SMALL DISCLAIMER! This topic may be too sensitive for some viewers. It involves my personal struggles with an eating disorder, and if that is triggering to you, please do NOT read. I cannot stress this enough! Please DO NOT read if you are sensitive to this topic!696Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHB3VI4PYz
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And there she was.696Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsBZJWol0YM
Disheveled hair clinging to a sweating face. Chest heaving in uneven gasps, gagging between breaths of fear and torture. How would anyone tell she could be suffering like that? How I was suffering like that. Not quite skinny enough to notice the agonizing thoughts of self-hatred that permeated through what she preached as a love for working out. Binging on cereal passed her four broccoli limit for the evening, so she tied herself down to the floor of the bathroom until the contents of her stomach were nothing but painful cramps and bile.696Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1vjG0817C9
She sobbed into her forearm, asking herself why she just wasn’t dedicated enough to stick to a restrictive diet? Why couldn’t she be skinny and beautiful and strong? Why were all the girls on the fitspo hashtag so much more than the girl she had made herself out to be on the floor of the bathroom?696Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzbEVEyf89n
I knelt beside her, touching lightly on her back. She never lifts her head up, but how could she notice a hand that did not exist?696Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz8mOMRWDXG
“I hate myself.” I could hear her whisper under the breaths of her cries.696Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTh1MtMceS
“I’m a hypocrite, I know.” I laugh quietly, “But we’ll be okay. You’ll read things that I’ll say now, and scoff at them, but it gets better. It won’t ever be gone, it won’t ever be 'just okay', but you’ll learn to be okay enough. To not be afraid of eating the foods you fear, and yes, you’ll catch yourself hesitating, but you’ll do it anyway. You’ll cook with oil, you’ll fry your chicken in a pan to make it cook faster, and maybe one day when you are where I am today, I’ll come back and tell you that there is a time when you have no qualms eating what you want. And you love yourself, and you workout because it helps with stress, and not because it’ll make you skinnier, but because it makes you happy. What I can promise you today is that the me that I’m living now is better than the you that you were living yesterday.”696Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuob9I5NQtk
For a moment she lifts her head, and stares at me as if I am there existing with her in that moment. She swallows hard and gets up. She pauses at the door of the bathroom, turning the door knob. Our mother calls out to her, and she clears her throat.696Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3MnkKrBYcN
“Yeah, I’m going to go workout.”
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