Logan said that Katherine was quiet. She'd only talk when he'd bring something up and then she suddenly said she had to go home. I started feeling bad that I was glad that maybe Katherine wasn't interested in Logan. But that didn't mean she was ever going to be interested in me.
And then I remembered the only reason why Katherine was quiet was because she was upset about something. I noticed Katherine walking by herself as we were transitioning to our next class. Since Caroline wasn't clinging onto me, I had decided that maybe I should just talk to Katherine. Walked up behind her and tapped her shoulder. She jumped a little but turned around and saw me. I felt bad for startling her but it looked like she could care less. "Oh, Tasuki," she said, "Hi,"
"Hi," I said back.
I was a little surprised at first when she called me Tasuki. I didn't expect she'd keep calling me that. I didn't mind, I liked hearing my name from her mouth. It made me like her even more. I then remembered why I wanted to talk to her in the first place. "Hey, Katherine?" I said.
She nodded.
"I noticed you looked pretty down yesterday," I said, kicking my feet to the ground, "I just wanted to know if maybe you're okay…or if you want to talk?"
Katherine just stared at me. She didn't just stare at me, she stared into me. It made me uncomfortable and I felt as if I was doing something wrong. I took a step back. "Sorry, I was being nosy I shouldn't have--"
"Wait, don't go,"
A hand touched my arm. The touch made my heart beat faster and my whole body felt tingly for a second. It only lasted for a second but I'd do anything to feel that for the first time. Katherine was still looking at me, this time in the eyes. Her hand drew back, my feet were glued to the ground. We just stared at each other for about ten seconds. But it was the best ten seconds of my life.
Katherine sighed. "I'm sorry…I mean…thanks,"
There was a brief pause. All around us was silent, the background of kids' feet against the floor and echoes of laughter were muted. I didn't understand why she thanked me. I didn't ask because it was a favor, I asked because I wanted to know. Because I cared.
"No…I mean it," I answered quietly, "I mean, only if you want to I won't force you--"
The warning bell rang and all the noise came back. Katherine started to take some steps back, it was like she was slipping through my fingers. I wanted to reach out to her but I stayed put. She smiled at me, "Yeah, I'm okay. Practice was just tough,"
She waved goodbye and she turned around and left. That wasn't what I wanted to hear. I knew I couldn't force the information out of her but…I didn't like her smile anymore. At least not the smile she was showing me. Because it wasn't real, it was fake. And I only just figured that out yesterday. I couldn't remember if Katherine smiled genuinely before that or not. I was itching with questions of her and for her. I was also confused, I never felt this way with a girl before. I don't think with anybody. I never wanted to know so much about a person than I do with Katherine. I never wanted to know if a person was okay more than Katherine. Nobody's touch gave me that feeling the way Katherine's does. She had to be some sort of witch, putting me under a spell. How could it be possible to even feel this way? I wasn't sure if I liked it or not. I kept thinking about Katherine throughout the day. She was on my mind and I haven't even talked to her all that much.
I hoped Katherine would sit with us at lunch but she didn't. I didn't see her at all at lunch. Right when she was the only thing I could think about, she was nowhere in sight.
It was after school when I saw Katherine. She was walking a little fast, but I found myself walking faster. Right until I was walking beside her. Katherine turned to me and I began to overthink. What if I was too close? What if I was bothering her? She was walking fast, maybe she was in a rush to leave and didn't want to talk. Her smile didn't reassure me either, it could be fake. She was probably trying to be nice. "Tasuki," she said, "You're not staying after school?"
Was she saying that because she hoped I stayed after school? I was sure of it, which added to the worry that I was bothering her.
I shook my head. "I…uh, I'm sorry for bothering you…"
Katherine frowned. "You're not bothering me. What made you say that?"
I shrugged, feeling my face heat up. If she didn't think I was bothering her she had to think I was weird. "I uh, I don't know," I replied, chuckling nervously, "So um, you're not at soccer practice?"
Katherine's frown deepened which made me even more nervous. She even looked away from me. I thought that I upset her in some way. "No…" she said, "I quit,"
"You quit?" I asked, a little surprised, "Why? Oh, sorry I mean--"
"I don't know," Katherine said, her voice lowering, "It's…not really my thing anymore,"
I thought that was odd, I thought she liked soccer. She seemed pretty sad about it too, I had a feeling she was lying. I didn't want to pry on her so I didn't ask further questions about soccer.
"Oh," Katherine said, looking at me again, "Can you tell Logan I said sorry?"
The mention of Logan coming from Katherine made me feel a certain way. And it wasn't good either. I wasn't sure at that time if I felt some resentment towards Logan, but for then, it had to be jealousy. "Logan?" I repeated, "Why do you need to apologize to him?"
"Because," Katherine said, "I feel bad for the way I was acting yesterday. I was making it seem like I wasn't interested in him,"
When she said that, I had the same feeling someone would normally get when they're about to get jump scared. I had only liked her for a day and I was already starting to feel heartbroken.
"Oh so, you…you like him?" I asked.
I tried smiling so it wouldn't look like I was hurting but it hurt to do so. Katherine shrugged with an apparent smile on her face. "Well I think he's a nice guy," she replied quietly, "I'd like to get to know him more,"
That was a yes, she did like him. And she said it right in front of me.
For some reason, when she touched my arm that day, or when she called me by my real name, I thought I had a chance. That she could actually like me. I felt embarrassed for even allowing myself to feel that way.
"Oh…" I said, "Well…I think maybe you should tell him,"
Katherine looked slightly confused. "Tell him what I just said?"
I didn't know why I said that, I should have just turned around and left. Say my goodbyes and never plan on talking to her. But I still stayed. "Yeah and tell him you're sorry too," I added, "Or at least explain. I don't think you should be sorry,"
Katherine didn't reply immediately. She looked reluctant. "Okay then…"
She then smiled at me. "Thanks, Tasuki. I appreciate it. Oh well, see you tomorrow then?"
I nodded and she walked off. But at that moment, I didn't really want to talk to her again. Not after she said she liked Logan. But I couldn't ignore her just because she didn't feel the same way towards me.
Katherine was a good person. I had already had a feeling she was feeling a little sad. But I had underestimated her feelings greatly.
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