“I don’t want to go,” I grumbled for probably the 15th time in the few hours that I had been awake. My gaze was fixed firmly on the bright green fields that seemed to spread endless in either direction. I bounced slightly in my seat as we rode over another bump on this dirt road. On my home of Tarun Island, the roads on most parts of the island were hardened dirt roads. My home didn’t believe in asphalt or other marple roads, we wanted to keep our home as natural as we possibly could. The more natural it was, the more nature energy flowed through the island like blood through our vines. That was the source of our power, or jepei as we call it, there were only maybe a million or so people that shared our gift. A gift that spans throughout the nations, throughout race, religion or bloodlines. Black, white, asian, hispanic. Whether they were from the frozen north or south, from Cali to Japan, we all called Tarun Island our home. It was the only place we could truly be ourselves.
My stepmother, Ravana, (or as I call her momma), looked at me from the corner of her eye. We were riding in her prized jeep that moved faster than her animal spirit, Leela, a black and gold hyena could possibly run. Her gaze was a bit firm right now, probably from the constant whining I have been giving her for most of the day. “Verona, I am not gonna ask you again to straighten up, and stop it with the attitude already.” She warned sternly.
I crossed my arms over my chest and let out a loud winded huff, one of my feet kicking out at the dashboard. I knew I was risking my ass if I kept this up, she had been my step mother for three years. So I was very familiar with her loving but firm hand, however I was in a challenging mood. “I don’t want to go,” I mumbled angrily once more, turning my head away from her.
“Verona, I know you don’t want to go-”
I rudely interrupted her. “If you know, then turn around and let’s go home!”
I felt the car come to a harsh stop, and if it wasn’t for my seatbelt I probably would have slammed face first into the dashboard. My chest fell deeper into my stomach as I could feel her eyes burning a hole through my head. For a moment I felt her jepei pulse outwards a bit from annoyance, and now I was starting to wonder why I dare challenge this woman. I heard my step mother let out a deep winded sigh, and a moment later I felt her grab my jaw, not harshly, but firmly. A moment later I found myself looking into her dark golden and black eyes. My stepmother had dark brown skin, the sides of her head were shaved and she had a curly nest of golden hair sitting atop her head. “Verona…” She began carefully, I knew she was trying her hardest to stay patient with me. “Because, I love you dearly, and because I know what is bothering you, I am gonna let that one slide. However, I cannot help you if you don’t talk to me.”
“Why would I talk to you?” I replied smartly. “Isn’t that what Master O’Brian is for?” Master O’Brian was a master rank in combat. There were six ranks one could receive, master and the rank my step mom held of grandmaster were the highest of those six. She was also one of the best child therapists on the island. I had to see her once a month, and had been doing so since I was 8 years old.
“Verona!” I flinched a bit as she raised her tone. “Do not get smart with me, young lady. You have been treading on ice with me since I woke you up this morning!”
“I’m sorry,” I muttered once more. “I don’t want to go and see her okay. I don’t want to talk to her today, I don’t want to talk about what happened five years ago today.” I sniffled a bit trying to force the hot tears that were forming in my bright purple eyes from falling. “I don’t want to talk about her… I would rather be at home with you and Sevil today.” Sevil was her biological daughter, and was only five years old. She was practically attached to me, she loved having me as a big sister, and I loved having a little sister to play with.
My mother's stern gaze fell apart in an instant as she cupped my head between her soft but callous hands. A sign of a fighter on this island were those calloused hands. “This is why you need to talk to her today, baby.” She traced the outline of my cheek bones. “You are still holding in so much pain, I know you are good at hiding it, but me and your father could tell how much you wanted to avoid today. However, the best way to deal with this is to talk to someone about it, and we both know you don’t like talking to me about her yet.”
“I’m sorry for being disrespectful all day, momma.”
She leaned forward and kissed my brow, that one action did wonders in washing away any and all sadness I felt. “I know, you are cheeky sometimes but I know if your more cranky side comes out something is bothering you. Just control that a bit more.”
Her jeep roared to life once more and I was glad to have narrowly avoided angering her any further. She was slow to anger and quick to forgive. Another of the many reasons why I loved her so much. She was almost the exact opposite of Katherine.
She will always be known as Kahterine to me.
She will never be able to earn the right to be called any form of the word mom again by me. Not as long as she lived.
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It had been ten minutes of horrible awkward silence on my part. I was laying back on a very long mix of a chair and couch that you would find in any one of these sessions. I mostly kept my eyes fixed on the ceiling and was doing my best to ignore, Mrs. O’Brian. She was a woman of Irish heritage, her strong accent being the dead giveaway. She had long blond hair that she always managed to make feel as soft as silk and smell like freshly made honey. She was a few years younger than my momma, and around the same height as me and I am only 5’1. “You know, Verona,” Mrs. O’Brian spoke up, her pencil tapping against her clipboard a few times. “The point of these sessions is for you to talk to me about how you feel. Not just sit in my prized chair and stare at the ceiling.”
“I don’t want to talk, so can we maybe pretend that we did and that it went so well my momma can take me home.” My hand reached down to rub up and down my own animal spirit’s head. Mine was the spirit of the Jaguar, I named her Aisu when I was old enough to give her a proper name. “I won’t tell if you won’t.”
“That is not how this works, Verona.”
“Then how does it work?!” I snapped. “I already have to come here every month for an hour, and you ask me the same questions. How am I doing, how has my day been, how are things going at home? What about school and your training?” I rolled over onto my side to now stare at the wall. “I tell you how I have been, you give me advice and I go home. It has been that way for five years, when do I graduate from needing a therapist anyway.”
I felt the couch sink a bit and her hand came to rest on my bare shoulder. “Verona sweetie, I know you are growing tired of seeing me. However, like I keep telling you and your parents, you are not ready to stop needing my services.”
“Why.”
“Because, whether you want to accept this or not, you have not moved on since your mother Kather-”
“She is not my fucking mother!” I rolled over so fast that I threw her hand off and stared at her with the burning rage of a thousand suns. “Katherine will never be my mother, she never was. Ravana is my momma, as far as everyone is concerned, I never had one until Ravana came!”
Angry ragged breaths began to escape from my mouth and I felt a few tears of anger starting to roll down my cheeks. Mrs. O’Brian reached forward and carefully wiped a few of my tears away with her thumb, and I collapsed forward into her chest so she could give me a much needed hug. The best part about this island to me was our love for physical affection, it was not uncommon to see adults hugging or holding kids just for the joy of it.
She gently shushed me and rocked my now weakened frame back and forth for a few minutes. “I-I hate her…” I managed to whimper out as I buried my head deeper into her bosom. “I hate her, I hate her, I hate her!”
“I know you do hun.” Mrs. O’Brian replied, as she lifted me slightly so I could sit on her lap like a toddler. “This is why I cannot let you leave my sessions, you hold so much hatred inside of you that it consumes you. You have not moved on, and I don’t think you can. Not because you can’t but because you don’t want to.”
“I don’t want to,” I admitted. “She ruined everything, she ruined my daddy, we almost lost the island thanks to her. She almost took me away from my daddy.” On instinct alone, my hand reached over onto my side, feeling the deep wound that lay there. “She almost killed me.”
It had been five years since my mother’s plot was revealed. My daddy, Jonan Whisperwind, was once an honored member of The Council of Fives advisors. With that came secrets that only he and other advisors could know, he had met Katherine 15 years ago, and two years after that I was born. My father told Katherine everything, like any husband would tell their wife, Katherine trained me harder than anyone since I could walk. Told me I needed to be stronger than all others, she put a fiery spirit of competitiveness inside of me, I needed to be better than anyone else. I was closer to her than I was my daddy for a very long time, but I loved my daddy all the same.
One day, the council of five were going to attend The United Nations meeting. It was the first time that all five members were going to leave the island to attend this meeting. The Council of five are our rulers, five people that shared the burden of running our home. Many nations don’t see us as turn country or nation, so it takes a lot to keep us going, especially when we bring new people to our home that share our gifts. We don’t believe in guns, but there is not a single person on this island that cannot hold their own in hand to hand combat. The council are the best and strongest of us, even having one on the island deters any form of attacks. However, my daddy told Katherine that they were all leaving, and she picked her moment.
She managed to sneak in dangerous men and women, jepei users that believe we should be the dominant race. That we were God’s chosen people, God gave men rights over all animals that walked, crawled, slithered, swam or flew. However, they believed that also gave jepei users a right over all humans as well. We were stronger than normal humans, faster, could see better than trained snipers and fight better than trained fighters. Thanks to certain abilities given to us by our animal spirits and our connection to jepei. We call those believers by many names, The Dark Order of The Claw, The Dark Trinity, or Worshipers of The Blackthorn. I call them evil, that is the best way to put it. Katherine used the fact that the island was spread thin and attacked the northern ports with an army of nearly 25000. Our fighters held that line for nearly eight hours and if it wasn’t for a young teenager at the time, the hero for the port, Alona Ameko. We would have lost the island.
Katherine escaped after doing horrible things to my dad and trying to do something to me, things I don’t like remembering. She left me a permanent scar on my side, and when the council returned early. My father took the blame, his punishment, banned from the hidden archives and could never fight for a seat in the 36 members of the grandmasters, could never fight for a spot on the council of five, and could never step near their home. Which stood on the highest and only true mountain here on the island.
My father faced humiliation and torment from others across the island, some thought he was a traitor, we lost our home because of her tricking my dad. He lost his original job and had to fight his hardest to get a new one, he had to work harder and better than anyone to show his true colors. He still does sometimes. I faced the same treatment for a bit, I look like Katherine in many ways. The same sharp face and pointed nose, the eyes that narrowed like predators when we were serious about things. The same purple eyes and hair, but where mine were bright and hopeful, hers always were dark and cunning. We eventually were forgiven as more people celebrated our victory over The Dark Order and things went back to normal.
I can never forgive her.
I will never forgive her.
I must never forgive her.
I want to forgive her.
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As my tears finally dried I lay sprawled across the couch with my head resting a top of Mrs. O’Brian’s lap, using it like a pillow. She began to speak once more, her hand was scratching at my scalp and I think she was enjoying playing with my extremely long hair. “Verona,” her voice came upon me like a whisper. “Do you mind telling me what day it is?”
“It's supposed to be a celebration.” I began, wiping my eye with the back of my hand. “The day we defeated the dark order, the day Alona Ameko helped save the port.” I trailed off as I softly added. “The day we lost Lady Hera Cardaillac the 5ths mother, former Lady Cardailliac the 4th.”
“And what else my dear?”
I felt that horrible sickly feeling of sadness and guilt start to spill across my entire body, as I took some of my hair to cover my eyes. “The day, Katherine tried to take me from my daddy to join them.” Just saying that made the wound she gave me start to burn a bit. “The last time I ever saw her again.”
“And I know you hate this question.” Mrs. O’Brian took the veil of hair from over my eyes so I could look at her. “How does that make you feel?”
I just shook my head a few times. “I don’t want to talk about it. Please don’t make me.”
“I am not going to make you do anything, Verona.” She responded kindly. “I just want you to speak honestly and openly with me, I’ve known you since you were in diapers hun. You are very good friends with my daughter, Nene. You know you can trust me, and you know that nothing you say here will leave these walls.”
“I know,” I tried to give her a watery smile but it just wouldn’t form no matter what I did. “I don’t know how I feel about today. It’s supposed to be a celebration, a remembrance of those we lost in the battle, however for me. It just reminds me how I lost mom-” I stopped myself and shook my head a few times. “How I lost Katherine, how my daddy lost his job and his honor, and when I started to be treated badly.”
“And when you think about that, how does it make you feel?”
“Sad, angry, confused…”
Nene O’Brian nodded her head at that. “I am proud of you for saying that, Verona.”
“It’s hard to talk about feelings.”
“It's easy to talk about happy feelings, but it's harder to talk about the feelings that hurt us.” Mrs. O’Brian helped me sit up and placed her hands on my shoulders. “Verona, it is okay to be mad at Katherine, it is okay to be sad for what she did and that she is gone. It’s even okay if you miss her, even if it’s just as small as a grain of sand. Just remember that instead of holding all of that in until you come and talk to me once a month. FInd other ways to let that frustration, that anger and that pain out. No one gets over the loss of a mother, and like I always tell you. My door is open, whether it is in my office or if you come to my home.”
“I am over her leaving, I have momma and her name is Ravana Whisperwind. As far as I am concerned, Katherine is just a woman out there that was around. I am not over what she did to me and my dad though. I don’t think I ever will.”
Once I finished speaking, Mrs. O’Brian pulled me into a hug. “The hardest thing in the world is to forgive those that have harmed us, it takes more time and is much harder than staying angry at them. However, it brings us the best relief that we can ever feel.”
I hung my head a bit as I held onto her once more. “I can’t forgive her, not unless she begs for it.” I thought to myself as I closed my eyes once more, just to focus on the sound of this woman’s heartbeat. “I will forgive her when she dies.”
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“Thanks for coming all the way out here, Beatrice.” I smiled over at my best friend, Beatrice Melancholy. After my session to today with Mrs. O’Brian, I didn’t want to just go home today. So I gave Beatrice a call to come and meet me in the main city of the island, the island was mostly filled with village-like communities, with many small markets and shops. However, the capital city as many called it, was more like the large cities in the mainland. The city streets were packed and many of the stores proudly were displaying two flags today. One was black with a bright red symbol in the middle, the symbol of the island. A dragon’s claw with five stars surrounding it, connected those stars was a lighter red circle that looked like the scales of a dragon. The second flag was black with around 50 stars on it forming the shape of a butterfly. We lost 50 people in the attack five years ago today, and the butterfly represents the hero Alona Ameko’s animal spirit.
Beatrice smiled back at me, a softer one for a more soft person. Beatrice was a kind friend, I had never seen her upset or really mad before. She had curly brown hair and a matching set of brown eyes, her skin was light freshly made cream. She was a few inches taller than me, and a bit more developed in certain places than I was. She was a year older than me but hardly anyone knew that, we were so close that some thought we were just sisters. “No need to thank me, I know that today is not a good one for you.” Her smile dampened a bit at that.
“Yeah…” I stopped in front of a nearby shop and took a long look at both flags. “We should be celebrating today, we won but my family lost a lot of things. The flag that was hosted after our victory, and the flag made to honor the fallen and the hero that saved the day. Yet to me and my dad it is just a reminder of one woman that caused that event in the first place.”
I was knocked out of my thoughts as Beatrice placed a hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay?” She asked me.
“I am,” I gave her a forced smile before we started to walk down the street once again. We were heading towards the largest mall on the island, a few streets had been closed for a few different celebrations that were happening today. The largest happening on one of two streets that lead to the mall, a bit of a party and some eye shopping was what I needed today. “Don’t worry about me, Beatrice. I had a long session with Mrs. O’Brian today, so I got everything out.”
“You are still seeing her every month?”
“Yeah, she says I can’t be out of her sessions since she doesn’t think I am ready yet.” I crossed my arms a bit slightly annoyed that after so long she wouldn’t let me leave just yet. “She said that as long as I hold a lot of bad emotions towards Katherine, that I can’t move on yet.”
“And I am guessing that today isn’t helping that much is it?” I nodded my head solemnly. “Anything I can do to help?”
I wrapped an arm around my friend and pulled her close. “You being here is more than enough help, Beatrice. So thank you again.”
We walked for a few more minutes, mostly just making idle conversation back and forth. We had another two or so weeks until the start of fall semester. I was a bit saddened to learn that my best friend was gonna be heading back to her home country of Sweden for a week, but I would survive. “Sissy!” A very high pitched voice called out once we reached the street that the party was happening on. Running towards us as fast as her tiny legs could possibly carry her was my step little sister. I had seen pictures of my momma as a kid before and little Sevil was the spitting image of her. Short curly hair like a bush, golden in color with a matching pair of playful eyes, she was wearing a cute little black and white party dress with dark leggings underneath. I branched for impact as she leapt into the air and into my open arms. Her delightful squeal and shouts spread throughout the air bringing a new found smile to my face.
I lifted her up to sit on the crook of my arm, lightly tickling her chin with my other hand. “I literally just saw you this morning, Sevil. You always greet me like I have been gone for years.” I looked over her shoulder to see my momma starting to walk towards me. Judging from the amount of prizes she seemed to have won from the many different canaveral games around us. They had probably been here since my session started earlier that morning.
Sevil quickly squirmed out of my grip to greet Beatrice with the same affection that she showed all of my friends. Leaving me to talk with my momma for a moment. “How was your session today, Verona?” She asked, slipping her hand into a bag slung over her right shoulder and producing a small golden bunny. “I won this for you today, as well.”
“Thank you momma,” I said, giving her a quick hug and whispered. “It went okay, as they usually go.” I looked around for a moment before adding. “Where is daddy?”
My momma sighed a bit and just shook her head. “Sorry, hun. I tried to get him to come to the festival today, but he was busy with work.” She added a few air quotes to that last word.
My daddy, Jonan, was a very social man but on three specific days he will just stay in his office at home or go to his job and distract himself with work. Today August 15. His anniversary with Katherine which was on the 12 of January, and the 12 of march, her birthday. Upon noticing the sadness that spread across me, my momma smiled at me as she ruffled my hair a bit. “Tell you what, how about you help me win a few prizes for you daddy today. Pretty sure the owner of that old comic store is giving out a few of those figures he loves so much as prizes today.”
“I would like that very much, momma.” I held my hand out and almost instantly I felt Sevil’s smaller one wrap around it. Today I was gonna try and have fun, not for my sake but for Sevil and my momma’s. As well as Beatrice, because as long as I had them and my dad, as far as I was concerned, Katherine was dead somewhere. \
Later that night I would find that my headcanon for her couldn’t be more wrong.
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