prone to panic attacks in large crowds or why I hate meeting new people and touching. The few that do get it still don't know why. That's mainly because social phobia is the fear of people and or crowds, like all phobias that gives no explanation as to what is going through people's heads when they are feeling it. It's like how no one really understands anatidaephobia, the fear that a duck is watching you. The only ones really understood are those that most have mild forms of like arachnophobia or acrophobia. The others are lost and forgotten which is actually part of my fear. When I walk through a crowd all number of things flash through my head. Snipers with their aim on me, followers, rapists, giant beasts tearing through and killing everyone. But the most common is the feeling that if anyone talks to me or if I get noticed something bad will happen. That's how it is with most phobias, you aren't really sure what exactly it will be but it's something and the anonymity of it only makes it more terrifying. All together it can be boiled down to a fear of trust for me. The fear that if I trust someone or something that I will get hurt. I've been stabbed in the back and stomped on and forgotten and ignored by those I trust someone often that I can barely trust the person I plan to marry. It hurts and I hate it, it makes me want to cry when I remember that I'll never be able to have that absolute trust in her because I'm too scared that they'll hurt me to look at her and see that she's scared too. Scared that I'll never let myself get close and scared that I'll push them away like I do everyone else. I get worried that I will never feel quite for her what she feels for me and that one day she'll get fed up and leave me. Heck, every time I so much as try to be intamate with her I can't stop thinking about the fact that 'this is the only way I can give her everything she deserves'.
The fear of trust. Pistanthrophobia
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