Alright, Violet, take me back to that moment, you were beaten up, house thrashed, everything's a mess… and then all of a sudden *snap*, you think that the next best step is to form a romantic relationship? I don't follow.
Of course, it wasn't all at once like the way you put it. But the feelings were.
The feelings? I still don't get it.
You know, what I felt was… there was this intensity in the moment. When you're lying on the cold floor, blood and dirt everywhere, and you're with this two other bodies lying down beside you. You just feel this sense of safety despite all the ruin around you. I looked at them that time, no one dared to speak a word. We were all just listening to our rugged breathing, trying to take in all that has happened. And you just know, that all three of us were just feeling lucky that we were alive. Most importantly, in that moment, we were lucky we had each other.
So, you think it was "love?"
I didn't say that.
Then what do you think happened at that moment?
I don't know what I thought happened. But I know how I felt.
And that is?
I know what you're trying to do.
Um.. what am I trying to do?
You don't believe us. You're only trying to disprove what we have.
I'm trying to help you, Violet.
No, you're not.
I am. And I just really want to clear this air between us. I want you to trust me. It's impossible how I can make you give me that if you're gonna look at me like I am someone who's judging you when all I'm just trying to do is clarify the story you're giving me.
Why don't I feel that then?
You've got your walls up pretty high, young lady. It's like I'm speaking to you with this glass wall and I'm trying really hard to listen. I've got my ears closer but you pull away. I take one step forward and you take one back. Let me hear you out. Please. What you're feeling right now is normal. You feel like you're being interrogated. You don't want me to think of you less especially when you think I already am thinking you are. But I'm not.
Okay. What else do you want to know?
Alright, the next thing I want you to tell me about may be a little sensitive. I'm not forcing you to talk about it. But you came here to my office and you promised to bare it all for me to understand your situation fully.
And your question is?
How do I put this… Tell me, um, how was it like…
When we first fucked?
…yeah if you want to put it that way. Then yeah, how was the first encounter? You told me earlier that when you do it… There's always the three of you. It can't be three of you on the first time right?
Why can't it be?
Well, technically, threesomes are awkward as hell. It's not magically scripted like the ones you see on TV or wherever. There's always gonna be someone who's left out. And we're talking here about not just some casual hookup… or friendly fuck. You're basically strangers who knew each other for a few days. And then there's this thing… that um, there's two guys and just one girl. I don't think a lot of guys will be comfortable with that. I wouldn't be to be honest.
Fair enough.
So how was it?
I don't think I can describe how it was but um, we're probably just caught up in that moment. We just started kissing… and touching.
You really need to put in more details to that.
Well, of course it wasn't right after the whole attack. It was a day right after we all got sent home from the hospital for some minor wounds. One night the doorbell rang and I answered it for Roman since he's having trouble opening one eye and walking around. And it was Pierre standing there, one leg slightly raised, not hitting the ground. We didn't really get to talk back at the hospital so he came over just to say "Thank you." He wasn't planning to stay and I thought that I've already done so much trouble to Roman to let Pierre in myself. But I was surprised to find Roman behind me, still had this cocky stance even with his one eye half closed from the stitch and gauze on his eyebrow. He invited him in.
"Come inside. It's cold out there."
It wasn't really. He probably noticed that Pierre limped his way back to the house just to express his gratitude.
"Come on." He had that increasing, more forceful tone this time. And we got no choice but to follow. I smiled at Pierre, a bit surprised at how nice Roman was being. Even just for a while.
We went in and sat on the carpet still stained with dried blood. Roman came from the kitchen with a bucket of cold wine in one hand and three cocktail glasses on the other. We sat down side by side, while leaning on the couch, each with a glass in hand. The lights were dim in yellow, much like candlelight and the room was silent. I sat in between them, waiting for each one to say something. But no one did. We just kept listening to the sharp noise of bottle hitting the glass as we kept on pouring alcohol into our system. There wasn't much space between the three of us. Roman's leg kept brushing against mine and my arms doing the same to Pierre's.
There was some tension in the atmosphere, I can almost feel it like another living being. Yet no one is making the first move. We all knew what we wanted or, maybe a distorted version of it, especially with our wine-filled stomachs clouding our judgment. A few minutes more of this and I decided to just, go ahead and tell Pierre to, "Kiss me."
He didn't know how to react at first. But I stared into his eyes, my hand touching his knee. I tried to move closer and he did the same. His eyes were on my lips as I went nearer to him. I was still waiting for him to come and take control as I moved into his personal space. And when I'm close enough, he did take the first kiss. I swear, he didn't know what he was doing. It was kind of funny, actually. It's obvious he's never kissed a girl before. When I pulled back, his shock slowly turned into an embarrassed smile. He scratched his head in shame while keeping his eyes away from my stare. It was cute seeing him that way.
Then, I felt Roman try to stand up with the wine bottle in hand but I stopped him right away. With one press of my hand on his leg, I had him back down. He looked like he was about to smack me in the head. He seemed irritated, mad even. So I placed my hand on his chest as I tried to move closer to him. Without hesitation, he grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me in for a kiss. It was sloppy as I remember it. The weight of his hand is too forceful that I lightly tapped his chest to end the kiss. It was so obvious that he's trying to compete with Pierre. Maybe even show him how he thinks it's done. But honestly they were both shit.
I turn to Pierre again and his face was flustered. He couldn't believe what was happening to him. But I wasn't surprised. Especially, when he dropped the bomb on me, or on us. "I'm… a virgin." I heard Roman slightly chuckle but he stopped when he saw me pulling my shirt up to my chest. I didn't wear any undergarment that time. He didn't know what else to do but stare. Quickly, he averted his gaze when our eyes met.
I felt a warm, wet kiss on my shoulder coupled with a strong grip on my arm. Roman knew how to please in that aspect. I could feel him look at Pierre while doing it as if he was challenging him. Poor kid didn't know if he should be there or not. But what happened next surprised me. Roman's hand left my shoulder as he kept tracing his lips up my neck. He extended his hand to Pierre and waited for him to take it. And in a snap, Pierre obliged. He went for the other side of my neck. I allowed his hand to do it wanted on my chest while I felt Roman slip his hand in my pants. It was crazy feeling all those things at once. I could still remember how delicate Pierre was with his kisses and how strong Roman's hand was. I pushed Pierre down and sat on his crotch. Went down to kiss him, his hands on my waist. Then I suddenly feel a tug on my arm, forcing me to sit back up and Roman continued kissing my neck. He clearly didn't want me to just focus on the little guy. I started grinding on Pierre, but the big guy just can't let himself lose so he slipped his hand back down my pants while the other held my neck. A bit tighter than normal. When I gasped for air, he pushed my head down to Pierre's chest and took off his hand in my pants. With the same hand, he reached for Pierre's lips. And let him have a taste. It kind of turned me on seeing Pierre suck on Roman's two fingers. I could feel his dick throb right where my cunt…
Stop.
(laughs)
You're fucking with me.
Took you long enough.
Violet. Can you be serious?
Why? Are you hard now?
I'm trying my best to understand here, Violet. Can you please just tell me the truth?
I am telling you the truth. You're the one who's not.
This is not about me. How many times do I have to prove to you that I'm here to help you?
Well, you can start by admitting the fact that you're a pervert who only wants to record this thing so you can listen to it over and over at night cause your wife wouldn't let you get any. Happy listening later mister, cause that is some great addition to your wank bank tonight.
What do you really want me to say, Violet?
Nothing.
I know you've got something in mind. You want me to admit something to you. Don't shake your head like I don't know what's going on in your head. I've had way too many of 'you' coming in here with that same attitude. You don't feel secure. You want to level the playing field. Most of all, you have this intense need to discredit me. You feel like I'm unfit to help you and that I wouldn't understand anyway.
Just say it.
Say what, Violet?
That you don't believe me. You don’t believe us.
I admit. I don't believe you. In fact, I think this is bullshit. A waste of my fucking time. I'm just like everyone else that have judged you three. I think this "relationship" you think you have is some stupid, childish game played by young adults who never seemed to grow up from their shelter. Yeah, I think you guys are fucking sick. Just like the neighbors who may have seen you all together or the people of the town who are simply gossip-mongering about you. And I'm gonna keep being one of the people you despise, if you don't let me in. Change my mind, Violet.
…
Those were the most unprofessional things I've ever said. And we got it all on tape. You've got the leverage you need. Now, you can start telling me the truth.
Well, I underestimated you mister.
Like I said, I'm here to help.
You're ready to lose your job just to help us. How noble.
I've given you what you want. Now give me mine. How much of what you've told me so far is the truth?
What if I told you, all of it?
I'm gonna have to take your word for it. But remember, you didn't come here alone. I've got two men waiting outside to confirm everything you have said. And if my opinion really matters in the end, I'm advising you to start sticking to the real story. Because right now, I think I have an idea who or what was wrong in your relationship. You're not really painting yourself in a good light here, lady.
I'm telling you my side of the story. It's up to you who you want to believe anyway.
Be honest with me, Violet. Do you still want to be in this relationship?
…
It's not your idea to come here, right?
…
You wanted to end it.
…
From what I gathered, you weren't happy the whole time. You feel trapped. By your conscience. You keep running away from things. When the going gets tough, you flee. When things start to become too serious for you, too heavy for you, you run away from what you started. Isn't that why you left them? Without any warning. Roman said you weren't always there. You disappeared when things were becoming too difficult for what was once just a game for you. You left. And you came back just to end things.
That is not true!
Then what is the truth, Violet?!
I was pregnant.
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