I woke up with the sun shining on my face. I barely could open both of my eyes wide. Somehow, both of my eyes felt so heavy. You know, the kind of feeling you get after you cried your eyes out.
Did I cry last night?
I got out of bed and slowly made my way to the bathroom. I stared into the mirror as I brushed my teeth. I could see that my eyes were in fact a little bit swollen. I tried to recall everything that happened last night, and I don’t remember anything about me crying. Not even in my sleep.
That’s just weird. I thought as I checked both of my eyes again, leaning my body over the sink just to get closer to the mirror.
I shrugged it off and head to the shower. I need to get myself ready for work.
I left my apartment and hurried down the street to get to the train station.
“Ava!”
I immediately stopped. I could feel my heart ache a little bit at the sound of that voice and I don’t even know the reason why.
I turned around and saw Eli just about two feet away from where I was standing. He smiled and slowly walked his way toward me.
“On your way to work?” he asked.
I smiled and nodded twice.
“Well then, shall we go together?”
“Sure, why not?”
Eli just moved into the same building as I was about five months ago, and he also happened to work at the same company where I worked. Quite a coincidence. And it does not end there, we happened to go the same college before. Just after two years studying, he went away leaving this country and went to England and finished his studies there. About five years after that we met again, right outside the building of our apartments.
“I see you didn’t take your car with you today?” I started to make a conversation.
“Yeah, I figured I’m already a bit late, and driving the car would not make me arrive any earlier, you know…with all the traffics” he said as he brushed away a few strand of his auburn hair that was hanging on his forehead with his hand.
“Yeah, I could see that” I chuckled as I tapped my own head lightly trying to tell him that there were some parts of his hair that were still messy.
“Oh!” he amusingly smiled and quickly tried to hand comb all of his hair.
“Thank you” His face was beaming with smile that showed his pearly white teeth and his deep dimples both in his cheeks.
I froze at that moment. Somehow, I had a mixture of feelings going on. I felt a sense of happiness and comfort. Almost as if that was what I have been longing and waiting for. At the same time, I fell into despair as if I had lost something so important.
What was that all about?
That night, I was laying in my bed thinking all about the weird thing that had happened today. Starting from the moment when I met Eli on the street. Even when we were working I just can’t seem to take my eyes off him.
I slapped my face many times, trying to push all the unnecessary thoughts away from my head. I must be crazy if I thought that I had fallen for him. I quickly squeeze my eyes shut, trying to get to sleep.
*************************
I slowly knocked on their door, and after a few seconds, the door opened. Sarah was standing before me with smile all over her face.
"Glad that you could finally make it to dinner today, come in!" She gleefully said.
“There you are! We were just wondering when you’re going to come” Eli said as he was setting up the dining table.
I gave him a big smile and followed Sarah who was heading to their open kitchen.
“So…is there anything I can help? Just give me anything” I said to Sarah as I saw her taking the knife out from the drawer.
“Well…I actually prefer if you just wait at the living room” she smiled then continue, “but since you asked… will you be a dear and cut this apples for me?”
“That would be my pleasure” I answered and take the knife from the counter and started to cut the apples into pieces.
Sarah head to the dining room and brought the main dish with her to put it on the table. Eli hurriedly came and take the plate from her. This married couple were smiling to each other blissfully, and I just can’t help but felt a pain right in my heart. It was aching so hard and I don’t even know why I felt that way.
“Ouch!”
Great! I just cut my finger.
I turned the faucet on right away and rinse my bleeding finger under the running water.
Sarah ran to me and immediately checked on my cut. It kept on bleeding and didn’t seem to stop any minute.
“Eli, get the first aid, hurry!” Sarah slightly raised her voice, her face was full of worry.
Eli came rushing in and began to take out a gauze from the first aid box and applied firmly on the cut.
“Let me… I can do it myself” I offered, feeling somewhat uncomfortable.
“It’s okay Ava, he’s quite good in first aid emergency if I may say so” Sarah gave me a warm smile.
“Yeah, in fact I am, what you should do now is to relax yourself” Eli added.
“I’m sorry, I seem to ruin the dinner” I said, feeling really bad.
“Don’t be, this is not a big deal” Sarah head over to the counter and continue cutting the apples that I had left before.
“Luckily the cut wasn’t too deep” Eli murmured.
The bleeding seemed to stop and he then clean the cut, applied ointment on it and lastly sealed it with a bandage.
All that time, I stole glances at him every chance I got. Every time he got close, I could smell his scent that somehow made me feel nostalgic. They say a scent can strongly trigger memories but all I could remember was that I knew I had smelled that scent somewhere.
Unknowingly, my eyes started to tear up as a few drops rolled down my cheeks.
“Is it hurt that bad?” he asked, concerned written all over his face.
I came to my senses, and quickly wipe away the tears.
“I think because it sting just a little bit” I lied and let out an awkward laugh.
This is getting weird! I need to stop!!
We finally sat down for dinner and the whole time I was basically spacing out. My mind can’t seem to stop thinking about what happened earlier.
After dinner, I helped Sarah with the dishes, and somehow there was this awkward silence between us.
“So what was he like back in college?” Sarah finally said breaking the silence.
“Uh….” I just can’t seem to answer, it felt like I actually didn’t know anything about him, except for the fact that we had classes together. I figured we were probably just an acquaintance.
“Well honestly, I didn’t know much about him, we probably just had classes together I guess” I answered being truthful. After all, that was all I could remember.
“That’s too bad, because I could feel that Eli was actually trying to recover his lost memories though he didn’t say it directly” Sarah said in a low voice.
I do remember when we met again, Sarah said something about him suffered memory loss due to the viral meningitis that affected him when he first arrived to England. That explained why he can’t seem to remember me when we met again.
********************
After that day, I can’t seem to ignore the fact that there was something missing, I thought that I had forgotten something and I can’t still figure out what was it exactly. The feelings were stronger every time I met Eli. Days weeks and months passed by and I kept on trying to find the reason. Sometimes my mind just went crazy and I can’t help but to feel frustrated with myself.
Then, that day arrived. I remember it was raining hard, I was holding on my umbrella. Just got out from work and ready to head home. I was about to cross the road, when suddenly a honk filled the air along with the sound of the heavy rain. I immediately turned my head to the left. There I saw a speeding car so fast that I thought I wouldn’t be able to avoid it.
In that very moment, my right arm was being dragged, causing me to move backward, losing my grip on my umbrella and getting pulled away from that lane. The car sped right past in front of me, couldn’t believe that I was about to get hit from that car any second later. I looked down to my right arm and realized at that moment that the one who saved me still had his right arm on mine, and his left arm draped tightly across in the front of my shoulder.
Slowly, he loosened both of his arms from me. I turned around.
It was him. Eli.
We were both getting drenched in the heavy rain.
“Are you okay?!” he yelled, as the sound of the rain had practically muted anything else.
I just stared at him, and my heart began to pound hard. I realized my feelings for him.
It was more than I could imagine. I loved him. There, I finally admitted it.
Suddenly my head hurts, I was seeing all these flashbacks that I didn’t even knew that I had it in me. I started to back away. Every time I took a step back, he stepped closer toward me.
“Stop where you are! And…don’t…don’t follow me!” I demanded.
He stopped and looked all confused and concerned.
I started to run away from him. I ran with all these flashbacks that just can’t seem to stop haunting me.
There were flashbacks of Eli and I being together back in college before he went away. It all came back immediately. I started to remembered that he meant the world to me, and that there was nothing that could stop us from being together. Us, together laughing and just feeling content whenever we were together.
Then I remembered before he went away, that we would wait for each other. But there was no news of him after that. I just can’t forget him or get over him. I foolishly believe that he would come back.
And he did.
But he didn’t even remember me.
I lived every day watching him being happy with somebody else. I lived each day with the pain that hurt so much and it was killing me.
This isn’t fair! Why am I the only one suffering?
I stopped running as my legs started to feel heavy and arrived at what seemed to be a quiet corridor.
I land myself down on the cold floor and leaned against the wall. I felt a heavy lump on my throat that was trying to force it way to get out. I let out a cry. One after the other. A cry that perhaps could stop my pain. A cry that was so hard that I thought my heart would burst. My heart was aching so deep that it felt like someone was squeezing it hard. I groaned with the agony while repeatedly pounded my chest hard with my fist. Hoping in any way that it could relieve the pain that I felt.
That lady from back then.
I can help erase your feelings toward him and the memories of you being together, but keep in mind that one can never fool their own heart, and if you ever fall for him again, it would all coming back and hurt more.
Tears running down all over my face and I kept on wailing as I realized that I just can’t get over him no matter where I am or what I do. Just when I thought that I could finally found a new beginning, I would just fall all over him again.
ns 15.158.61.51da2
