06:20
She smiles, itching to get away from the idle gossip and small talk of people who haven’t drunk enough alcohol yet. The clock stands still, she thinks, but perhaps she is just tired of waiting for the one person she knows should be right next to her. Laughing at herself because Bey isn’t running late at all, she grabs herself a small bag of chips and heads to the living room to talk with her brother, who has clearly drunk more than she has.
The crowd watches the birthday boy in adoration, admiring his stupidity as he jumps all over the furniture in an attempt to add dramatic effect to a horrible enactment of a story he’s making up for his loyal fans. She isn’t sure the story makes sense, but she’s decided that isn’t worth her limited attention span (thanks to the alcohol). Instead, she simply amuses herself by watching her brother stumble around, trying to swashbuckle on the coffee table (but falling onto the couch in the end).
Somehow watching her brother turned into more drinking and more drinking, and the clock surely isn’t telling her the correct time anymore. This frustrates her because she’s still waiting for her boyfriend, but maybe he’s stood her up. She knows he wasn’t looking forward to the party and that he might have a good reason for not being with her, but the alcohol is drowning out her rational thought process. Perhaps it is time to sober up. (But she grabs another cup of beer anyway.)
The air is cool enough when she steps outside. She’s staring up at the beautiful night sky, vaguely remembering a night that she spent staring up at the stars like this. As she gazed up at the Roman goddess of love, she’d witnessed a fallen star shooting across the sky—
And suddenly, she’s falling.
Down, down, d o w n she goes, and she isn’t sure whether she’s having drunk hallucinations or if she’s actually seeing reality because she’s falling for Bey head over heels and heels over head. He looks absolutely astonished as she lands in his lap, her drink spilling all over him. She can’t help but giggle at the sight because despite the fact that she hates giggling, this entire situation is a literal representation of how she is tainting an otherwise pure Bey. And because she’s trying so hard not to cry at the moment, she’s giggling.
She somehow manages to pull herself up to a standing position, apologizing to Bey. She still isn’t sure what thoughts are racing through his mind because he’s still just wide-eyed. Nevertheless, she tries to make amends, smiling and saying, “Come inside, and I’ll get you a change of clothes.” Unsure of whether he will respond, she takes his hand in hers and drags him into the chaos inside the house.
He seems hesitant, glancing warily around at the drunk teenagers talking loudly and stumbling around him, and she giggles. He needs to loosen up, she thinks, so she swipes a bottle of vodka from under the sink where her parents hide the good drinks. After she’s tucked the vodka under her arm, she pours a generous amount of beer from the keg into a red plastic cup and hands it to him, winking. “It’s the only way to forget everything here and just have fun,” she told him, pouring her own serving.
He gingerly holds the cup with an expression that she doesn’t want to see, so she quickly turns away and leads him to outside her brother’s room. She leaves him in the hallway to quickly grab a shirt and a pair of shorts, and then they are off to her room so he can have some privacy to change out of his beer-drenched outfit.
Unfortunately, she hadn’t accounted for the sex-crazed teenagers when she’d left her room unlocked earlier, so her screams are filled with shock and disgust as the barely clothed couple dash out of her room. She continues screaming, completely caught by surprise by this turn of events, but somehow through her shrill tone of voice, she can hear his faint chuckle. With one turn of her head, his lips are on hers, and she doesn’t realize until he stumbles into the bed that all of her poise and rationality has really abandoned her.
She quickly forces herself away from him and locks the door shut, in case any other couple decides to try something in her bedroom. (But she knows she is just like them, so why do they repulse her so much?) She picks up the vodka from where it had fallen on the floor. As she nears the bed, she notices the glimmer of fear in his eye.
His fear is enough to stop her.
Trying to give him a gentle, reassuring smile, she sits down onto the bed beside him, draining her cup of beer in an attempt to chase away any inappropriate thoughts. He is not ready. She lifts the bottle of vodka with a slight lilt of a smile, twisting the cap off and eagerly refilling her cup. All she wants is to drown her troubles in alcohol until her body is as numb as her heart feels. She tries to forget that he is right there with her, but maybe that’s an impossible feat for her, she realizes, as she leans into him.
He is intoxicating, and she just can’t seem to get enough of the way he makes her focus on only him, him, him. This is what she wants, she thinks. Her brain has shut down, and her lips are on his, and there’s something that’s just so natural about the way she absorbs his innocence, layering corruption upon corruption until she’s sure that he will never be the same. She is vile, and he is pure, and sometimes she wonders how far she can go before he is either completely tainted or shattered. Perhaps she’ll test the limits tonight.
After all, love’s a game, and there’s no point in winning once if she doesn’t win for all eternity.1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ36e1HDZaMY
06:16
Why is he here?
He just holds her as she sobs, but she can’t help but wonder why he is here. He really shouldn’t be here; he will never be able to fathom what she must deal with every day, poor, naive soul. He doesn’t even know what day it is, whose birthday it should have been, the crime she has committed. It’s strange, really, that when she looks down at her hands, she sees scarlet blood dripping off one while the other is as sterile as the doctor’s equipment.
He is still there when she looks up again. She chokes back her sobs, trying to maintain enough of her composure so that she can lie to him as always. She’s all right, she wants to say, hoping he’ll accept that (even though it’s clear she is not). For how could anyone possibly accept the truth?
She doesn’t understand him, how one can be so oblivious, so ignorant to the world around oneself. One day something will teach him the true nature of the world they live in—odious, cruel, and deceptive. For a brief moment, she wonders if she will be that something, as she is clearly the manifestation of every evil one could find on this godforsaken planet.
As she tells him her secret—for a reason only God knows—she thinks about how some people would tell her that it was for the best, that she wasn’t ready for a child. And she agrees. But she can’t help but feel that she has taken life from someone who desperately wanted—no, needed it, even if others don’t consider her child a true and proper baby, even if she wouldn’t have been able to provide a good home for her child. No one knows what or whom she’s lost (not even she does), but she can feel it in her gut that she has lost a child she could have learned to love, no matter what anyone says.
Now, she thinks, she’ll never properly love anyone, least of all herself.1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxQeOtUDwB
02:04
She laughs at his joke, tipping her head back in mirth despite the fact that her heart is dropping in realization. He asks her to grab them a pair of seats while he goes to get them concessions; she almost asks him to grab a six-pack of beer. She almost regrets her decision to date him exclusively, but perhaps it will prove to be beneficial to her—like a life-changing, life-improving kind of thing—or, at the very least, a good distraction and a fun time.
But when she sees his enthusiasm betraying his ignorance, she briefly wonders if maybe this whole relationship will be much more painful for her than it will be for him. She quickly puts that notion away because she's here for a good time, not to be buried in her own destructive thoughts. Falling apart can wait until later.
As the night progresses, she decides that Bey is absolutely charming. Once she slips past his awkwardness, she realizes that he has an actual sense of humor, far more elevated than the crude jokes most guys she’s encountered tell. He’s simply sweet and kind, even if in his nervousness he makes insignificant social blunders. She decides that he’s the perfect boyfriend, but she doesn’t know if that’s what she wants.
After all, if Bey is the perfect boyfriend, why would he want a less-than-perfect girlfriend?1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxuh7wv5X4F
00:00
He’s a bit dull, she thinks at first, as he rambles on about his thoughts on the sculpture. She’s not sure if he knows that she doesn’t think much of the piece—after all, it’s just pretentious trash that didn’t quite make it into an actual display—but despite all this, he still continues on, marveling at the care and effort the artist has put into the piece.
As their conversation about it continues, she finds herself looking at the paper sculpture in a more favorable light, but perhaps this is because of his sheer enthusiasm about the topic. She finds herself swept up into the majesty of what this sculpture means, and it scares her a bit, to be honest, of this boy’s ability to make her care about something that will become so meaningless once she leaves the museum.
He doesn’t even realize how much he’s influenced her as he moves the topic from what art classes they’re taking to their favorite painters. She finds amusement in the fact that his favorite art style is impressionist while he himself is so impressionable. Then, in the midst of his animated babbling about Leonard Asimov or whoever his favorite artist is, he turns to her with frightening speed and asks, “Who is your favorite artist?”
And she freezes. Normally, she would explain to him that she is actually not interested in art at all, but there is something about him that makes her want to live up to the expectations he’s built up for her. She answers quickly with an artist she barely remembers from her art appreciation class, relieved when he accepts her answer.
Eventually, she finds the opportunity to rejoin a couple of her friends that also went on the field trip, but she can’t help but feel shaken. He clearly thinks the world of her for some odd reason, even though she is one of the most vile creatures he’s ever come across, she’s sure. Her image in his mind must be to unrealistic to be sustainable, yet she feels some ill urge to maintain it.
This is why, she realizes, that if they prolong their acquaintanceship into friendship and perhaps even a romantic relationship, she will break all of his expectations eventually, consequently breaking him. Or, perhaps, he will break her.
ns 15.158.61.20da2
