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I got so tired of being hurt and lied to and i just felt so alone all i was doing was finding my heart broken all over the floor from Paul breaking it and i was finding my self picking up the pieces of my heart off the floor but do you think he truly cared fuck no. I had to make the choice to leave and close the door cause he was just going to keep going as it was and have me put up with his mental abuse and the way he talked to me and making me cry when i had enough of his mental abuse . I felt so lone no one to talk to or no where to run. I never thought it would end this way o wait what the fuck am i saying I knew it was over because he did not want to fight for are 15 yr relationship. You know i heard of people getting comfortable in there relationship and they stop trying and that is what he did. Paul did not love me anymore cause i could tell the way he treated me and i already distanced my self from him due to his mental abuse. I just felt so lost and it was like we was fighting for the same thing and that was a center of attention but he wanted it more than me this man i shit you not did not let me shine, when it was my time to shine he wanted to jump in the middle of it and take the credit
I can honestly can say i did shut down and felt my self not giving a shit anymore cause i felt like every time I did something wrong i was the only one who had to fix my broken heart and wipe my own tears away and hold a pillow tight to comfort me cause i know he sure in the hell was not going to do it cause he would chew my ass out over stupid shit and not giving a shit either and i just got tired of being mistreated . I wanted to find a true real gentleman that knew how to treat a lady and not treat her like a piece of ass. Paul took away my smile and my laughter and my happiness cause i remember Paul telling me that i was a fucken burden and let me tell ya that broke my heart and that just might as well of destroy me when he said that to me . I thought when you love someone you never do that to someone you truly love but i was finding out things about Paul and his true colors where coming out and i found out he was using me all this time so basically i was a convenience to him and that was it .
This marriage to Paul was a fucken nightmare and I had my mind set on leaving him when i got better and i did cause i knew it was not going to get better I had to close the door fast so i could heal but let me tell you the scares that . This fucken marriage left me its a awful feeling cause this marriage caused me PTSD i have flash backs on shit that i will set and cry cause all its doing is repeating its self over and over in my mind and my tears start to fall every fucken time.
Even tho I remarried my first husband and that was the best thing i ever did but the flash backs from Paul shit has played in to my new marriage but thankfully my new husband is very understanding it takes a real man that can handle this fucken mess cause the fear of Roger would do what Paul did to me always plays in the back of my mind all the time. I know i will have alot of scares this time due to Paul bull shit. I am so glad I Closed The Door on my second marriage to Paul William Fenimore
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