Yanagi had never been able to hold much hope. She'd never shown much desire to in the first place, and she often wondered if through some pure determination she had, what would've happened if she'd kept that hope and where it would've gotten her. A much darker place than this was the final conclusion.
No matter how many times she'd chanted 'It's going to be bad, It's going to be bad, it's going to be bad' in her head, the situation didn't reverse, much to her dismay when the killing game was announced to a stunned audience.
So, despite her fear and wishes for it all to be over, she held on to the grim thought that this was it. This was how everyone died. It was the only thing she could do. If she'd walked around with a large smile on her face spouting words that No one here would kill any one else! She was sure to get hurt. Even if it didn't work, at least she wouldn't be let down.
And yet, when she'd heard the first body discovery announcement, she couldn't help but feel her stomach twist, and fear convolute her senses. When she saw everyone around her frozen with the same dread, she had forced herself to get up and help everyone else, even if she couldn't help herself. Yet the whole time she bit her tongue of the knowledge that this was going to happen again someone here was going to kill someone again.
She stuck with Akiyama, Mitsue and Ine, and they didn't always fit together, often leaving each other with more problems than they had going in, but they were all they had. Yanagi found herself putting up walls around the others, scared that they'd criticise her and call her a downer. The Ultimate persuader weirdly seemed to notice this, and happily back off if she thought she was getting too pushy. She was sure she'd be friends with her if they weren't in stuck in a situation like this.
By the end of the third trial, the dark atmosphere had set in like concrete, everyone's hopes of it being a one off thing falling to the ground and shattering. Their little group had pushed themselves closer unwillingly, and arguments and tensions rose. Yanagi could feel something coming, and she simply sat with the knowledge it was going to be the worst possible scenario, trying not to believe in that small hope that it was just anxiety, that nothing was going to happen.
Still, she had to be there to pick up the pieces for the others. When Mitsue went too far, she had to be there to apologise on her behalf, and assure the victim that she was wrong and that she hadn't meant it. When Ine made illogical decisions that screwed them over, she had to bite her tongue and brush it off, trying not to let her own anger show. Often, she was stuck with Akiyama, who received the butt of the situation. She had quickly realised Akiyama was inexperienced in these kind of situations, and so would get confused or upset easily, to which she took pity. However she noticed her picking up the toxic habits of Ine and Mitsue, and came to the conclusion she could simply support her and pray she wouldn't become like that.
She blamed herself. When Mitsue hadn't shown up to breakfast, she'd offered to go find her, thinking she'd been lolling about in her lab late at night and fallen asleep, since it wouldn't have been a first. The grim sight of her lifeless body up against a baby cot, eyes open in silent pleas had frozen her stiff, just like when they'd found the first victim. And yet, this felt less like a drop and more like a stab. She'd knew this would happen, but she'd still hoped. How god damn foolish. Like anything in this game would work out, it was either expect it or die off.
Her ears rung as the dead body announcement played, calling everyone to come to the ultimate nanny's lab as soon as possible! And she hadn't heard the rest. Her breathing stopped and she wasn't sure she had continued to breathe until footsteps raced into the room behind her, halting in a state much like her own at the sight.
They'd recovered much quicker than her, and as she heard someone try to get the investigation her body suddenly felt a lot heavier, her eyelids heavy and bones weak, barely holding her up. She'd turned around in hopes to comfort Akiyama as a means of comforting herself but was mildly surprised when she wasn't there. Maybe she'd expected what had happened and simply didn't want to see it?
As she thought up reasons she met Ine's eyes. Cold. Hard. Numb. She didn't know why, but those eyes instilled her with a fear, pushing adrenaline through her weak body as she rushed out of the room. She didn't know where she was going or what was compelling her to go there but the pit in the bottom of her stomach was telling her she didn't want to know.
Storming out, she'd heard voices behind her as they questioned where she was going, before giving up and simply following her. Too soon for her liking, she was standing in the dorms, right in front of Akiyama's room. The cute pixel drawing on the door mocked her. She wiped tears away she hadn't notice she'd been crying as she reached to the door. Locked.
She turned to see Ine and [REDACTED] walking towards her, [REDACTED] clearly more confused and worried than Ine. Wordlessly, Ine stepped in front of Yanagi and started picking the door. As [REDACTED] panicked, Yanagi simply stood there, watching the door get picked as if it was slow motion. Ine stood back, and despite her hesitance Yanagi reached out to the door and gripped the handle. Breathe in, breathe out. And she opened the door.
Preparing for the worst was not preparing for the dead body of her best friend falling on her feet. The cry that had been trapped in her throat burst out in a strangled scream as she fell back, crawling backwards along the floor to get as far away from the scene in front of her as possible. Tears freely flowed down her face as she tried to hide her ugly sobs with shaking hands.
Ding Dong! A dead body has been discovered! Can everyone please make their way too-
No no no no no no no no no no- This can't be- This shouldn't be happening! Yanagi covered her ears, weakly trying to block out the world in an attempt to forget this was happening, to go back to their simple days of arguments over stupid, such stupid, things.
The others arrived, shocked to see another dead body. Yet they all simply carried on, investigating it as if it hadn't once been their best friend. She felt a hand on her shoulder, and looked up to see [MC]. She helped her up and told her to “take a break, get a drink.” Numbly, Yanagi made her way to the dining hall. The tiredness in her body had returned, and the feeling she was going to collapse on the floor at any minute only worsened.
She was just so sad, and yet so angry. Who in their sick mind would do this? And why had Ine looked like that? Like there was no problem, like she was expecting it, like she didn't even care.
Yanagi let these thoughts flood her mind as her body carried her to the dining hall, where she slumped on the table in a heap and wept softly until she slept.
