一起床已到九時,要還的時間未免太多了吧。393Please respect copyright.PENANAfZPRcJAHdX
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我換好衣服出門,在等待升降機時發了「投降」的短訊給上司。393Please respect copyright.PENANAmRHBm3JvXU
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到車上也是一直的休息。393Please respect copyright.PENANALvSrkurpWL
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看來世事還真的是等價交換,你總不可能永遠的利用著時間而放棄休息。393Please respect copyright.PENANAGmuXoZTSZX
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回到公司也沒甚麼特別的事,但「自由兼職者」的工作由我要來善後,太多的錯處。我也有疏忽監管的責任。393Please respect copyright.PENANAQEyxS42kc5
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由於工作的關係,我盡量也沒有找她,忍耐着。也沒有什麼想太多,也做着一些閒事、加入同事說關於無聊的話題。393Please respect copyright.PENANAujRVZsIMQP
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無聊的應對。393Please respect copyright.PENANAfIabjoYLQQ
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心底裏整天都在思考「愛」的問題。究竟愛是什麼?我的愛和她的愛又是什麼?那是因為昨日聽到初中女孩們對話的因由。393Please respect copyright.PENANALDv39xEFur
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因為我對愛的觀念很不同,對我來說找到愛的人、對的人我就會非常珍惜,儘管美麗的誘惑或者好感,我也覺得比不上她。393Please respect copyright.PENANAUVvSYFO3kL
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那是確確實實我真誠的答案。393Please respect copyright.PENANAPOCbxBS7pM
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是十多年來得出的答案。393Please respect copyright.PENANApIWMLe1Ehk
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與在我讀設計後,我很清楚自己的需要,也很相信自己的眼光。393Please respect copyright.PENANAkMdjaIP3Mx
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而我相信現在的她需要的應該是熱戀的感覺,看到她的反應,就和我了解的她一樣,寫到這裏嘆了一口氣。393Please respect copyright.PENANAoHnWZS9HCv
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我也很相信是我「離開」了十個月的報應。393Please respect copyright.PENANAREQBGqWeX1
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我很清楚她需要的是什麼,就是原本我會做的東西:393Please respect copyright.PENANAPg2QyuHziA
精心設計的旅程;393Please respect copyright.PENANAHchIneInuD
驚喜的禮物;393Please respect copyright.PENANA0ileETelh6
做給她的手工藝;393Please respect copyright.PENANA8mJvmAoi0k
畫給她的畫;393Please respect copyright.PENANAxq1iqYzDsN
還有勇敢果斷有正義感的「本我」。393Please respect copyright.PENANA7esbUVcmc2
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結果整天都在思考,也想起MLA的歌,內容說着不同的偉人對於愛的解讀:393Please respect copyright.PENANAZMOOOP6yn5
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「耶穌說的愛是無條件的、獻身的,393Please respect copyright.PENANAraIwlmOTjD
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奧修說的愛是能量的互動、是自由的、無束縛的,393Please respect copyright.PENANAlBGS1BjjDo
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昆德拉說的愛是機遇的、偶然的、命定的,393Please respect copyright.PENANA4PI7TVQ4cy
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高達說的愛是刺激的、好玩的、有今生沒來世的、哲學的,393Please respect copyright.PENANAbtr8r6x82j
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小津安二郎說的愛是溫柔的、隱藏的、非愛的,393Please respect copyright.PENANArVYkvRUETx
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畢卡索說的愛是經驗的、性慾的、美好的,393Please respect copyright.PENANA7HsuSPG6e7
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夏卡爾說的愛是聖潔的、救贖的、唯一的。」393Please respect copyright.PENANAEYISsXKApH
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聽着也很難理解。393Please respect copyright.PENANATTosNh0WXg
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晚上九時,我到運動場跑步時,查了一下維基百科,「愛」和「既視感」。「本我」是對我有感覺的字,很喜歡。393Please respect copyright.PENANA29AzLfGYSv
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既視感也是其中之一,因為我是一個很愛做夢的人。做夢時,常會看到一些似曾相識又毫無記憶的事物。現實時,看到一些在夢中看過的事物感到似曾相識。393Please respect copyright.PENANAuUYTg8jcYu
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我會感覺到很神奇,很浪漫。393Please respect copyright.PENANAIH2LYdgqg7
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而「愛」在我看完維基百科,理解的是「人類的本能」,過於複雜是因為人性。基本有寫到愛情三角論:親密、激情、承諾。而衍生出的一個「元素表」,直白而又殘酷。393Please respect copyright.PENANADFlme4P0PJ
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愛的風格比較有趣的是利他的愛:393Please respect copyright.PENANAqgxjn3Zj3i
「完全無私的愛,可不惜傷害自己或捨棄任何東西,重視神交。現代多半喜歡稱呼這種愛為『真愛』。」393Please respect copyright.PENANASiWlYXsMws
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我大概對她就是這一種愛。393Please respect copyright.PENANAp23h51dQpb
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愛的階段說出來就像她在我「離開」短短時間的轉變過程。情慾、吸引、最後依附,到情消失後,由熱愛轉為友愛,由浪漫轉為好感。393Please respect copyright.PENANA7GFXna4tuU
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和她那一天告訴我的一樣。393Please respect copyright.PENANAHDyC7ozwhn
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回家洗澡後,我拿出為她畫的貓畫簿,那是我很久之前已經開始畫的畫簿,那是我想念她的方式。而我不否認很久也沒有畫新作品,可能是覺得我和她的時間還有很多,可以慢慢到一起生活時才畫我們一起養的貓而特意留給牠們幾頁。393Please respect copyright.PENANAWl6OG1htwp
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也可能是這兩年我對於貓沒有太大的靈感,在我生活的地方,流浪貓走的也走了,而她養的一隻貓也同樣走了,這也是令我很傷心的事。393Please respect copyright.PENANAxgpbSCED6g
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在夜裏,我畫的貓是我在「第四天」拍下的照片作參考──即是她家裏的貓。那張照片是我的左手摸貓貓的頭,而貓貓也很溫馴地把頭向左貼着我的手。而我用了我很少用的木顏色作畫,那木顏色是她和我一起買的。393Please respect copyright.PENANAfzUuXHaRcf
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靈感也到了,影響了挑選顏色的感覺。用了紅色代表我,藍色代表貓貓,取代了鉛筆的黑色。393Please respect copyright.PENANAyw5kE1Skiw
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我就這樣坐在工作台前,在殘黃的坐枱燈下作畫,直至太陽升起。393Please respect copyright.PENANA6vzhYh7JPq
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完成一張畫。
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