I thought he was beautiful, I was sure he knew that. I hadn’t forgotten the way he showed me the world through his camera lens. A reflection to how he saw the world, the summary of mine.
I would never find anyone better than him. I always thought by holding onto him, I was only losing my own time. Instead, I was borrowing ours: his, mine, and. . . “hers”.
Now when I blink, the flashbacks begin. I see us in the past, before the complications overwhelmed us. I remembered when each click of his button was a harmless photo. Then the photos started to add up, strung along the ceiling of his room, scattered on the floor, and overflowed his room. There’s no escaping it.
Not even in death.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
It was a new school year, a new school, a new neighborhood, but nothing felt different for Isabella.
People were already taking note of her as she stepped out of the back seat of the black SUV, a man in a suit keeping the door open for her. But if the SUV wasn’t attention drawing enough, Isabella was. Isabell was wearing a metallic gold halter dress with a very deep plunging neckline and no bra. Her boldly branded MOSCHINO heels clicked loudly as she sauntered her way through campus with her Louis Vuitton handbag swaying in her perfectly primped hands. Her platinum blonde hair swayed and trailed behind her in curls with every step.
Ignoring all the blatant staring from the rest of the students on the campus, she made her way to her first class, which she was already late for.
Arriving outside her class she peeked in apologetically.
“Ahh, Isabella! Please come in and join us” and was waved in by the professor.
“Sorry, and you can call me Isabell.” Isabell could feel her face heat up from embarrassment.
“It’s okay, I’m sure everyone understands. Must be difficult juggling your modeling career with the school schedule, like everyone else”.
Isabell dug her nails into her palms to prevent herself from flinching at the teacher's passive aggressive statement.
“Why don’t you, Isabella, just take the empty seat near the back”.
“Right”.
Isabell made her way awkwardly to the back, passing each desk with her head cast down at her stupid gold letter branded shoes.
After taking a seat she murmured “great”, under her breath. The day was already starting out great. Just great.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I didn’t think it would go this far. I always figured it was just fun and games, kind of like dress up.718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7uyguBmvzF
So when he told me to dye my hair to a platinum blond I agreed.
I remembered sitting there in his bathroom, staring at my perfectly beautiful brown hair through his mirror, wondering why he was so insistent on the blonde, and why I didn’t refuse. But a part of me already knew it wouldn’t make a difference. His mind was made, and I couldn’t refuse.718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsyQZO4JqmQ
So I sat there, for five hours, watching as he stripped away the pigments of my hair. Watching as he stripped away pieces of me, or the pieces that were still there. 718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6BGhafXlSt
I said my goodbyes.718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWJPJ4wlIB
“You’re beautiful” He had said after it was all done, staring into the mirror.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * 718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb12k9LjlH1
It wasn’t until after the last class ended that Jack walked up to Isabella’s desk.718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAEbgsD1rm5
“Hello, beautiful. Couldn’t help but notice you’re Isabella Rose, current famed model718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9CCSFe6Sn
on the covers of Teen Vogue and Victoria Secret ads”.
“Hi Jack. Maybe you want to get out of my way now.” Isabell got up and made a motion for him to shoo.
“Oh come on baby, there’s no need to be shy, I’m a huge fan” Jack took a step back anyways letting Isabella through. “ I am a super fan of yours”.
“Sure you are, because that’s what they all say” Isabell was just trying get off the campus as quickly as possible, but when she got to the front of the campus her SUV wasn’t there yet. 718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxInTCzvcT
So she was stuck standing there with Mr. Jack, the super fan
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I didn’t know what to say to him when he asked me to change my name to hers.718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡylOu5ZQ5dO
I thought he was crazy. Insane, officially lost it.
“Why should I change my name?” I pushed him away defensively. “What’s wrong with Gigi Elaine Harper”
“Nothing” He would say every time. But I always knew that look. The look of disdain when I refused his request to change my name.
I know he was obsessed with her.
From the start he had approached her because she looked like her. He had claimed that she disappeared from work and he thought I was her.
But I’m not her, I am just me.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
“You know it’s the strangest thing”, Jack was still talking excessively next to Isabella, “There are many interviews that have said your personality has changed since your return to the industry”.
Isabell stiffened at the sudden additive topic to the conversation. She could feel her guts liquefying and her head getting light to Jack’s next words.
“ And now I see it’s true. I mean you’re acting like you don’t know me, even though we’ve been on a few shoots together. I’ve even pretended to be your fan. Like come on” Jack was smirking, clueless, to himself.
Isabell felt her heart choking it’s way up her throat.
“Though no one could really figure out if it happened during the year you disappeared from the industry”,
Isabell took in a deep inhale, possible ready to let out a sigh of relief, but then...
“or if it was the car crash that happened a few months before you made your way back into the ~” Jack was cut off suddenly when he felt the grip on his arm and looked over to find Isabella teetering on her feet.
“Whoa are you okay?”
Isabell’s head was spinning too fast for her to respond. She could feel it all over again.
She felt nauseous and she was no longer seeing Jack in front of her, she was staring down at the concrete floor as she squatted down.
She held onto Jack’s arm like a lifeline.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I had tears in my eyes, and my chest burned from running.
I wish I hadn’t gone into that room. I wish I didn’t see all those pictures up close. I wish I never found out the truth.
All those platinum blond hair girls staring back at me.
I always thought it was odd. The amount of pictures he had of “me” never added up.
Sure he liked to take a lot of pictures of me, it was never knew. But there were pictures of “me” at places he’s never brought me before.
Some of the smiles always felt all wrong, like they couldn’t be mine. Some eyes were just the slightest bit larger, smaller, closer, or off set.
But they were all of “her”. They all had my face, my figure, but they weren’t me. I could never shake the feeling that they just weren’t all of me. Even with Photoshop, I knew how I looked.
But now I wonder if I really knew what I looked like. 718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRo9s2FWJAy
Did I even know who I was anymore?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Isabella was dead awake, but her vision was pitch black. She was gripping her chest with her other hand and struggling to breathe properly.
“I am Isabella Rose” Isabell said mindlessly, trying to retain the one thing she needs to know.
“yeah I Know you are! Hey are you okay?” Jack was squatting down next to her now, unsure if he should pull free to call the cops now or remain there as her physical support.
“I am Isabella Rose” Isabell repeated again. Trying to fight against the darkness and win back her vision.
“I said I already know” Jack said trying to urge her to look at him.
“I am Isabella Rose” Isabell repeated
“I AM ISABELLA ROSE” She repeated louder
“OKAY, SHit!” Jack looked around at the people walking pass, “I know you’re Isabella Rose, I was just joking”
“i am isabella rose…” Her voice faded quieter. “Isabella Rose” Again she repeated mindlessly.
“okay, okay” Jack was trying to get loose of her grip so that he could grab his phone now.
Finally she turned to look in the direction of Jack, her face scrunched up. “ I am” she whispered questioningly now “isabella rose”.
Tears were escaping her eyes now. “I am Isabella Rose, I’m sorry, I’m Isabella Rose. I’m Sorry”.
Isabell brought her arms up above her head and crossed them in a defensive manner as she kept repeating “I am Isabella Rose, I’m sorry” until she finally passed out.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I still remember the impact of the car.
At first it was just a light. Then I was staring up into his blurry face.
I didn’t know if I couldn’t breathe because he was staring down at me or because the car had collided solidly into my side, sending me to the ground.
I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out.
He leaned in closer.
I tried to shake my head, but my body was paralyzed. I am unsure if it was from fear or the crash. Possibly both.
He kissed my forehead.”Goodbye Gigi” He whispered into my ears. Tears escaped my eyes. I am Gigi Elaine Harper, I thought, but I knew it was no use. I have always known the reason he wouldn’t look at me directly. It was because I wasn’t her. I wasn’t Isabella.
But right here, right now, I couldn’t help feeling both happy and terrified. Happy that he finally looked at me, not through a lense or a reflection. But terrified because He looked directly at me.
“We could have been happy, you didn’t have to be the fifth” He started to get up.
I knew I had to stop him, because if he got back into that car, I would just end up as another picture of the platinum blonde girls lying on a morgue table with “her” face on them.
“I am Isabella Rose” I choked up, blood was already soaking the floor. “I am so sorry” I whispered.
He turned back around to look me dead in the eyes. “What did you say?” His face clouded with sudden confusion.
“I am Isabella Rose” I choked, trying to lift my head up , but it my shoulders wouldn’t move right.
“I AM ISABELLA ROSE” I choked out the words as loudly as I could, forcing the adrenaline to prop me up, but the sudden exertion caused me to black out.
The only thoughts that crossed my mind was I couldn’t end up as just another collection of pictures. “i am isabella rose” I managed to whisper before I reluctantly lost consciousness.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Isabella Rose woke up to find herself surrounded by all too familiar white room.
She could hear the cardiac and oxygen monitor beeping in the room.
She’s been in this room hundreds of time since her little crash. Back before Isabella Rose restarted her career, and Isabell just started it three months ago.
“Looks like she’s still not awake”.
Isabell heard two sets of footsteps enter the room. She just remained still.
An unfamiliar voice spoke first. “You know I have to ask, how many of these girls do you actually have to watch?”
Then she heard his all too familiar chuckle “I don’t know what you mean doctor. They’re all just Isabella to me”
Isabell sucked in a breath at his words.
She could almost hear the doctors look of amusement as he said “You know what I mean. A model as famous as Isabella really shouldn’t have so many stand-ins. I know you’re her manager and your main priority is to keep up her reputation, but how can you find so many look-alikes, let alone manage them? I mean this has got to be the fifth girl. What will happen when the public runs into the actual Isabella somewhere out there”.
“No one will know” Isabell could hear his footsteps get closer to her bedside. “The records all have the same name”.
“Sure the name change and the appearance may fool most people, but the blood work never lies to a doctor” The doctor joined his side. “You know, it kind of makes me wonder what you’re hiding when you bring in so many stand-ins”
“Can’t do much about it, they want to decide to quit on their own” His said starkly.
“I believe that” The doctor said “I mean just take this Isabella for example. She had a collapsed lung after her crash and you still work her so much. Her body is completely stressed out”.
The doctor left after that.
He stared down at me darkly.
Isabell didn’t dare to move.
“Hmmm, the collapsed lung is a problem” He got really quite.
So quite Isabell felt the need to peek through her eyelids to see if he was still there. She almost screamed from the way he was staring down at her, but her entire body went numb. Paralyzed, just like the night of the crash.
“The real Isabella Rose would never be so incompetent” He said starkly.
He turned to leave, but not before Isabell heard him say “Maybe it’s time for me to find her again. I’ll find her again”.
Isabella's mouth went parched. She could feel the scars on her side burning with infuriating flames, adrenaline pulsated through her and forced her to act quickly to survive. She had to survive.
“I’m sorry, it won't happen again” .
He turned, slightly surprised that she was awake.
“I am Isabella Rose, and I am right here” She said dryly, tears burning her dry eyes as she stared up at the ceiling, forcing them back.
His face appeared above hers.
“I’m right here” She reached her hands up, resting them gently beneath his eyes. “So you don’t have to look for me anymore”.
She pulled him into her, brushing her lips without hesitation against his, because if he saw another flinch from her now...she’d be dead.
And it will all just happen over again.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I opened my eyes to find him staring right down at me.
I said nothing as the doctors shuffled in and out of the rooms.
When it was finally quiet, He finally spoke.
“Isabella”.
His eyes dared me to contest him.
My lips were dry, and saliva collected in the back of my throat, but I still responded “Yes”.
Suddenly his eyes lit up and he broke into the first full hearted grin I’ve ever see him give me for the first time. He walked over to me and gave me the largest engulfing hug possible. “I finally Found you! I thought I had lost you forever”.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Isabell kept her eyes closed, because she didn’t want to see the devil she was dancing with.
Everyone was so blinded by the flashing lights of fame. None of them actually noticed who Isabella really was anymore.
They all wanted to dig up dirt for the social light Isabella Rose.
Little did they know, the girl Isabella Rose they wanted to dig up, had all her secrets buried right under their nose.
She was the fifth, and four lifeless versions of her remain in the in-house morgue of her manager.
He had “her” pictures strung up on his ceilings, cluttering his floor, and overflowing his room.718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZBwczzuwUz
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * 718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0VXbHpf8ha
It went from Me, Myself, and I to Her, Herself, and Isabella Rose from that day on.718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC015LmJ3fX
I, no, Isabella continued to live trapped inside a picture. . . perfect. . . world.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * 718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡStW8wbPuFV
Isabella was not seen at graduation.
