40.夜19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0vePGLQUz
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>下篇-下之三19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrogjz9Dc22
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或許是沒見過他發飆，或是當日在餐廳被十足難堪後，那一頓飯後父親沒再打電話過來騷擾他，同時也沒見他在工作場合出現（不過也難說，畢竟太頻繁也會被第二任妻子懷疑吧），路德維希終於有些捨棄了什麼的輕鬆。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1G0jqSaJm
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幾天後母親晚上打了家裡電話過來，問起他最近有沒有發生不尋常的事情，於是他順勢將前幾天發生的事情一五一十轉知。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJOHcA8ch4
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『那個人只是因為路德你不會拒絕他才一直去找你的，只要你真的狠狠擺出臉色拒絕，他之後就不會再纏著你了。』母親聽完他述說前幾天所發生的以及從他們離婚之後每次父親都會打電話問他關於她的情況後，沉默須臾，才語氣平和應道。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmXUdnHXel0
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他聽著母親的這段很像經驗談的話，突然想到母親的性格愛憎分明，也許生父曾經直接去找過她，想用軟弱一面勸說母親，但肯定被母親當下狠狠諷刺一番惱羞成怒，之後就轉而向他打探母親的消息也說不定。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4smy6X92Ob
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『不過那人真是對我念念不忘，其實不只透過你，這幾天他去問過我們共有的一些朋友同事類似的問題，我那個十幾年的好友剛剛才和我提起這件事情，聽著我就覺得真是夠了，怎麼會恨我恨成這樣……』母親難得地嘆氣，他彷彿還能想見電話那端的她搖頭嘆息『抱歉，路德，我沒料到你爸竟然會去你那邊纏著你不放，只是，你怎麼不早說呢？』19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmoNmRMMokj
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為何不早說？他聽著母親責怪的話語，路德維希了解母親擔憂憤怒的心情，正因如此，他不希望她還在父親的陰影之下，他才選擇不對她表明父親的那些事情。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjzBkDsHUf5
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「媽媽，我沒事，我想以後他再也不會這樣做了吧……他應該已經瞭解到有些事情終究是不能如願的。」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXc7pYaHZL
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『……難怪他會喜歡你。』19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg5NDViB8pJ
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「他？」誰？基爾伯特？沒有理由的，路德維希就是覺得母親說到的她就事指基爾伯特。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJcoYW5GQ3
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『路德，我要對你坦白一件事情，我之前不是跟你說過我和基爾伯特在聖誕節前沒見過面，那是騙你的，我們在那之前就很常三人約出來吃飯。』19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM2saQM5zvF
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果然如此啊……路德維希在四人面會時就隱約感覺過他們有見過無數次面了，此刻母親所言應證他的揣測。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ022hhomXsn
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「嗯，我大概有猜到。」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5lpG0nKm0g
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『我想也是，你是我兒子嘛。』19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0mp6UBzrn
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「因此？」他不太懂母親為何提及這事，是因為他隱瞞了父親事情的關係，也相對告訴他這件事情嗎？19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPErstYuxM
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『你難道沒想過基爾媽媽的事情嗎？』19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZZN480gFz
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關於這事他有想過，然而現在單親家庭的數量多，又涉及隱私，他也不好多問。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk7biRM05AE
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「媽媽你曉得？」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRKmnkXPah
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『基本的情形是曉得，畢竟決定交往的時候，我就表明自己過去的婚姻狀況，而他也簡略將他之前的婚姻提了大概經過。所以才曉得基爾跟你一樣，都是幼年經歷過父母外遇離婚狀況的孩子。』19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIwRmi35wQ6
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聽至此，路德維希有一種撥雲見日的明晰，他終於明白夢裡的基爾伯特為何那麼令他熟悉又不快，面無表情地不信他人的口頭承諾，那種強烈拒絕他人接近的排斥，全身都散佈尖銳的利刺，隨時都能夠將他人刺傷，無論是惡意還是好意——那曾經是他的寫照，是以才讓他感覺如此熟悉，然而從旁人見來，原來是使人大感不快的防衛。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0UJZdkvaMh
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『只是又有些不同，基爾他是親眼在家裡見到母親外遇對象，同時也目睹父母離婚的經過。』19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXQr91B4V3
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……自始至終，路德維希都從未親眼見過父親當時的外遇對象，畢竟父親再婚的對象並非當時那位女性，事情的整個狀況都是母親簽過離婚協議書之後才稍微跟他談。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTgOeCG3bCX
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她似乎也不願太深入說明，畢竟那位外遇對象是自稱她好友又是當時公司同單位的同事，在剛進公司的時候就經常擅自依賴她幫忙，她起先也是當她是妹妹地照顧她，熟料她竟如此回報她……19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMcABZ5I5L2
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她說完之後有些疲倦地笑笑，眉頭卻隴聚在一塊，似乎極不願再回想事情始末，只能說，是同類吧，和那男人本質上是一樣的，會以軟弱當作工具善加利用的人。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfQ09eXeEG
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『而詢問過他關於基爾住哪後，我就去見了基爾伯特。』19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHzYe5EJKb
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……馬上就去見那可能是未來兒子母親某種程度而言算是很角色？他聽著不禁汗顏，雖然母親的行動利他一向清楚無比，但實際上耳聞還是感覺有些奇妙。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhXgcqUdsxm
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『我一見到基爾伯特，立即就曉得父母離異對他造成的傷害甚鉅，路德，你和基爾相處下來應該明顯知道他總是微笑吧。』19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFINnf8sati
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「嗯。」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFvGCIS580Q
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『你也應該覺得他有些地方很怪異吧？特別是總是一副微笑迎人的模樣。』19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTpoUs1GLvR
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「……」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ23rv57e8Ih
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『路德，他和你有類似的經歷，而你選擇了不和他人有太多接觸，避免自己再受到傷害，然而基爾卻選擇了與你不同的方式，他微笑，是希望父親不要離棄他，因為對孩子而言，父母是他們世界的唯一。』19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpC72I8KDJp
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——所以才一直面帶微笑嘛？他忽然想起基爾伯特總是擒著一臉溫和的笑顏，說著溫和的言詞，近乎討好的舉止，原來只是不想再被拋棄嘛？生母外遇而與自己的爸爸離婚，目睹了此一場景的基爾潛意識裡害怕父親也會離他而去，所以才不讓自己的悲傷憤怒的情緒表露，總是用著最溫和最使人易於親近的表情面向他人，也幾乎不大有負面情緒……一切只是害怕，害怕孤獨一人的寂寞是嗎？可似乎還有著什麼其他原因，應該不單單只是如此。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxmgjT2DxT7
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「原來是這樣嘛……」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHWrwGBqQW
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『但是，路德你又和基爾不同，你們確實很相似，可是你的身上卻有著基爾渴望得到的東西，而這就是他為什麼會喜歡你的真正緣由。』19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHSUo1KU6L7
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「什麼意思？」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4RrAj7tUh
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『基爾他非常不安定，你在聖誕節吃飯的時候也聽過他父親抱怨他經常搬家的事情吧？』19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8obIwBFI50
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他記得這回事，不過當時他抱著別太過深入的原則也就沒問了。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfHLGkiKgP
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「這之間有關聯？」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡILTG0aMMIn
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『……雖然這跟他工作性質有點關係，但是他的同業也沒有如他一樣簡直是是搬家成癖了的情形發生，他曾經有住不到兩個月就又搬到別的地方的情況喔。』19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpuwqHlfFMe
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……他實在有些不能想像，然而他的確感受過基爾的不安定，不只如此，他還有一種太過輕易放棄的性格。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFcH6BxeePB
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不過，這種不安定實在太過異常。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3DQzEg8c3p
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「沒有去看過醫生嗎？」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdH9ZjJi7p
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『應該沒有吧，基爾高中畢業前都是住家裡，上大學之後他們父子也挺少見面，所以這怪異的情況是基爾大學畢業幾年後，他父親才察覺。』19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0IdEJ5CgdJ
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這點怎麼跟他相反？他畢業後就一直住在固定的地方到現在。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRBGyn9qAF
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「可這又有什麼關係？」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxR4aorkxW
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『路德，你很喜歡公車對吧。』19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4gMQDfs7U
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「是啊，我到現在也還是很喜歡，不然也就不會來當公車司機了。」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8YasK66Z1
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『我知道，我還曉得你旅行時也會去乘坐當地公車呢。你的這點是我認為可以安定基爾的長處。』19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlT2t4cIag
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不知怎地，路德竟想起那天基爾伯特在車上所說的第一句話，現在想想除非是很閒，不然普通人是不會特別注意司機名字，也不會心血來潮喊司機的名字。此刻聽到電話那端的母親所說的內容，他突然模糊想到某種假設，可一時又難以釐清。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2yYpnMzeXq
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『在第一次見面之後，我有空就會打電話給基爾請他吃個飯，順便跟他提起你的事情來，當然我也有跟他提到你在客運裡工作的事情喔。』19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBKfZarkQoo
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他頓時語塞。路德湧出一股深深地無力感……基本上，母親某種程度簡直跟基爾合拍的不得了啊！難怪基爾對他的部份情況瞭若指掌，自己的母親就是幫凶啊啊！19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHJk481noN
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「媽媽妳這樣……」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqCuGoeFmBo
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『基爾不會對你怎樣啦，他是好孩子。』19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwcSiJoIm3
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但妳兒子的初吻被奪走了啊……他一臉苦悶。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSL1Q2F4toM
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『路德，你是那種只要認定了，就是一輩子放在心上的人，而這就是他想要的。基爾他渴望的正是不因一些事情而被破壞的關係。』19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZc4nB8fokp
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「……關係？」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgXIJm8Ibi
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『基爾他小時候因為父母離異，以致於極端害怕被離棄，因而總是對他人友善。』19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8X1fjcHn2l
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「嗯。」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYHId3NqBU
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這他方才聽母親解釋過了。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgO95FKjOT2
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『可也造成他性格上不安定，到處飄盪。』19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcnj2TvMzYR
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……飄盪？會嗎？他倒是挺常來他家啊，只是神出鬼沒到屢次讓他驚嚇。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9kUSTuGoEC
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『他雖然總是對他人友善，也容易與他人打成一片，但其實基爾並不容易去相信別人對他的好意。這方面你們倒是挺像的，無論是有意或無意的，你們都排斥他人太過深入你們的世界。』19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMO3jhKtfte
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『基爾他不相信人與人之間會有永遠的關係，即使是在神面前發誓過並交換誓約的夫妻也會別離，更何況是沒有任何聯繫的他人呢？但其實他還是非常渴望的。』19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFglwYxKsB2
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「媽媽……」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45fMZS2Vyc
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『說實話，我初見這孩子就想到你，他受到的傷害只有你能夠填補，因為我曉得你能夠給予他所想要的那種不會被任何事情擊破的關係，畢竟你們都是受過相同傷害的孩子啊，而他也給了你想要的東西，不是嗎？』19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTv9EKCmTdS
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他該說母親就母親嗎？對於自己孩子的狀況觀察入微。 19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9v6n9YuNA
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本想跟母親再說些話，但發覺時間已晚，便跟母親互相道過晚安後掛了電話。之之後他去洗澡，洗完後吹乾自己頭髮，將家裡電燈關上，他走入自己臥室躺到床上準備就寢。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgzw0BVLRnW
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快睡著時，他想起那本大人童話裡的片段。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvKngYw57fd
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小王子說：「不，我在找朋友。什麼叫『馴養』？」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtlJlL6wSak
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「這是件被遺忘的事。」狐狸說：「馴養就是『建立關係……』」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQ75CaiXRZ
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「建立關係？」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSKfbJzNLTV
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狐狸說：「不錯。對我來說，你只不過是個小孩，跟其他成千成萬的小孩沒有分別，我不需要你，你也一樣不需要我。我對於你也只不過是一隻狐狸，跟成千成萬其他的狐狸一模一樣。但是，假如你馴養我，我們就彼此互相需要。你對於我將是世界上唯一的，我對於你也將是世界上唯一的……」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR0SKLlSQ5f
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這天他又做夢了，夢境還是一樣，但這次基爾伯特終於停下了他的飛翔，他在半空中裡安靜地凝視他，彷彿在思考他所說那些話的真實性，而他同樣地望著他，靜靜地等待著。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJXB5bdn9ia
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他不曉得還要多久，但是他有預感很快，在那之前，他都可以這樣安靜地等待，安靜地等待基爾伯特。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtWsViCs3Tg
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我……我……我真的……很確定……下一次更新就是……完結了……ns 15.158.61.20da2
