我遲疑咗一下,就坐喺阿晴床邊隔住張被攬實佢......我感覺到阿晴喺張被入面震晒,被入面傳出喊聲......
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變成怪物真係好難接受到,而且依家仲要面臨變成傀儡或要抄寫秘典嘅困境......如果我喺阿晴嘅話,我都會想喊出嚟。
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喺出面嘅正常世界,好似阿晴咁樣嘅女仔,應該每日都開開心心咁過正常生活,讀書、拍拖、食飯......而唔係同絕望折磨為伴,每日同啲怪物鬥智鬥勇......
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我都做唔到啲咩,唯有輕輕拍下佢背脊......
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房入面淨係得阿晴嘅喊聲,走廊外面反而一片寂靜,我估訓導主任隻傀儡行開咗?
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「唔好喊啦,快啲瞓......」正當我開口安慰佢嘅時候,阿晴一下拉我落張床度!
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佢兩隻手好大力咁攬返實我......我諗咗一諗,都係覺得呢個時候畀佢攬實就好......可能咁樣畀到啲安全感佢......
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「阿軒......」我望住佢,佢成塊面都係淚痕。
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「我喺度......」
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「你......會唔會嫌棄我......」阿晴隻手捉得更加實。
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「唔會,你係人類,唔係怪物......我哋會一齊離開呢度......同阿源一齊......」
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「嗚嗚......咳......嗚嗚!」阿晴繼續喊,「我都唔係人類嚟......根本冇可能走到!」
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「你點唔係人類......」我繼續安慰阿晴,但佢隨即就掩住我個口。
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「你根本就唔明......!」阿晴好激動,「我見到周圍嘅學生......由人類咁嘅樣變成血肉......然後逐漸變成傀儡......到最後,所有人都變成黑煙......」
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係阿晴嘅認知出現咗變化,好大可能係因為啲孢子嘅緣故......如果當時解剖堂我冇猶疑,就唔到阿晴變成咁......一諗到呢度,我又覺得後悔起嚟......
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「你記唔記得尋日隻『尖叫』......即係嗰隻由黑煙組成嘅怪物......」阿晴嘗試忍住唔喊,「冇錯,我見到嘅所有學生......連阿源都唔例外......全部人都係黑煙!連我自己都係咁......當我望落自己隻手,都淨係見到一團黑色煙咋......!」
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「由始至終,我哋根本就唔係人類嚟!!我哋同啲怪物一樣,都只係一啲情緒同記憶嘅集合體嚟咋......同啲怪物一啲分別都冇!!」阿晴將個頭貼埋我心口。
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阿晴嘅意思係喺佢更高嘅認知下,呢度所有人嘅本質都係同之前隻「尖叫」一樣,都係由嗰啲黑煙組成......即使有人類嘅皮囊,人類嘅思想,但始終都唔係人類......
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記得阿源之前都講過話自己係憑空出現,冇在此之前嘅記憶,但佢又記得自己嘅名,又有基本嘅生活常識......之前都好疑惑,但依家反而解得通......因為佢哋嘅本質全部都係由其他人嘅記憶同情緒縫合出嚟......
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不過,阿晴依家個樣仲崩潰過阿軒當時喺飯堂嘅時候......
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「只要你一日仲承認自己人類嘅身份,咁你就仲係人類!即使你係由啲黑煙組成嘅又點?」我嘗試安慰阿晴,佢攬得我更加實,「喺我嘅眼中,你同所有人一樣,都係人類嚟......!」
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「阿軒......你咁樣只係喺度自欺欺人......你未睇到世界嘅真實,自然望落去所有人都係人樣......」阿晴回答我:「不過......你係唯一......喺我眼中,得你一個仲係純粹嘅人類......而唔係黑煙、觸手或者啲咩奇怪嘢......」
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然後,阿晴做咗一樣我意想唔到嘅事,就係一啖錫咗落我個嘴度,仲嘗試伸埋條脷入嚟......
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我頓時嚇到呆咗......咁大個人,我都未試過畀女仔錫......估唔到阿晴咁大膽......
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良久,阿晴先放開我......
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佢塊面紅卜卜咁,但臉上面全部都係淚痕......不過佢依家停咗落嚟冇喊到......
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「阿軒,同你喺埋一齊,我先仲覺得自己係個人......而唔係一團黑煙......」阿晴一諗到呢度又想喊出嚟,但又勉強忍住唔喊,仲格硬擠個笑容出嚟,「而且......係阿軒嘅話......我冇問題㗎......因為我一見到你嘅第一眼,甚至喺夢入面嘅我,都覺得你好熟悉......有一種識咗你好耐嘅感覺......」
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「可能喺前世,我哋係情侶都未定?」
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的確,我見到阿晴都有呢種感覺......明明淨係識咗冇耐,但就有種好似好熟悉嘅感覺......
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「你冷靜啲先......」望住阿晴嘅樣,我就覺得不知所措......作為一個宅男,我連女仔手都未掂過......突然要嚟咁刺激嘅,我搞唔掂......
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「我明㗎......」阿晴一路喊一路笑,「我真係明㗎......連我自己都嫌棄自己......你接受唔到都好正常......」
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