「你還可以嗎？」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQq8TNYhMoL
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡijbQp1rwNr
「無法不可以。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhG7GHPOpr2
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7cKoTw3L9
「如需幫忙，來找我吧。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5kwuF6WXI
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGv9iS9CWWw
「謝謝你。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ76GNfVXwDS
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnmVzlXJnd
我對隸屬同組的小妹報以虛弱苦笑。與她向來關係不錯，概略知道彼此家庭狀況——同是經濟支柱，一屋老嫩。聽到她主動提出幫忙，我除了感激，更多的是恥感。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCioED04XjI
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwz70XtEid7
唉！多講無謂，反正既成事實。倒不如動腦筋思考如何向妻子說明狀況。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqIWsymAGj
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGwyPPlCLkQ
疫情關係，全球經濟不景氣。我和妻子預料這段艱難時期將會維持好一段日子，早已節衣縮食，積穀防饑。但我們慢慢沒有想到老闆會有此一著：工作日數減半意味薪金減半。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtkhLpjWUwe
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLvcrBaodFh
供樓開支無法削減，父母醫療開支不能削，孩子教育開支不能減。唯一可以削減的只有我們夫妻倆的花費……594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaVSmePyyD7
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ESqG4ewbV
飯後，兩老早睡，兒女溫習，妻子洗碗。我怯怯到廚房去。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ47MUIyHdkB
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9qEXMBitoG
「老婆……」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8e7IHxAiU
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3lUxaMvKgj
「有困難？金錢？」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEcmcnzpnAB
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtMR6dzwQbg
妻子搶佔發言先機，內心不安的我更覺虛怯。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD2XZSUgOzJ
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFVBS6BCTPO
「是。明天開始，只需星期二、四上班。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwkAbGXq2m
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9QunJ5Y1sw
「嗯。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2YI5rN8sat
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZo5RKD9yI
妻子沒再多話，專心洗碗。她的冷靜淡然在我意料之外，卻又在情理當中。無力改變現實，也就只得接受和硬撐，呼天搶地無補於事。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7LHHYH2eDL
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbz7NQ3dco1
我回睡房躺在床上發愣。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxblWhxEjI4
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3oPPSBk6kd
無能。無力。無奈。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoucy7U0dnG
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1Cgya3U7k
千思萬緒化作團團亂線。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBsO4JwPWnb
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYVfvOMbUAY
剪不斷，理還亂。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPuhcTScx1
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjFagZOT7P
勿剪，別理。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2EAFJDwww
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzNrnU4TetC
待時日將其化解。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡskvvEySQmu
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCBkwxkDZj0
莫操心。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknuJ0PAOmo
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmh6ijCFWZ1
莫操心？594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1wFPUyWxk
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrm59IyXnRD
如何莫操心？594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK5WCccRBuL
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDq6KCH67l
我知道困境必定會過去，但我必須硬撐直到那天到來。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSDR5Mg3Apl
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡauRU5CVxJG
撐多久？如何撐？594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2A24WRPLGL
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfHD1MXtMCY
不知道……594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQiKXPC3mpI
日出。星期二。上班員工人數銳減，辦公室冷清不少。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqhXCukcjL
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5CkQb67dQT
有人若無其事，有人變得寡言，有人大吐苦水。不論個人感受如何，公司繼續營運，世界繼續運轉。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DppWHu4Ab
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wsH1UF8mm
啟動電腦。電腦桌面背景是站在浮冰的北極熊。毛色暗啞，骨瘦如柴，神色虛弱。想必多日找不到食物，飢腸轆轆。絕望？誰管你的！天地蒼茫，白皚皚一片。無論北極熊是否存在，北極仍是北極，我仍在地球另端為家庭財政傷透腦筋。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiutEdVmfsi
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIFpXg2Q30
午餐。翻熱食物。是昨夜飯餸，白飯菜心排骨。白飯黏糯，菜心苦黃，排骨柴乾。想要一支豉油。下班後去買吧！不了，豉油不是必需品，不該浪費金錢買奢侈品。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvK5VaJfik8
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxub8GzlxeL
下班時間，加班。加班同事還不少。沒法子。減少工作日數不代表減少工作量，也不代表工作進度可以放慢。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXt8fMK5JUQ
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8x4efrptCq
每次想及時間、日子，位於電腦屏幕右下方的時鐘就會顯得格外礙眼：它在提醒我妻子的飯菜變涼了、孩子掛念我的心情變淡了、父母與我相處的時間變短了；它在催促我加快手腳完成當前項目，接下來的工作將以排山倒海之勢襲來；它在教導我人生大道理，一寸光陰一吋金，吋金難買寸光陰，更何況加班沒有加班費……594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovMaF3rMf5
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBs2l8Q9KHg
關機，正式下班。心情太壞，說服不了自己留下來。回首，同事們仍在埋頭苦幹。理解，但無法奉陪到底。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl2FUqcNXFO
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhi1ZqrDzHH
大街上，人影疏落，商店無燈。車站無人，想必有一班次剛剛離站。等。車頭燈或白或黃，在黑夜暗色環境當中尤其刺眼眩目。節慶煙花，演唱會螢光棒，無燈飯廳裡的金魚缸，床頭小燈，被窩裡的手提電話屏幕……腦袋失控，只管想著一堆毫無意義、不著邊際的雜亂畫面。累？是吧。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYgxdfK2Utv
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYqZ8Xt0rb
我笑。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQx4onHhdd7
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPL8AnFicTT
在巴士入站之際決定轉身離開。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHHghCQGJYa
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYnLfPiD6Q
忽爾不想回家。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB3BQLyWjRR
「飯餸在雪櫃。你自行翻熱吧。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkcf1HZ7Gw
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk36n3EKGb1
「好的。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGEiphATOQ
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxhFbySFMfE
我敷衍回應妻子幾句後也就洗澡去。熱水沖去臉上油塵，皮膚霎時變得乾淨而乾燥，微癢微痕。或許每個人都是因為這些不著眼的小耗損而老去。無可避免。無可奈何。是否只得順從？是否只得接受？不順從又如何？不接受又如何？594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9GEkOghmH
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgTzlar9qON
只會苦了自己。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlxXxof7Bs
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUfdIQ3ZKNp
努力改變過，極力掙扎過，然後一切依舊——世界依舊不似預期。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1hUHQBwyr3
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGRaXRRY8n2
通體蝕骨的無能無力無奈。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0gRTBZIs0
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vK5QyZMD3
浴後，睡床上。妻子望著天花發愣。天花燈沒有亮著，光源自窗外滲入，剛巧側照伏在天花的小蟲，以誇張得滑稽的比例拉長小蟲影子，如怪物，如鬼魅。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJZZw6mFDA
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9gO9sQwZrN
「你的同事有沒有跟老闆反映近來遇上的問題？」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEcKn6gXfP
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX4lCj9patf
「沒有。大家都在座位上邊罵邊工作。」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡviL29ZEZKg
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHE24ZO87X
妻子乾笑一聲，側身面窗睡去。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQBkraOqq6M
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡspa2IS3W2h
我實在笑不出口，呆望天花數蟲子。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKyYe7uUi0t
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtMt8uvogfI
一、二、三、四、五……594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1G2xJ8W7x
註：594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBHbZAaCIY8
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO6WJwEoBlw
***題目其中一句問「不知道大家有沒有因為這場疫情失去了甚麼呢？」594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4EE1bNMr0D
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfBsWOacMC
我認為大家除了關於物質上（例如金錢、生活質素）、生理上（例如生命、健康）及心理上（安全感、與親友相聚的快樂）的失去，還有自我認同（例如對掌握自身未來的自信、對於自身的道德批判）的失去。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKEw7Dh2Gye
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngnxVoTrtg
未必關乎大是大非，每次小小的自私自利或是小小的屈辱或是小小的啞忍退讓，足以大大貶低自我形象。這是否疫情過去就可以彌補的傷害？誰知道。594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVITPs2nTQ
594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1OeUXBASgL
***此篇會另外收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》594Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz5Nx6Rulfw
