She was so drastically different from all that came before her, simply in that she actually cared about those who loved her; 

namely, me. 

She was different, I suppose, as I look back I retrospect, in the way that she cared for me as well; a type of love that goes without saying,spurned out of a selfless desire based solely upon seeing me succeed, and she was quick to criticize me if I had not met up to her expectations. Expectations, she would often muse, that I should hold for myself. 

 I wasn't opposed to her criticism. Not in the least, but I would act and carry myself in such a manner that portrayed that I was. I had an immense desire to follow my heart, and in doing so, I felt that the freedoms that came with it were due to me, in fairness, just like everyone else. But there was something uniquely all my own, when it came to me. I couldn't hold myself to the standards that others set upon themselves. I couldn't keep myself at bay with the rest of the world; no, I was destined for greatness; and being the recipient of such a destiny,indeed, requires higher expectations. 

I had only to see what she saw. 

I pushed her to her limits, time and time again, only to be angered by what I saw when she'd finally snap.  I acted like a spoilt child, and there were many times where She treated me accordingly, and I didn't respond well. But such was the outcome of my own actions. My own anger; the problems entirely devised of my own poorly thought out plans. I came to realize, with time, that in order to fully change oneself and ones behavior, one must be willing to look at the things that are deemed most painful to admit. 

And having to admit that I had sold myself short, was painful. 

  We were driving to her job; I was excited because it was the first time I'd get to see her in the kitchen, doing what she did best; cooking up a storm. She'd cooked for me many times before, in the privacy of our tiny, two bedroom, one bathroom house. This however would be the first time I'd get to see her in command of the others under her. The top dog, if you will. 

And I was bouncing off the walls, and giving her quite a headache, to boot. 

"Baby!" I squealed, bursting at the seams with excitement. "Tell me again? Tell me again what it's going to be like?" She sighed. 

"I've already told you, love."

"Tell me again?" 

She looked at me, and rolled her eyes. 

"I'm going to be in the kitchen. Preparing meals for hungry customers. And you will be?"

"At a table, making myself invisible,so you don't get into trouble." "Exactly." 

"I want to go into the kitchen with you though."

"You can't." 

"Why not?" I pouted. 

"Baby you know why not. Because I'll be busy and I don't want you to get hurt. There will be hot things in there; things boiling, open flame... I can't keep you safe, and focus on my job. It's easier if you're out of the way when everything gets busy." 

I folded my arms over my chest, and slunked down into my seat. 

We rode in silence for a few moments; the quiet threatening to suffocate us both, until she turned on the radio. 

"You can be my baby; it don't matter if you're black or white," Michael Jackson was singing. 

She turned and smiled at me, and began singing along. She knew her singing to me would always brighten even the worst of my moods. And I had a lot of those. 

Heaven knows how she managed to put up with me for so long. 

We turned off the highway onto the main road into town, passing a surplus of tall, rustic looking old buildings along the way. 

I gazed out the window in awe. 

"There's so many!" I whispered. 

"Yeah," she said, shaking her head in agreement. "It's an old town, love. They've had a lot of time to build." I turned to her, watching her as she drove, still gazing upward at the assortment of buildings and sculptures. She was so goddamn beautiful. 

I don't know how I ever got so lucky. 

But that's the thing with luck, isn't it? Nobody ever knows HOW they get lucky, it's just something that happens. And sometimes, it happens to those who are undeserving. Such as myself. 

I didn't deserve to be lucky. 

I didn't deserve to be hers. 

But I was. 

Even as I was destined for greater things beyond my comprehension then, I knew, some things are just the way that they are. There's no changing that. 

At least, that's what I thought, before the 97 Chevy came barreling toward her drivers side door through the intersection. 

"Oh my god, Sadie ,look out!" I shrieked. 

She turned her head just before the truck slammed into her side of the car. Then, it all went black. ---------

The road to recovery was a rough one. 

I had nurses looking at me in ways that even Sadie had never seen me. 

Both of my legs were broken upon impact. My collarbone was shattered; my skull cracked from where my head had slammed against the window upon the initial moments of the crash. Four broken ribs, but they told me I was lucky. 

There it was again; that word. Lucky. 

For months I kept calling out for Sadie, asking for someone to bring me to her, to tell me that she was alright. Nobody would. All I got were sad looks, averted eyes and subject changes. 

Eventually, I grew to realize that she wasn't coming back. 

My baby was gone. 

I was alone. 

Some years down the road, I found out from one of our mutual friends that Sadie had been killed on impact; hadn't felt a thing. But I was told that when the paramedics came to the scene, they'd found the car, smashed up against a light post, Sadie's lifeless body, her arm draped over me, as if she were trying protect me,one last time, before she left the earth. Before she left me. 

I didn't feel very lucky. 

After leaving the hospital, I moved in with my best friend, and her two year old daughter; took up residence in her spare room, and mourned the loss of my sweet Sadie. I refused to come out; refused to eat, shower; I couldn't do much other than cry and sleep. Even sleep was painful; I was plagued by dream after dream of Sadie. Her kisses upon my body left me to awaken to a steady stream of tears falling from my eyes, even before I opened them. I longed for her, for her embrace. For her soft and gentle caress, for the sound of her beautiful voice as she sang. For the sound of her laugh, the scent of her clothes as she'd hug me. 

I longed for everything that she was, and for everything that I would never have again. Luck just wasn't in the cards for someone like me. 

Not in this life. 

 "You've got to get up, Sam. You can't stay this way. You can't keep wallowing in your sadness. It's not healthy!" Megan, my best friend since Highschool said, as she walked briskly into the room, and pulled back the black, floor length satin curtains that had shrouded me in darkness for the past 4 months. I groaned, and rolled over onto my side, yanking the blankets over my head. 

"Just leave me alone,Megs." I muttered, fiercely determined to tune her out. 

"Please, Sam. This isn't healthy. I'm worried about you!" She continued. 

"You're always worried about me." 

"No, I'm serious. This isn't the Sam I know!"

"Yeah, well, the Sam you knew died right along with Sadie, four months ago." My voice cracked with despair as I spit out the most painful admission of my life. I didn't mean to come across as snarky, or even ungrateful. But it was the truth. 

My truth. And the sooner Megan came to realize that, the better. But Megs wasn't having any of my truth. 

Not today. 

"It's been four months, Sam. Four months I've allowed you to stay, holed up in this room, wasting away to nothing. 

You've got to get up, girl! Sadie wouldn't want you to-" 

"Don't you DARE tell me what Sadie would have wanted. You don't know what she would have wanted. You don't know what she would have said. Nobody does. Shes dead, Megs. She's dead and buried and six feet fucking under, and I curse whatever God is up there for not having taken me right along with her!" I sat up and screamed. I could feel my tears, hot and cruel, running down my cheeks, as I sat there, fuming with all the anger I could possibly muster from within. I stared at my best friend, seething with grief and unwarranted hostility, straight into her eyes, and watched, as her kind eyes glistened with fresh tears of her own, and her face began to contort, and crumple, hideously, as she broke down. Id hurt her. I never meant to, but I had, and I had no idea where it came from. 

Meg looked at me imploringly, and wrung her hands, helplessly, before spinning on her heel, and storming out, slamming the door to my bedroom loudly in her wake. 

The doorframe rattled, and I heard her quickened steps as she retreated back to the safety of her own quarters. I sighed heavily, and flopped backwards onto my bed, Un Wiped tears still lining my face. 

"Sadie.." I whimpered. 

I tried my damnedest to conjure up her face,aching to bring some memory of her sweet angelic face before my line of vision, but I could not. 

A rush of tears overtook me, and I allowed myself to succumb, once more, into the confines of my own hellish misery, until I mercifully slipped into a deep sleep. 

-----

"Stop!" I giggled, slapping Sadie's hands away, playfully. 

"Come're!" Sadie laughed as she pulled me closer. 

We were cuddled in our bed, the sheets having been our only form of covering, the breeze from the open window wafting in from outside. I could see the moonlight as it shone through, illuminating Sadie's fine features just right. I traced the bridge of her nose gently with my fingertip, then her cheekbone; then the expanse of her forehead. 

"What are you doing, you goof?" She asked, smiling. 

"I'm memorizing what it feels like to be next to you." I replied, softly. 

"Why? I'm right here, Babydoll." She murmured, reassuringly. 

"What if one day you're not?" I looked deep into her big, penetrating brown eyes. "What if one day, you leave me?" Sadie kissed the top of my forehead.

"I'll always be here, Sam. I'm not going anywhere. I won't leave you, okay? So Don't you worry that pretty little head of yours. I'll always be here." 

She gathered me up into her arms, and held me. I smiled, content for a few peaceful moments in the arms of the woman I felt safest with, and slowly drifted off into sleep. 

-------

The alarm buzzed annoyingly from my dresser top. 

I smacked at it, blindly, with one arm, from beneath the covers, as I sought to find and destroy the offending obnoxious object. 

I peeked out from under the covers. 

11:52 pm. 

"You have got to be fucking kidding me." I muttered, groggily. 

I pushed back the sheets, and stepped out of bed, starting a bit as my bare feet made contact with the cool wooden floor. 

I made my way in the dark down the hall to the bathroom, and switched on the light. I gazed at my reflection in the mirror; eyes riddled with sadness and heartache stared back at me, void of the light and laughter that once filled them. 

Who was this person? I wondered. 

Where was Sam? 

And more importantly, where was Sadie? 

Was she hurting? 

Could she see me?

A cocophony of unanswered questions flooded my mind. 

I reveled in the silence for a moment, plagued by the notion that I would never be the same again. 

I would never laugh the same way, I would never breathe the same way; I would never feel the same way I felt again. 

Sadie was gone; somewhere between the vast expanse of the universe, and the spaces between the stars. 

It wasn't as though I could simply pick up the phone, and dial her number. I would no longer have the luxury of hearing her sultry voice on the other end of the line, laced with a calming mixture of love, and irritation. 

What was I supposed to do, in a world that expected me to keep on living, when the sole reason I chose to breathe had been snatched away from me? 

How was I to explain how it felt to those who couldn't understand, to have loved so fiercely and lost so tremendously all that you'd held so dear to you in just a few short months? 

How was I supposed to carry on with my life, knowing that Sadie wouldn't be around to carry on with hers? It just wasn't fair. 

It wasn't fair at all. 

I exhaled deeply, and switched off the light, and made my way back to my bedroom. 

And then I saw her. 

Standing on- or rather,above, my bed- was Sadie, her long wispy brown locks trailing down her back, her brown eyes glowing with light. 

My heart dropped a mile below my ribcage; I couldn't breathe. 

"S-Sadie?!" I whispered, my voice barely audible above the thudding if my heart. "What- how-.." My voice trailed off. I couldn't say the words I needed to convey what it was I wanted to know. 

Sadie smiled at me. Or at least, I think she smiled. The corners of her mouth turned up, as she looked at me from her glowing eyes, with what looked like..pity? "Sam....it's okay, Baby. I'm okay." 

I could feel the tears coming before I felt them spill from my eyes, and before I knew it, I was on the floor on my knees, sobbing. 

"But I saw you die! You're not okay, Sadie, you're dead! Why did you leave me?! You promised you'd never leave me!" I wailed. 

"I haven't left you, Darlin. I'm right here. I'm always right here." Her voice sounded different. Electric almost. 

"But it's not the same! I miss you! Nobody understands! They all just want me to get up and go on with my life, like you didn't exist! Come back,Sadie please!!" I was begging, bawling, snot running from my nose in what I could only imagine to be a hideous display of raw emotion. But I didn't care what I looked like. I just wanted Sadie. 

"Sam, they're right. You have to keep going. You have to keep writing, keep living. Keep trying. I want you to find love again, baby. I'm giving you permission to love. It's okay- I'll always be here, watching over you."

"I don't want to love again! I want to love you! This isn't fair- we were supposed to spend our lives together! You were supposed to become a world renowned chef, and I was supposed to become a novelist, and I was supposed to get on your last nerve until we were together in the nursing home when we were in our 90s! This wasn't how it was supposed to be! Why did you have to go? Please, I'm begging you! Come back, baby! I can't do this without you!" My voice was growing hoarse. I was so loud that, I was certain, any minute now, I'd wake up Layla, Megan's two year old daughter. But I didn't care. 

I didn't care about anything save for what was right in front of me. 

Sadie. 

"I don't have much time. They gave me permission-" 

"They?! Who the fuck is they?! God? Angels? Santa clause?" I screamed, hysterical. I was beginning to enter one of my bratty episodes that I displayed whenever I was upset. Sadie had hated my episodes when she was alive, and took great pains in trying to break me of them. 

"The beings after being. Listen to me, Samantha. I love you. I have loved you since the moment I saw you. But it was my time. I had to go, baby. I know you won't understand this now, but you will. I promise you, one day, when you're old and gray, you'll understand why I couldn't be with you; you'll understand why I had to go. I didn't want to leave you, but I didn't have a choice. Now, I want you to get up, and stop all this crying. Didn't I always tell you that life is too short to be wasted on things you can't change? You can't change this, love. And you can't push away those who love you. You need them as much as they need you. Don't forsake the living, darlin. Live while you're alive. Embrace what I could not. Fulfill your dreams and aspirations. You can do it. I have faith in you,Sam. I always have. Don't you dare give up, because I'll be watching. You may not see me, or hear me, or even always feel my presence, but I will always be here. I 

promise." 

"Sadie, Nooo.." I moaned, beginning to rock slightly in my position on my knees. "No no no.."

"I have to go baby.. Please be good to yourself. Know that I love you..." Sadie's smile began to fade, as she herself began to descend back into the light that surrounded her. 

"Sadieeeeeeee!!!!!" I screamed. "Please don't go, Sadie! Sadie, baby, stay with me!" I reached out to touch her, but she was already gone. 

"Fuck!!!!" I cursed at the top of my lungs. 

I wiped my eyes and got up from the floor, grabbed a pillow, and threw it in the general direction in which Sadie had been. It landed with a thud on the floor across my bedroom. 

I stared at it, blankly. 

She was here, I thought. She was here and now she's gone. Again. 

I crawled back into bed, pulled the covers up tightly over my body, and cried myself back to sleep. 

---------

The months after I saw Sadie that night were excruciating. 

Everywhere I went, everything I did, I braced myself for the chance to see her again. I grew to long even more for her presence than I had in the months just after she'd passed away. 

I'd managed to get up out of bed, and make peace with Megan. I'd gotten a job at a local convenient store, so that I could pay rent, and make ends meet. I'd begun attending a support group downtown, for those who had lost loved ones. And I kept writing. I kept writing, for Sadie. 

To the outsider looking in, perhaps some would say I'd recovered. But I knew better. I missed Sadie. I saw her in every stupid cooking show, in the faces of every character I read about in books and watched in the movies, I heard her voice in every song that came on the radio as I drove to and from work each day. 

But, I did the best I could, and tried hard to remember what she'd said that night, about always being with me. At work, I plastered on a fake smile, and causally greeted customers and helped them with their items, watching their faces as they came up to the register for purchase. Their lives were so simple, I told myself. 

Soccer moms with smiling children out to get a quick snack for their teams, old women and men shopping for the contents of a nice candlelit meal together in the peacefulness of their humble abode; pecking each other gingerly on the cheek, and looking upon one another with fondness, and love. 

But, I'd always shake my head, as if to clear my thoughts of any form of despair, and swallow my sadness down in a hard lump marinating in the back of my throat. 

It would get easier, I told myself. 

It had to. 

One day, as I was finishing up for the day, sweeping the walkway outside the store, a woman pulled up, and parked, fixing her long beautiful blonde hair in the mirror before she exited the vehicle. 

There was nothing extraordinary that I could see about this woman; nothing that truly jumped out. She was tall, about 5'7, and built. Her tan, firm arms were lined with tribal tattoos, and her eyes, as she turned to me, were hazel, and rimmed lightly with black eyeliner, and a bit of mascara. She wore a black baseball cap, backwards, as so not to conceal the features of her face. She had a crooked smile, and a small gap between her two front teeth; wore a wife beater, with a green flannel, and tightly fitting skinny jeans, and a pair of black leather combat boots. 

"Hey!" The woman called out as she approached the store. 

I stopped sweeping, and threw her a half smile. 

"I'm Connie. Do you work here, gorgeous?" She asked, nonchalantly. 

I nodded. 

Her eyes skimmed the name tag above my left breast, pinned to my black apron. "Samantha, huh?" She mused aloud. 

"Sam." I corrected, shyly. 

"It's nice to meet you, Sam. Hey, some friends and I are having a get together tonight. I know I don't know you, but just from seeing you, I can tell that you'd be a lot of fun to have around. Would you like to join me?" She offered. "Um.. I don't know.." I hesitated. 

Who the fuck was this CONNIE? 

What about me made her think I would be in the least bit "fun"? If only she knew, I thought to myself, she'd go running for the hills in an instant. 

"Come on, darlin. It'll be fun. There will be music, and beer- do you drink beer? The girls and I are always looking for some more friends." She ventured. 

That got my attention. She'd called me darlin. Sadie always called me darlin. Alright, Sadie. What are you trying to tell me? I wondered, inwardly. 

"Um. Alright. Sure. What time?" I asked. 

"I'll pick you up. It starts at 9 tonight. Just a little bonfire to kick off spring. Can I have your number?"

I mumbled out the words to her, and waved goodbye as I watched her go into the store to get whatever she had come for. 

I had no idea what I had just gotten myself into, but I'd promised Sadie I would live. So live I shall, I thought. -------

Connie came that night, at 9 o clock on the dot. 

She knocked on the door, and I ran to answer it, breathless. I'd chosen a sundress, white lace, with black heels. I'd straightened my hair, and put on a little makeup, the first time in almost a year now. I hadn't felt the need to do so before. I hadn't had much in the way of a social life. And Sadie had always said she'd liked me better without such finery. 

But tonight was a special occasion. I was making friends tonight, so I'd decided to at least make an attempt at looking somewhat normal. 

As normal as could be expected, anyway. 

"Hello, miss Sam! Don't you look absolutely stunning!" Connie gushed as she stood on my doorstep. 

"Thanks." I smiled, self consciously. It had been so long since I'd received any sort of female attention, and I was unsure as to how to properly respond. Not that I'd wanted any attention, mind you. 

She took my arm, and helped me to her car, opening the passengers side door. 

Once I was safely inside, she shut it behind me, and made her way around the other side of the car, and got in. "What kind of music do you like?" She asked, after we'd began our trip. 

"Just about anything." I said, leaving the choice up to her. 

She pushed a button on the radio.

My breath caught. 

"You can be my baby, it don't matter if you're black or white..." Michael Jackson was jamming. 

I rolled down the window quickly m, panicking, trying to get some air. 

I hadn't heard this song since the day of the accident. Any time it had come on, id switch the station. I instantly found myself thinking of Sadie. How she'd sing these words to me, right before...

"You alright?" Connie asked. 

I looked over at her, her brow furrowed with concern. I shook my head yes. 

"This song.. It just reminds me of someone, is all." I explained, my voice soft, and trembling with emotion. 

"Ah. Would you like me to change it?" Her hand moved toward the dial. 

"No, that's okay. You can leave it. I like it. I just haven't heard it in a while." I said quickly, keeping my eyes locked onto her hand. 

She put her hand back into her lap, and smiled at me. 

We came to a clearing, and turned off the road, into a gravel driveway. We pulled up, and Connie parked the car, and came around again to open my door, and let me out. 

I shivered. The night air was a bit chilly, and I'd forgotten a jacket. 

Connie noticed, and took off her own, and gently placed it on my shoulders. 

"Take my jacket, Hun, you're shaking." She ordered gently. 

I looked up at her, grateful, and nodded my thanks. 

She led me around a house, and into a backyard, where several women were crowded around a bonfire, using lawn chairs as seats. 

"Everyone, this is Sam! Sam, this is everyone!" She announced, waving to the women. 

They looked up, and waved at me, smiling. 

"I'm Mary, and this is jennifer, and Camille." Said a smiling woman with shoulder length jet black hair. As she smiled,she portrayed slight dimples in each of her cheeks. I smiled back, and gave each of them a shy wave. 

"Sam. Nice to meet you." 

Connie came up behind me, with another lawn chair. 

"Have a seat, pretty darlin. Make yourself comfortable. We don't bite. Much." She quipped, throwing me a playfully slight wink as she did so. 

"Thank you," I murmured as I sat down.

"So, where are you from, Sam?" Mary asked me, after everyone has settled around the bonfire. Connie had chosen to sit next to me. She looked curiously at me. 

"Uh, I'm from New York, originally." I replied, a little nervous. I felt like I had been set up. Had Connie known her friends had prepared the fucking Spanish Inquisition? Jesus Christ.

"And What brought you down to our neck of the woods?" Connie asked, eagerly. 

I was so not prepared for this. 

"Um.. I.. I met someone.. A long time ago." Connie looked intrigued. 

"Oh? What happened there,if you don't mind me asking?"

"She passed away four months ago." I whispered, my voice shaking. It was the first time I'd spoken those words aloud to anyone who hadn't previously known of Sadie's demise. 

Connie reached for my hand. Took it gently in hers, and I let her. I found that I didn't recoil from her touch, as I'd always imagined I would towards anyone who wasn't Sadie. It was comforting, surprisingly. 

"I'm so sorry, Sam." She looked into my eyes, and I could tell she genuinely meant it. 

The other women nodded their condolences, as an awkward silence made its way around  the fire. 

I looked down at my lap. 

"I remember when the first love I had ever had passed away. I was 19; she was 18. She was so amazing; she took my world by storm. Took my hand and my heart in the same day; I was certain we were destined to be together forever. We had plans to be married; set a date at the local courthouse and everything." Connie began. 

I looked up at her wide eyed. 

"What happened to her?" I questioned her softly. 

I hadn't meant to pry, but since we were on the subject, I felt I'd might as well ask while it was safe. 

"The night before we were to head to the courthouse to be married, she killed herself. Hung herself from a beam in her basement; she'd had a hard life and too much had happened for her to believe she could go on living. I was devastated." 

Connie looked off into the distance; I could see the reflection of her tears beginning to pool up in her eyes. 

"I'm so sorry, Connie." I could hear myself saying the words before I knew what was happening. 

Connie nodded, and looked back at me, smiling almost wearily. 

"It's quite alright, darlin. It was a long time ago." "What was her name?" I ventured. 

"America. Her name was America Connifer." 

I mouthed the dead girl's name. It felt strange, and foreign on my tongue. 

"What was your girls name?" Jennifer asked. 

I jumped; I'd forgotten anyone else was there. 

"Her name was Sadie." I murmured. 

"That's a beautiful name." Camille offered. 

"Thank you," I said, throwing her a small, forced smile, "She was a beautiful soul." 

The fire crackled amongst the silence; the smoke drifting up in a thin line into the night sky. The stars were especially bright, and I caught myself thinking of Sadie once more, smiling to myself. 

She'd be proud of me for socializing; even if the topic of conversation had drifted to her; at least I was open with someone other than myself about what had happened; there was no more reason to hide behind the falsity of first impressions; it was all out in the open now. 

We chatted some more around the fire, about music, and books, life and love, sharing laughter and silly stories, late into the night, until the wood burned low, and the fire began to die down. 

Connie stood up and stretched; it was near 3 am. 

"Well I don't know about you, ladies, but this old broad is tired." She laughed, her voice laden with fatigue. 

I nodded. 

"I should be getting back anyway; my roommate left the door unlocked for me, and It's getting late." I suggested. I said goodbye to Camille, Mary, and Jennifer, promising to come back and spend time with them again soon. 

I followed Connie back to the car, and got in. 

We drove back to my house in relative silence; in stark contrast to the way the night had gone. I don't think either one of us felt there was much to say; we'd already breezed past the formalities of getting to know one another, had light conversation, and had gotten down into the heart of our separate issues. I was excited to find that there was a likeminded soul in my midst. For so long I had dealt with the pain I felt in losing my love in what seemed like isolation. It seemed as though nobody could possibly understand what I was going through, and suddenly there was this vibrant, older woman, who'd gone through what I had, if not a worse variation of the same type of pain. I couldn't help but feel as though it was some sort of a sign from the powers that be; it had to be. What else could possibly explain Connie's unexpected arrival into my life? 

 We pulled up outside of my house, the headlights from Connie's car illuminating the trash bins in the driveway. She shut off the car, and looked over at me, and gently reached over and ran her fingers through my hair. I flinched slightly. She abruptly took her hand away, concerned. 

"I'm sorry, did I upset you?" She asked. 

"No, not at all... It's just been quite a while since anyone has touched me in that way..not since..." My voice trailed off and I shook my head. 

"I understand completely. It took me years to fully accept the touch of another woman after America. I can refrain from doing so, if it makes you more comfortable." I shook my head. 

"No, it feels good. I... I need to get used to it. Honestly. Sadie would want me to... To try and get used to.. Another woman." I managed, looking up at Connie, shyly. 

She smiled, knowingly. 

"Can I- can I see you again?" She asked, tentatively. "I had a really nice time with you. It's not often that I feel some sort of a connection with someone as quickly as I felt one with you tonight. I'd like to take you out on a proper date, if you'd like that, that is." I beamed. 

"Of course!" I heard myself saying. 

I was elated, but even as soon as the words left my mouth, I found myself feeling as though it was a betrayal. 

I shook my head. 

Apparently, Connie could sense the way that I was feeling. She gently took my hand. 

"I know I'm no Sadie, Sam, but I promise you, I am worth it. I will help you to see that, sooner or later. We don't have to rush anything. You can take all the time that you need; I won't push you. I can never take her place,nor would I ever want or expect to, but I hope that I can provide some sense of.. Consolation, at least." I nodded, feeling a lump beginning to form in the back of my throat. 

Then, before I knew what was happening, I hugged her. I wrapped my arms around her, and held on. She gently unbuckled my seatbelt, and pulled me into her lap, engulfing me into her embrace, and held me. 

I let loose then, all of the emotion id been withholding throughout the night came pouring out along with my tears. I bawled, so hard that my entire body shook. 

"Shhhh.. It's okay, darlin. I'm here. I won't let you go. It's alright." Connie crooned, as she rubbed my back, soothingly. "I won't ever let you go." She whispered. 

I pushed myself up off her chest, still sitting on her lap, and wiped away my tears with my knuckles. I suddenly felt more at ease with Connie than I had felt in months. Understood. 

She looked at me, solemnly for a moment before helping me up, and out of her car. Then she walked me to the door, her arm around my shoulders. 

"It will be okay, Sam. You'll see." She said firmly. 

Then, she kissed me, passionately. And I let it happen. 

She released me, and gave me a quick wink before walking back to her car. 

"Till next time, darlin." She called. 

I watched her drive away, my heart plummeting deep within my chest, and smiled to myself. Sadie would be proud of me. 

I'd let someone in. 

I'd started to like someone. 

I looked up at the starry night above my head, and thought of Sadie's promise to me. 

She'd always be there. 

And I promised myself, in that moment, that from that day forward, I'd do all I could to make her proud. 

After all, I knew she'd always be watching me from above, somewhere just beyond my comprehension, loving me with reckless abandon, in the spaces betwixt the stars. 

-Smallsiren