How could I confess to breaking the window and telling the principal that Tim did it, ending with him being bullied and now missing from school? It would have ruined my reputation if I had done this, and on top of that, my parents would be so disappointed in me. Would they love me less? If I confessed, I would be known as a fraud, deceiver, and liar, and this would leave me isolated with no friends and parents who no longer respected me. I planned to let time heal all the wounds. This did not happen. When I came home that night and opened my school bag, there was a note with the words “The truth will set you free.”
The note caused another anxiety attack. Who could have put the note in my bag? It could not have been Tim, as he was not in school for weeks. Tim would have every reason to send it, and he was too timid to say it to my face. However, it was unrealistic that he would sneak into school and put the note in my bag. It could have been Sarah, but I doubted that as I spoke with her. It was annoying that I did not know who sent the note. It was also frightening as it meant that someone else knew that I was the sinner. If someone else knew, then how many in the school knew or suspected that Tim was framed by me?
There was some good news, though, as the next day Tim came back to school. He was not the same, though. As I said before, Tim was always shy and nearly invisible to everyone. Since he started getting bullied and being in the spotlight, it was easier to see what type of person Tim was. The good news is that Tim was back, which means he did not run away or do any self-harm. The bad news was that Tim seemed even more withdrawn and quiet, and it was as if he was trying to hide all the time.
I started to notice Tim's behaviour, and it was both shocking and sad. I noticed that Tim looked down all the time and avoided eye contact with everyone. Tim had one friend in the world, and he did not even speak with her. Tim's body language also was depressing, as he slumped his shoulders and avoided being around others. If Tim was invisible before, it was now as if he was trying to show the world that he did not exist. This did not stop Tim from being bullied. He was bullied as much as he was before.
Sarah noticed all of this as well. She told me that she did not know what was worse, seeing Tim being bullied or seeing Tim wish he had never been born. Sarah looked me in the eyes and reminded me that I had the solution to help Tim as he deserved justice. She encouraged me to confess, as it would bring peace to Tim and me. Sarah was right, as it was hard witnessing what was happening around me and how it affected my mental health. I made the excuse that I speculated that the bullies did not remember why they were bullying Tim. Everyone must have forgotten that it started with a broken window. I did not want to tell Sarah that I was so afraid of the consequences of the world knowing what I had done.
I was wrong about people forgetting that a window was broken. The principal mentioned it at a school assembly, telling us that the school was still investigating the broken window incident. This announcement shocked everyone, and I could see everyone staring at Tim, who was now slumped in the chair. Not everyone was looking at Tim as Sarah was looking at me. The principal reminded us that this was about a broken window and a broken trophy stand. This in itself was not serious, as accidents do happen. The problem was that he was in doubt if Tim was the one who did it, which meant that someone was letting Tim take the fall for something he did not do. This would be very serious, as honesty was something that the school demanded of its pupils.
No one believed that Tim was not guilty. The talk of the school was that Tim never defended himself, and he looked guilty. I was even asked about what I thought and people seemed to accept when I told them that I was keeping out of it. I honestly do not know if others believed that Tim did it. I do think that they wanted to believe it for different reasons. For the bullies, it was a chance for them to bully Tim. They could bully him whether he broke the window or not, but Tim being guilty seemed to make it more acceptable and justifiable for them to bully.
I knew that the bullies were not the biggest problem despite that there was no excuse for what they had been doing. The real problem was me, as I did not confess and did not intervene when Tim was being bullied. This made me a bad person and worse than the bullies. It also meant that the guilt I had was growing every day and becoming unbearable. I was now quiet at school and could not concentrate at school. I did not play football with friends during recess or hang around with them after school. When I was at home, I would just hide in my bedroom and do nothing. On top of this, I was skipping meals and could not sleep. I simply did not have an appetite, and when I did manage to sleep, I would wake up after a nightmare. I was a mess.
My mom noticed all this and confronted me about it. She told me that she knew that I was not happy and that the only way I could feel better again was if I talked about it. I was told that skipping meals and hiding in my room was not the answer. I was allowing myself to be sucked deeper and deeper into a black hole. Parents can be so annoying, especially when they notice things you don’t want them to notice. My reaction to Mom was to tell her to get out of my room when she tried to talk to me. This did not stop her from trying again and again, which just made me more frustrated and end up shouting at her. All this meant that I was not just guilty of what was happening to Tim; I was making my mom more and more worried about me.
Hiding at school was not easy, as there were children and teachers everywhere. It was like being in an ant farm. I found the quietest place in school to be the library. It was not just me. When I went into the library, I could hear someone crying. This was unusual, so I hid behind a bookcase to see what was happening. It was Tim. He did not see me, but I saw him, and he looked a mess with red eyes, a red-flushed face, and tears everywhere. What surprised me is that he folded his hands and started praying:
“Dear God,” Tim prayed, “I know you have more important things to do than listen to me. However, if you do have the time, I hope that you can help me. You see, everyone thinks that I broke a window. You know that I did not. I hate football and hate kicking a ball around. However, I am being blamed, as someone said that I was the one that did it. Since this happened, I have been bullied at school, which is so hard. I get called names, and the bullies even push, shove, and hit me. God, it hurts being bullied, and not just the physical part of bullying; the words hurt just as much. My parents support me as much as they can. They tell me I am different from others and I should be proud of who I am. This is so hard as no one else respects me or likes me. I don’t want to be different and a victim of bullying. God, the worst thing is that I am starting to believe in the bullies. I am starting to think I am too weird and should never have been born. I hope that you can help me. I don’t know who else can help me.”
That night when I was hiding in my room, I could not stop thinking about Tim's prayer. I know I should not have eavesdropped as he was speaking with God, but it did give me a lot to think about Tim, as it was the first time that I heard him speak about what he thought. I could see that he was so sad and vulnerable. This whole experience with the bullies made him doubt himself and believe the bullies could be right. Tim's self-esteem was so low that he even wondered why he was born. All this made me decide that I must take responsibility and act. There was only one person that could help Tim, and that was me. If I let the bullies continue, I would be responsible for any consequences.
So I wrote a confession letter in which I wrote that it was me who broke the window and lied that Tim had done it. The confession letter also included how sorry and ashamed I was and that I no longer felt that I was a good person. I finished with writing that I would accept any consequences of my actions. After I wrote the letter, I felt a relief wash over me and felt like honesty was the best thing and the only way to solve this. Maybe things could go back to the way they were before.
I planned that I would deliver the letter to the principal; however, when I was on my way to school, I hesitated and did not take the letter. It stayed on my desk as once again I was afraid of the fallout. After school, Sarah visited me because she was worried about me. She noticed that I was more withdrawn and depressed. We did not talk a lot, but Sarah did find the letter on my desk. After she read it, she smiled and told me that she was delighted that I would finally admit to my wrongdoings. After she said this, I snatched the letter from her and tore it up while telling her that I did not want to talk about it.
The principal wanted to talk about it, as the next day at school another surprise assembly was called. The principal told us that he no longer believed that Tim had broken the window, and this meant that someone was letting Tim take the fall. The principal told us that this was not justice and that letting another person be blamed for something he had not done was wrong. The principal was looking at me while he said this. Of course, he would look at me as it was me who told him that Tim had broken the window.
The principal finished the assembly by saying that the window incident was unresolved and told us all that his office was always open, and he invited witnesses to come forward.
To be continued.
ns 15.158.61.6da2
