「你還可以嗎？」613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX0lsDaAoTi
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuQkTWdz3HN
「無法不可以。」613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6HKJ6Y434
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQ5aiAu0Ab
「如需幫忙，來找我吧。」613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHMFvYik9DN
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡctYyPQjKdb
「謝謝你。」613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPW2Tr1pL0
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Et25y4LLE
我對隸屬同組的小妹報以虛弱苦笑。與她向來關係不錯，概略知道彼此家庭狀況——同是經濟支柱，一屋老嫩。聽到她主動提出幫忙，我除了感激，更多的是恥感。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeiHV0RHL2e
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2QF5csoIuO
唉！多講無謂，反正既成事實。倒不如動腦筋思考如何向妻子說明狀況。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6sW1oqH8HD
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGWbuuxM4Ha
疫情關係，全球經濟不景氣。我和妻子預料這段艱難時期將會維持好一段日子，早已節衣縮食，積穀防饑。但我們慢慢沒有想到老闆會有此一著：工作日數減半意味薪金減半。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy5GBAVhXIT
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyMOgbYDOUo
供樓開支無法削減，父母醫療開支不能削，孩子教育開支不能減。唯一可以削減的只有我們夫妻倆的花費……613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68wed0LCTq
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLRH44AJZ3D
飯後，兩老早睡，兒女溫習，妻子洗碗。我怯怯到廚房去。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtjnMDzZhIS
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOORxgJr0PD
「老婆……」613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJryz6vHOi
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QWXdlv4ku
「有困難？金錢？」613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1yxkJVQW7
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rhYBUtx3a
妻子搶佔發言先機，內心不安的我更覺虛怯。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsDg4qd58FH
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXkOaSxacs
「是。明天開始，只需星期二、四上班。」613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIyzwmM3l4
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfe21Ss5B29
「嗯。」613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkO4N8PIloO
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkrRk7mMle6
妻子沒再多話，專心洗碗。她的冷靜淡然在我意料之外，卻又在情理當中。無力改變現實，也就只得接受和硬撐，呼天搶地無補於事。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ93XevBKphj
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEBZYDxAz5L
我回睡房躺在床上發愣。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Nx4NtbHgq
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0AA7Kjc0B2
無能。無力。無奈。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIAztO6DW7S
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvo5H5HgeU
千思萬緒化作團團亂線。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZOMpMBtgL
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6V3aQHJwR
剪不斷，理還亂。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg1bq8R3Sh9
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDniXv9Dx2h
勿剪，別理。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVeqImGT46c
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdz3NT4EplR
待時日將其化解。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVVQvIYZvLz
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiRKT9fS0mw
莫操心。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7s8LUmH08
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwneUrgFRgA
莫操心？613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1t8oXMe9Is
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xdQML98ih
如何莫操心？613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzBod9R72UJ
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4VrmGG4sX
我知道困境必定會過去，但我必須硬撐直到那天到來。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXFc6dGewE
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc9IVGUmGMa
撐多久？如何撐？613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2DgThaSwnb
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5rDeeLgXQ
不知道……613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xEq1ZcObW
日出。星期二。上班員工人數銳減，辦公室冷清不少。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzrkYZBw3kV
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3WRpgrSPJN
有人若無其事，有人變得寡言，有人大吐苦水。不論個人感受如何，公司繼續營運，世界繼續運轉。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡimrDtuIyoX
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqnILrmQbA
啟動電腦。電腦桌面背景是站在浮冰的北極熊。毛色暗啞，骨瘦如柴，神色虛弱。想必多日找不到食物，飢腸轆轆。絕望？誰管你的！天地蒼茫，白皚皚一片。無論北極熊是否存在，北極仍是北極，我仍在地球另端為家庭財政傷透腦筋。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7dpkfOXsgF
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXS33wRvQx
午餐。翻熱食物。是昨夜飯餸，白飯菜心排骨。白飯黏糯，菜心苦黃，排骨柴乾。想要一支豉油。下班後去買吧！不了，豉油不是必需品，不該浪費金錢買奢侈品。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKjKxLTm1g0
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFykmwtrzLH
下班時間，加班。加班同事還不少。沒法子。減少工作日數不代表減少工作量，也不代表工作進度可以放慢。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6Tbk4sodj
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl7BA03tvin
每次想及時間、日子，位於電腦屏幕右下方的時鐘就會顯得格外礙眼：它在提醒我妻子的飯菜變涼了、孩子掛念我的心情變淡了、父母與我相處的時間變短了；它在催促我加快手腳完成當前項目，接下來的工作將以排山倒海之勢襲來；它在教導我人生大道理，一寸光陰一吋金，吋金難買寸光陰，更何況加班沒有加班費……613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO7GP7dKbxn
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqufTxQW2VY
關機，正式下班。心情太壞，說服不了自己留下來。回首，同事們仍在埋頭苦幹。理解，但無法奉陪到底。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaaC8w2SG1K
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkF4xTEVx1
大街上，人影疏落，商店無燈。車站無人，想必有一班次剛剛離站。等。車頭燈或白或黃，在黑夜暗色環境當中尤其刺眼眩目。節慶煙花，演唱會螢光棒，無燈飯廳裡的金魚缸，床頭小燈，被窩裡的手提電話屏幕……腦袋失控，只管想著一堆毫無意義、不著邊際的雜亂畫面。累？是吧。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDjuVh8ECL6
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrd8w5jD8UT
我笑。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDOUmNc9g8x
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMigxiBPgF
在巴士入站之際決定轉身離開。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNpvz87h5iY
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoCwCD6NzjK
忽爾不想回家。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZO6ycJR9A
「飯餸在雪櫃。你自行翻熱吧。」613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPE7GACjRsJ
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0x9VhoYF4
「好的。」613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7mTBc1PCif
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRRtY77rJMG
我敷衍回應妻子幾句後也就洗澡去。熱水沖去臉上油塵，皮膚霎時變得乾淨而乾燥，微癢微痕。或許每個人都是因為這些不著眼的小耗損而老去。無可避免。無可奈何。是否只得順從？是否只得接受？不順從又如何？不接受又如何？613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYiYkyb1Vy
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7k1x7RaIvH
只會苦了自己。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbiyH9hRkSl
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfrPVUJ7bjC
努力改變過，極力掙扎過，然後一切依舊——世界依舊不似預期。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQfdFqcYyXY
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡckVXamOaD1
通體蝕骨的無能無力無奈。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBOFYrtHTxs
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEeX4gMeUDI
浴後，睡床上。妻子望著天花發愣。天花燈沒有亮著，光源自窗外滲入，剛巧側照伏在天花的小蟲，以誇張得滑稽的比例拉長小蟲影子，如怪物，如鬼魅。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz71hV9UC8c
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbL6bC2KRB
「你的同事有沒有跟老闆反映近來遇上的問題？」613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGze6fDEdU8
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8LfPkXiYy7
「沒有。大家都在座位上邊罵邊工作。」613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUkGBMhvw1K
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ44cUyGlByF
妻子乾笑一聲，側身面窗睡去。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2EYO0PznMz
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡELMVk6DSaP
我實在笑不出口，呆望天花數蟲子。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7nqj85SEtg
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2UZ4JheAZo
一、二、三、四、五……613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzRnJYNuCC
註：613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejZVpxQabm
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTbs9yLqbL
***題目其中一句問「不知道大家有沒有因為這場疫情失去了甚麼呢？」613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjRMLH1Pt1
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgcGm6CC4y
我認為大家除了關於物質上（例如金錢、生活質素）、生理上（例如生命、健康）及心理上（安全感、與親友相聚的快樂）的失去，還有自我認同（例如對掌握自身未來的自信、對於自身的道德批判）的失去。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHsDbCcacH
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUhMJ6IakZ
未必關乎大是大非，每次小小的自私自利或是小小的屈辱或是小小的啞忍退讓，足以大大貶低自我形象。這是否疫情過去就可以彌補的傷害？誰知道。613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn6MluUBmS7
613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJUOEOdg2o
***此篇會另外收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》613Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPBwBV4IaK
