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八月二十日，天氣是大雷雨警報264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3lbz7UlgxV
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雖然身體已經累到快要拿不住筆，池水瞬間淹沒口鼻、強行灌入肺部的後遺症仍讓我經常覺得呼吸困難，即使四周明明隨處都是空氣，卻因為看不見也摸不著而在幻想裡窒息。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MB4fe5FzK
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但我必須繼續寫；要把昨天跟今天的日記一次寫完。不然若是又等一場昏迷之後醒來去回憶這可怕的一切……我怕潛意識會再次想逃避自己跟弟弟從今天開始被監禁在這個家的事實。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSGFxNTbAuC
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必須紀錄才行……因為想要活下去。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfketlLXYGT
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反正昨天已經無法挽回了。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPtUvpZLh7Q
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¶¶¶264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28ra4zDFcX
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……我是不是死了？264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUH3HQv3Oox
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才剛反射性這麼想著，視線朦朧、腦袋發脹、想咳嗽嘔吐卻連坐起身都沒辦法的各種不舒服就猛地襲捲而來，刷新存在感似的拚命告訴我還活著的事實。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvrdjJoni4
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我費了不少力氣才看清自己當時躺在家裡客廳的沙發上，茶几旁電子鐘顯示為十九號的接近下午四點而已，從落水到恢復意識的時間比想像中還要短暫。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUWrt27WNvI
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……哈哈，我好奇怪喔。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrnYfZQvxEd
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該說麻痺了還是早就有著不知不覺扭曲的心理準備……現在想來我對於剛從鬼門關繞過一回的想法冷靜到自己都覺得恐怖。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HEdYcPGow
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以前看動畫還有瀕死經驗分享的網路頻道，大部份都說那些時刻會看見人生跑馬燈、看見白光……或者去到從不曾見過的地方、已逝去的親友會出現在面前等等。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLljKxicCdb
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我倒是沒有看見奶奶或者跳樓自殺的朋友來接我，只有全身彷彿快要爆裂的痛楚、五官全部失常像被包裹進一個泡泡中；陷入耳鳴不斷放大的寂靜……以及一片漆黑剎那吞噬掉所有。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8NPcDjeyTn
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就連害怕還有擔心弟弟的時間，都沒有。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8QiCXck2Aq
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「黎真？黎真？你醒來了？感覺還好嗎？」用托盤端著一杯溫水跟毛巾從廚房走出，媽媽在看見我睜開眼睛後就立刻來到沙發旁，臉上寫滿擔憂。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcbjCXXyFN
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「怎麼這麼不小心呢？竟然會掉進池塘裡去……幸好秋英阿姨比較早回來聽到聲音趕過去才發現你溺水，差點把媽媽嚇死了！」聽到對話聲，秋英阿姨也從客房走來客廳，頭髮還有些濕漉感覺剛梳洗過，一邊安慰著媽媽總之只要我有醒來了就好。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ACzUf7Taw
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對於媽媽的關心，我沒有搖頭也沒有點頭。當下除了幾乎沒有力氣回應外，另一方面則是心裡已經不知道……她們到底誰才希望我活著、還是都希望我死掉最好。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW5alwguvkc
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『喜歡我送你的生日禮物嗎？』264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYUMr6VypP3
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落水前聽到的那句話跟夢魘一樣，直到現在都會時不時伴隨劇烈的耳鳴一起出現。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGLRFzjZs9
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最後，我做了個在外人眼裡或許跟自殺沒有兩樣；但自己卻覺得可能是唯一生機的決定。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUt97gCOn4t
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「媽……」聲音沙啞到感覺不屬於自己似的，但我仍用盡全力抬起右手食指，指向了站在媽媽身後的她。「是秋英阿姨……推我下水的。」264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIeyV7SGAVY
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短短一句話，頓時凝結住了整個空氣。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSnboVLjtT3
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蟲洞裡流逝的時間或許都比那一刻還快些。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOll5NmI0u
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「……秋英，黎真說的是——」還沒來得及將滿腹疑惑問出口，那個已知答案的問題就被一把猛然插進脖頸的長剪刀給永遠封死在與辣拌菜醃料相同顏色、自插入邊緣緩慢淌出的液體中。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAjqQVAN1Aq
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而我也就這樣靜靜躺在沙發上，透過模糊視線撐著，直到看見媽媽的背影於好幾次肢體扭曲、抓撓、乾咳的掙扎中圓睜驚恐的雙眼緩緩倒下。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0MavyML7c
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……好睏。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGsTS9vU67S
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……我要睡了。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzCjJmiyki
