foxxess modestly clutched her chest. “Thanks, but you could’ve asked first!” She hopped onto the shuriken and jumped out the window. Upon entering the bright outside world, where the sun beamed brilliantly into her eyes, she screamed like a little girl. That’s because she fell like a rock and the streets of Lizal city were a long way below. However, as she hurtled toward a painful landing, her training kicked in. I need to cushion my fall with a perfectly-executed roll! Having thought things through, she landed confidently—and grunted as she essentially landed standing, stood there for a moment throbbing with pain, then awkwardly rolled head over heels.
Bunnie stood beside Kitara with an unconscious Happy slung over her shoulder—the poor leporidite girl had a rough time with that fall, just like Foxxess but without the same ego to protect. Bunnie nodded mockingly at Foxxess and gave her a thumbs-up. “Great job. If you were a weaker creature like a human, you’d definitely have broken both legs.”
Foxxess glowered. “Thank you so much. I really needed to hear that.”
“I remember you being much spryer when you first joined our team,” Bunnie remarked. “What changed?” Her eyes travelled down Foxxess’ body and stopped on her rear: a plump instrument that awaited beneath a fluffy red tail. Now, if you’re wondering why I chose the word ‘instrument’—ah, never mind. You would never understand. “Oh, I see. You’ve really been hitting those sweets, haven’t you? If you keep eating that taurite ice cream, you’ll turn into one of them—”
“I am so going to kill you,” Foxxess growled.
The wall behind the bickering assassins exploded, sending chunks of rubble flying in every direction. A lacertyle wielding a giant hammer stood proudly in the entrance, then gnashed his teeth as he led the stampede of soldiers who poured from his makeshift door.
Happy had been woozily contemplating her life atop Bunnie’s shoulder as she repressed the trauma of her recent vertical airborne trip, but the arrival of murderous lizard soldiers snapped her back into the present. “We can talk all you want about your fat ass later. Let’s get out of here!”
Foxxess glowered as she sprinted after Bunnie and Kitara, following the assassins as they blitzed down street after street. “I regret saving you now, you foul-mouthed harlot! Maybe Salizard was right, and I should be enjoying some rabbit stew now!”
Happy’s eyes bugged out of her head. “I’m sorry! Don’t eat me! I’ll just make your ass fatter!”
There is only so much that a self-conscious female of any species can bear to hear about her appearance before snapping. Foxxess was rapidly approaching her limit, and she opened her mouth to seriously issue a remark that would make Happy very unhappy. It’s not hard to plan verbal warfare strategies against someone who spent their life working as a prostit—er, harlo—how about we just settle on the term comfort woman? I’m sure that won’t ruffle any feathers.
Anyways, unfortunately for Foxxess, and fortunately for Happy, she became aware that the street they’d turned into was a dead end. Towering architecture blocked off any possible escape route. The vulpusite’s green eyes filled with worry. “Um, Bunnie? This street is a dead end.”
“I know!” Bunnie said, shouting to be heard over the clamor of hundreds of metal footsteps slamming against the street behind them. “This is our agreed-upon pickup location. Grampa should be dropping in any moment now.”
“He better be!” Foxxess panted, frantically glancing over her shoulder at the impending army of doom.
A massive white spaceship cleared the building that blocked off the end of the street and descended rapidly.
“Yes!” Foxxess cried, pumping a fist in the air.
The spaceship rotated as it descended, displaying one side of its hull. A rough but fairly well-done—if I do say so myself as a cultured narrator of very high intelligence—piece of graffiti had been spray painted onto the ship’s hull, depicting Foxxess in a very ladylike pose. Now, the graffiti’s proportions were a tad unrealistic, but I’d say they weren’t that far away from their inspiration.
Foxxess gasped in horror, then gritted her teeth. “That wretched disgusting old pervert turtle! I’m so going to remind him of that race he lost to Bunnie which he never got over!”
Bunnie shrugged. “Relax, Foxxess. That’s a sensitive topic for Grampa. You might stop his feeble old heart if you bring that up.”
The spaceship rotated further, displaying the other side of its hull. A graffiti painting of Bunnie adorned this side of the spaceship, and I must say that it was spectacular. Truly a work of art. And the proportions weren’t off in the slightest.
Bunnie gnashed her teeth. “That stupid old toothless creepy turtle! My thighs are not that fat!”
Happy stared over Bunnie’s shoulder at the rapidly closing stampede of soldiers. “I don’t care if this turtle dude’s a creep! We need to get on that ship or we’re screwed!”
The spaceship finally lowered to its destination, opening its landing ramp, and not a moment too soon—the assassins flung themselves onto the ramp before it even touched the ground as javelins pierced the air around them. With its cargo successfully obtained, the spaceship shuddered its way into the sky, closing its landing ramp as spears bounced off its hull.
A thin lacertyle wearing a golden cape and crown rushed to the front of the army, shaking his fist at the fleeing spaceship. “Run while you can, cowards! I will avenge the great Salizard and restore honor to this kingdom!”
The spaceship blasted off into the heavens and vanished from sight.
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