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No Plagiarism!o39JaWNtmwdYvZ25Bknxposted on PENANA 話雖如此,但在我掛斷電話後,我仍然慢條斯理地走到巴士站,等候了近十分鐘,才搭上巴士前往學校。8964 copyright protection5PENANAWAqqh1TyFm 維尼
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一路上,我心不在焉地看着窗外的風景,依舊是灰濛濛的景象。我並非在擔心阿源,而是在回憶着最近所發生的事,原以為生活重回正軌的我,霎時間墮進谷底。萬一,連阿源也……8964 copyright protection5PENANAvI0hjqgcUI 維尼
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我拍拍自己的臉蛋,以前的我,大概會默不作聲,麻木接受面前的糟糕景況;但現在嚐過那份甜蜜的我,竟然嘗試說服自己一切沒事?變化可真大呢!8964 copyright protection5PENANABGNblNZeBL 維尼
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離開巴士,我經過曾經的母校,來到旁邊的小公園。還記得以前的我,經常在下課後,便獨自來到六邊形花圃的最角落處,吃着被壓扁了的吞拿魚飯團,真是懷念啊…8964 copyright protection5PENANAEAORig2y57 維尼
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我左右顧看,終於在一個鞦韆下找到阿源的身影,看樣子似乎挺頹喪的,我便帶着他平時開玩笑的語氣,輕拍他肩膀,笑着問:8964 copyright protection5PENANA3DEq2ywSYv 維尼
9Please respect copyright.PENANA4Tzwzfb3cU
8964 copyright protection5PENANAcrX2PU4SAA 維尼
「幹嘛啦?一臉悶悶不樂的樣子,生意失敗哦?」8964 copyright protection5PENANANwN3dxU3Bh 維尼
9Please respect copyright.PENANAcysCAWZXah
8964 copyright protection5PENANAvwqGB1Lfgb 維尼
阿源抬頭望着我,眼眸裏沒有一絲的神氣,便又再低下頭來,盯着地面,說:8964 copyright protection5PENANAuhmoaG4lDu 維尼
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「我…我的父母,去世了……」8964 copyright protection5PENANAoS0xkDnuhi 維尼
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我呆怔在原地,腦頭裏不懂得如何反應、安慰他,只能講些廢話問道:8964 copyright protection5PENANA24m02MiPgW 維尼
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「怎麼…如此突然呢?」8964 copyright protection5PENANAyPJqUNel2O 維尼
9Please respect copyright.PENANAoa5nohbb1M
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「哈哈…就是說啊,怎麼可能無緣無故來了個瘋子,在我父母的父司裏放炸彈?妳也覺得這是惡搞的吧?」阿源硬要擠出僵硬的笑容,我站在他身旁,回想起阿駿的事情…8964 copyright protection5PENANALIujmu7gAm 維尼
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這是我……一手造成的?8964 copyright protection5PENANADyP8TeQI7v 維尼
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「剛才,我爺爺奶奶在醫院裏辦手續,我實在承受不著,獨自跑了出來,打電話給妳……可是妳一直都沒有接…在我最需要妳陪伴的時候,妳卻……」8964 copyright protection5PENANAG0Z9SEHzli 維尼
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講到這裏,阿源也禁不著飲泣起來,我垂下頭,平淡地說出一句:8964 copyright protection5PENANAnlwqKHpQyo 維尼
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「你父母的死,是我間接造成的…」8964 copyright protection5PENANADS0t8w4n35 維尼
9Please respect copyright.PENANAH1Yya631Ms
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阿源睜大眼睛,抬頭看我,我用認真的態度說:「就在幾天前,我才跟那名殺人犯見過面,我沒有報警,而是目送他離開。」8964 copyright protection5PENANA0niMaSBOgx 維尼
9Please respect copyright.PENANAeKMcfQ1GWP
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「那…那是因為,殺人犯威脅妳,不要舉報他吧?妳當時……」8964 copyright protection5PENANAdS0WMZdTZh 維尼
9Please respect copyright.PENANAGnuhXPrhKQ
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我打斷道:「我當時沒有生命危險、他也沒威脅我,是我自願放他走的。」8964 copyright protection5PENANAArM0aaycj2 維尼
9Please respect copyright.PENANAGpFfnzpWU9
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阿源難以置信地看着我,問:「為甚麼?原因是甚麼??」8964 copyright protection5PENANAiRF78LV9Lg 維尼
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8964 copyright protection5PENANAFJDORPkGqS 維尼
我垂下頭,別過與他的視線:8964 copyright protection5PENANARrz5lzTd9V 維尼
9Please respect copyright.PENANAwKfWBWLmPa
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「也許是因為…我能夠明白那傢伙想殺人的情緒吧?」8964 copyright protection5PENANAO2R2FqkWp7 維尼
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「蛤?」阿源聽得一頭霧水,顯然他並不接受這種玄妙的答案,因此我繼續補充說明:8964 copyright protection5PENANAPud9d0b9Bn 維尼
9Please respect copyright.PENANA4RAYBv2AyX
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「其實,我跟那放炸彈的男子一樣,是個殺人犯,就在我轉校之前,我也親手殺了一個人…」8964 copyright protection5PENANAskHtM53sLt 維尼
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「妳到底…在講些甚麼?」8964 copyright protection5PENANA8XVJkrwTVz 維尼
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「那個人就是張思,我之前有向你提過吧?自從某夜我暈倒在校內,受傷送院而成為色盲人士的事,並且開始產生自殺的念頭…一切的真相,就是因為在那晚,我用美術刀殺害了張思。」8964 copyright protection5PENANAVbPBzcqAGM 維尼
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「別再說了、妳別再說下去了!!」阿源捂着耳朵,臉上盡是崩潰的表情。8964 copyright protection5PENANALuzE4PVxrE 維尼
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我則是用輕描淡寫的語氣,問道:8964 copyright protection5PENANA9emZFvyqAx 維尼
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「這就是,真實的我的樣子了,你是不是,依然願意奮不顧身地愛我?」8964 copyright protection5PENANAqp1jQurAFt 維尼
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聽罷,阿源萬分錯愕地盯着我,搖搖頭說:「阿黑…妳真是個瘋子。妳殺害一位同學、放走一名連環殺人犯、我父母因此而被炸死,妳竟然還問我…還問出這種問題!?」8964 copyright protection5PENANAs9KGVUmB3t 維尼
9Please respect copyright.PENANAlxVj0m3xyT
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我長嘆一聲,沒有回答他,我和阿源之間的關係,已經悄無聲息地斷開了……8964 copyright protection5PENANApee4zyuKiJ 維尼
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「為甚麼…我會愛上妳這種反社會人格的女生啊?」我聽得出,阿源是發自內心的問。8964 copyright protection5PENANAszRZFDeihf 維尼
9Please respect copyright.PENANAzALPzQL9Jm
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「在你表白當天,我早就說過:跟我交往,你只會遭遇不幸。」8964 copyright protection5PENANAWX5ErpdAEH 維尼
9Please respect copyright.PENANAjj5dYklwfF
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沒錯,這些警告性的語句,我老早就對阿源講過的了。若然你看見我真實的樣子,一定會躲得遠遠。即使是古代的聖人、又或是耶穌,也會對我敬而遠之,何況是你呢阿源?8964 copyright protection5PENANAciuUcQzEPG 維尼
9Please respect copyright.PENANAuyk6NDaCnV
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微風吹過,草叢和樹葉都沙沙作響,阿源痛忍着不發聲,但眼角仍然流出一道顯眼的淚痕。他回頭望向我,痛苦無力地說:8964 copyright protection5PENANAESUSgQX4uG 維尼
9Please respect copyright.PENANAYFyhpyUzQX
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「對不起,阿黑……」8964 copyright protection5PENANA5YU6IgYKNh 維尼
9Please respect copyright.PENANAD7sEjD79c9
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「幹嘛要道歉?」我感到疑惑。8964 copyright protection5PENANAQRripMvzhb 維尼
9Please respect copyright.PENANAJKVRp24BDG
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「還記得嗎?之前妳親口對我講,妳有輕生的念頭,我卻自以為是地說『我很明白妳的感受』…但是現在知道,當時的我是錯的。」阿源露出虐心的微笑,道:「此刻的我,才算真正意義上的明白到,妳一直以來的感受。」8964 copyright protection5PENANA8vrW4WLQ3s 維尼
9Please respect copyright.PENANAjpB56WMShO
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我吞了吞口水、瞳孔放大,注視面前的阿源…他臉上的笑容……那是,自殺的人才會露出的微笑。8964 copyright protection5PENANAaNDenvZrbt 維尼
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『既然如此,妳認為有甚麼東西纏繞着妳的內心,令妳覺得無法跟他在一起?』社工姐姐問。8964 copyright protection5PENANAVjs5DE7yNS 維尼
9Please respect copyright.PENANAFFjJiZkd9D
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我沒有回答,不是想不到、而是不能講出口,因為……我還是留有自殺的念頭。8964 copyright protection5PENANAIhiysXDShD 維尼
9Please respect copyright.PENANAqqo6Hf0hH3
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但現在對於自殺的事,我設下了一個條件,或者是一道保險絲,若然阿源傷害我感情、跟我提分手,我就會毫不猶豫去死!因為感覺這個世界,已經耗盡我對它的所有冀望。8964 copyright protection5PENANATOxlJh1mHO 維尼
9Please respect copyright.PENANAdfacfpwtak
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此時此刻,我單單仍選擇活着,就是我對這世界的…最後一點溫柔。8964 copyright protection5PENANADMykh9Fv6H 維尼
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因此,我害怕與阿源相愛,我會對他造成傷害。而更令我害怕的,是他對我可能造成的傷害,如同我前任男友那樣子,把我隨手一扔就算……8964 copyright protection5PENANAK15hH5IFUW 維尼
*8964 copyright protection5PENANAf0q1DahzDg 維尼
9Please respect copyright.PENANAgUWcE2082d
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9Please respect copyright.PENANAcT9EpyEj8n
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真有祢的啊老天爺,祢還真帶種、要把我身邊的一切都奪去。8964 copyright protection5PENANAjjTAn3d7MX 維尼
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因為自己的男朋友,我才能夠暫時摒除自殺的念頭,繼續生存下去;但因為我,而導致自己男朋友的家人死光光,甚至知道我的真實臉孔後,而獲得自殺的念頭…真有祢的啊!!!8964 copyright protection5PENANAT6YHlmtjds 維尼
9Please respect copyright.PENANA2UsuPyxZQZ
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這恐怕是神對我佈下最邪惡的圈套了,玩弄人的生命很開心吧?逼人走上絕路的感覺很有趣吧?為何當初在我燒炭的時候,不取走我的生命,反倒先讓我感受一瞬間生命的溫暖,然後再推我到懸崖邊緣?8964 copyright protection5PENANAKq4Pm6dphr 維尼
9Please respect copyright.PENANAQ8DhHlM1t2
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回答我啊!神!!!8964 copyright protection5PENANAGkPPNQED77 維尼
9Please respect copyright.PENANAZhR1QJbzyX
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內心仍然嘗試掙扎求存,但很快地,我又再度被黑暗與麻木給淹沒。我面無表情地走近阿源,遞出一張卡片…8964 copyright protection5PENANAZbsRboYTIL 維尼
9Please respect copyright.PENANAocr7LZOLHj
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「這是我曾經一直在見面的關社工,如果你仍有一絲想活下去的念頭,就打給她吧。」8964 copyright protection5PENANAy3G1EDGTUZ 維尼
9Please respect copyright.PENANAaPVKGOIkQD
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阿源只是低頭看着卡片,沒有接過去,我才不管他,鬆開手指任由卡片掉落到地上,轉身離開。8964 copyright protection5PENANAzfWgGX4KC6 維尼
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臨別之際,我決定背對着他,親口講出:「啊,補充一句,如果你決定好甚麼時候自殺的話,通知我一聲,我會去見你最後一面。」8964 copyright protection5PENANA2dN84KRQSj 維尼
9Please respect copyright.PENANAmxsNjwfXot
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沒錯,這是我的一貫作風,只要有人想自殺,我都會希望見他們最後一面,送別他們離開這個世界。然而這一次……8964 copyright protection5PENANAGphD9WkU46 維尼
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我左邊眼珠突然有淚水偷溜出來,順着臉頰滑下…說到底,他始終是我的男友,一對渴望死亡的情侶,這樣子回頭一想,我們兩人似乎是天作之合呢。8964 copyright protection5PENANAtdMKzElgCf 維尼
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於是乎,我雙手插進口袋裏,故作輕鬆地回家去。8964 copyright protection5PENANAU2ZzynVNOH 維尼
9Please respect copyright.PENANAfWIvjfRQzC
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公園裏只剩下阿源一人,他呆站了足足十多分鐘,才止著淚水,真是個愛哭鬼。8964 copyright protection5PENANAnqRxug4lIN 維尼
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四周圍十分寧靜,清幽的環境嘗試安撫他內心正蠢蠢欲動的自殺念頭,使他能夠短暫回復理智。他彎腰撿起地上的卡片、掏出手機、撥打電話…8964 copyright protection5PENANADx0EriUAff 維尼
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約莫五秒後,電話接通了。8964 copyright protection5PENANAwxg0IjoMx2 維尼
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「喂…是關社工嗎?求求妳,快救救我和阿黑吧!」8964 copyright protection5PENANA5dMjK1CY4u 維尼
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