Inside my mind, I knew that I was a girl, and at the same time, I was pretending to the world that I was a boy. This was hard as I wanted to express openly how I felt, but I did not do this as I was too scared of people's reactions. I would visit the community centre when there was a ballet class and look at the girls practising ballet through the door window. Ballet captivated me, and I wanted nothing more than to dance. The problem is that ballet was known as something girls did, and I was afraid that if I did ballet, they would find out that I was transgender, so I did the second-best thing and looked through the window. This was until one day the ballet teacher told me it was about time I joined the class. Blushing and speaking in a low voice, I made an excuse that boys do not do ballet. This made the ballet teacher laugh and tell me some of the best ballet dancers are male. 18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISw7g6Pt1g
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I wore a leotard and tights that were in the lost and found basket. The ballet teacher told me that it was unisex and I could wear it or come back next week when I had my gym shorts. I wore it despite knowing the leotard was for girls. I was introduced to the other girls, which there was no need for, as I knew most of them from school. The girls made me feel so welcome, and the next hour was the best that I ever experienced in my life. I loved ballet and wondered why I never thought about it before. The ballet teacher told me that I was a natural and fast learner. No one ever said to me that I was a natural and good at anything. This compliment made me feel proud, and I knew that I belonged here.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgdaiOpwvBp
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When I was in my bedroom after I went home, I felt sad and wanted to cry my eyes out. I wore girl's clothes and did what many considered a girl's activity. Ballet made me feel so happy, and yet I knew there would be consequences. The ballet teacher did tell the girls in the class not to tell others that I was doing ballet, but you know that some have a hard time not gossiping. This means I was worried that the whole school would know that I did ballet and even wore a girl's leotard and tights. Why did I agree to do ballet and risk the whole world knowing it? I was not ready for it.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpOcyh260dx
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I have been keeping a secret that I did not want the world to know. I am transgender and have accepted it. I thought that I could keep this in my head and let the world see me as a boy. When I was done with ballet, I felt like I was being myself and was happy that the girls at ballet did not tease me. I felt so bad when I came home because I thought that in a just and fair world, I should not be afraid to let others see that I was not a boy but I was a girl. However, I knew that the world was not like this, and I thought that keeping it a secret was the best. However, keeping a secret is extremely hard. It was something locked in my head wanting to come out.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnlgUz6dgk2
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I needed to tell someone, so I came early to the next ballet class. The girls never told anyone at school, so this made me feel that ballet was more like a family that I could trust. I trusted the ballet teacher, so I told the ballet teacher that I was transgender and did not want the world to know. The ballet teacher stayed quiet for a bit and then told me that there were many like me and that I was not alone. It takes a lot of courage to be transgender, as many do not understand it. However, keeping such a secret will only bring stress and unhappiness. So the ballet teacher advised me to tell someone that I love so I could find out a way to be the person that I am.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQip2g3CBSq
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So after ballet, I went home, and while Granny was seeing some food program on TV, I blurted it out. I explained that I knew I had a boy's body, but I was not a boy. I was a girl in a boy's body. I was transgender. Then there was silence, and I was afraid of her reaction, as at times she could be very old-fashioned, and other times she could be modern. Granny finally said, “I love you for who you are. If you identify as a girl, then I will respect that and will support you as much as I can. Sometimes I think that it must be so hard being a child today. Children are influenced so much by influencers and social media. The LGBT+ movement is so visible nowadays, and at times this worries me. I even heard of a child identifying as a cat. Where did the child get this idea from? Listen to your heart and not others. Your heart will tell you who you are, and no matter who you are, you will always have my love and support.” I had tears in my eyes. That night, I slept with the porcelain doll with a smile on my face. It was such a relief that I opened up to Granny, and she supported me. This made me the luckiest girl on earth. 18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKLLmiVSkR
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The next day, Granny picked me up from school and told me that we were going shopping for clothes. This confused me as we went shopping for clothes a few weeks ago. When we were at the shop, Granny took me to the clothing section and told me that it was time I stopped looking like a tomboy. I started crying from happiness again. Granny does not have a lot of money, and I knew she was using her emergency savings on me. She just wanted me to be happy. So for the next hour, Granny and I picked clothes from the girl's section. They were the prettiest dresses I had ever seen: leggings, shorts, tights, girly tops, nightdresses, panties, and sandals. The smile never left my face as I felt so happy. 18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTE7QXjpoxk
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When we were home, I tried on one of the dresses. Granny smiled when she saw me in it and proclaimed that now she knew I was a girl. She had never seen me as happy as I was and so radiant. Then she got serious and asked me if I wanted the world to know that I was a girl. I told her that I was not ready for that yet and did not know if I would ever be ready for this. It was decided that it must be me who decided if and when the world should know that I was transgender. There are so many transgenders that never tell the world and keep this side of them hidden, sometimes for all their lives. Until I was ready, the world could see me as a boy, and I could be a girl at home. This was the best solution. 18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NdCNAcrr4
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Some at school could see a change in me. Samuel has been asking me several times if I was ok and if I needed to talk with him. I would say that I was perfectly fine until one day he asked me if it was true that I started ballet. He overheard some girls say that I was a good ballet dancer and that it was nice having a boy in ballet class. I think I must have gone white when Samuel asked me this and wanted the ground to swallow me up; however, I did manage to whimper that ballet is also for boys and begged Samuel not to tell anyone. Samuel told me that he admired me for doing something that I liked. 18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxhR8bbh3T6
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So now I was leading two lives. The world saw me as a boy, and at home, I was a girl. Needless to say, I was happiest when I was at home. This double life was not easy and often made me feel like a fraudster or something like that. As every day went by, I felt more and more uncomfortable as a boy. There was a sleepover soon at Ethan's, and to be honest, I wanted nothing more than to wear a nightdress and show my friends who I was. At the same time, I knew that this was a gamble, as I did not think that they would accept it.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02IsluUcuZ
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I heard some people say the world today was more tolerant than it was decades ago, and this meant that people would accept that I was transgender. Why did I not feel that this was the case and the world would not accept me? In a way, I knew that I could not live a double life. Society wanted me to be the gender that I was born with, and my happiness did not mean much. That is probably why so many try to ignore they are transgender or live a double life like me. I knew that if I continued to live a double life, I would become frustrated and feel more crazy every day. When I did ballet, I was one of the girls, and they did not care how I was dressed or that I did ballet. They accepted me for who I was. I felt happy at ballet and wanted to feel like this all the time. It meant that I had to decide if I wanted to show the world who I was and not pretend anymore.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPtRi5YwDJc
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Remember I told you that I sent a letter to Nick Rose telling him that I was transgender? I never expected a letter back, but I got one. Here is a bit of what it said, “You are not alone. Many of us do not feel like the gender we were born with. I have chosen to let the world know that I am transgender, and this has not been easy. I have been mocked and told that I am weird and have been brainwashed by LGBT+ propaganda. If you decide to let everyone know that you are not a boy despite that you have a boy's body, you must be brave. It will not be easy, and some may not understand it. You must have courage. One thing I have learnt is that you will know who your friends are as they will support you. True friends do not care about your gender identity. They care for what is in your heart. I wish you the best of luck.”18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGkPGjt2edt
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So the sleepover at Ethan's house came. We did what we always did, such as games, gossiping, and watching YouTube videos. I was a bit nervous, but at the same time, I was happy that I was with friends. We have known each other for years and have always supported each other through times when someone was having a hard time, such as nagging parents, exam stress, and the worries that we have. I decided to remember this and follow Nick Roses and have courage. This sleepover would be the time when my friends knew who I was. Of course, I was nervous as to what the reaction would be. At the same time, I was relieved that I would no longer be keeping such an important secret. 18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwTp7UkYpWs
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When it was time to change into our pyjamas, I put on my unicorn nightdress. The three boys glared at me for a few minutes and then asked if this was a joke. I shook my head and told them that I was transgender. Ethan's answer was very blunt as he blurted out that I was not a girl. I mustered up all the courage and told my friends that I may have been born with a boy's body, but I had the mind, heart, and soul of a girl. I was not a boy. I was a girl, and I hoped that they would accept and respect it. Unfortunately, this did not happen. They started insulting, mocking, and insulting me, calling me every name under the sun. According to them, I was weird, misled, and a gay sissy boy. 18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRxmpZvhkBM
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It became too much for me, and I left the sleepover. Granny knew there was something wrong, and she guessed what it was when she saw me coming home wearing a nightdress. I went to my room and cried all night on my bed, thinking that my life was over and how stupid I could be for telling my friends. I should have just continued living my double life and kept my true identity to myself. 18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeobSVboxOS
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Granny told me that she suspected my revelation shocked my friends and they would understand me after they had some time to think about it. This did not happen, as at school the next day, my friends ignored me. When I tried to be with them, they made it known that I was not wanted. It did not take long for the whole school to know that I was transgender and that I even did ballet. This meant a lot of whispering and people asking why I was not wearing a dress or tutu. Some even asked if I still had a boy's body. Being teased and bullied was one thing, but being ignored felt worse. I was now an invisible transgender person that no one wanted to be around. 18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vUISsZLc7
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A few days ago, Ethan did talk with me, but it was not friendly. He informed me that the next sleepover should have been at my house; however, my friends decided it would be at another house. On top of this, I was not invited as they no longer wanted me at their sleepovers as I was now too weird, and they thought I was mentally ill. When he told me this, I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. This meant that I no longer had any friends, and I was alone in the world. 18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3cCP1xnl6l
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This went on for a few weeks, and I was sad and depressed. Losing your best friends is like there is a hole in your heart. It's like the past experiences you had with them have been erased. Granny could see how sad I was and told me that I was the most courageous girl she knew. She did not think that anything was my fault, as I did nothing wrong except be honest about who I was. She thought it was my friend's fault, as they were so narrow-minded that they could not accept that I was transgender. Granny reminded me that I never hurt anyone and had a good heart, while the same could not be said for my friends. 18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOFBnwRYIR4
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One thing that Granny said that I will always remember is that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. This made me think that things could not get worse, but that could also be good, as this meant that there was always hope. I could be the victim, or I could be proud of who I was. I wanted to be happy, and I wanted to be true to myself. This meant I would lick my wounds and make the best of what life gave me. 18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmuiADEqABO
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This meant that I started wearing girl clothes at school and no longer lived a double life; I kept my chin up and showed the world that I did not care what they thought. I was not a bad person, and I had a right to show the world who I was. My friends still ignored me, but I accepted this despite that it still hurt. I continued doing ballet, and the girls from ballet became my best friends at school. My friends may have abandoned me, but I was making new friends. 18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5aC6qqlIQ
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Samuel wanted to speak with me one day, and he apologised for the way that he treated me. He told me that he told the others that he would not be going on their sleepover and carefully asked if he and I could have our own sleepover at my house. This made me smile, and we were both excited. 18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgChm7NTstN
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That's my story, and remember that there is always hope when things seem so dark, and be proud of who you are, even if you are different.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw6b5JOFjvT
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The end18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ17cobYVeOD
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